Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
Vipers said:
Business was terrible and not picking up. The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Deborah or Jack, It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Deborah came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said, " Deborah, I’ve never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off.”
"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like s**t."
See a few posts up... Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Deborah came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said, " Deborah, I’ve never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off.”
"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like s**t."
LordGrover said:
See a few posts up...
Whoops, missed that one, friend of mine sent it to me. Oh well, try this one. (Yes I know it's an old one).A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been so incredible!" You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. . . "You just happened to catch my eye."
Squawk1066 said:
Dave walks into a pub and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks him why he's looking so down. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that i wanted to ask out, but i got an erection every time i saw her?"
"Yes," replies Dave with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she said yes."
"That's great!" says Dave, "When are you going out?"
"Well i went to meet her this evening," countinues Paul, "but i was worried I'd get an erection again. So i got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if i did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible," says Dave.
"So i get to her door," says Paul, "and i rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest, sexiest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened?"
Paul slumps back over the bar again. "I kicked her in the face."
Brings to mind a similar joke whose punchline is "Assailant escaped on hairy pogo stick"."Yes," replies Dave with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she said yes."
"That's great!" says Dave, "When are you going out?"
"Well i went to meet her this evening," countinues Paul, "but i was worried I'd get an erection again. So i got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if i did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible," says Dave.
"So i get to her door," says Paul, "and i rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest, sexiest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened?"
Paul slumps back over the bar again. "I kicked her in the face."
k off you Spanish K12beano said:
^^^
That's the point; I think if you were to say "chemist" you'd have 'em confused....
Let alone something like "Boots the Chemist" - they must think that's some sort of quaint sport.
Talking about "Boots the Chemist".That's the point; I think if you were to say "chemist" you'd have 'em confused....
Let alone something like "Boots the Chemist" - they must think that's some sort of quaint sport.
Man goes in to Timothy Whites and asks "Do you sell guzunders"
The assistant said "No, have you tried boots"
Man says "Yes but it comes out of the lace holes"
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