Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
Vipers said:
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided, he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
His father said "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
The boy said, "No they didn't Dad, Moses came down the mountain in his Triumph"
FTFY.His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided, he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
His father said "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
The boy said, "No they didn't Dad, Moses came down the mountain in his Triumph"
K12beano said:
Officials in the U.S. say they are hoping to indict four more in the FIFA corruption scandals.
They have also received 52 bribes so far from state penitentiaries looking to improve their standing in the World Series Prison Soccer League.
Why would criminals apprehended by the FEDERAL Bureau of Investigation end up in state penitentiaries?They have also received 52 bribes so far from state penitentiaries looking to improve their standing in the World Series Prison Soccer League.
Here, have an old joke.
A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.
"Look," he said. "My regular customers don’t ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom won't even be used.
The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350".
The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament.
" Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs" her boss told her.
She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs.
"Yes "!!!! she said " He's got one hanging there"....!
The boss said "Go back in and give him £3.50......................He's the Window cleaner"!!!!!
A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.
"Look," he said. "My regular customers don’t ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom won't even be used.
The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350".
The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament.
" Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs" her boss told her.
She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs.
"Yes "!!!! she said " He's got one hanging there"....!
The boss said "Go back in and give him £3.50......................He's the Window cleaner"!!!!!
Laurel Green said:
^^^ That has just reminded me of the very rare Polynesian Winky w
ky bird. ^^^
It has an extra long penile extension that is attached to the eyelid.
Every time it winks, it wks - and every time it wks it winks.
There was a smilar joke about the Oomagoolie bird, so named as it had very short legs, and every time it landed it squawked........ky bird. ^^^It has an extra long penile extension that is attached to the eyelid.
Every time it winks, it w
ks - and every time it wks it winks.C 1984 iirc.
Eta Winky w
ky Woodpecker iirc.Sticks. said:
Laurel Green said:
^^^ That has just reminded me of the very rare Polynesian Winky wky bird. ^^^
It has an extra long penile extension that is attached to the eyelid.
Every time it winks, it wks - and every time it wks it winks.
There was a smilar joke about the Oomagoolie bird, so named as it had very short legs, and every time it landed it squawked........ky bird. ^^^It has an extra long penile extension that is attached to the eyelid.
Every time it winks, it w
ks - and every time it wks it winks.C 1984 iirc.
Eta Winky w
ky Woodpecker iirc.Pilot: I’m sorry, I have to report a total loss of that brand new glider I just insured with you?
Insurance Company: Oh no… Is everyone OK? Was there some undetected mechanical or manufacturing problem with the glider?
Pilot: Yes, everyone is fine, and no, the glider was absolutely flawless, what a beautiful aircraft.
Insurance Company: Did you crash land?
Pilot: No, I did get a little low on my third flight and decided to land off-aiport rather than take a chance that I couldn’t make back.
Insurance Company: Were you able to find a good field to land in? Did the landing go OK?
Pilot: Yes, I found a great field, smooth grass, no obstacles, only a single cow off in the corner. My landing was perfect! The glider was stopped, safely down on the ground without even the smallest scratch.
Insurance Company: So if your landing was perfect, and the glider was stopped, what happened?
Pilot: The cow wasn’t a cow, it was a bull.
Insurance Company: Oh no… Is everyone OK? Was there some undetected mechanical or manufacturing problem with the glider?
Pilot: Yes, everyone is fine, and no, the glider was absolutely flawless, what a beautiful aircraft.
Insurance Company: Did you crash land?
Pilot: No, I did get a little low on my third flight and decided to land off-aiport rather than take a chance that I couldn’t make back.
Insurance Company: Were you able to find a good field to land in? Did the landing go OK?
Pilot: Yes, I found a great field, smooth grass, no obstacles, only a single cow off in the corner. My landing was perfect! The glider was stopped, safely down on the ground without even the smallest scratch.
Insurance Company: So if your landing was perfect, and the glider was stopped, what happened?
Pilot: The cow wasn’t a cow, it was a bull.
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