Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
So this guy is chatting to a young chic in a nightclub.
She says "And what do you do then"
He says "Nothing really, I am a self made millionaire, in fact I am now a billionaire"
The girl is immediately impressed.
He says "Tell you what, if I gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with me tonight"
She says smiling "Of course I would silly"
He says "Well what if I offered you a hundred quid"
She says "Good god what do you think I am"
He says "Listen we have established what you are, I am haggling for the price"
She says "And what do you do then"
He says "Nothing really, I am a self made millionaire, in fact I am now a billionaire"
The girl is immediately impressed.
He says "Tell you what, if I gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with me tonight"
She says smiling "Of course I would silly"
He says "Well what if I offered you a hundred quid"
She says "Good god what do you think I am"
He says "Listen we have established what you are, I am haggling for the price"
I rather like gags that give you a wonderful mental image
So...
some time ago there was a redneck in Texas Other counties and residents can be used) who heard there was going to be a test drilling near to his land to see if oil was present.
He decides to go one better and check himself, so armed with a shovel and a strong desire to get rich, he stars to dig.
50ft/100ft nothing, he keeps going, 500ft a 1000ft deep still nothing ,but ol' redneck isnt giving up yet. having got to at least 2500ft down, with nothing to show but the water table seeping in he stops.
Mrs Redneck gets a bit upset on this very deep hole in her yard and asks him what he is going to do with it. His reply that 'i aint filling it in' decides that it would be a great idea to build a toilet over it.
Fast forward three days later and he is going to 'christen' his new building, and off he oes armed with a magazine. Thre hours later he hadnt returned and Mrs R goes to check on him, only to find him dead with all the symptoms of asphyxiation.
At the subsequent inquest the pathologist was at a loss on how to explain this poor mans demise, as there was no signs of him being suffocated,and suggested to the coroner that 'cause unknown' be recorded, until his mother stood up and suggested a reason.
'Your Honour, ever since Jake could use the toilet he had habit of holding his breath until he heard the splash'
Case Closed
So...
some time ago there was a redneck in Texas Other counties and residents can be used) who heard there was going to be a test drilling near to his land to see if oil was present.
He decides to go one better and check himself, so armed with a shovel and a strong desire to get rich, he stars to dig.
50ft/100ft nothing, he keeps going, 500ft a 1000ft deep still nothing ,but ol' redneck isnt giving up yet. having got to at least 2500ft down, with nothing to show but the water table seeping in he stops.
Mrs Redneck gets a bit upset on this very deep hole in her yard and asks him what he is going to do with it. His reply that 'i aint filling it in' decides that it would be a great idea to build a toilet over it.
Fast forward three days later and he is going to 'christen' his new building, and off he oes armed with a magazine. Thre hours later he hadnt returned and Mrs R goes to check on him, only to find him dead with all the symptoms of asphyxiation.
At the subsequent inquest the pathologist was at a loss on how to explain this poor mans demise, as there was no signs of him being suffocated,and suggested to the coroner that 'cause unknown' be recorded, until his mother stood up and suggested a reason.
'Your Honour, ever since Jake could use the toilet he had habit of holding his breath until he heard the splash'
Case Closed
silverfoxcc said:
I rather like gags that give you a wonderful mental image
So...
some time ago there was a redneck in Texas Other counties and residents can be used) who heard there was going to be a test drilling near to his land to see if oil was present.
He decides to go one better and check himself, so armed with a shovel and a strong desire to get rich, he stars to dig.
50ft/100ft nothing, he keeps going, 500ft a 1000ft deep still nothing ,but ol' redneck isnt giving up yet. having got to at least 2500ft down, with nothing to show but the water table seeping in he stops.
Mrs Redneck gets a bit upset on this very deep hole in her yard and asks him what he is going to do with it. His reply that 'i aint filling it in' decides that it would be a great idea to build a toilet over it.
Fast forward three days later and he is going to 'christen' his new building, and off he oes armed with a magazine. Thre hours later he hadnt returned and Mrs R goes to check on him, only to find him dead with all the symptoms of asphyxiation.
At the subsequent inquest the pathologist was at a loss on how to explain this poor mans demise, as there was no signs of him being suffocated,and suggested to the coroner that 'cause unknown' be recorded, until his mother stood up and suggested a reason.
'Your Honour, ever since Jake could use the toilet he had habit of holding his breath until he heard the splash'
Case Closed
I think my Dad told me that one back in the mid-1960s So...
some time ago there was a redneck in Texas Other counties and residents can be used) who heard there was going to be a test drilling near to his land to see if oil was present.
He decides to go one better and check himself, so armed with a shovel and a strong desire to get rich, he stars to dig.
50ft/100ft nothing, he keeps going, 500ft a 1000ft deep still nothing ,but ol' redneck isnt giving up yet. having got to at least 2500ft down, with nothing to show but the water table seeping in he stops.
Mrs Redneck gets a bit upset on this very deep hole in her yard and asks him what he is going to do with it. His reply that 'i aint filling it in' decides that it would be a great idea to build a toilet over it.
Fast forward three days later and he is going to 'christen' his new building, and off he oes armed with a magazine. Thre hours later he hadnt returned and Mrs R goes to check on him, only to find him dead with all the symptoms of asphyxiation.
At the subsequent inquest the pathologist was at a loss on how to explain this poor mans demise, as there was no signs of him being suffocated,and suggested to the coroner that 'cause unknown' be recorded, until his mother stood up and suggested a reason.
'Your Honour, ever since Jake could use the toilet he had habit of holding his breath until he heard the splash'
Case Closed
silverfoxcc said:
I rather like gags that give you a wonderful mental image
So...
some time ago there was a redneck in Texas Other counties and residents can be used) who heard there was going to be a test drilling near to his land to see if oil was present.
He decides to go one better and check himself, so armed with a shovel and a strong desire to get rich, he stars to dig.
50ft/100ft nothing, he keeps going, 500ft a 1000ft deep still nothing ,but ol' redneck isnt giving up yet. having got to at least 2500ft down, with nothing to show but the water table seeping in he stops.
Mrs Redneck gets a bit upset on this very deep hole in her yard and asks him what he is going to do with it. His reply that 'i aint filling it in' decides that it would be a great idea to build a toilet over it.
Fast forward three days later and he is going to 'christen' his new building, and off he oes armed with a magazine. Thre hours later he hadnt returned and Mrs R goes to check on him, only to find him dead with all the symptoms of asphyxiation.
At the subsequent inquest the pathologist was at a loss on how to explain this poor mans demise, as there was no signs of him being suffocated,and suggested to the coroner that 'cause unknown' be recorded, until his mother stood up and suggested a reason.
'Your Honour, ever since Jake could use the toilet he had habit of holding his breath until he heard the splash'
Case Closed
If it is 2,500 feet deep the turd woukd take aprox 12 seconds to hit the water, and the sound if the splash would take say 2-3 seconds to reach the top, so he would only need to hold hus breathe for about 15 seconds. Not enough to die from really. So...
some time ago there was a redneck in Texas Other counties and residents can be used) who heard there was going to be a test drilling near to his land to see if oil was present.
He decides to go one better and check himself, so armed with a shovel and a strong desire to get rich, he stars to dig.
50ft/100ft nothing, he keeps going, 500ft a 1000ft deep still nothing ,but ol' redneck isnt giving up yet. having got to at least 2500ft down, with nothing to show but the water table seeping in he stops.
Mrs Redneck gets a bit upset on this very deep hole in her yard and asks him what he is going to do with it. His reply that 'i aint filling it in' decides that it would be a great idea to build a toilet over it.
Fast forward three days later and he is going to 'christen' his new building, and off he oes armed with a magazine. Thre hours later he hadnt returned and Mrs R goes to check on him, only to find him dead with all the symptoms of asphyxiation.
At the subsequent inquest the pathologist was at a loss on how to explain this poor mans demise, as there was no signs of him being suffocated,and suggested to the coroner that 'cause unknown' be recorded, until his mother stood up and suggested a reason.
'Your Honour, ever since Jake could use the toilet he had habit of holding his breath until he heard the splash'
Case Closed
Ayahuasca said:
If it is 2,500 feet deep the turd woukd take aprox 12 seconds to hit the water, and the sound if the splash would take say 2-3 seconds to reach the top, so he would only need to hold hus breathe for about 15 seconds. Not enough to die from really.
Perhaps he was hard of hearing. 
Once upon a time you could have a good joke with your mate and have a good laugh about it.
Now with advancement of technology, every syllable is dissected, analysed and discussed to infinity, and with the PC brigade jokes like the "Half cabbage" can't be mentioned.
Is technology a good thing............. Now if the s
tter was 5000 feet deep. 
Now with advancement of technology, every syllable is dissected, analysed and discussed to infinity, and with the PC brigade jokes like the "Half cabbage" can't be mentioned.
Is technology a good thing............. Now if the s
tter was 5000 feet deep. Vipers said:
Once upon a time you could have a good joke with your mate and have a good laugh about it.
Now with advancement of technology, every syllable is dissected, analysed and discussed to infinity, and with the PC brigade jokes like the "Half cabbage" can't be mentioned.
Is technology a good thing............. Now if the stter was 5000 feet deep.
No kidding? What team does she play for?Now with advancement of technology, every syllable is dissected, analysed and discussed to infinity, and with the PC brigade jokes like the "Half cabbage" can't be mentioned.
Is technology a good thing............. Now if the s
tter was 5000 feet deep. Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff