Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)

[MartG]

[fatboy18]

schmunk said:

Mermaid said:

Not his heart, but his music will go on, and on. RIP.

A plane crash, it wasn't how he was supposed to go...












...it should have been a boat.

Who's kicked the bucket this time?

[Laurel Green]

fatboy18 said:

ho's kicked the bucket this time?

Clicky

[fatboy18]

Laurel Green said:

fatboy18 said:

ho's kicked the bucket this time?

Clicky

Thanks
As usual PH Gets it first!

[Vipers]

Guy says to a girl "Can I smell your fanny"

Girl says "Certainly not"

Guy says "It must be your feet then"

[GloverMart]

fatboy18 said:

Laurel Green said:

fatboy18 said:

ho's kicked the bucket this time?

Clicky

Thanks
As usual PH Gets it first!

He was writing music the day he died.

One minute composing, the next decomposing.

[Allyc85]

Vipers said:

Guy says to a girl "Can I smell your fanny"

Girl says "Certainly not"

Guy says "It must be your feet then"

[Jonboy_t]

Just bought some Ronseal on eBay, but it's turned up in an old milk bottle so there's no tin.

What the fk do I do with it?!

[Ayahuasca]

Jonboy_t said:

Just bought some Ronseal on eBay, but it's turned up in an old milk bottle so there's no tin.

What the fk do I do with it?!

Did the eBay listing specify that it would be in a tin? If so send it back, claim a refund from PayPal and leave some bad feedback.

[Moonhawk]

Guy wakes up in hospital and is confronted by a doctor:

Doctor: "Do you want the good news or the bad news".

Guy: "bad news"

Doctor: "We had to amputate both of your legs".

Guy: "WTF......what the hell is the good news then?"

Doctor: "The guy in the next bed want's to buy your slippers".

[MartG]

Ayahuasca said:

Jonboy_t said:

Just bought some Ronseal on eBay, but it's turned up in an old milk bottle so there's no tin.

What the fk do I do with it?!

Did the eBay listing specify that it would be in a tin? If so send it back, claim a refund from PayPal and leave some bad feedback.

[Adenauer]

[K12beano]

Lambs all over France are breathing a sigh of relieve this morning as the French temporarily resort to burning taxis rather than lorries.

[Alex]

Moonhawk said:

Guy wakes up in hospital and is confronted by a doctor:

Doctor: "Do you want the good news or the bad news".

Guy: "bad news"

Doctor: "We had to amputate both of your legs".

Guy: "WTF......what the hell is the good news then?"

Doctor: "The guy in the next bed want's to buy your slippers".

Doctor: I've got some good news and some bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: We amputated the wrong leg.
Patient: What's the good news!?
Doctor: We managed to save your other leg.

[LordGrover]

[silverfoxcc]

Issy and Rachel live in a rather select ara of Hampstead garden suburb, and made sure their duaghter had the best education and upbringing,nanny,private schooling,trips around Europe etc etc.
finally their little princess gets married and goes on honeymoon on an around the world cruise

'Send your Daddy postcards on where you are my poppet' Issy asks

Well the postcards come from each port and Issy is dissappointed that she doesnt give a list of what she has seen etc

'Rachel, we have spent thousands on our girls education, and all she sends back on each card she just tlls me how she feels, everyon just says 'What Happiness'

Rachel grabs a card and reads it

'you silly bugger, It says What a penis'

[Halmyre]

I'm seeing that Ken Dodd song in a whole new light.

"Happiness, happiness
The greatest gift that I possess
I thank the lord that I've been blessed
With more than my share of happiness"

[glenrobbo]

Halmyre said:

I'm seeing that Ken Dodd song in a whole new light.

"Happiness, happiness
The greatest gift that I possess
I thank the lord that I've been blessed
With more than my share of happiness"

Oh.


I never knew the words were "happiness".

[MartG]

[K12beano]

I think we'd all accept that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery".

But did you also appreciate that "flattery is the sincerest form of an obscure, geek interest in apartments"?