Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'
Laurel Green said:
Not Arnie?
Just read that myself then read another story claiming it's a massive hoax.I know I know, be careful with what's on Facebook, but it looked good LOL
https://msmbc.co/arnold-schwarzenegger-found-dead-...
Edited by NoNeed on Thursday 27th August 22:24
NoNeed said:
Just read that myself then read another story claiming it's a massive hoax.
I know I know, be careful with what's on Facebook, but it looked good LOL
https://msmbc.co/arnold-schwarzenegger-found-dead-...
When I see your 'post' I did a quick search and one of the first posts on Google said I know I know, be careful with what's on Facebook, but it looked good LOL
https://msmbc.co/arnold-schwarzenegger-found-dead-...
Edited by NoNeed on Thursday 27th August 22:24
"Why Arnold Schwarzenegger's comeback has failed spectacularly"
Laurel Green said:
NoNeed said:
Just read that myself then read another story claiming it's a massive hoax.
I know I know, be careful with what's on Facebook, but it looked good LOL
https://msmbc.co/arnold-schwarzenegger-found-dead-...
When I see your 'post' I did a quick search and one of the first posts on Google said I know I know, be careful with what's on Facebook, but it looked good LOL
https://msmbc.co/arnold-schwarzenegger-found-dead-...
Edited by NoNeed on Thursday 27th August 22:24
"Why Arnold Schwarzenegger's comeback has failed spectacularly"
schmunk said:
Alex said:
Halmyre said:
tezzer said:
Sky has won the rights to broadcast the UK's first origami championship.
Sadly, it's only available on Paper View.
I think that would fold very quickly.Sadly, it's only available on Paper View.
K12beano said:
schmunk said:
Halmyre said:
tezzer said:
Sky has won the rights to broadcast the UK's first origami championship.
Sadly, it's only available on Paper View.
I think that would fold very quickly.Sadly, it's only available on Paper View.
Now THAT is pure Geek
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills.
The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal.
The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on.
They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Bear."
Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right.
They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle. He was right again.
Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks.
Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner.
He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?"
His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties.
Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, "Skunk, killed with an axe!!
A man got on a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf
balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply
about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer,
she asked,
Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?
The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal.
The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on.
They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Bear."
Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right.
They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle. He was right again.
Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks.
Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner.
He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?"
His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties.
Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, "Skunk, killed with an axe!!
A man got on a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf
balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply
about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer,
she asked,
Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff