Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
gowmonster said:
Vipers said:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
That must be an american joke, cause it's not funny.Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
That was quite some time ago mind.
Vipers said:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Equally old and not massively funny, Paddy gets stuck under a low bridge, a bloke says to him 'Why don't you let the tyres down', Paddy says 'It's the roof that doesn't fit under, not the tyres'Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
john2443 said:
Vipers said:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Equally old and not massively funny, Paddy gets stuck under a low bridge, a bloke says to him 'Why don't you let the tyres down', Paddy says 'It's the roof that doesn't fit under, not the tyres'Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
ChemicalChaos said:
Me and the wife have just been to the cinema to see that new film Suffragette.
Two hours of a woman's struggle........full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.
Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car we rushed in and caught the credits...
A good start to my day, good one.Two hours of a woman's struggle........full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.
Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car we rushed in and caught the credits...
shakotan said:
Einion Yrth said:
gowmonster said:
Vipers said:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
That must be an american joke, cause it's not funny.Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
ChemicalChaos said:
Me and the wife have just been to the cinema to see that new film Suffragette.
Two hours of a woman's struggle........full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.
Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car we rushed in and caught the credits...
Two hours of a woman's struggle........full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.
Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car we rushed in and caught the credits...
Very good!MartG said:
Girl says to Paddy "Would you like a blow job?"
Paddy replies "I don't know, will it affect my dole money?"
On a similar vein....so to speak....Paddy replies "I don't know, will it affect my dole money?"
It's 10am in the Liverpool branch of Weatherspoons.
A man who is 'good with colours' minces in and approaches this burley looking Scouse chap
"oooh, you look you could do with a blow job, deary!"
With that, the Scouser drags this chap outside and beats the living daylights our of him,
Returning to his pint, the barman asks, "what on earth did he say to you?"
He replies.."dunno, something about a job".
An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: £3.00
HAMBURGER: £5.00
CHEESEBURGER: £6.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : £4.50
HAND JOB: £50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. “Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you Sir?”
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”
She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes Sir, I sure am.”
The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, “Well then, be sure to wash your hands really well, because I want a cheeseburger.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: £3.00
HAMBURGER: £5.00
CHEESEBURGER: £6.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : £4.50
HAND JOB: £50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. “Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you Sir?”
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”
She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes Sir, I sure am.”
The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, “Well then, be sure to wash your hands really well, because I want a cheeseburger.
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