Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
silverfoxcc said:
Anything to help
An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, Welshman, Rabbi, Priest, Essex girl, Dwarf, an Ostrich,and a parrot walk into a bar
The barman says "What's this some sort of a joke?"
No, no, no. The parrot says "Alright, I give up, what have you done with the f***ing joke?"An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, Welshman, Rabbi, Priest, Essex girl, Dwarf, an Ostrich,and a parrot walk into a bar
The barman says "What's this some sort of a joke?"
If he'd used an i-phone, the picture would be rotated 90 degrees and be double posted on here. 
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.
"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works – hell, even the urinal’s gold!"
The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband’s story.
"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
"Yes it is," bartender answers.
"Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do."
"Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that took a leak in your saxophone last night!"
Vipers said:
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.
"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works – hell, even the urinal’s gold!"
The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband’s story.
"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
"Yes it is," bartender answers.
"Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do."
"Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that took a leak in your saxophone last night!"
Lol"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works – hell, even the urinal’s gold!"
The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband’s story.
"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
"Yes it is," bartender answers.
"Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do."
"Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that took a leak in your saxophone last night!"
Chap walks into A+E late at night with a parcel under his arm.
Walks up to reception and asks to see an eye specialist. Nurse asks whats up and chap points to the parcel
'It is about this'
She explains the optometrist is not on until the morning
'OK i will wait' says he
So he sits there in reception, Nurse is getting a bit concerned after 2hrs as he wont go home, and just keeps pointing to this parcel. Then one of the night Doctors alks though and she expalins the situation. He gos up to the guy, convincs him he is a specialist and takes him to a cubicle, telling him he will be back in 2mins. So when he gets back this guy is unwrapping the parcel and revealing a Richard the Third that is 6 inches in diameter and at least a foot long.
My god said the Doc, you need a bowel specialist not me
The guy disagreed and the doc asked why
'Well' he said ' everytime i do one of these, my eyes water'
Walks up to reception and asks to see an eye specialist. Nurse asks whats up and chap points to the parcel
'It is about this'
She explains the optometrist is not on until the morning
'OK i will wait' says he
So he sits there in reception, Nurse is getting a bit concerned after 2hrs as he wont go home, and just keeps pointing to this parcel. Then one of the night Doctors alks though and she expalins the situation. He gos up to the guy, convincs him he is a specialist and takes him to a cubicle, telling him he will be back in 2mins. So when he gets back this guy is unwrapping the parcel and revealing a Richard the Third that is 6 inches in diameter and at least a foot long.
My god said the Doc, you need a bowel specialist not me
The guy disagreed and the doc asked why
'Well' he said ' everytime i do one of these, my eyes water'
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