Never thought this would happen to me...
Discussion
ShyTallKnight said:
Reading threads like these makes me realise that we men are truly clueless when it comes to women. We may have a good job, be a good Dad, do our fair share round the house, look after the kids, allow our better halves the space and flexibility we think they need but alas it’s never good enough…. Why…?? Because basically ‘most’ women are selfish 
s pure and simple and when the going gets a wee bit tough they bail usually catastrophically. Notice I said most women and not all. If you have a woman in your life that takes any form of interest in ‘you’ and appreciates that a relationship is a two way street and puts in the hard work too then hang onto her they are very few and far between.
The above makes me sound so very bitter and twisted but I’m not I’m just older, much wiser and damn certain I’m never ever making the same mistake twice.
And if you are in that happy situation (I am, fortunately) then for goodness sake realise it and don't take it, or her, for granted.s pure and simple and when the going gets a wee bit tough they bail usually catastrophically. Notice I said most women and not all. If you have a woman in your life that takes any form of interest in ‘you’ and appreciates that a relationship is a two way street and puts in the hard work too then hang onto her they are very few and far between.The above makes me sound so very bitter and twisted but I’m not I’m just older, much wiser and damn certain I’m never ever making the same mistake twice.
So much crap in one little thread. 
.
A few thoughts from the evil female side:
1. Relationships aren't about vying for power by withholding sex from each other. They are about liking, loving and being nice to each other. A two person team against the world.
2. Your individual experiences with your wife or husband do not become truisms of the wider gender and/or population.
3. Although everyone goes though the angry and hurt stages of relationship break up (and fantasises about dissecting their ex - or is that just me?), decent human beings move on in as civilised a manner as possible. After all, they have lost more than you have.
4. Don't let your ex define the rest of your long, potentially happy and lovely life.
(Awaits flaming by idiots who behave as though I'm their ex-wife).
.A few thoughts from the evil female side:
1. Relationships aren't about vying for power by withholding sex from each other. They are about liking, loving and being nice to each other. A two person team against the world.
2. Your individual experiences with your wife or husband do not become truisms of the wider gender and/or population.
3. Although everyone goes though the angry and hurt stages of relationship break up (and fantasises about dissecting their ex - or is that just me?), decent human beings move on in as civilised a manner as possible. After all, they have lost more than you have.
4. Don't let your ex define the rest of your long, potentially happy and lovely life.
(Awaits flaming by idiots who behave as though I'm their ex-wife).
Carthage said:
So much crap in one little thread. .
A few thoughts from the evil female side:
1. Relationships aren't about vying for power by withholding sex from each other. They are about liking, loving and being nice to each other. A two person team against the world.
2. Your individual experiences with your wife or husband do not become truisms of the wider gender and/or population.
3. Although everyone goes though the angry and hurt stages of relationship break up (and fantasises about dissecting their ex - or is that just me?), decent human beings move on in as civilised a manner as possible. After all, they have lost more than you have.
4. Don't let your ex define the rest of your long, potentially happy and lovely life.
(Awaits flaming by idiots who behave as though I'm their ex-wife).
You do talk some b.A few thoughts from the evil female side:
1. Relationships aren't about vying for power by withholding sex from each other. They are about liking, loving and being nice to each other. A two person team against the world.
2. Your individual experiences with your wife or husband do not become truisms of the wider gender and/or population.
3. Although everyone goes though the angry and hurt stages of relationship break up (and fantasises about dissecting their ex - or is that just me?), decent human beings move on in as civilised a manner as possible. After all, they have lost more than you have.
4. Don't let your ex define the rest of your long, potentially happy and lovely life.
(Awaits flaming by idiots who behave as though I'm their ex-wife).
ks at times, but this time I'd say you were spot on.Carthage said:
So much crap in one little thread. .
A few thoughts from the evil female side:
1. Relationships aren't about vying for power by withholding sex from each other. They are about liking, loving and being nice to each other. A two person team against the world.
2. Your individual experiences with your wife or husband do not become truisms of the wider gender and/or population.
3. Although everyone goes though the angry and hurt stages of relationship break up (and fantasises about dissecting their ex - or is that just me?), decent human beings move on in as civilised a manner as possible. After all, they have lost more than you have.
4. Don't let your ex define the rest of your long, potentially happy and lovely life.
(Awaits flaming by idiots who behave as though I'm their ex-wife).
Eviiiillll...!!! lol. Seriously though very succintly put and I don't disagree with anything you say..A few thoughts from the evil female side:
1. Relationships aren't about vying for power by withholding sex from each other. They are about liking, loving and being nice to each other. A two person team against the world.
2. Your individual experiences with your wife or husband do not become truisms of the wider gender and/or population.
3. Although everyone goes though the angry and hurt stages of relationship break up (and fantasises about dissecting their ex - or is that just me?), decent human beings move on in as civilised a manner as possible. After all, they have lost more than you have.
4. Don't let your ex define the rest of your long, potentially happy and lovely life.
(Awaits flaming by idiots who behave as though I'm their ex-wife).
Just to qualify my little 'rant' above could easily be applied to both genders - just my experiences so no offence intended to anyone
Oh and after bumping into my ex with her new fella and MY son this weekend has probably put me into a slightly angry phase again even though I thought I was well past that stage....!!!
ShyTallKnight said:
Oh and after bumping into my ex with her new fella and MY son this weekend has probably put me into a slightly angry phase again even though I thought I was well past that stage....!!!
Certain things catch you unawares and retain the power to piss you off.It's natural to feel as you did/do.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
On 21st April 2013 I started this thread. I was a few days into trying to get my head around the fact that my wife said it was all over. Everyone said she was having an affair and I refused to accept that she was. Someone used the analogy of women being like monkeys...they don't let go of a branch until they have hold of another. So, it seems, everyone was right and I was wrong.
Anyhow, I now live alone in my new place (a lovely converted barn). I have a girlfriend of over a year now who lives about 60 miles away with her children but we get together as regularly as we can and really enjoying having each other. I have my kids with me every other weekend and once a week during the week and they seem to be accepting the situation as normal now....thank goodness.
So, after all of this I can now report that today I opened a letter and it was the Decree Absolute. So that is the end of that chapter and now I feel so positive and excited about my next. If anyone else is just starting on the painful early stages of separation then please be aware that things do get better and there really is happiness beyond the emotion and pain you may be feeling right now.
Anyhow, I now live alone in my new place (a lovely converted barn). I have a girlfriend of over a year now who lives about 60 miles away with her children but we get together as regularly as we can and really enjoying having each other. I have my kids with me every other weekend and once a week during the week and they seem to be accepting the situation as normal now....thank goodness.
So, after all of this I can now report that today I opened a letter and it was the Decree Absolute. So that is the end of that chapter and now I feel so positive and excited about my next. If anyone else is just starting on the painful early stages of separation then please be aware that things do get better and there really is happiness beyond the emotion and pain you may be feeling right now.
Sym7 said:
On 21st April 2013 I started this thread. I was a few days into trying to get my head around the fact that my wife said it was all over. Everyone said she was having an affair and I refused to accept that she was. Someone used the analogy of women being like monkeys...they don't let go of a branch until they have hold of another. So, it seems, everyone was right and I was wrong.
Anyhow, I now live alone in my new place (a lovely converted barn). I have a girlfriend of over a year now who lives about 60 miles away with her children but we get together as regularly as we can and really enjoying having each other. I have my kids with me every other weekend and once a week during the week and they seem to be accepting the situation as normal now....thank goodness.
So, after all of this I can now report that today I opened a letter and it was the Decree Absolute. So that is the end of that chapter and now I feel so positive and excited about my next. If anyone else is just starting on the painful early stages of separation then please be aware that things do get better and there really is happiness beyond the emotion and pain you may be feeling right now.
Hey, good news.Anyhow, I now live alone in my new place (a lovely converted barn). I have a girlfriend of over a year now who lives about 60 miles away with her children but we get together as regularly as we can and really enjoying having each other. I have my kids with me every other weekend and once a week during the week and they seem to be accepting the situation as normal now....thank goodness.
So, after all of this I can now report that today I opened a letter and it was the Decree Absolute. So that is the end of that chapter and now I feel so positive and excited about my next. If anyone else is just starting on the painful early stages of separation then please be aware that things do get better and there really is happiness beyond the emotion and pain you may be feeling right now.
Goood news.
Sounds like you're making good progress.
Older
Wiser.
You stay safe now.
Sym7 said:
So here I am in the spare room and feeling really kind of blown away by it all.
My feelings go out to you. To make things worse in these situations, we try to placate and give them everything in the slim hope it will get us back together when they should be the ones doing the moving out. Try to get back into your proper bedroom and her into the spare, it will probably make no difference in the end and you will feel a lot better for standing up for yourself.I really hope you can get back to where you once were, it sounds like you have put the family first for years rather than your relationship(it all depends on where you are looking from I suppose
)
I posted this almost 10 years ago but still feels like it was only a few months back. After my wife left me, I met someone else about 5 months later. We’re going to celebrate 10 years together this September. My oldest child was 8 when my wife left me, she’s now a young lady at 18 and shortly heading off to university. My boys are doing well too. So proud of all three of them.
As for my ex-wife; as predicted by so may, she was indeed having an affair and that was the reason for her leaving me. It turned out it was with my kids’ sports teacher. Lasted 2 years and he left her. A few weeks later, she got with someone else (moved him in straight away), lasted 4 years and then he left her. She then started dating someone else but he turned out to be a rather dodgy individual. She’s now living alone.
Just as covid struck, I tried to formalise our long-standing financial arrangements in the form of a court order so that my girlfriend and I could buy a house together. My ex-wife decided that she didn’t want to make it so easy and came after me for more money. £35K solicitors costs, 1 1/2 years of stress and a £60K out of court settlement and £1,650/month child support later….and now I’m free of her. This is despite having paid £1,500 a month anyway since our separation, 63% of family home equity to her (My equity went on keeping the kids in school….so I was left with nothing) and a further £188K private school fees until they were able to go to secondary school….and she still didn’t think she had taken enough from me.
Anyway, 10 years later…..so pleased to have my ex-wife in my rear view mirror and no more financial handcuffs. Looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my girlfriend (Hopefully, become my wife soon) and continuing a great relationship with my children. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years!
I re-read some of my early posts on this thread and some of the replies. I cringe when I read some of the things I wrote. So naive. If I could go back in time and give myself some advice, I would 100% advise to engage a solicitor and get the financials locked down immediately in a court order.
As for my ex-wife; as predicted by so may, she was indeed having an affair and that was the reason for her leaving me. It turned out it was with my kids’ sports teacher. Lasted 2 years and he left her. A few weeks later, she got with someone else (moved him in straight away), lasted 4 years and then he left her. She then started dating someone else but he turned out to be a rather dodgy individual. She’s now living alone.
Just as covid struck, I tried to formalise our long-standing financial arrangements in the form of a court order so that my girlfriend and I could buy a house together. My ex-wife decided that she didn’t want to make it so easy and came after me for more money. £35K solicitors costs, 1 1/2 years of stress and a £60K out of court settlement and £1,650/month child support later….and now I’m free of her. This is despite having paid £1,500 a month anyway since our separation, 63% of family home equity to her (My equity went on keeping the kids in school….so I was left with nothing) and a further £188K private school fees until they were able to go to secondary school….and she still didn’t think she had taken enough from me.
Anyway, 10 years later…..so pleased to have my ex-wife in my rear view mirror and no more financial handcuffs. Looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my girlfriend (Hopefully, become my wife soon) and continuing a great relationship with my children. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years!
I re-read some of my early posts on this thread and some of the replies. I cringe when I read some of the things I wrote. So naive. If I could go back in time and give myself some advice, I would 100% advise to engage a solicitor and get the financials locked down immediately in a court order.
Well done, and thanks for the update.
Sooo, getting married again eh
Life is such an oddity. Bad things can lead to good things. And vice versa.
You just have to accept the bad and make the most of the good, and you clearly have done that in spades by supporting your kids like that and remaining positive!
Well done once again
Sooo, getting married again eh
Life is such an oddity. Bad things can lead to good things. And vice versa.
You just have to accept the bad and make the most of the good, and you clearly have done that in spades by supporting your kids like that and remaining positive!
Well done once again
Sym7 said:
I posted this almost 10 years ago but still feels like it was only a few months back.
<snip>
I never commented on the original thread - last thing you ever needed was bitter people at the time giving you advice and I've never been any good at the "support thing" anyway. <snip>
Sym7 said:
If I could go back in time and give myself some advice, I would 100% advise to engage a solicitor and get the financials locked down immediately in a court order.
100% agreeI got lucky (in hindsight) no kids to make things complicated and a straight 50:50 of the assets (her share reduced because she took the bloody car) but it could have been way more complicated I really couldn't afford to keep the house with increased borrowing to buy her out and for a fair while I went along with the "we can sort it out later" till I realised what an utter clusterf
k that might be and borrowed what I needed to settle it Enjoy the rest of your life - don't look back
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