Never thought this would happen to me...
Discussion
stuttgartmetal said:
Sycamore said:
stuttgartmetal said:
Out of the tunnel.
Life is bright.
Its just a f cking nightmare going through it.
You'll look at your ex one day, and think
"What the flying f ck did I see in her ? "
13 years on, I haven't seen my ex wife, and my daughter is 27, and I've not seen her since she was 14.
That's how poisonous my ex wife is.
Good news about your kids mate.
Positive vibes to you.
I suspect slapping your daughter and having her convinced that you were going to murder both her and her Mum may have something to do with that also. Life is bright.
Its just a f cking nightmare going through it.
You'll look at your ex one day, and think
"What the flying f ck did I see in her ? "
13 years on, I haven't seen my ex wife, and my daughter is 27, and I've not seen her since she was 14.
That's how poisonous my ex wife is.
Good news about your kids mate.
Positive vibes to you.
OP - Good to hear things are on the up for you.
Teenage girls can be so astute and level headed, and poisonous wives so willing to be contrite.
Can’t they.
Purely out of curiosity…..
Women break court orders all the time in regards to child access with zero consequences.
Looking at the eye watering sums of money that the OP has had to fork out to his ex when it was she who was playing away games, what would happen if the guy simply refused to pay and hid all of his money and assets abroad?
Prison? Well surely it’s not going to be years is it? A few months at most, which would surely be worth it for £250k + ?
IMO, if the woman had broken the contract by playing away games, she should get nothing, and I’d happily do a few months away to prevent her getting a penny.
Women break court orders all the time in regards to child access with zero consequences.
Looking at the eye watering sums of money that the OP has had to fork out to his ex when it was she who was playing away games, what would happen if the guy simply refused to pay and hid all of his money and assets abroad?
Prison? Well surely it’s not going to be years is it? A few months at most, which would surely be worth it for £250k + ?
IMO, if the woman had broken the contract by playing away games, she should get nothing, and I’d happily do a few months away to prevent her getting a penny.
105.4 said:
Purely out of curiosity…..
Women break court orders all the time in regards to child access with zero consequences.
Looking at the eye watering sums of money that the OP has had to fork out to his ex when it was she who was playing away games, what would happen if the guy simply refused to pay and hid all of his money and assets abroad?
Prison? Well surely it’s not going to be years is it? A few months at most, which would surely be worth it for £250k + ?
IMO, if the woman had broken the contract by playing away games, she should get nothing, and I’d happily do a few months away to prevent her getting a penny.
When I split up with my ex she did the whole money threatening game. I told her I'd spend every dollar I had making sure she didn't get more than was fair and that I would write one letter a week to her solicitor with banal questions, he would bill her to read and respond and every time they wrote to me I would write back asking questions about what they have stated until her bill bleeds her dry. Women break court orders all the time in regards to child access with zero consequences.
Looking at the eye watering sums of money that the OP has had to fork out to his ex when it was she who was playing away games, what would happen if the guy simply refused to pay and hid all of his money and assets abroad?
Prison? Well surely it’s not going to be years is it? A few months at most, which would surely be worth it for £250k + ?
IMO, if the woman had broken the contract by playing away games, she should get nothing, and I’d happily do a few months away to prevent her getting a penny.
So we could play nice or not but at 33 with a good job i could make it all back whereas she couldn't.
We did our own financial agreement, never involved any legal body and just finished the last maintenance payment after many years.
Pommy said:
stuttgartmetal said:
Sycamore said:
stuttgartmetal said:
Out of the tunnel.
Life is bright.
Its just a f cking nightmare going through it.
You'll look at your ex one day, and think
"What the flying f ck did I see in her ? "
13 years on, I haven't seen my ex wife, and my daughter is 27, and I've not seen her since she was 14.
That's how poisonous my ex wife is.
Good news about your kids mate.
Positive vibes to you.
I suspect slapping your daughter and having her convinced that you were going to murder both her and her Mum may have something to do with that also. Life is bright.
Its just a f cking nightmare going through it.
You'll look at your ex one day, and think
"What the flying f ck did I see in her ? "
13 years on, I haven't seen my ex wife, and my daughter is 27, and I've not seen her since she was 14.
That's how poisonous my ex wife is.
Good news about your kids mate.
Positive vibes to you.
OP - Good to hear things are on the up for you.
Teenage girls can be so astute and level headed, and poisonous wives so willing to be contrite.
Can’t they.
And i got arrested for slapping my thirteen year old daughter, and spent the night in Bromley Police Station, I made a full statement and cautioned.
You live, you learn.
stuttgartmetal said:
Yes i did
And i got arrested for slapping my thirteen year old daughter, and spent the night in Bromley Police Station, I made a full statement and cautioned.
You live, you learn.
Being the frustrated Father of a young teenage girl myself, I can very easily see how such a situation developed.And i got arrested for slapping my thirteen year old daughter, and spent the night in Bromley Police Station, I made a full statement and cautioned.
You live, you learn.
There are plenty of times where it takes every gram of restraint to stop myself teaching her some equality.
One day she’s going to bump into a guy who isn’t so restrained.
Joey Deacon said:
WY86 said:
Well it is the quickest way to reduce assets and wealth. Unless your religious it has very little meaning or point. though women who have grown up with Disney movies and Rom Coms that have an unrealistic expectation of life seem very keen on the idea... well until the day after and they realize life goes back to normal.
Totally agree, the other thing is since birth we have been socially programmed to believe that you get married, few people ever think about this and question it, they just go along with it.The one that always makes me laugh is the ones who are not religious at all, yet go to church for a few weeks in the brides home town so they can get married in the local church. I have never understood this one, as you say they want the princess day.
The only possible plus point I can think of is for inheritance tax reasons. In my opinion it is a sword of Damocles hanging over your head.
I always thought that the blokes were just going with the flow/expected to do it, and/ or, emotionally, just replacing their mum for another woman.
Not related to the thread per se but, always felt the same about having kids when i was young and haven't changed my mind 35 years later!
stuttgartmetal said:
Pommy said:
stuttgartmetal said:
Sycamore said:
stuttgartmetal said:
Out of the tunnel.
Life is bright.
Its just a f cking nightmare going through it.
You'll look at your ex one day, and think
"What the flying f ck did I see in her ? "
13 years on, I haven't seen my ex wife, and my daughter is 27, and I've not seen her since she was 14.
That's how poisonous my ex wife is.
Good news about your kids mate.
Positive vibes to you.
I suspect slapping your daughter and having her convinced that you were going to murder both her and her Mum may have something to do with that also. Life is bright.
Its just a f cking nightmare going through it.
You'll look at your ex one day, and think
"What the flying f ck did I see in her ? "
13 years on, I haven't seen my ex wife, and my daughter is 27, and I've not seen her since she was 14.
That's how poisonous my ex wife is.
Good news about your kids mate.
Positive vibes to you.
OP - Good to hear things are on the up for you.
Teenage girls can be so astute and level headed, and poisonous wives so willing to be contrite.
Can’t they.
And i got arrested for slapping my thirteen year old daughter, and spent the night in Bromley Police Station, I made a full statement and cautioned.
You live, you learn.
Seventyseven7 said:
singlecoil said:
Seventyseven7 said:
Slapped your own 13 year old daughter. What a post
Interesting that you should find that funny.I had an older 13-14 year old sister who put a chef's knife through my childhood bedroom door I had barricaded. Completely unhinged and out of control, did what she chose and was physically abusive to any sibling or parent who stood in her way which was generally our single mother. Luckily she moved out of our lives at 15. Of course this was the 90's rather than the current age of enlightenment, so the police or social services were not present or interested not even in the fact she was living with and pregnant by a man in his mid-20's at the age of 15
With that in mind, I can't say I'd 'never' slap my daughter and I wouldn't judge somebody who did in a snap moment, as long as it wasn't part of any general trend of abusive behaviour. If anyone ever behaved like my own sibling did, in my home, I'd do whatever I had to do to physically restrain and eject them.
We all get on perfectly well now, although our lives diverged sharply and we have had very different experiences, my sister and I are close 30 years later.
I'd cut stuttgartmetal some slack, personally.
With that in mind, I can't say I'd 'never' slap my daughter and I wouldn't judge somebody who did in a snap moment, as long as it wasn't part of any general trend of abusive behaviour. If anyone ever behaved like my own sibling did, in my home, I'd do whatever I had to do to physically restrain and eject them.
We all get on perfectly well now, although our lives diverged sharply and we have had very different experiences, my sister and I are close 30 years later.
I'd cut stuttgartmetal some slack, personally.
singlecoil said:
theboss said:
I'd cut stuttgartmetal some slack, personally.
Good point, well made.I'd want to know a lot more about the circumstances and background to that incident before I would even think of passing judgement.
Seventyseven7 said:
stuttgartmetal said:
My wife left me after years and years of ice cold marriage.
She's the kind of person that can really torture you.
You know, proper cruelty.
Being the major breadwinner, she kept me on as a house help/security guard/maintenance man.
I tried to convince myself I could make it work.
I came home one night, with card dressings on my face and nose after Id had a cancer growth removed, and both my wife and daughter ignored me.
They were both not talking to me at the time.
The depression, mental torture was un bearable.
Things got worse, and in frustration I was just going mental.
An argument, or rather mis handled talking to my 14 year old daughter ended with me slapping her, and shouting at her. The said daughter told her mother she thought I was going to kill them both. Sure. After a slap.
Anyhow, they both left to my wifes friend, who became my daughter new surrogate Dad.
A difficult relationship, as this guy was married, with a sick child , and a hero.
Well, torture followed, I was subsequently arrested becuase Id shaken my wife by the lapels of her dressing gown.
Painted as a cruel and abusive Father I spent the next 2 years in the family home.
Black?
Don't go there, it was soo hard.
i got the divorce papers, and to this day havent spoken a sentence to my ex wife.
My now 18yo Uni student daughter still ignores me, and gets advice from others.
No doubt poisoned by my ex wife, I doubt Ill see her again, however I live in hope of her contacting me one day.
I think of her what, twenty thirty forty fifty, a hundred times a day.
Im not sure she knows what she's doing to me.
Well, my ex sorted a flat, and she's as happy as she is, Ive no idea how happy that is, thats her business, and not mine.
I sold my 993, and in the only bullet point letter to me, cold, she said it was pathetic that I had to sell the car I loved.
Hows that for gloating ?
I sold the house, and cleared our old life.
trips to charity shops, to the dump etc etc.
It was truly the hardest thing Ive done in my life.
Imagine clearing your daughter bedroom, where you knew the story of everything in it.
Had me on my ar e in tears plenty of times.
Any how, this all really tied up early 2012, and by July it was all over.
I passed her in a corridor a few times, that was wierd, however the dreams and subconcious processes in my brain prepared me for it.
Time apart, and processing what happened, becuase thats the key, helped me.
Ive seen her a couple of times since, and genuinely feel sorry for her.
She looks alone.
Her mother and grand mother both ended up alone.
Waking up alone in a quiet rooms so awful.
Cooking for yourself, going home to an empty flat every night, with nothing in her life except her job must be awful for her. Im sure if she hasn't got a new guy, she could easily get one.
However she'll never feel the passion I gave her, or she will find a man, a real man again.
I look back at it now, and it was a real eye opener as to how stupid I was.
She took me to the cleaner big time.
Washed me out for 3 years.
I was once sitting in the 993 in the garage with the keys in the ignition, one turn from ending it all, and let me tell you, thats quite a story, quite a voyage.
Three years on Im back in a 993, a C4S now, three years newer.
Leather dash, and every Turbo extra. LOL, but thats not the point.
I'll never be over her, but I do know I wouldn't go back to what it was like for the last 4 or five years of my marriage.
Tossed out like garbage, and a wreck, I've slowly fought back.
rebuilt a life, and learnt so much about myself.
Life experience you don't want, howver I now could write a book about it.
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
You learn nothing from success, you only learn from failure.
Time heals.
Process whats happened from your point of view.
Get to acceptance.
Accept its over, and you can move on.
And most importantly, don't be bitter.
Rise above it all, and don't lower yourself to her cruelty.
Move on.
You'll win your life back.
All that sh t you have to give up to be in a relationship, you get back.
Youll be bigger, faster and stronger.
Your lifes quite empty right now.
Don't go out getting drunk, or doing gear.
Don't D and D
Draw into yourself, process it all.
Your ex has lost all respect for you, just as you had.
You will get your self respect back.
Don't blame yourself, its always fifty fifty, and she has a right to have whatever life she wants, and if that doesn't include you, well thats her shout.
You've just got to let her get on with it.
I doubt she's got another guy, just a load of a hole friends advising her, and her listening.
Well, she's over eighteen, let her get on with it, cos there's nothing you could or did or can do.
Who wanted the big house ?
You or her?
Who wanted the private schooling, you or her?
Who piled the pressure on?
Did you just do the best you could?
well here's a newsflash, you couldn't do it, and therefore youre not good enough for her.
F ck her.
You shouldve downsized the mortgage and got the kids in good schools, howver, I very much doubt that wouldve happened, as its not what she wanted.
Thats right.
Not what she would have wanted, so you were f cked either way.
You're not Donald F cking Trump.
How is that your fault?
What she wants, then as now, is what SHE wants.
Does that sound like fifty fifty marriage?
Huh?
You sound like you really tried, knocked your pipe out, and it wasn't enough, so she's dumped you.
Not stood back and assessed the terrain, and how you couldve kept the family together.
She spilt the family, because she couldn't get what she wanted.
What she wants is now what she wants, so remember that, and remember what you want is what you want.
You've fallen into the trap that you've tried to do everything she wanted, and she absolutely controlled you.
Sounds seriously similar.
My ex dropped me as soon as my daughter was self sufficient.
Its only now, now three years later I can look back and see what a cruel, ice cold, cold hearted person she was.
Karma will find a way.
Here's the best advice I can give you.
F ck her.
Let her get on with it.
Karma waits, and looks, just be a good father to your kids.
She will learn.
What man in his right mind wants some crazy bird with 3 kids FFS.
No matter how good a f ck she is, its just too much ballast.
She, and her advice giving mates, and those idiots don't live the life shes constructing, can jog on.
It sounds to me like you are better off without her.
She needs time alone, and if thats for the next ten or fifteen years, so be it.
She may find someone else, but he wont be half the man you are.
A Father to your kids, who would've done anything for her, and them.
The man, the father, willing to do anything for his wife or kids to hold the family together, nope, she'll find some sap.
She's never going to find someone like that again.
And that really hurts, hurts deep inside, because they just don't get that.
It's something she'll learn.
And its such a bitter bitter lesson, that turns the woman into a bitter bitter man hater.
Happens all the time.
Sounds like you'd have done anything for her, and once you;ve given her evrything, you're conquered, and no-one.
Well let her find out her own sorry, pathetic way.
Soundslikeyou would have done anything to fix it, only she didn;t want to.
and there's not a goddamn thing you couldve done about it.
She thinks that she really knows better.
Well, its a lonely life alone.
Find someone else, once youre back on top of your game you will,and be happy.
You've just got to get through it.
The pain doesn;t last forever, you've just got to stand back and process it.
Time brother, time will heal you.
Just grip on the hand rail of the up and down, backward and forward emotional roller coaster ride you are on, and get throught tthat dark tunnel your going through, and get to the other side, where we are all waiting for you, to see see the real you, the old you.
www.wikivorce.com.
Join up, and post there.
Proper help, not just car forum bullsh t.
Positive vibes to you brother. ++++++++++++++++ve
Just don't do anything she can slag you off to the kids for.
Be a good Dad.
In time, you'll look back and wonder what you saw in her.
I promise
She's the kind of person that can really torture you.
You know, proper cruelty.
Being the major breadwinner, she kept me on as a house help/security guard/maintenance man.
I tried to convince myself I could make it work.
I came home one night, with card dressings on my face and nose after Id had a cancer growth removed, and both my wife and daughter ignored me.
They were both not talking to me at the time.
The depression, mental torture was un bearable.
Things got worse, and in frustration I was just going mental.
An argument, or rather mis handled talking to my 14 year old daughter ended with me slapping her, and shouting at her. The said daughter told her mother she thought I was going to kill them both. Sure. After a slap.
Anyhow, they both left to my wifes friend, who became my daughter new surrogate Dad.
A difficult relationship, as this guy was married, with a sick child , and a hero.
Well, torture followed, I was subsequently arrested becuase Id shaken my wife by the lapels of her dressing gown.
Painted as a cruel and abusive Father I spent the next 2 years in the family home.
Black?
Don't go there, it was soo hard.
i got the divorce papers, and to this day havent spoken a sentence to my ex wife.
My now 18yo Uni student daughter still ignores me, and gets advice from others.
No doubt poisoned by my ex wife, I doubt Ill see her again, however I live in hope of her contacting me one day.
I think of her what, twenty thirty forty fifty, a hundred times a day.
Im not sure she knows what she's doing to me.
Well, my ex sorted a flat, and she's as happy as she is, Ive no idea how happy that is, thats her business, and not mine.
I sold my 993, and in the only bullet point letter to me, cold, she said it was pathetic that I had to sell the car I loved.
Hows that for gloating ?
I sold the house, and cleared our old life.
trips to charity shops, to the dump etc etc.
It was truly the hardest thing Ive done in my life.
Imagine clearing your daughter bedroom, where you knew the story of everything in it.
Had me on my ar e in tears plenty of times.
Any how, this all really tied up early 2012, and by July it was all over.
I passed her in a corridor a few times, that was wierd, however the dreams and subconcious processes in my brain prepared me for it.
Time apart, and processing what happened, becuase thats the key, helped me.
Ive seen her a couple of times since, and genuinely feel sorry for her.
She looks alone.
Her mother and grand mother both ended up alone.
Waking up alone in a quiet rooms so awful.
Cooking for yourself, going home to an empty flat every night, with nothing in her life except her job must be awful for her. Im sure if she hasn't got a new guy, she could easily get one.
However she'll never feel the passion I gave her, or she will find a man, a real man again.
I look back at it now, and it was a real eye opener as to how stupid I was.
She took me to the cleaner big time.
Washed me out for 3 years.
I was once sitting in the 993 in the garage with the keys in the ignition, one turn from ending it all, and let me tell you, thats quite a story, quite a voyage.
Three years on Im back in a 993, a C4S now, three years newer.
Leather dash, and every Turbo extra. LOL, but thats not the point.
I'll never be over her, but I do know I wouldn't go back to what it was like for the last 4 or five years of my marriage.
Tossed out like garbage, and a wreck, I've slowly fought back.
rebuilt a life, and learnt so much about myself.
Life experience you don't want, howver I now could write a book about it.
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
You learn nothing from success, you only learn from failure.
Time heals.
Process whats happened from your point of view.
Get to acceptance.
Accept its over, and you can move on.
And most importantly, don't be bitter.
Rise above it all, and don't lower yourself to her cruelty.
Move on.
You'll win your life back.
All that sh t you have to give up to be in a relationship, you get back.
Youll be bigger, faster and stronger.
Your lifes quite empty right now.
Don't go out getting drunk, or doing gear.
Don't D and D
Draw into yourself, process it all.
Your ex has lost all respect for you, just as you had.
You will get your self respect back.
Don't blame yourself, its always fifty fifty, and she has a right to have whatever life she wants, and if that doesn't include you, well thats her shout.
You've just got to let her get on with it.
I doubt she's got another guy, just a load of a hole friends advising her, and her listening.
Well, she's over eighteen, let her get on with it, cos there's nothing you could or did or can do.
Who wanted the big house ?
You or her?
Who wanted the private schooling, you or her?
Who piled the pressure on?
Did you just do the best you could?
well here's a newsflash, you couldn't do it, and therefore youre not good enough for her.
F ck her.
You shouldve downsized the mortgage and got the kids in good schools, howver, I very much doubt that wouldve happened, as its not what she wanted.
Thats right.
Not what she would have wanted, so you were f cked either way.
You're not Donald F cking Trump.
How is that your fault?
What she wants, then as now, is what SHE wants.
Does that sound like fifty fifty marriage?
Huh?
You sound like you really tried, knocked your pipe out, and it wasn't enough, so she's dumped you.
Not stood back and assessed the terrain, and how you couldve kept the family together.
She spilt the family, because she couldn't get what she wanted.
What she wants is now what she wants, so remember that, and remember what you want is what you want.
You've fallen into the trap that you've tried to do everything she wanted, and she absolutely controlled you.
Sounds seriously similar.
My ex dropped me as soon as my daughter was self sufficient.
Its only now, now three years later I can look back and see what a cruel, ice cold, cold hearted person she was.
Karma will find a way.
Here's the best advice I can give you.
F ck her.
Let her get on with it.
Karma waits, and looks, just be a good father to your kids.
She will learn.
What man in his right mind wants some crazy bird with 3 kids FFS.
No matter how good a f ck she is, its just too much ballast.
She, and her advice giving mates, and those idiots don't live the life shes constructing, can jog on.
It sounds to me like you are better off without her.
She needs time alone, and if thats for the next ten or fifteen years, so be it.
She may find someone else, but he wont be half the man you are.
A Father to your kids, who would've done anything for her, and them.
The man, the father, willing to do anything for his wife or kids to hold the family together, nope, she'll find some sap.
She's never going to find someone like that again.
And that really hurts, hurts deep inside, because they just don't get that.
It's something she'll learn.
And its such a bitter bitter lesson, that turns the woman into a bitter bitter man hater.
Happens all the time.
Sounds like you'd have done anything for her, and once you;ve given her evrything, you're conquered, and no-one.
Well let her find out her own sorry, pathetic way.
Soundslikeyou would have done anything to fix it, only she didn;t want to.
and there's not a goddamn thing you couldve done about it.
She thinks that she really knows better.
Well, its a lonely life alone.
Find someone else, once youre back on top of your game you will,and be happy.
You've just got to get through it.
The pain doesn;t last forever, you've just got to stand back and process it.
Time brother, time will heal you.
Just grip on the hand rail of the up and down, backward and forward emotional roller coaster ride you are on, and get throught tthat dark tunnel your going through, and get to the other side, where we are all waiting for you, to see see the real you, the old you.
www.wikivorce.com.
Join up, and post there.
Proper help, not just car forum bullsh t.
Positive vibes to you brother. ++++++++++++++++ve
Just don't do anything she can slag you off to the kids for.
Be a good Dad.
In time, you'll look back and wonder what you saw in her.
I promise
Edited by stuttgartmetal on Monday 6th January 03:09
I’ve been separated from my family for six years. Not through divorce, but for other reasons.
I’ve had it all, then lost it and spent the last 5.5 years burying myself to rebuild my life.
I think it’s only when you’ve truly reached rock bottom that you can sincerely sympathise with others in a similar situation.
105.4 said:
I’ve had it all, then lost it and spent the last 5.5 years burying myself to rebuild my life.
I think it’s only when you’ve truly reached rock bottom that you can sincerely sympathise with others in a similar situation.
Totally agree, 10 years for me in October. I am happy with my lot, but I cannot pretend it hasn't knocked me back financially. I don't care about cars and material crap, none of that is important, but I wish I had a bit more put by to allow me a bit of freedom and less pressure so I could retire earlier.I think it’s only when you’ve truly reached rock bottom that you can sincerely sympathise with others in a similar situation.
Still, could be worse.
stuttgartmetal said:
In time, you'll look back and wonder what you saw in her.
I promise
100% true, ten years on I look back and cannot believe the state I was in and what stupid things I was considering doing. I wish I could go back in time to that point knowing what I know now as I would have just smiled, said "no problem at all" and walked out.I promise
Edited by anonymous-user on Wednesday 14th June 19:30
Seventyseven7 said:
singlecoil said:
theboss said:
I'd cut stuttgartmetal some slack, personally.
Good point, well made.I'd want to know a lot more about the circumstances and background to that incident before I would even think of passing judgement.
singlecoil said:
Seventyseven7 said:
singlecoil said:
theboss said:
I'd cut stuttgartmetal some slack, personally.
Good point, well made.I'd want to know a lot more about the circumstances and background to that incident before I would even think of passing judgement.
The things we walk over are the things we accept.
It's not alright full stop, in fact I am somewhat aghast the tolerance of it is even being discussed. It's 2023, what the actual...?
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff