Never thought this would happen to me...

[singlecoil]

Pommy said:

So it's unacceptable for someone to state negatively their view on physical violence on a child but it's acceptable to tolerate it? So don't hurt someone's feelings with a judgement but do it physically and it's ok? Interesting take...

I didn't say that it was ok to tolerate violence to another person (be they child or adult, violence is violence). And what's more the man we are discussing didn't say it was ok either. I realise these are matters that you feel strongly about, but please take the time to read what has been written carefully.

[Pommy]

singlecoil said:

Pommy said:

So it's unacceptable for someone to state negatively their view on physical violence on a child but it's acceptable to tolerate it? So don't hurt someone's feelings with a judgement but do it physically and it's ok? Interesting take...

I didn't say that it was ok to tolerate violence to another person (be they child or adult, violence is violence). And what's more the man we are discussing didn't say it was ok either. I realise these are matters that you feel strongly about, but please take the time to read what has been written carefully.

I've read it carefully and it's a man who rages against his ex (understandably) but offers no explanation as to why he hit his daughter and then goes on to explain how mistreated he was by ex.

Doesnt actually seem contrite at all. Its all about him and how unfair it all is to him and him, me, I and so on.

It's just not acceptable, we've all been through angry divorces with our exs but we didn't go round hitting our kids.

Edited by Pommy on Thursday 15th June 13:53

[singlecoil]

Pommy said:

singlecoil said:

Pommy said:

So it's unacceptable for someone to state negatively their view on physical violence on a child but it's acceptable to tolerate it? So don't hurt someone's feelings with a judgement but do it physically and it's ok? Interesting take...

I didn't say that it was ok to tolerate violence to another person (be they child or adult, violence is violence). And what's more the man we are discussing didn't say it was ok either. I realise these are matters that you feel strongly about, but please take the time to read what has been written carefully.

I've read it carefully and it's a man who rages against his ex (understandably) but offers no explanation as to why he hit his daughter and then goes on to explain how mistreated he was by ex.

Doesnt actually seem contrite at all. Its all about him and how unfair it all is to him and him, me, I and so on.

It's just not acceptable, we've all been through angry divorces with our exs but we didn't go round hitting our kids.

There would be little point in explaining why he did the thing that has upset you so much, people like you would only take it that he was offering excuses. I have no doubt that he regrets it, and that if he could go back in time and replay that scene the violence would be left out. That goes pretty much without saying.

People who find themselves in awful situations sometimes do things they regret, but that doesn't necessarily make them bad people.

As a matter of interest, why your intense focus on not hitting kids? Are you saying it's ok to hit adults? At what age does somebody become hittable in your eyes? Personally I think people shouldn't hit anyone, regardless of the recipient's age, sex or relationship.

[Pommy]

singlecoil said:

Pommy said:

singlecoil said:

Pommy said:

So it's unacceptable for someone to state negatively their view on physical violence on a child but it's acceptable to tolerate it? So don't hurt someone's feelings with a judgement but do it physically and it's ok? Interesting take...

I didn't say that it was ok to tolerate violence to another person (be they child or adult, violence is violence). And what's more the man we are discussing didn't say it was ok either. I realise these are matters that you feel strongly about, but please take the time to read what has been written carefully.

I've read it carefully and it's a man who rages against his ex (understandably) but offers no explanation as to why he hit his daughter and then goes on to explain how mistreated he was by ex.

Doesnt actually seem contrite at all. Its all about him and how unfair it all is to him and him, me, I and so on.

It's just not acceptable, we've all been through angry divorces with our exs but we didn't go round hitting our kids.

There would be little point in explaining why he did the thing that has upset you so much, people like you would only take it that he was offering excuses. I have no doubt that he regrets it, and that if he could go back in time and replay that scene the violence would be left out. That goes pretty much without saying.

People who find themselves in awful situations sometimes do things they regret, but that doesn't necessarily make them bad people.

As a matter of interest, why your intense focus on not hitting kids? Are you saying it's ok to hit adults? At what age does somebody become hittable in your eyes? Personally I think people shouldn't hit anyone, regardless of the recipient's age, sex or relationship.

'people like you'? Really?

If you need an explanation as to why reading about someone hitting their child and putting up a post full of self pity and blaming his ex for making him hit his daughter makes someone feel strongly, maybe you need to take a moment to self reflect.

[singlecoil]

Pommy said:

singlecoil said:

Pommy said:

singlecoil said:

Pommy said:

So it's unacceptable for someone to state negatively their view on physical violence on a child but it's acceptable to tolerate it? So don't hurt someone's feelings with a judgement but do it physically and it's ok? Interesting take...

I didn't say that it was ok to tolerate violence to another person (be they child or adult, violence is violence). And what's more the man we are discussing didn't say it was ok either. I realise these are matters that you feel strongly about, but please take the time to read what has been written carefully.

I've read it carefully and it's a man who rages against his ex (understandably) but offers no explanation as to why he hit his daughter and then goes on to explain how mistreated he was by ex.

Doesnt actually seem contrite at all. Its all about him and how unfair it all is to him and him, me, I and so on.

It's just not acceptable, we've all been through angry divorces with our exs but we didn't go round hitting our kids.

There would be little point in explaining why he did the thing that has upset you so much, people like you would only take it that he was offering excuses. I have no doubt that he regrets it, and that if he could go back in time and replay that scene the violence would be left out. That goes pretty much without saying.

People who find themselves in awful situations sometimes do things they regret, but that doesn't necessarily make them bad people.

As a matter of interest, why your intense focus on not hitting kids? Are you saying it's ok to hit adults? At what age does somebody become hittable in your eyes? Personally I think people shouldn't hit anyone, regardless of the recipient's age, sex or relationship.

'people like you'? Really?

If you need an explanation as to why reading about someone hitting their child and putting up a post full of self pity and blaming his ex for making him hit his daughter makes someone feel strongly, maybe you need to take a moment to self reflect.

Pretty obvious sidestep response. We're not going to get any further with this. Perhaps now is the time to move away from this particular issue.

[beagrizzly]

105.4 said:

Seventyseven7 said:

stuttgartmetal said:

My wife left me after years and years of ice cold marriage.
She's the kind of person that can really torture you.
You know, proper cruelty.
Being the major breadwinner, she kept me on as a house help/security guard/maintenance man.
I tried to convince myself I could make it work.
I came home one night, with card dressings on my face and nose after Id had a cancer growth removed, and both my wife and daughter ignored me.
They were both not talking to me at the time.
The depression, mental torture was un bearable.
Things got worse, and in frustration I was just going mental.
An argument, or rather mis handled talking to my 14 year old daughter ended with me slapping her, and shouting at her. The said daughter told her mother she thought I was going to kill them both. Sure. After a slap.
Anyhow, they both left to my wifes friend, who became my daughter new surrogate Dad.
A difficult relationship, as this guy was married, with a sick child , and a hero.
Well, torture followed, I was subsequently arrested becuase Id shaken my wife by the lapels of her dressing gown.
Painted as a cruel and abusive Father I spent the next 2 years in the family home.
Black?
Don't go there, it was soo hard.
i got the divorce papers, and to this day havent spoken a sentence to my ex wife.
My now 18yo Uni student daughter still ignores me, and gets advice from others.
No doubt poisoned by my ex wife, I doubt Ill see her again, however I live in hope of her contacting me one day.
I think of her what, twenty thirty forty fifty, a hundred times a day.
Im not sure she knows what she's doing to me.

Well, my ex sorted a flat, and she's as happy as she is, Ive no idea how happy that is, thats her business, and not mine.
I sold my 993, and in the only bullet point letter to me, cold, she said it was pathetic that I had to sell the car I loved.
Hows that for gloating ?
I sold the house, and cleared our old life.
trips to charity shops, to the dump etc etc.
It was truly the hardest thing Ive done in my life.
Imagine clearing your daughter bedroom, where you knew the story of everything in it.
Had me on my ar e in tears plenty of times.

Any how, this all really tied up early 2012, and by July it was all over.
I passed her in a corridor a few times, that was wierd, however the dreams and subconcious processes in my brain prepared me for it.
Time apart, and processing what happened, becuase thats the key, helped me.
Ive seen her a couple of times since, and genuinely feel sorry for her.
She looks alone.
Her mother and grand mother both ended up alone.
Waking up alone in a quiet rooms so awful.
Cooking for yourself, going home to an empty flat every night, with nothing in her life except her job must be awful for her. Im sure if she hasn't got a new guy, she could easily get one.
However she'll never feel the passion I gave her, or she will find a man, a real man again.

I look back at it now, and it was a real eye opener as to how stupid I was.
She took me to the cleaner big time.
Washed me out for 3 years.
I was once sitting in the 993 in the garage with the keys in the ignition, one turn from ending it all, and let me tell you, thats quite a story, quite a voyage.


Three years on Im back in a 993, a C4S now, three years newer.
Leather dash, and every Turbo extra. LOL, but thats not the point.
I'll never be over her, but I do know I wouldn't go back to what it was like for the last 4 or five years of my marriage.
Tossed out like garbage, and a wreck, I've slowly fought back.
rebuilt a life, and learnt so much about myself.
Life experience you don't want, howver I now could write a book about it.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
You learn nothing from success, you only learn from failure.
Time heals.
Process whats happened from your point of view.
Get to acceptance.
Accept its over, and you can move on.
And most importantly, don't be bitter.
Rise above it all, and don't lower yourself to her cruelty.
Move on.
You'll win your life back.
All that sh t you have to give up to be in a relationship, you get back.
Youll be bigger, faster and stronger.

Your lifes quite empty right now.
Don't go out getting drunk, or doing gear.
Don't D and D
Draw into yourself, process it all.
Your ex has lost all respect for you, just as you had.
You will get your self respect back.
Don't blame yourself, its always fifty fifty, and she has a right to have whatever life she wants, and if that doesn't include you, well thats her shout.
You've just got to let her get on with it.
I doubt she's got another guy, just a load of a hole friends advising her, and her listening.
Well, she's over eighteen, let her get on with it, cos there's nothing you could or did or can do.

Who wanted the big house ?
You or her?

Who wanted the private schooling, you or her?
Who piled the pressure on?
Did you just do the best you could?
well here's a newsflash, you couldn't do it, and therefore youre not good enough for her.
F ck her.
You shouldve downsized the mortgage and got the kids in good schools, howver, I very much doubt that wouldve happened, as its not what she wanted.
Thats right.
Not what she would have wanted, so you were f cked either way.
You're not Donald F cking Trump.
How is that your fault?
What she wants, then as now, is what SHE wants.
Does that sound like fifty fifty marriage?
Huh?
You sound like you really tried, knocked your pipe out, and it wasn't enough, so she's dumped you.
Not stood back and assessed the terrain, and how you couldve kept the family together.
She spilt the family, because she couldn't get what she wanted.
What she wants is now what she wants, so remember that, and remember what you want is what you want.
You've fallen into the trap that you've tried to do everything she wanted, and she absolutely controlled you.
Sounds seriously similar.
My ex dropped me as soon as my daughter was self sufficient.
Its only now, now three years later I can look back and see what a cruel, ice cold, cold hearted person she was.
Karma will find a way.
Here's the best advice I can give you.

F ck her.
Let her get on with it.
Karma waits, and looks, just be a good father to your kids.
She will learn.
What man in his right mind wants some crazy bird with 3 kids FFS.
No matter how good a f ck she is, its just too much ballast.
She, and her advice giving mates, and those idiots don't live the life shes constructing, can jog on.
It sounds to me like you are better off without her.
She needs time alone, and if thats for the next ten or fifteen years, so be it.
She may find someone else, but he wont be half the man you are.
A Father to your kids, who would've done anything for her, and them.
The man, the father, willing to do anything for his wife or kids to hold the family together, nope, she'll find some sap.
She's never going to find someone like that again.
And that really hurts, hurts deep inside, because they just don't get that.
It's something she'll learn.
And its such a bitter bitter lesson, that turns the woman into a bitter bitter man hater.
Happens all the time.
Sounds like you'd have done anything for her, and once you;ve given her evrything, you're conquered, and no-one.
Well let her find out her own sorry, pathetic way.
Soundslikeyou would have done anything to fix it, only she didn;t want to.
and there's not a goddamn thing you couldve done about it.
She thinks that she really knows better.
Well, its a lonely life alone.

Find someone else, once youre back on top of your game you will,and be happy.

You've just got to get through it.
The pain doesn;t last forever, you've just got to stand back and process it.
Time brother, time will heal you.
Just grip on the hand rail of the up and down, backward and forward emotional roller coaster ride you are on, and get throught tthat dark tunnel your going through, and get to the other side, where we are all waiting for you, to see see the real you, the old you.

www.wikivorce.com.

Join up, and post there.
Proper help, not just car forum bullsh t.

Positive vibes to you brother. ++++++++++++++++ve


Just don't do anything she can slag you off to the kids for.
Be a good Dad.

In time, you'll look back and wonder what you saw in her.

I promise

Edited by stuttgartmetal on Monday 6th January 03:09

If you’re posting / quoting the above in the hope that others are going to pile in on Stutgartmetal, then I’m not going to be one of them.

I’ve been separated from my family for six years. Not through divorce, but for other reasons.

I’ve had it all, then lost it and spent the last 5.5 years burying myself to rebuild my life.

I think it’s only when you’ve truly reached rock bottom that you can sincerely sympathise with others in a similar situation.

'Kin 'ell.

What do they say? 'Never judge another man until you've walked a mile in his shoes' or somesuch.

I'm not entirely convinced I'd survive what Stuttgart went through......

[Mr_Megalomaniac]

Pommy said:

singlecoil said:

Pommy said:

So it's unacceptable for someone to state negatively their view on physical violence on a child but it's acceptable to tolerate it? So don't hurt someone's feelings with a judgement but do it physically and it's ok? Interesting take...

I didn't say that it was ok to tolerate violence to another person (be they child or adult, violence is violence). And what's more the man we are discussing didn't say it was ok either. I realise these are matters that you feel strongly about, but please take the time to read what has been written carefully.

I've read it carefully and it's a man who rages against his ex (understandably) but offers no explanation as to why he hit his daughter and then goes on to explain how mistreated he was by ex.

Doesnt actually seem contrite at all. Its all about him and how unfair it all is to him and him, me, I and so on.

It's just not acceptable, we've all been through angry divorces with our exs but we didn't go round hitting our kids.

Edited by Pommy on Thursday 15th June 13:53

The way I read it he didn't "go around hitting his kids" - he gave a single slap after years in an abusive marriage with a manipulative and emotionally/verbally abusive spouse.
You swap the genders and see how your interpretation of it changes; thinking woman in court with compo face and all.

[105.4]

beagrizzly said:

'Kin 'ell.

What do they say? 'Never judge another man until you've walked a mile in his shoes' or somesuch.

Absolutely !

[theboss]

Mr_Megalomaniac said:

The way I read it he didn't "go around hitting his kids" - he gave a single slap after years in an abusive marriage with a manipulative and emotionally/verbally abusive spouse.
You swap the genders and see how your interpretation of it changes; thinking woman in court with compo face and all.

Swap the gender for the slap as well.

If my stepdaughter physically squared up to her mother or was behaving in a manner that was out of control, she'd get a slap from her despite her mother being of considerably smaller stature.

I don't think many people would find that shocking.

Obviously my wife grew up in a foreign culture where something like this would be accepted as completely normal in any parent-teenager dynamics, so she's excused for her inhumanity.

[Sycamore]

theboss said:

Mr_Megalomaniac said:

The way I read it he didn't "go around hitting his kids" - he gave a single slap after years in an abusive marriage with a manipulative and emotionally/verbally abusive spouse.
You swap the genders and see how your interpretation of it changes; thinking woman in court with compo face and all.

Swap the gender for the slap as well.

If my stepdaughter physically squared up to her mother or was behaving in a manner that was out of control, she'd get a slap from her despite her mother being of considerably smaller stature.

I don't think many people would find that shocking.

Obviously my wife grew up in a foreign culture where something like this would be accepted as completely normal in any parent-teenager dynamics, so she's excused for her inhumanity.

Of course, but I'd be shocked if it wasn't quite "just a slap" following:

stuttgartmetal said:

An argument, or rather mis handled talking to my 14 year old daughter ended with me slapping her, and shouting at her. The said daughter told her mother she thought I was going to kill them both. Sure. After a slap.

Edited by stuttgartmetal on Monday 6th January 03:09

I sympathise with anyone going through such things though. A position I hope to never be anywhere near.

Hope things are going well (as they can be) OP