Never thought this would happen to me...
Discussion
Grenoble said:
Sym7, I'm the OP in the linked thread. It will take a while but if you can spare the time it's well worth reading. As you will see I have been on a similar (continuing) path over the last year or so, and some of the advice and support I received was fantastic. It's always necessary to take your own view of others' opinions of course, but it's well worth considering the experiences of those who have been in a similar position.Best of luck with your situation. I can of course empathise and if you want to PM to discuss, please feel free to at any time.
Sym7 said:
mister_ee said:
Has she got a sister?
Yes. She's a horrid person to the core. Nothing like my wife (my wife's lovely.....that's what makes this so difficult). Good Luck.
A bit down said:
Grenoble said:
Sym7, I'm the OP in the linked thread. It will take a while but if you can spare the time it's well worth reading. As you will see I have been on a similar (continuing) path over the last year or so, and some of the advice and support I received was fantastic. It's always necessary to take your own view of others' opinions of course, but it's well worth considering the experiences of those who have been in a similar position.Best of luck with your situation. I can of course empathise and if you want to PM to discuss, please feel free to at any time.
I haven't got any constructive advice, but what a b
h!
You broke your balls for years to support your family, maintain the house and lifestyle, pay the school fees and she rewards your devotion to your family by asking for a seperation. WTF!
Yes she may feel neglected, but would she rather you dote on her every action or be skint, jobless and even homeless?
Women are needy creatures, but surely she must understand the pressures you were under and that through the hard times some things may have slipped?
It just doesn't add up, feeling of neglect can easily be rebuilt and it's obvious you still love her dearly, are aware of the issues and are willing to resolve them.
It does unfortunately for you and the kids suggest that someone else is on the radar, be strong for yourself and the kids and don't take any crap from her!
h!You broke your balls for years to support your family, maintain the house and lifestyle, pay the school fees and she rewards your devotion to your family by asking for a seperation. WTF!
Yes she may feel neglected, but would she rather you dote on her every action or be skint, jobless and even homeless?
Women are needy creatures, but surely she must understand the pressures you were under and that through the hard times some things may have slipped?
It just doesn't add up, feeling of neglect can easily be rebuilt and it's obvious you still love her dearly, are aware of the issues and are willing to resolve them.
It does unfortunately for you and the kids suggest that someone else is on the radar, be strong for yourself and the kids and don't take any crap from her!
I know it has already been said, but I'll re-iterate.
DO NOT MOVE OUT.
She will assume the priveledge of the house, looking after the kids and expect to become a kept woman for the rest of her life. You've paid for the house. She wants to leave you. You have done nothing wrong. Stay.
STAY IN THE HOUSE.
DO NOT MOVE OUT.
She will assume the priveledge of the house, looking after the kids and expect to become a kept woman for the rest of her life. You've paid for the house. She wants to leave you. You have done nothing wrong. Stay.
STAY IN THE HOUSE.
HereBeMonsters said:
I know it has already been said, but I'll re-iterate.
DO NOT MOVE OUT.
She will assume the priveledge of the house, looking after the kids and expect to become a kept woman for the rest of her life. You've paid for the house. She wants to leave you. You have done nothing wrong. Stay.
STAY IN THE HOUSE.
Hell yeah stay in the house and start dating again ASAP best way to move on. If you show her how easy you can get over her, she might come back running and realise what she lost. Woman like a drama the tears, upset and hurt to see you suffering.DO NOT MOVE OUT.
She will assume the priveledge of the house, looking after the kids and expect to become a kept woman for the rest of her life. You've paid for the house. She wants to leave you. You have done nothing wrong. Stay.
STAY IN THE HOUSE.
Sym7 said:
my wife's lovely.....
Yeah, she's sounds like a proper diamond. Ask her if you can have a look at her phone and text messages. Then you'll know how lovely she is and who else she's been being lovely to!
A mate of mine had his missus leave him. He seemed surprised, even though she'd been driving about in new car for three months that 'a friend' of hers had bought for her. She was lovely too.
A bit down said:
Grenoble said:
Sym7, I'm the OP in the linked thread. It will take a while but if you can spare the time it's well worth reading. As you will see I have been on a similar (continuing) path over the last year or so, and some of the advice and support I received was fantastic. It's always necessary to take your own view of others' opinions of course, but it's well worth considering the experiences of those who have been in a similar position.Best of luck with your situation. I can of course empathise and if you want to PM to discuss, please feel free to at any time.
Do NOT move out
Remain civil and dignified at all times
Always, always put the kids first
Be the bigger man
You will not be able to eat, sleep or concentrate and will analyse things that have happened to the N'th degree. It's normal just go with it.
Look at your own behaviours and change them, if you want her back the little things will show her that you can change but also that you can get on with your life. Be a 'survivor'...
You are at the start of the grieving process. Recognise the stages denial, anger etc
Try some counselling, just for you it will help you to make sense of the situation.
I'm sorry to say I was also in denial for a long time and never suspected that she could be off with someone else sadly though she had emotionally detached herself from me and there was indeed someone else involved.
Just one last thing to say though but believe me when i say that it does get better it really does. I'm nearly 4 months in now and guess what I'm the one moving on with my life. Yeah i still have bad days but the good days now far outweigh the bad. She's telling me that she's remorseful, has apologised to me, hasn't given up on me, finds it endearing how I've just got on with my life being a great Dad to my kids and I'm such a strong man but alas it's just words. She's in quite a dark place but the light is shining much brighter at the end of my tunnel.
Good luck OP, feel free to PM me also.
PS - if you really want her back it's not too late and you could try reading 'my wife doesn't love me anymore' and 'i love you but I'm not in love with you' both by Andrew Marshall and only a few quid to download from Amazon. I started reading these late last year in a final attempt to win my wife back, sadly it was too late for me as the 'revelations' I discovered changed the dynamic somewhat but there are some useful strategies within that may help and / or make sense of the situation.
HereBeMonsters said:
DO NOT MOVE OUT.
She will assume the priveledge of the house, looking after the kids and expect to become a kept woman for the rest of her life. You've paid for the house. She wants to leave you. You have done nothing wrong. Stay.
STAY IN THE HOUSE.
Can't reiterate this enough.She will assume the priveledge of the house, looking after the kids and expect to become a kept woman for the rest of her life. You've paid for the house. She wants to leave you. You have done nothing wrong. Stay.
STAY IN THE HOUSE.
She wants to leave let her. If you leave you will not be going back.
Another little gem I would warn the OP about is that he must at all costs remain 100% calm and rational when in the presence of the possibly soon to be ex.
Any hint of aggression will be magnified to “Potential wife beater” levels and calls to the Police involving phrases to the effect of “Exploded with a rage I have never seen in him before” and “Fear for the safety of my children with him here” will be made.
She will have been expecting you to most likely have hung around for a day or two and then be moving out. Over the next few weeks she will see that you are not going anywhere and this will not have been in the plan at all.
Having seen what you posted about her sister I would put money on her, if not others as well, providing Mrs with advice to wind you up as much as possible so that she can make that call. You don’t even need to have punched a wall or chair in frustration but the Police will in 99% of cases make you leave the house “In the best interest of all concerned, just in case.” They will most likely know that they are being used but have to follow the procedures or else in the one in a thousand cases they miss judge it their lives will be ruined.
As others have said once you are out of the house you’ll not be getting back in without, at the very least, there being a chaperone there whilst you collect your stuff.
Any hint of aggression will be magnified to “Potential wife beater” levels and calls to the Police involving phrases to the effect of “Exploded with a rage I have never seen in him before” and “Fear for the safety of my children with him here” will be made.
She will have been expecting you to most likely have hung around for a day or two and then be moving out. Over the next few weeks she will see that you are not going anywhere and this will not have been in the plan at all.
Having seen what you posted about her sister I would put money on her, if not others as well, providing Mrs with advice to wind you up as much as possible so that she can make that call. You don’t even need to have punched a wall or chair in frustration but the Police will in 99% of cases make you leave the house “In the best interest of all concerned, just in case.” They will most likely know that they are being used but have to follow the procedures or else in the one in a thousand cases they miss judge it their lives will be ruined.
As others have said once you are out of the house you’ll not be getting back in without, at the very least, there being a chaperone there whilst you collect your stuff.
Rude-boy said:
Another little gem I would warn the OP about is that he must at all costs remain 100% calm and rational when in the presence of the possibly soon to be ex.
Any hint of aggression will be magnified to “Potential wife beater” levels and calls to the Police involving phrases to the effect of “Exploded with a rage I have never seen in him before” and “Fear for the safety of my children with him here” will be made.
This. You'll be accused of all sorts of sick sh*t (abuse/walloping your own kids etc - some women will stop short of nothing) in order to provoke rage and reaction that causes 999 to be called. As soon as it is on record - it'll be visible to CAFCAS. Keep playing the long game. Keep your head on.Any hint of aggression will be magnified to “Potential wife beater” levels and calls to the Police involving phrases to the effect of “Exploded with a rage I have never seen in him before” and “Fear for the safety of my children with him here” will be made.
Rude-boy said:
She will have been expecting you to most likely have hung around for a day or two and then be moving out. Over the next few weeks she will see that you are not going anywhere and this will not have been in the plan at all.
Move in the spare room. It will unfortuantly be visible to your children. They'll get over it. They are more resilient than you'd ever imagine.Rude-boy said:
Having seen what you posted about her sister I would put money on her, if not others as well, providing Mrs with advice to wind you up as much as possible so that she can make that call. You don’t even need to have punched a wall or chair in frustration but the Police will in 99% of cases make you leave the house “In the best interest of all concerned, just in case.” They will most likely know that they are being used but have to follow the procedures or else in the one in a thousand cases they miss judge it their lives will be ruined.
Let a very good mate know (not linked to your Mrs at all) and ensure you've a bolt-hole organised should this happen. Do it now.Rude-boy said:
As others have said once you are out of the house you’ll not be getting back in without, at the very least, there being a chaperone there whilst you collect your stuff.
If there is any of it left 
Burrow01 said:
Let her move into the spare room, its her idea, and she wants the separation.....
Was my stand point the other day but other posters have pointed out the flaw in this. It will only work this way if she goes quietly. If she starts getting all huffy and difficult about it it is better that he moves in there or else the next thing will be "My husband has physically removed me from my bedroom” or even worse accusations of events that would never even occur to the OP in the most disturbed and vengeful recesses of his mind.
On that note – beware the temptation after a night of talking things through with the kids away for the night and a couple of bottles that might crop up in a few months. Unlikely but it could easily be a trap...
Please also do not think that I am trying to demonise the OP’s lady or women in general. Gender only determines who has a
, not who is one. Sometimes though it is better to stick than to twist.Hasbeen said:
Why is it that men have no idea about women. They are not just men with a slightly different anatomy.
^^ So true, took me a while to realise this. Had a very similar thing happen to me - not married though. All the classic stuff seen here - after digging found there was another bloke.. Anyway, heard enough of these stories on this thread..
I recently found a text called "the sixteen commandments of poon" which I read every now and then to keep me on track. May not be everyone's cup of tea but I think its fantastic..
One of my favourite quotes: (Google for the full text)
"Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendezvous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic."
Just read ABD's thread and seen my future played out. Wish I hadn't read it as I'm still in denial about my situation. I think my wife IS having an affair which really hurts because it feels like she's cheating on our lovely children as well as me. She categorically denies there's someone else. She sleeps with her iPhone and keeps going out with "the girls from work'".....not good signs.
The whole thing is horrid. Whatever the future holds I'm intent on making sure I remain civil and stay friends. It's so tough living day to day at the moment. I really am struggling to understand.
Thanks for all of the comments and advice on here. I have already ordered the book 'it's no big deal really' to try and make sure this has minimal impact on the kids.....so thanks for the poster who recommended that.
It seems some on here must have had some pretty bad experiences given some of the comments. I hope myself and my wife can manage things amicably. We're both rational people so there's a good chance.
The whole thing is horrid. Whatever the future holds I'm intent on making sure I remain civil and stay friends. It's so tough living day to day at the moment. I really am struggling to understand.
Thanks for all of the comments and advice on here. I have already ordered the book 'it's no big deal really' to try and make sure this has minimal impact on the kids.....so thanks for the poster who recommended that.
It seems some on here must have had some pretty bad experiences given some of the comments. I hope myself and my wife can manage things amicably. We're both rational people so there's a good chance.
Sym7 said:
Just read ABD's thread and seen my future played out. Wish I hadn't read it as I'm still in denial about my situation. I think my wife IS having an affair which really hurts because it feels like she's cheating on our lovely children as well as me. She categorically denies there's someone else. She sleeps with her iPhone and keeps going out with "the girls from work'".....not good signs.
The whole thing is horrid. Whatever the future holds I'm intent on making sure I remain civil and stay friends. It's so tough living day to day at the moment. I really am struggling to understand.
Thanks for all of the comments and advice on here. I have already ordered the book 'it's no big deal really' to try and make sure this has minimal impact on the kids.....so thanks for the poster who recommended that.
It seems some on here must have had some pretty bad experiences given some of the comments. I hope myself and my wife can manage things amicably. We're both rational people so there's a good chance.
Do you know her pass code? If you do, then read her texts when she's in the shower.The whole thing is horrid. Whatever the future holds I'm intent on making sure I remain civil and stay friends. It's so tough living day to day at the moment. I really am struggling to understand.
Thanks for all of the comments and advice on here. I have already ordered the book 'it's no big deal really' to try and make sure this has minimal impact on the kids.....so thanks for the poster who recommended that.
It seems some on here must have had some pretty bad experiences given some of the comments. I hope myself and my wife can manage things amicably. We're both rational people so there's a good chance.
"Worked" for me.
I'm afraid to say with the iPhone stuff its a no-brainer whats going on. Ive been there myself and had to wear the t-shirt - its horrible and I feel for you.
Just do your best for the kids, you will have some very bad days but the old cliché is definitely true - time is a healer.
Five years on from finding out my wife was having an affair during her pregnancy, my life has never been better (and yes, I had to do the whole DNA test).
Chin up fella, PM me if you need to talk, its a long and tough road but you will, eventually, come out of it and all will be good again. You will always be the only Dad your kids have no matter who else is involved, and that's the most important thing.
Just do your best for the kids, you will have some very bad days but the old cliché is definitely true - time is a healer.
Five years on from finding out my wife was having an affair during her pregnancy, my life has never been better (and yes, I had to do the whole DNA test).
Chin up fella, PM me if you need to talk, its a long and tough road but you will, eventually, come out of it and all will be good again. You will always be the only Dad your kids have no matter who else is involved, and that's the most important thing.
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