I'm worried my missus will kill us all

[fin racer]

I type this with a knowing smile, having gained a little good feeling that my wife is not the only partner like this, not by a long shot. She is not lazy, just insufferably laid back, lacksadaisy and carefree. Tidying up is not her thing, but at least once a week the house will be tidy, she then claims that our 4 year old turn the place upside down Really? The whole house love?
Her teenage son is going the same way ( in as much as most teenagers are slack anyway) but I see her mother is exactly the same, so its clearly in the DNA.
Im not patient, or perfect, but when I make a cup of tea ( in a teacup.Yes yes, flame me now) I can at least travel the 6ft or so to put it in the bin,not dump it in the fking sink. I am hands on and sometimes, its just better to tidy up and do whatever needs doing than point out that it needed doing when she is completely unaware.
OP, you have my sympathies.
A delicate situation to be in. When you raise issue, is she completely oblivious or just defensive?

[Baldy881]

fin racer said:

OP, you have my sympathies.
A delicate situation to be in. When you raise issue, is she completely oblivious or just defensive?

Good question! I find it quite hard to distinguish. I'd say she's defensive about being oblivious

I said it earlier, I always feel a tt because it's like i'm nagging at her all the time. Believe me, on a daily basis I get in from work and spend the first 10 minutes tidying around after her/the 2 year old without saying a word, it's quite obvious what i'm doing. If, say, the postie has delivered a parcel for her it's been unwrapped but the packaging is still laying around on the sofa, floor, kitchen worktop etc. Usually stays there for a couple of days until I get pissed off with seeing it and move it myself (doing the trash is definitely my job, that's quite clear!!). Same as you though, somedays I get home to an eerily tidy house, once a week or so.

We had words about something a couple of nights ago involving her leaving st laying around and a typical response is that I do the same but she never mentions it to me. I say the same everytime 'tell me about it then and I can do something about it if it's something I don't realise i'm doing', i'd love to know!! But yet she won't mention specifics, ever. Suspect really, but not saying i'm perfect!! This paragraph could quite easily go in the 'things that annoy you beyond reason' thread

She also doesn't flush the loo after a wee most times No matter how many times I say it's not right and I don't really like it, it happens daily. I point this out, she says it's only in the night so as not to wake the boy. Rubbish! It's all the time. So I suggest should I take photographic evidence to support my claims?? I REALLY don't want it to get to that point, but often think that's what I need to do to make her realise she's doing it! Thankfully always flushed after a number 2, somethings you just don't need to see

As you can probably imagine i'm quite easily irritated, but the dangers to my son and household remain whether i'm being an obsessive arse or not!

[Bluebarge]

You sound a bit OCD to be honest. Most kids 60-70 years ago were brought up around open fires, sharp knives etc and they mostly survived. You shacked up with Miss Scatterbrain and she is presumably no different now than when you met her, other than more tired, and therefore likely to be less careful. Your attempts to change her ways will not work - you can gently encourage by example, offer to do the cooking in the evenings sometimes, but going around your house like some clipboard Nazi Elf n' Safety Inspector will only end in tears.
Your kid will be fine, your relationship, unless you learn to be less controlling, well.......

[fin racer]

Bluebarge said:

You sound a bit OCD to be honest. Most kids 60-70 years ago were brought up around open fires, sharp knives etc and they mostly survived. You shacked up with Miss Scatterbrain and she is presumably no different now than when you met her, other than more tired, and therefore likely to be less careful. Your attempts to change her ways will not work - you can gently encourage by example, offer to do the cooking in the evenings sometimes, but going around your house like some clipboard Nazi Elf n' Safety Inspector will only end in tears.
Your kid will be fine, your relationship, unless you learn to be less controlling, well.......

sadly a lot in this post that I can equate to, mostly because I see myself in it :-)
Not the health and safety,mollycoddling bit, but the OCD, liking everything to be neat and tidy element. I lived with my other half for 3 years before we got married, its only become really evident now..

[Hasbeen]

I believe it is an imagination thing.

So many men, me included, go through life seeing every possible danger, like the pot handle where it is easy to knock, or the sharp knife overhanging the edge of the bench, & correcting them. So many ladies never see these things, & really very few of them ever have accidents because of it.

When we did a lot of sailing, I would have the kids in a harness, clipped on to something to keep them in the cockpit. If I wasn't there she would let them wander. She has never had, or caused an accident.

Has it never occured to you, that people like you & me are worrywarts, & should copy the ladies & ease up a bit? Just perhaps we are over imaginative.

[Baldy881]

doogz said:

There's a difference between being a worrywart, and the missus burning the house down.

Thank you

OCD is not:

Prizing a bic from a 2 year old
Seeing missus pour hot coffee on childs head (yet still insists on balancing wine glass/hot drinks on sofa arm like it's a circus act, often when child present)
Seeing your missus set fire to kitchen utensils/the kitchen
Turning radiator in childs bedroom up so high that i'm gasping for breath in his room when I go in to check on him before bed
Leaving codeine/steroid cream on the coffee table whilst young child plays in there and she cooks in kitchen

The not flushing the bog, things laying around, lights on, doors open isn't the end of the world, that I accept. Take the kiddy away and these are all dealable with items for most adults, but surely I have to try and prevent the dangerous situations that seem to appear all too frequently?

[Bluebarge]

Baldy881 said:

Thank you

OCD is not:

Prizing a bic from a 2 year old
Seeing missus pour hot coffee on childs head (yet still insists on balancing wine glass/hot drinks on sofa arm like it's a circus act, often when child present)
Seeing your missus set fire to kitchen utensils/the kitchen
Turning radiator in childs bedroom up so high that i'm gasping for breath in his room when I go in to check on him before bed
Leaving codeine/steroid cream on the coffee table whilst young child plays in there and she cooks in kitchen

The not flushing the bog, things laying around, lights on, doors open isn't the end of the world, that I accept. Take the kiddy away and these are all dealable with items for most adults, but surely I have to try and prevent the dangerous situations that seem to appear all too frequently?

1. it's a safety razor - serious injury not likely - a paper cut would be the equivalent
2. hot drink - it happens, if wifey is actually sat next to it, the risk should be minimal - I expect if you were ever invited to an NCT coffee morning, half of the mums would be doing this;
3. rad - he's over 2, he can kick the covers off, it can't have been that hot, just set the heating to go off at bedtime;
4. cream - he's most unlikely to do anything other than smear it everywhere - I doubt it tastes nice so he is unlikely to end up with big muscles.
5. all mums do some or all of these things, my missus is very big on only buying organic food, but then leaves stuff in the fridge which is weeks past its sell-by date, cooks beautiful meals, then gets distracted by something on tv for the critical last 5 minutes so that the non-carbonised bits of the gourmet meal end up given to the dog, leaves stuff on the floor at the top of stairs (have had a little toboggan run thanks to that) completely fails to notice blades left on the edge of kitchen work-tops, was crap at leaving pan-handles sticking out etc, etc - our kids have survived 16 years of this stuff and she ain't going to change.

Seriously (and I mean this as friendly advice) - lighten up and focus on your bird's positive qualities









(and fit more smoke alarms )

[ATG]

I reckon it's evolution. People cannot multitask. You can do two things at once but you'll cock things up. If a bloke is running after an angry cow trying to skewer it with a spear, he absolutely cannot risk cockage, ergo he doesn't start gossiping, admiring his mates shoes, etc. He pays attention to what he's doing. Women on the other hand have no choice but to do several things at once; pull up spuds and keep eye on kids, for example. A broken spud or a slightly damaged kid are not catastrophic in the same way as having a bulls horn inserted up the harris.