Things that annoy you beyond reason...? [Vol 3]
Discussion
Morningside said:
A certain mobile phone company beginning with "V". My wife died and after 40 minutes on the phone I informed them of such. Now over a month later she gets a bill of £42 overdue. f
king aholes!
Tell them they can collect it from her in person king aholes!
( Sorry for your loss BTW )
8Ace said:
Electronic, water saving, toilet flushing regulators.
I have to take codeine for pain following an operation. My lavatorial habits can be described thus: I poo like a snake eats. Namely, nothing passes for a goodly period of time and then, after a few terrifying rumbles and the cold sweats, I walk carefully to the facilities and pass something similar in size, odour and apprearance to a dead pig that has been lying next to a tropical swamp for a week.
This is clearly going to require a fairly hefty barrage of water to dislodge, but the morons that decide to put in the water saving flushes clearly have not anticipated this scenario. One would expect that a vegetarian diet (one that no doubt they are familiar with), rich in fibre and pulses produces a sort of composty silage that breaks up instantly whne it enters the pan. A 25ml dash of water from the cistern amply disposes of this. But not mine, not this morning.
Eight times I tried to get the bd to move. Eight times the cistern chuckled at me as it refilled in a fraction of a second. Yet still, as I gazed sadly in to the pan, I was mocked by the curly tail of last week's suppers, rising eerily out of the tainted water like the sword of excalibur.
Because of this, the trap capacity in my office is down by 10% until the plumbers come. Productivity is ruined, water is wasted, and all for nothing.
Descriptive genius!!! I have to take codeine for pain following an operation. My lavatorial habits can be described thus: I poo like a snake eats. Namely, nothing passes for a goodly period of time and then, after a few terrifying rumbles and the cold sweats, I walk carefully to the facilities and pass something similar in size, odour and apprearance to a dead pig that has been lying next to a tropical swamp for a week.
This is clearly going to require a fairly hefty barrage of water to dislodge, but the morons that decide to put in the water saving flushes clearly have not anticipated this scenario. One would expect that a vegetarian diet (one that no doubt they are familiar with), rich in fibre and pulses produces a sort of composty silage that breaks up instantly whne it enters the pan. A 25ml dash of water from the cistern amply disposes of this. But not mine, not this morning.
Eight times I tried to get the b
d to move. Eight times the cistern chuckled at me as it refilled in a fraction of a second. Yet still, as I gazed sadly in to the pan, I was mocked by the curly tail of last week's suppers, rising eerily out of the tainted water like the sword of excalibur.Because of this, the trap capacity in my office is down by 10% until the plumbers come. Productivity is ruined, water is wasted, and all for nothing.
popeyewhite said:
The sword was Excalibur.
Give the object in the bowl a tug and you might find a grateful lady on the other end.
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!Give the object in the bowl a tug and you might find a grateful lady on the other end.
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!
8Ace said:
Electronic, water saving, toilet flushing regulators.
I have to take codeine for pain following an operation. My lavatorial habits can be described thus: I poo like a snake eats. Namely, nothing passes for a goodly period of time and then, after a few terrifying rumbles and the cold sweats, I walk carefully to the facilities and pass something similar in size, odour and apprearance to a dead pig that has been lying next to a tropical swamp for a week.
This is clearly going to require a fairly hefty barrage of water to dislodge, but the morons that decide to put in the water saving flushes clearly have not anticipated this scenario. One would expect that a vegetarian diet (one that no doubt they are familiar with), rich in fibre and pulses produces a sort of composty silage that breaks up instantly whne it enters the pan. A 25ml dash of water from the cistern amply disposes of this. But not mine, not this morning.
Eight times I tried to get the bd to move. Eight times the cistern chuckled at me as it refilled in a fraction of a second. Yet still, as I gazed sadly in to the pan, I was mocked by the curly tail of last week's suppers, rising eerily out of the tainted water like the sword of excalibur.
Because of this, the trap capacity in my office is down by 10% until the plumbers come. Productivity is ruined, water is wasted, and all for nothing.
Or, you could hold down the button when pressing it and it will give you the much longer "dump" flush. I have to take codeine for pain following an operation. My lavatorial habits can be described thus: I poo like a snake eats. Namely, nothing passes for a goodly period of time and then, after a few terrifying rumbles and the cold sweats, I walk carefully to the facilities and pass something similar in size, odour and apprearance to a dead pig that has been lying next to a tropical swamp for a week.
This is clearly going to require a fairly hefty barrage of water to dislodge, but the morons that decide to put in the water saving flushes clearly have not anticipated this scenario. One would expect that a vegetarian diet (one that no doubt they are familiar with), rich in fibre and pulses produces a sort of composty silage that breaks up instantly whne it enters the pan. A 25ml dash of water from the cistern amply disposes of this. But not mine, not this morning.
Eight times I tried to get the b
d to move. Eight times the cistern chuckled at me as it refilled in a fraction of a second. Yet still, as I gazed sadly in to the pan, I was mocked by the curly tail of last week's suppers, rising eerily out of the tainted water like the sword of excalibur.Because of this, the trap capacity in my office is down by 10% until the plumbers come. Productivity is ruined, water is wasted, and all for nothing.
MartG said:
droopsnoot said:
The way that videos posted on facebook automatically start playing, instead of just appearing and leaving me to start them if I want to. Limited bandwidth and recent overuse bill makes me intolerant of such things. And no, I can't just block the people who post them.
You can change the settings to disable autoplayI normally use the Facebook app, and can't find any video settings but even if I visit the webpage the only video settings I can see are for video quality..
This is on an iPad btw.
Added: never mind, I found it
Edited by Shuvi McTupya on Saturday 25th April 06:53
All that jazz said:
8Ace said:
Electronic, water saving, toilet flushing regulators.
I have to take codeine for pain following an operation. My lavatorial habits can be described thus: I poo like a snake eats. Namely, nothing passes for a goodly period of time and then, after a few terrifying rumbles and the cold sweats, I walk carefully to the facilities and pass something similar in size, odour and apprearance to a dead pig that has been lying next to a tropical swamp for a week.
This is clearly going to require a fairly hefty barrage of water to dislodge, but the morons that decide to put in the water saving flushes clearly have not anticipated this scenario. One would expect that a vegetarian diet (one that no doubt they are familiar with), rich in fibre and pulses produces a sort of composty silage that breaks up instantly whne it enters the pan. A 25ml dash of water from the cistern amply disposes of this. But not mine, not this morning.
Eight times I tried to get the bd to move. Eight times the cistern chuckled at me as it refilled in a fraction of a second. Yet still, as I gazed sadly in to the pan, I was mocked by the curly tail of last week's suppers, rising eerily out of the tainted water like the sword of excalibur.
Because of this, the trap capacity in my office is down by 10% until the plumbers come. Productivity is ruined, water is wasted, and all for nothing.
Or, you could hold down the button when pressing it and it will give you the much longer "dump" flush. I have to take codeine for pain following an operation. My lavatorial habits can be described thus: I poo like a snake eats. Namely, nothing passes for a goodly period of time and then, after a few terrifying rumbles and the cold sweats, I walk carefully to the facilities and pass something similar in size, odour and apprearance to a dead pig that has been lying next to a tropical swamp for a week.
This is clearly going to require a fairly hefty barrage of water to dislodge, but the morons that decide to put in the water saving flushes clearly have not anticipated this scenario. One would expect that a vegetarian diet (one that no doubt they are familiar with), rich in fibre and pulses produces a sort of composty silage that breaks up instantly whne it enters the pan. A 25ml dash of water from the cistern amply disposes of this. But not mine, not this morning.
Eight times I tried to get the b
d to move. Eight times the cistern chuckled at me as it refilled in a fraction of a second. Yet still, as I gazed sadly in to the pan, I was mocked by the curly tail of last week's suppers, rising eerily out of the tainted water like the sword of excalibur.Because of this, the trap capacity in my office is down by 10% until the plumbers come. Productivity is ruined, water is wasted, and all for nothing.
The installers, in their infinite yet misguided wisdom, decided that it would be better to have one of those switches you wave your hands in front of to trigger what they laughably describe as the flush. There is no dump option, no way to shift the cocoa coloured dreadnought that lay beached on the porcelain.
It's annoying for me, but my real sympathy is with the poor soul that was dispatched to deal with it. The idea of having to hack at it with some sort of cutting device and then persuade it with a plunger to depart to the seaside, fair turns my stomach. He's a braver man than I.
Dale f*cking Winton.
...and that SH*T lottery show he presents where the contestants aren't supposed to blurt out the correct answer but spend 30 seconds dribbling on about why they don't think it's the other two.
And what's up with Winton...? He's had that many facelifts he walks round like the f*cking Honey Monster!
...and that SH*T lottery show he presents where the contestants aren't supposed to blurt out the correct answer but spend 30 seconds dribbling on about why they don't think it's the other two.
And what's up with Winton...? He's had that many facelifts he walks round like the f*cking Honey Monster!
Cobnapint said:
Dale f*cking Winton.
...and that SH*T lottery show he presents where the contestants aren't supposed to blurt out the correct answer but spend 30 seconds dribbling on about why they don't think it's the other two.
And what's up with Winton...? He's had that many facelifts he walks round like the f*cking Honey Monster!
Dale Winton is a car guy, he collects Dinky and Corgi models....and that SH*T lottery show he presents where the contestants aren't supposed to blurt out the correct answer but spend 30 seconds dribbling on about why they don't think it's the other two.
And what's up with Winton...? He's had that many facelifts he walks round like the f*cking Honey Monster!
He's all right in my book
8Ace said:
All that jazz said:
8Ace said:
Electronic, water saving, toilet flushing regulators.
I have to take codeine for pain following an operation. My lavatorial habits can be described thus: I poo like a snake eats. Namely, nothing passes for a goodly period of time and then, after a few terrifying rumbles and the cold sweats, I walk carefully to the facilities and pass something similar in size, odour and apprearance to a dead pig that has been lying next to a tropical swamp for a week.
This is clearly going to require a fairly hefty barrage of water to dislodge, but the morons that decide to put in the water saving flushes clearly have not anticipated this scenario. One would expect that a vegetarian diet (one that no doubt they are familiar with), rich in fibre and pulses produces a sort of composty silage that breaks up instantly whne it enters the pan. A 25ml dash of water from the cistern amply disposes of this. But not mine, not this morning.
Eight times I tried to get the bd to move. Eight times the cistern chuckled at me as it refilled in a fraction of a second. Yet still, as I gazed sadly in to the pan, I was mocked by the curly tail of last week's suppers, rising eerily out of the tainted water like the sword of excalibur.
Because of this, the trap capacity in my office is down by 10% until the plumbers come. Productivity is ruined, water is wasted, and all for nothing.
Or, you could hold down the button when pressing it and it will give you the much longer "dump" flush. I have to take codeine for pain following an operation. My lavatorial habits can be described thus: I poo like a snake eats. Namely, nothing passes for a goodly period of time and then, after a few terrifying rumbles and the cold sweats, I walk carefully to the facilities and pass something similar in size, odour and apprearance to a dead pig that has been lying next to a tropical swamp for a week.
This is clearly going to require a fairly hefty barrage of water to dislodge, but the morons that decide to put in the water saving flushes clearly have not anticipated this scenario. One would expect that a vegetarian diet (one that no doubt they are familiar with), rich in fibre and pulses produces a sort of composty silage that breaks up instantly whne it enters the pan. A 25ml dash of water from the cistern amply disposes of this. But not mine, not this morning.
Eight times I tried to get the b
d to move. Eight times the cistern chuckled at me as it refilled in a fraction of a second. Yet still, as I gazed sadly in to the pan, I was mocked by the curly tail of last week's suppers, rising eerily out of the tainted water like the sword of excalibur.Because of this, the trap capacity in my office is down by 10% until the plumbers come. Productivity is ruined, water is wasted, and all for nothing.
The installers, in their infinite yet misguided wisdom, decided that it would be better to have one of those switches you wave your hands in front of to trigger what they laughably describe as the flush. There is no dump option, no way to shift the cocoa coloured dreadnought that lay beached on the porcelain.
It's annoying for me, but my real sympathy is with the poor soul that was dispatched to deal with it. The idea of having to hack at it with some sort of cutting device and then persuade it with a plunger to depart to the seaside, fair turns my stomach. He's a braver man than I.
This has cheered me up no end after a rough day / evening editing. Thanks.
Dr Murdoch said:
RobinOakapple said:
Well, to be fair, he did admit to having a child of his cry for an hour each way...
Hmm, we that makes the child an aholeIt must be a sure sign they'll never became well-built company director material.
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