My grandad died tonight.
Discussion
I've never felt so empty in my life 
Collapsed at home in the bathroom, my gran called the neighbours and 999 and paramedics spent almost an hour trying to resuscitate him but took him to hospital and they called it at 9.05pm
I'm truly truly gutted, my dad left when I was 6 months old, my grandad was my 'dad' and taught me about cars, women, right and wrong.
Any ideas on how to cope for the next few days would be appreciated, especially the funeral
Collapsed at home in the bathroom, my gran called the neighbours and 999 and paramedics spent almost an hour trying to resuscitate him but took him to hospital and they called it at 9.05pm
I'm truly truly gutted, my dad left when I was 6 months old, my grandad was my 'dad' and taught me about cars, women, right and wrong.
Any ideas on how to cope for the next few days would be appreciated, especially the funeral
Truly sorry to hear that mate, I doubt there's any advice on here that can help a great deal to be honest.
I think with things like this you've just got to hope that time will help you come to terms with it, and of course be there for your gran who will no doubt be devastated as well.
I think with things like this you've just got to hope that time will help you come to terms with it, and of course be there for your gran who will no doubt be devastated as well.
Mate, it's inevitable. Comes to us all. Don't dwell too much on the loss, but the knowledge he imparted to you, the lessons he taught you and the time you spent with him.
Time will heal, meanwhile, be strong for those who may feel his passing more. I don't mean to sound callous, but doing him proud by supporting your ma who have lost one of their parents,understanding how they feel and being strong is the best way you can honour your Grandad.
Sorry for your loss, but he's resting now, reuniting with old friends, looking down and I'm sure he was happy and proud of you as a grandson as much as you were of him as a Grandfather.
Be strong, and remember to love those that you love fiercely.
Time will heal, meanwhile, be strong for those who may feel his passing more. I don't mean to sound callous, but doing him proud by supporting your ma who have lost one of their parents,understanding how they feel and being strong is the best way you can honour your Grandad.
Sorry for your loss, but he's resting now, reuniting with old friends, looking down and I'm sure he was happy and proud of you as a grandson as much as you were of him as a Grandfather.
Be strong, and remember to love those that you love fiercely.
I'm sorry to hear it, I lost my gran a few years ago who was like a second mum, and it was hard.
I've rethought the advice I was going to give a few times, as there isn't any real catch all, I found normality helped me grieve, being there for my family. We kinda grieved together.
Just be there for your gran, he was obviously a great man in your eyes, and no doubt in hers too. The grieving will just come along naturally.
I've rethought the advice I was going to give a few times, as there isn't any real catch all, I found normality helped me grieve, being there for my family. We kinda grieved together.
Just be there for your gran, he was obviously a great man in your eyes, and no doubt in hers too. The grieving will just come along naturally.
sorry for your loss. Take it as warning as to how short life is; do what you want to do now before it is too late.
people handle it in different ways, I have only visited the grave of my beloved brother a handful of times in 22 years (i think of him pretty much every day), do what's right for you.
people handle it in different ways, I have only visited the grave of my beloved brother a handful of times in 22 years (i think of him pretty much every day), do what's right for you.
Gosh. Sorry to hear.
I lost both my parents at a (comparatively) young age, and from that experience my advice for 'just getting through the next few days' would be to treat the immediate situation and funeral like a work project. De-personalising it helped me, when I was simply overwhelmed by emotion.
Be prepared to feel extraordinarily tired throughout the whole thing, but try and get some sleep, and eat well. Your body/mind are extraordinarily good at 'parceling out' grief, when you are ready to cope with it.
Look to the future, and try to plan a treat for yourself/nearest and dearest when 'this' is all over.
Meanwhile, big hug.
I lost both my parents at a (comparatively) young age, and from that experience my advice for 'just getting through the next few days' would be to treat the immediate situation and funeral like a work project. De-personalising it helped me, when I was simply overwhelmed by emotion.
Be prepared to feel extraordinarily tired throughout the whole thing, but try and get some sleep, and eat well. Your body/mind are extraordinarily good at 'parceling out' grief, when you are ready to cope with it.
Look to the future, and try to plan a treat for yourself/nearest and dearest when 'this' is all over.
Meanwhile, big hug.
Thanks for all the kind words everyone.
Amazing how all the 'what ifs' come out now, I was going to visit him today but didnt feel well earlier (I had an operation this morning) so put it off til tomorrow morning, what if I'd gone? What if I'd been there with him? Could I have done something to save him?
I know my whole family is saying the same thing, it's my stepdads birthday today so he and my mum were out when they got the call from my gran, what if they'd been at home (1 mile along the road) could they have saved him?
It's all hypothetical but it makes me angry that such an awesome man has gone from all of our lives
This is the first death close to home I've ever had to deal with and at almost 30 I thought I'd cope with it when it did happen but it's harder than I ever imagined
Amazing how all the 'what ifs' come out now, I was going to visit him today but didnt feel well earlier (I had an operation this morning) so put it off til tomorrow morning, what if I'd gone? What if I'd been there with him? Could I have done something to save him?
I know my whole family is saying the same thing, it's my stepdads birthday today so he and my mum were out when they got the call from my gran, what if they'd been at home (1 mile along the road) could they have saved him?
It's all hypothetical but it makes me angry that such an awesome man has gone from all of our lives
This is the first death close to home I've ever had to deal with and at almost 30 I thought I'd cope with it when it did happen but it's harder than I ever imagined
My commiserations .
It's only really possible to think about moving on after the funeral - it's 'closure' of a sort - and until then you'll feel like you're in limbo (and you probably are - it's a very strange feeling!).
Bad times, but the feeling of inertia - of being trapped by what's just happened - will quite likely stay until the funeral has passed, and this is reasonably normal and very frustrating.
After the funeral - or even now - ask yourself how you would eat an elephant. The answer is "mouthful by mouthful"
, and this has to be dealt with in small chunks if it's not to become all-enveloping at the cost of debilitating depression. Losing someone so close is NOT easy, and your world will never be the same again (although a near copy is available in time [the length of which is unspecified and unique to you ] ) .
Take it easy, take time out to enjoy things and do try to remember the many good times - hard though they will be able to see past the horror of this evening. The good times shared will eventually overpower the thoughts and memories of tonight - in time (as above) .
And please do let us know how you steer(ed) through the emotionally choppy waters ahead
.
. It's only really possible to think about moving on after the funeral - it's 'closure' of a sort - and until then you'll feel like you're in limbo (and you probably are - it's a very strange feeling!).
Bad times, but the feeling of inertia - of being trapped by what's just happened - will quite likely stay until the funeral has passed, and this is reasonably normal and very frustrating.
After the funeral - or even now - ask yourself how you would eat an elephant. The answer is "mouthful by mouthful"
, and this has to be dealt with in small chunks if it's not to become all-enveloping at the cost of debilitating depression. Losing someone so close is NOT easy, and your world will never be the same again (although a near copy is available in time [the length of which is unspecified and unique to you ] ) .Take it easy, take time out to enjoy things and do try to remember the many good times - hard though they will be able to see past the horror of this evening. The good times shared will eventually overpower the thoughts and memories of tonight - in time (as above)
.And please do let us know how you steer(ed) through the emotionally choppy waters ahead
.My condolences.
Reminds me of mine who died 3 years ago,felt so unreal as i've never had a death of a family member or a close relative till then,i feel so empty even now when i remind of him but never talked with anyone,i've also promised him to take a ride in my new car then when he got better.
Life goes on.
Reminds me of mine who died 3 years ago,felt so unreal as i've never had a death of a family member or a close relative till then,i feel so empty even now when i remind of him but never talked with anyone,i've also promised him to take a ride in my new car then when he got better.
Life goes on.
Sorry for your loss - there is no easy way to get through it.
My advice in the short term is to mourn and grieve, get angry, don't bottle it up its all part of a natural process. The funeral will help (though you won't realise it at the time) its the beginning of accepting he's gone.
Longer term, remember him as he was the man who raised you and obviously cared a great deal about you, be glad you had someone like that in your life and carry him with you in the things you say and do each day.
Good luck to you.
My advice in the short term is to mourn and grieve, get angry, don't bottle it up its all part of a natural process. The funeral will help (though you won't realise it at the time) its the beginning of accepting he's gone.
Longer term, remember him as he was the man who raised you and obviously cared a great deal about you, be glad you had someone like that in your life and carry him with you in the things you say and do each day.
Good luck to you.
Sorry for your loss.
Its very hard when you lose someone this special, its clear he was more than just your grandad, he was also like your dad, and your best mate all rolled into 1.
As hard as its going to be right now, I bet he would want you to step up and be strong for your family, to get everybody through what is a very difficult time. With the guidance he has given you through life, I'm sure your the man he would want to be strong, and help your loved ones get through this.
Don't bottle your own feelings up though right now, if you've got good friends, they can be a great help, a good shoulder to cry on. Talk with them, and let it all out. I lost my dad a year ago, and my close friends really helped me through what was a very difficult time.
I won't kid you, the service and funeral are hard. Our family isn't religious, but the minister we had was fantastic, and a big help before and on the day, and made the service more of a celebration of my dads life, how special he was and what he meant to everyone that was there, that day.
Don't know if this helps, or if its possible, but maybe you could pick a song to be played at the service.
My dad was big on his music, so I was very specific that I wanted this part of the service to be right, and it was. Meant alot to me personally, and to this day I still struggle to listen to the acoustic version of, "my hero." By the foo fighters.
After the service, if your having a wake, this can be a big help. A good chance for everyone to remember your grandad in their own way, I'm sure there would be some great stories and before you know it you could be smiling again, after listening to others stories and thoughts and reflections of your grandad.
Hth, and sorry again for your loss
Its very hard when you lose someone this special, its clear he was more than just your grandad, he was also like your dad, and your best mate all rolled into 1.
As hard as its going to be right now, I bet he would want you to step up and be strong for your family, to get everybody through what is a very difficult time. With the guidance he has given you through life, I'm sure your the man he would want to be strong, and help your loved ones get through this.
Don't bottle your own feelings up though right now, if you've got good friends, they can be a great help, a good shoulder to cry on. Talk with them, and let it all out. I lost my dad a year ago, and my close friends really helped me through what was a very difficult time.
I won't kid you, the service and funeral are hard. Our family isn't religious, but the minister we had was fantastic, and a big help before and on the day, and made the service more of a celebration of my dads life, how special he was and what he meant to everyone that was there, that day.
Don't know if this helps, or if its possible, but maybe you could pick a song to be played at the service.
My dad was big on his music, so I was very specific that I wanted this part of the service to be right, and it was. Meant alot to me personally, and to this day I still struggle to listen to the acoustic version of, "my hero." By the foo fighters.
After the service, if your having a wake, this can be a big help. A good chance for everyone to remember your grandad in their own way, I'm sure there would be some great stories and before you know it you could be smiling again, after listening to others stories and thoughts and reflections of your grandad.
Hth, and sorry again for your loss
Cheers again for the advice, it really is helping my brain process it all.
My gran is ok, she was so worked up when we got there because she was upset she couldn't do Anything for him
The paramedics said his heart still had some electrical impulses but they just couldn't bring him round.
It was horrifying watching them try and bring him round for so long on the bathroom floor
I'm glad I got to see him in the hospital though, my family let me have a minute with him before we left and I told him how much I loved him, that I'll carry on being everything he's helped me to be. It all feels very numb at the moment, maybe it will sink in tomorrow.
I really want to sleep but just can't. I am the most emotionally stable member of the family, I just hope work is understanding that I might not be 100%, my manager knows how close we were though.
He was a big fan of Hank Marvin and The Shadows and Cliff, so there will be some of that played, maybe Apache (his favourite) as we're leaving the church.
The thing about my grandad is that he was always a joker, he just wanted to make people smile. He'd probably want to be buried in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt
lets see if my gran allows it!!!
Just writing this down is really helping. I know it won't feel better overnight but I know he'd want me to keep my chin up and remember all the fun we had together
My gran is ok, she was so worked up when we got there because she was upset she couldn't do Anything for him
The paramedics said his heart still had some electrical impulses but they just couldn't bring him round.
It was horrifying watching them try and bring him round for so long on the bathroom floor
I'm glad I got to see him in the hospital though, my family let me have a minute with him before we left and I told him how much I loved him, that I'll carry on being everything he's helped me to be. It all feels very numb at the moment, maybe it will sink in tomorrow.
I really want to sleep but just can't. I am the most emotionally stable member of the family, I just hope work is understanding that I might not be 100%, my manager knows how close we were though.
He was a big fan of Hank Marvin and The Shadows and Cliff, so there will be some of that played, maybe Apache (his favourite) as we're leaving the church.
The thing about my grandad is that he was always a joker, he just wanted to make people smile. He'd probably want to be buried in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt
lets see if my gran allows it!!!Just writing this down is really helping. I know it won't feel better overnight but I know he'd want me to keep my chin up and remember all the fun we had together
My Dad passed three years ago.
We, his four sons, made his funeral a celebration of his life and prepared a program that told 'his story'.
It really helped us to deal with the sadness.
The only problem was that, for me, the sadness has a volume. With my Mom it was short but very deep and painful but with my Dad it was not so deep but has stretched out over the years.
Your Grandmother needs your strength now. Its time for you to say thank you and make your Grandad proud by supporting your Grandmother.
We, his four sons, made his funeral a celebration of his life and prepared a program that told 'his story'.
It really helped us to deal with the sadness.
The only problem was that, for me, the sadness has a volume. With my Mom it was short but very deep and painful but with my Dad it was not so deep but has stretched out over the years.
Your Grandmother needs your strength now. Its time for you to say thank you and make your Grandad proud by supporting your Grandmother.
Edited by so called on Friday 5th July 06:56
Butter Face said:
I really want to sleep but just can't. I am the most emotionally stable member of the family, I just hope work is understanding that I might not be 100%, my manager knows how close we were though.
Condolences mate. Its bloody hard and like others have said, just remember the good times.As for work, in situations like this, I always think "sod them, family comes first". I wouldn't even give work a second thought apart from informing them of what's happened and that you will be off until you feel ready to come back.
When I lost the man who was a second father to me I focused totally on other things until the funeral. That day I didn't sit around at the wake drinking like everyone else, I considered myself a taxi service. As soon as it was finished I broke down and cried in the car, I'm not ashamed to admit.
I got home, had a quiet beer and a scotch alone (he always liked a scotch) and reflected. It was the best thing I think I could have done, I think. The grief came suddenly in one evening rather than gradually torturing me.
I got home, had a quiet beer and a scotch alone (he always liked a scotch) and reflected. It was the best thing I think I could have done, I think. The grief came suddenly in one evening rather than gradually torturing me.
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