My grandad died tonight.
Discussion
My dad passed away when I was 11 and my mum when I was 33 and I am now 44. People will say to you that time is a great healer and it really is. You never stop missing them but after a while you find yourself remembering the good times more than missing them if that makes sense.
My sincere condolences to you and your family.
My sincere condolences to you and your family.
Sorry to hear of your loss.
As others have said, times does help, but make sure you take the time to actually give yourself time to reflect and come to terms with it.
My dad died unexpectedly when I was 19. He handled all of the bills etc. and my mum was in bits. I ended up organising pretty much everything. That was great as it kept me busy and stretched. But when it was all over everyone else had had time to comes to terms with it and I bottled up my emotions.
I didn't realise how much I'd bottled up until probably 20 years later.
So, take time for you as you need it and find some good people to talk to - friends, family etc.
Oh, and don't blame yourself. Death is sadly an inevitable part of living. Celebrate what a great guy your grandad was and remember the good stuff. We all go at some time, hopefully after a long and fruitful life.
As others have said, times does help, but make sure you take the time to actually give yourself time to reflect and come to terms with it.
My dad died unexpectedly when I was 19. He handled all of the bills etc. and my mum was in bits. I ended up organising pretty much everything. That was great as it kept me busy and stretched. But when it was all over everyone else had had time to comes to terms with it and I bottled up my emotions.
I didn't realise how much I'd bottled up until probably 20 years later.
So, take time for you as you need it and find some good people to talk to - friends, family etc.
Oh, and don't blame yourself. Death is sadly an inevitable part of living. Celebrate what a great guy your grandad was and remember the good stuff. We all go at some time, hopefully after a long and fruitful life.
Ok, my grandad was more if a dad than my dad was, sorry for your loss, as for coping, we just do somehow, had a conversation about heroes with the missus of the back of a tv show the other day, no hesitation my grandad was my hero, thinking of him even ten years after his passing makes me smile and also well up with tears for still missing him.
Cheers all for the comments.
I've been to my grans with the rest of the family this morning, we've all laughed and cried together.
Sorted out a few bits with the funeral director and decided he'd want to be cremated and then buried with his son who died at 17.
So many things to sort out and so many people to call!!
I've been to my grans with the rest of the family this morning, we've all laughed and cried together.
Sorted out a few bits with the funeral director and decided he'd want to be cremated and then buried with his son who died at 17.
So many things to sort out and so many people to call!!
I lost my Dad 4 years ago and my life has taken-on a sense of unreality I cannot shake. My children and remaining family support me, as they support each other. Our lives are happy - we don't dwell on Dad's loss - but we often wish he was with us, watching us.
Some of the family are religious but I am not. When he died, I wished that I believed in an afterlife but it's not "me". I don't, therefore his loss is total to me.
My grandparents are both 93yo and I am dreading the day...
Truly sorry for your loss.
Some of the family are religious but I am not. When he died, I wished that I believed in an afterlife but it's not "me". I don't, therefore his loss is total to me.
My grandparents are both 93yo and I am dreading the day...
Truly sorry for your loss.
I'm really sorry for your loss. Your Grandad will be fine and will not want you to mourn. My Dad was ill last year and his last words before he deteriorated, and later passed away, was to say that he didn't want anyone to cry for him. There's no chance of that, but for my Dad to RIP I try to celebrate his life rather than mourn his death.
All the best.
All the best.
I still have all of my grandparents who are in their 90s now but 2 years ago my dad past away unexpectedly. I will never forget that day the ambulance came and stayed a while parked on the drive. I remember looking out the kitchen window watching the back of it, moving up and down whilst they were trying to get his heart started.
The rest of that week went past like a blur, trying to organise things tell friends and family it hit my brother in Australia hard as he hadn’t seen dad for a year. On top of all this 2 weeks after dads death and 30 years marriage to my mum she met someone else, the Christmas to follow was awkward with her and her new partner and dads parents around the same table.
But S**T happens and life goes on I still think of him every day, and I’m just thankful for the time I had with my dad. He always said to me “If when your grown up you can look back and tell me, you had a good childhood I would have done my job right”, and I can honestly say I did.
The rest of that week went past like a blur, trying to organise things tell friends and family it hit my brother in Australia hard as he hadn’t seen dad for a year. On top of all this 2 weeks after dads death and 30 years marriage to my mum she met someone else, the Christmas to follow was awkward with her and her new partner and dads parents around the same table.
But S**T happens and life goes on I still think of him every day, and I’m just thankful for the time I had with my dad. He always said to me “If when your grown up you can look back and tell me, you had a good childhood I would have done my job right”, and I can honestly say I did.
I have recently been through this myself, I lost my Nanna 30th April.
I found the best way for me to cope was (and still is) to concentrate on my Dad, make sure he's ok, call him often to let him know I am thinking of him, ask him if he needs anything and try to keep him busy.
It will always hurt but I promise it will get easier
I found the best way for me to cope was (and still is) to concentrate on my Dad, make sure he's ok, call him often to let him know I am thinking of him, ask him if he needs anything and try to keep him busy.
It will always hurt but I promise it will get easier
I lost my Mum in December, it is true what people say it does get better with time. I was surprised how different members of my family coped with the grief. One sister who is now taking tablets for depression-she would not stop crying and her other half had to call a doctor out to give her some sedatives. My other sister took to the bottle in a serious way. My brother was angry a
hole who would flip out at the slightest thing.
I buried my head into the organising of the funeral to let my Dad grieve in his own quiet way. Which is what he wanted to do.
There is no rule as to what you should say and do at times like this but you have to do what you feel is right. As others have said if you want to cry ,then do it if you want to laugh then that's fine to. If you want to go to the pub for a beer on your own then you know what-your allowed.
I went to see Mum at the funeral directors this is a decision that I truly regret as now can not get that image out of my head.
Friends are true help in times like this and I found out how fantastic my friends really could be.
7 months on and I miss her like crazy but it gets easier as each week passes- that being said I'm having a couple of tears writing this.
Be there for your Nan as the next few weeks will be really tough for her- even if its just going out for a drive- I'm sure she will appreciate getting out the house.
hole who would flip out at the slightest thing. I buried my head into the organising of the funeral to let my Dad grieve in his own quiet way. Which is what he wanted to do.
There is no rule as to what you should say and do at times like this but you have to do what you feel is right. As others have said if you want to cry ,then do it if you want to laugh then that's fine to. If you want to go to the pub for a beer on your own then you know what-your allowed.
I went to see Mum at the funeral directors this is a decision that I truly regret as now can not get that image out of my head.
Friends are true help in times like this and I found out how fantastic my friends really could be.
7 months on and I miss her like crazy but it gets easier as each week passes- that being said I'm having a couple of tears writing this.
Be there for your Nan as the next few weeks will be really tough for her- even if its just going out for a drive- I'm sure she will appreciate getting out the house.
Ahhh Moneypenny said:
MentalSarcasm said:
Sorry to hear about your loss 
No advice really, except don't be afraid to cry when you need to, bottling things up will only make them worse in the long run.
This, and sorry for your loss hun No advice really, except don't be afraid to cry when you need to, bottling things up will only make them worse in the long run.Don't go tormenting yourself about the hows, whys and what ifs.
[quote=
Your Grandmother needs your strength now. Its time for you to say thank you and make your Grandad proud by supporting your Grandmother.
[/quote]
This. Be around for her and your Mum, you will have to (gently) become his role to both of them,
Talk to them both about sorting out his finances etc, you may need professional help with this, you may decide that having LPA for your grandma may help her if your granddad looked after all the bills, etc. I only mention this because once you register his death, the banks etc will have to be told and if you're not careful, they can close or put a temporary stop on accounts which may have direct debits etc on them, which can cause untold, unwarranted grief.
Work should allow you some time off to sort his stuff out, so concentrate on this side of it and the funeral. Then, when all the bru-ha-ha settles down, you can start to deal with your part of his loss. It might sound hard, but that's just what I've had to do for my Dad who died in March. Luckily, I had most of Dad's finances in order, but even then, had the main bank account not been in joint names, there could have been a real mess.
My sympathies.
maggit
Your Grandmother needs your strength now. Its time for you to say thank you and make your Grandad proud by supporting your Grandmother.
Edited by so called on Friday 5th July 06:56
[/quote]
This. Be around for her and your Mum, you will have to (gently) become his role to both of them,
Talk to them both about sorting out his finances etc, you may need professional help with this, you may decide that having LPA for your grandma may help her if your granddad looked after all the bills, etc. I only mention this because once you register his death, the banks etc will have to be told and if you're not careful, they can close or put a temporary stop on accounts which may have direct debits etc on them, which can cause untold, unwarranted grief.
Work should allow you some time off to sort his stuff out, so concentrate on this side of it and the funeral. Then, when all the bru-ha-ha settles down, you can start to deal with your part of his loss. It might sound hard, but that's just what I've had to do for my Dad who died in March. Luckily, I had most of Dad's finances in order, but even then, had the main bank account not been in joint names, there could have been a real mess.
My sympathies.
maggit
Luckily my gran has always dealt with the finances, she's worried about money though as gramps had pensions etc which need to be sorted.
I've already sorted his motability car to go back next week, at least that's something I can sort out.
We've sorted a few note things out for the funeral, he's being cremated and buried and then we'll have the wake at my mums house. We've decided no black clothes, he'd never want us to all turn up being morbid!!
I've really appreciated all of the kind words and advice, today has been easier than I expected.
I've already sorted his motability car to go back next week, at least that's something I can sort out.
We've sorted a few note things out for the funeral, he's being cremated and buried and then we'll have the wake at my mums house. We've decided no black clothes, he'd never want us to all turn up being morbid!!
I've really appreciated all of the kind words and advice, today has been easier than I expected.
Time is the only healer, take comfort in the many fond memories you clearly have.
I'm only 34 and have lost my dad, all four grand parents, an uncle, one of my closest mates, and two friends. I found in the initial stages the best way to deal with it is to be honest with your emotions and don't be too proud to cry it out!
My thoughts are with you and your family, it will get easier.
I'm only 34 and have lost my dad, all four grand parents, an uncle, one of my closest mates, and two friends. I found in the initial stages the best way to deal with it is to be honest with your emotions and don't be too proud to cry it out!
My thoughts are with you and your family, it will get easier.
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