Neighbours, their kids, the things you hear......
Discussion
Not normally one to post about neighbourly goings-on, least of all because of the plethora of "Set fire to their cat" style of responses, but.....
Situation is, next door is your typical nuclear family. Mum, Dad and two bin lids, aged three years and the other about three months.
Dad is a slightly cocky lad about town type although likeable enough, and works away a few days during the week. Hardly ever see the mum, but when we do she just seems stressed, tired, and totally dominated by the three year old. Lots of "Stop that", "Will you behave", "I've told you once now stop it" and "Put that down" etc.
From what I've seen, the little lad is a handful and a half. Yells at his mum all the time, deliberately stamps his feet round the house (the most annoying bit for us as we get to hear it
), and yesterday I caught the little s
t beating the crap out of our fence with a length of timber for no other reason than because he could.
Wow, that's what three year olds do, I hear you say.
Ok, so today, there was the usual game of "stamping up and down the stairs", followed by the daily ritual of "slamming my bedroom door until mum says stop" then more stamping up and down the stairs. This started the baby crying, which in turn set the mum yelling at the three year old, which in turn resulted in yet more stamping up and down the stairs, followed by a bedroom door slamming upstairs, then the sound of the mum sobbing her eyes out, with the baby still crying, for around half an hour.
Two issues here.......mum doesn't seem to be able to cope (and there's a less-than-year old baby involved) and their little st of a three year old is becoming a fking nuisance, for us as much as them.
So, say something (and to whom?), or just STFU and keep well out of it?
Got my own ideas, just wondered if I'm in line with the rest of PH/humanity.
Situation is, next door is your typical nuclear family. Mum, Dad and two bin lids, aged three years and the other about three months.
Dad is a slightly cocky lad about town type although likeable enough, and works away a few days during the week. Hardly ever see the mum, but when we do she just seems stressed, tired, and totally dominated by the three year old. Lots of "Stop that", "Will you behave", "I've told you once now stop it" and "Put that down" etc.
From what I've seen, the little lad is a handful and a half. Yells at his mum all the time, deliberately stamps his feet round the house (the most annoying bit for us as we get to hear it
), and yesterday I caught the little st beating the crap out of our fence with a length of timber for no other reason than because he could.Wow, that's what three year olds do, I hear you say.
Ok, so today, there was the usual game of "stamping up and down the stairs", followed by the daily ritual of "slamming my bedroom door until mum says stop" then more stamping up and down the stairs. This started the baby crying, which in turn set the mum yelling at the three year old, which in turn resulted in yet more stamping up and down the stairs, followed by a bedroom door slamming upstairs, then the sound of the mum sobbing her eyes out, with the baby still crying, for around half an hour.
Two issues here.......mum doesn't seem to be able to cope (and there's a less-than-year old baby involved) and their little s
t of a three year old is becoming a fking nuisance, for us as much as them.So, say something (and to whom?), or just STFU and keep well out of it?
Got my own ideas, just wondered if I'm in line with the rest of PH/humanity.
At one stage I removed the bedroom door from one of the childrens bedrooms, as I had threatened to do if they slammed it one more time.
Got the screwdrive and took it off. Worked a treat.
Kids can be very stressful and have lots of stages. However one thing for sure, yelling at the often results in them yelling back. They just become de sensitised to it.
If you are a socialable type of person, then why not pop round and say hello, often parents get caught in the war and fail to step back and see the bigger picture, adult conversation and company can really help.
plus if hubby is away alot .....;)
Got the screwdrive and took it off. Worked a treat.
Kids can be very stressful and have lots of stages. However one thing for sure, yelling at the often results in them yelling back. They just become de sensitised to it.
If you are a socialable type of person, then why not pop round and say hello, often parents get caught in the war and fail to step back and see the bigger picture, adult conversation and company can really help.
plus if hubby is away alot .....;)
Crossflow Kid said:
Thing is, the dad seems reasonable enough. Just not sure he knows the full picture.
what about inviting them over for a meal and getting to know them without the kids, then when you get to know them better open a conversation about how tough it can be to have kids and see if the wife starts to open up, do you have a partner could she offer a shoulder to lean on?
The older one is coming to terms with the fact he's no longer mums (and dads, but to a lesser extent) centre of attention and his new little brother/sister is the cause of this.
So what you're seeing (well, hearing mostly) is basically attention seeking to try and swing the balance back to how it was. It will pass, hopefully, as he re-adjusts.
Choose your words carefully if you decide to have words with the mother. It's probably not worth exploring that avenue anyway as she's well aware of what a little st the lad currently is.
So what you're seeing (well, hearing mostly) is basically attention seeking to try and swing the balance back to how it was. It will pass, hopefully, as he re-adjusts.
Choose your words carefully if you decide to have words with the mother. It's probably not worth exploring that avenue anyway as she's well aware of what a little s
t the lad currently is.We're very lucky where we live. The next door neighbours are just a couple no kids. But have loads of family with kids who are always around. They make plenty of noise. But good noise, it's nice to hear them playing and having fun. Very polite kids too. Same story with the kids across the road, always playing and making noise but never in a bad way. Unless you're really hungover!
Wow, sounds like a regular mum doing her best on her own with two very young kids probably on very little sleep. You have just described about 80% of all the mums I know!
Those that didn't yell at the kids were either incredibly and annoying so chilled out it was almost beyond possible and the others had husbands or mothers at home helping.
The only thing to do was as someone said offer the odd bit of help. Wen you go shopping pop in and ask if they need anything etc.
And as for you moaning she is telling her three year old off. NEWSFLASH! Three olds don't bloody listen and if she didn't tell him off now you'd be looking at a whole load of troublesome teenagers later.
Leave her alone, sounds like she is doing a good job.
Those that didn't yell at the kids were either incredibly and annoying so chilled out it was almost beyond possible and the others had husbands or mothers at home helping.
The only thing to do was as someone said offer the odd bit of help. Wen you go shopping pop in and ask if they need anything etc.
And as for you moaning she is telling her three year old off. NEWSFLASH! Three olds don't bloody listen and if she didn't tell him off now you'd be looking at a whole load of troublesome teenagers later.
Leave her alone, sounds like she is doing a good job.
At face value it sounds pretty normal really. You'd have to be more involved with the family to know if the mother is just doing what mums do or if she's seriously finding it too much.
To go round and complain or pass judgement without having any idea of what kids can be like or without getting to know the mother better they'd probably tell you to Foxtrot Oscar!
To go round and complain or pass judgement without having any idea of what kids can be like or without getting to know the mother better they'd probably tell you to Foxtrot Oscar!
Lemmonie said:
Wow, sounds like a regular mum doing her best on her own with two very young kids probably on very little sleep. You have just described about 80% of all the mums I know!
Those that didn't yell at the kids were either incredibly and annoying so chilled out it was almost beyond possible and the others had husbands or mothers at home helping.
The only thing to do was as someone said offer the odd bit of help. Wen you go shopping pop in and ask if they need anything etc.
And as for you moaning she is telling her three year old off. NEWSFLASH! Three olds don't bloody listen and if she didn't tell him off now you'd be looking at a whole load of troublesome teenagers later.
Leave her alone, sounds like she is doing a good job.
Mostly agree with this. We've got 2 under 2 and the eldest is quite spirited. My other half generally copes really well, but it's definitely hard work. We get on well with our neighbours and they appreciate how it can be and also insist that they've never heard the kids (despite the fact that we can hear their dog barking all day). Those that didn't yell at the kids were either incredibly and annoying so chilled out it was almost beyond possible and the others had husbands or mothers at home helping.
The only thing to do was as someone said offer the odd bit of help. Wen you go shopping pop in and ask if they need anything etc.
And as for you moaning she is telling her three year old off. NEWSFLASH! Three olds don't bloody listen and if she didn't tell him off now you'd be looking at a whole load of troublesome teenagers later.
Leave her alone, sounds like she is doing a good job.
It would probably be worth chatting to the dad, but just be good natured about it and show sympathy to his missis rather than making it sound like it's causing you a problem. It sounds like the eldest is bored and probably just needs a little bit of attention and something to do. Perhaps you could offer to kick a ball around with him in the garden for half an hour so it takes a bit of pressure off the mum.
Lemmonie said:
Wow, sounds like a regular mum doing her best on her own with two very young kids probably on very little sleep. You have just described about 80% of all the mums I know!
Those that didn't yell at the kids were either incredibly and annoying so chilled out it was almost beyond possible and the others had husbands or mothers at home helping.
The only thing to do was as someone said offer the odd bit of help. Wen you go shopping pop in and ask if they need anything etc.
And as for you moaning she is telling her three year old off. NEWSFLASH! Three olds don't bloody listen and if she didn't tell him off now you'd be looking at a whole load of troublesome teenagers later.
Leave her alone, sounds like she is doing a good job.
Pretty much this. My gf has our three (5 months, 1 and 3) to look after by herself everyday. Sometimes she shouts at the eldest when the eldest in naughty. She's admitted to having a cry during the day when the stress seems too much. Shoulds like this kid is particularly stressful so it's no suprise the mother is aswell!Those that didn't yell at the kids were either incredibly and annoying so chilled out it was almost beyond possible and the others had husbands or mothers at home helping.
The only thing to do was as someone said offer the odd bit of help. Wen you go shopping pop in and ask if they need anything etc.
And as for you moaning she is telling her three year old off. NEWSFLASH! Three olds don't bloody listen and if she didn't tell him off now you'd be looking at a whole load of troublesome teenagers later.
Leave her alone, sounds like she is doing a good job.
Unless you hear anything like violence or the kids are look like they aren't being looked after I wouldn't do anything other than get to know them next door, be friendly and if you do become friends offter to help out.
If it was your three year old, how would you react to someone complaining? I'm sure if Mum knew how to get him to behave like an angel, she'd already be doing it.
I think the best you could manage is: "I don't want to complain, know you're doing your best. Can hear Johnny's tantrums etc. Obviously stressfull, anything we can do to help?"
I think the best you could manage is: "I don't want to complain, know you're doing your best. Can hear Johnny's tantrums etc. Obviously stressfull, anything we can do to help?"
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