Neighbours, their kids, the things you hear......
Discussion
Crossflow Kid said:
phil1979 said:
Have you got kids, OP?
How does that make an iota of difference? Never understand it as a defence in the unruly/noisy/pesky kids scenario..
Once you have done this, it is amazing how noises of other kids that used to bother you stop bothering you even one tiny bit.
No matter how strict a parent, a childs default state is to be loud and experiment with naughty stuff. 80% of any conversation with a child that age is telling it not to do stuff.
In short- it is in your own interest to accept that as the norm and that both parents are spending every minute of every day "trying to do something about it" already hence there is not one iota of difference you could make by saying anything.
She may well be overwhelmed or even suffering from Post Natal Depression.
Pop round and ask for her husband to come and see you when he's next home and describe what you are hearing to him and offer to help
He's away some times so doesn't experience the full magnitude of the problem and shes at home faced with the full magnitude 24/7.
He may adjust his hours or even just lend hand a bit more which will ease your situation and theirs as things should get calmer.
and finally.. these are children not adults and so have little or no social awareness. You are an adult so you should know how to make yourself more comfortable when an unchangeable situation (screaming kids, mother not coping too well) develops.
PS its bank holiday He'll be home so maybe the perfect timing for you to explain to him what you are hearing.
Pop round and ask for her husband to come and see you when he's next home and describe what you are hearing to him and offer to help
He's away some times so doesn't experience the full magnitude of the problem and shes at home faced with the full magnitude 24/7.
He may adjust his hours or even just lend hand a bit more which will ease your situation and theirs as things should get calmer.
and finally.. these are children not adults and so have little or no social awareness. You are an adult so you should know how to make yourself more comfortable when an unchangeable situation (screaming kids, mother not coping too well) develops.
PS its bank holiday He'll be home so maybe the perfect timing for you to explain to him what you are hearing.
hman said:
She may well be overwhelmed or even suffering from Post Natal Depression.
Pop round and ask for her husband to come and see you when he's next home and describe what you are hearing to him and offer to help
.
Are you serious?Pop round and ask for her husband to come and see you when he's next home and describe what you are hearing to him and offer to help
.
If my neighbour ushered me around to secretly tell me that my kids run up and down the stairs, make loud noises and my wife shouts at them I would look at him as though he was mental.
Why would you assume she has a mental condition based on these everyday events?
Sounds like the 3 year old is vying for attention, and needs stimulating a bit more. It's odd that you say you hardly see them, I'd expect she'd be in and out of the house all the time doing stuff with the kids? Do you know if he goes to any playgoup/pre school? Three year olds get funding for 15 hours per week for pre school, that should take some of the load of the mother.
blindswelledrat said:
If you had kids of your own you would know that you described every family in the world with two young children.
Once you have done this, it is amazing how noises of other kids that used to bother you stop bothering you even one tiny bit.
No matter how strict a parent, a childs default state is to be loud and experiment with naughty stuff. 80% of any conversation with a child that age is telling it not to do stuff.
In short- it is in your own interest to accept that as the norm and that both parents are spending every minute of every day "trying to do something about it" already hence there is not one iota of difference you could make by saying anything.
How do you know both parents are spending every minute of every day trying to do something about it? Besides, trying to do something and actually achieving something are very slightly different, and whilst I can sympathise with their efforts, the apparent results are less than endearing. After all, I'm "trying" to be the next James Bond.Once you have done this, it is amazing how noises of other kids that used to bother you stop bothering you even one tiny bit.
No matter how strict a parent, a childs default state is to be loud and experiment with naughty stuff. 80% of any conversation with a child that age is telling it not to do stuff.
In short- it is in your own interest to accept that as the norm and that both parents are spending every minute of every day "trying to do something about it" already hence there is not one iota of difference you could make by saying anything.
And how do you know what we're experiencing is "normal" without actually experiencing it yourself?
I'm aware of what kids will do and what they're like at certain ages, because although we don't have any there are some of varying ages in the family.
What comes echoing through the walls, day in, day out, is not "normal".
And please just stop with the "If you had kids you'd understand" thing.
Edited by anonymous-user on Friday 23 August 17:45
Shouting at kids never creates better behaviour. It simply creates heightened energy states in both parent and child, and a vicious circle is formed.
Naughty step (consequences - shouting it not a consequence. Replace with loss of privileges as they get older) , calm controlled reasoning and explanations are what creates better behaviour and boundaries.
In our household, as hard as it is at times, shouting is reserved for prevention of harm (GET AWAY FROM THAT NOW!).
Not my doing, my other half studied child development, so taught me. Bloody hell it's tricky at times, but we simply do not have the issues that the OP hears, and others have said is normal. Teachers comment on how well adjusted they are, how they are able to reason very effectively at 6 and 8, and how they interact with their peers to influence them.
OP, maybe give them the gift of the supernanny boxset?
Naughty step (consequences - shouting it not a consequence. Replace with loss of privileges as they get older) , calm controlled reasoning and explanations are what creates better behaviour and boundaries.
In our household, as hard as it is at times, shouting is reserved for prevention of harm (GET AWAY FROM THAT NOW!).
Not my doing, my other half studied child development, so taught me. Bloody hell it's tricky at times, but we simply do not have the issues that the OP hears, and others have said is normal. Teachers comment on how well adjusted they are, how they are able to reason very effectively at 6 and 8, and how they interact with their peers to influence them.
OP, maybe give them the gift of the supernanny boxset?
Mum sounds like she has little support off the Dad and the 3 year old has had his world turned upside down by a new arrival, complaining to them or having a word wont help a stressed Mum, as suggested befriend her and give her some adult conversation, she is probably going nuts on her own with a 3 year old trying to get attention.
Crossflow Kid said:
Thing is, the dad seems reasonable enough. Just not sure he knows the full picture.
Have a quiet word "about the fence", tell him what you heard, ask if there is anything you can do ? Tell him to have a think about it, and get back to you. Do you have a wife/girl friend/mother/sister ? Get them to pop in "on the way to the shops"... offer to take lad to park to tire him out. etc
Make friends with them.
My wife used to plead with me not to go to work, and yet when I phoned my mum (who was retired) to come and help she told me it was church magazine week.
A neighbour contacted social services because our naughty step was five minutes in the porch. Health visitor came around and commented that was a fine idea.
I live in a Victorian two up two down, with a later (70's) extension on the rear downstairs for the bathroom.
In the summer I leave the back door open and one day after showering I pull back the curtain to find the neighbours 4yo girl sitting on my toilet, with her trousers by her ankles.
"What are you doing on my toilet!"
"A poo"
WTF!
I shut the door now. (Untill she's 16 anyway.)
Forgot to add, which was why I posted, I told her mum and she said "Oh yeah, she was doing my head in so I sent her round yours"
I can hear them now, "GET TO BED, 3, 2, 1, GO TO BED, 3, 2, 1..." etc etc.
I'm moving soon.
In the summer I leave the back door open and one day after showering I pull back the curtain to find the neighbours 4yo girl sitting on my toilet, with her trousers by her ankles.
"What are you doing on my toilet!"
"A poo"
WTF!
I shut the door now. (Untill she's 16 anyway.)
Forgot to add, which was why I posted, I told her mum and she said "Oh yeah, she was doing my head in so I sent her round yours"
I can hear them now, "GET TO BED, 3, 2, 1, GO TO BED, 3, 2, 1..." etc etc.
I'm moving soon.
Edited by GTIR on Friday 23 August 20:55
Edited by GTIR on Friday 23 August 20:56
someone on PH doesn't live in a house in its own grounds.;)GTIR said:
I live in a Victorian two up two down, with a later (70's) extension for the bathroom.
In the summer I leave the back door open and one day after showering I pull back the curtain to find the neuibours 4yo girl sitting on my toilet, with her trousers by her ankles.
"What are you doing on my toilet!"
"A poo"
WTF!
I shut the door now. (Untill she's 16 anyway.)
Good work, getting the defence in before the accusation. In the summer I leave the back door open and one day after showering I pull back the curtain to find the neuibours 4yo girl sitting on my toilet, with her trousers by her ankles.
"What are you doing on my toilet!"
"A poo"
WTF!
I shut the door now. (Untill she's 16 anyway.)
Papa Hotel said:
GTIR said:
I live in a Victorian two up two down, with a later (70's) extension for the bathroom.
In the summer I leave the back door open and one day after showering I pull back the curtain to find the neuibours 4yo girl sitting on my toilet, with her trousers by her ankles.
"What are you doing on my toilet!"
"A poo"
WTF!
I shut the door now. (Untill she's 16 anyway.)
Good work, getting the defence in before the accusation. In the summer I leave the back door open and one day after showering I pull back the curtain to find the neuibours 4yo girl sitting on my toilet, with her trousers by her ankles.
"What are you doing on my toilet!"
"A poo"
WTF!
I shut the door now. (Untill she's 16 anyway.)
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