Discussion
sider said:
Does it get any easier saying goodbye? Not sure i'm going to be able to deal with this every 6-12 months!
It depends on the bond you have, I have been fairly upset about kids we've only had for a week or two, even the tricky ones, and absolutely cut up about losing our first placement (9 months) despite him being a complete horror (when he wasn't being a little charmer...)Current lad just doesn't get it, just wants to be doing inappropriate stuff all day everyday. He sees his consequences as a fair price to pay for the exciting times, not realising how big his consequences are about to become very soon.
Quite tragic to watch, likeable enough lad, just heading the wrong way down the tracks of life...
vx220 said:
It depends on the bond you have, I have been fairly upset about kids we've only had for a week or two, even the tricky ones, and absolutely cut up about losing our first placement (9 months) despite him being a complete horror (when he wasn't being a little charmer...)
Current lad just doesn't get it, just wants to be doing inappropriate stuff all day everyday. He sees his consequences as a fair price to pay for the exciting times, not realising how big his consequences are about to become very soon.
Quite tragic to watch, likeable enough lad, just heading the wrong way down the tracks of life...
Feel for you - must be difficult to watch. Suppose you must just feel like making him sit down and realising what he's doing to his life and that there is a much better way. Current lad just doesn't get it, just wants to be doing inappropriate stuff all day everyday. He sees his consequences as a fair price to pay for the exciting times, not realising how big his consequences are about to become very soon.
Quite tragic to watch, likeable enough lad, just heading the wrong way down the tracks of life...
Fortunately, we've only ever fostered really young ones, only 2 so far, both absolute angels which is great when they're 'yours' but the way i feel this week about her going is terrible!
Never thought i'd be like this - fostering was very much the wife's want more than mine but i'm very much into it because of the 2 that we've had.
We've a break pencilled to take our own 3 away over summer - the little one was going to come but her adoption has been accelerating - but quite looking forward to September's new 'challenge' now.
I feel like a landlord atm
I guess by containing him, we're keeping him and others safe, even if only temporarily. Just wish he'd retain what we're telling him!
The funny thing is, he gets very irritated/annoyed/scared by people acting as he does, comes to us for advice, then gets fed up when we say "that's what you do"!!!
I guess by containing him, we're keeping him and others safe, even if only temporarily. Just wish he'd retain what we're telling him!
The funny thing is, he gets very irritated/annoyed/scared by people acting as he does, comes to us for advice, then gets fed up when we say "that's what you do"!!!
Well, she's gone!
New family collected her this morning and off she goes to her new life.
I was, and still am, a bag of emotion. The wife seemed to handle it slightly better but no doubt feeling it now sat in an empty house! New Mum and Dad only live around 10 miles/25 mins away so maybe we'll see her again sometime - we didn't see the last one so not holding out too much for that just in case.
Good luck to her - she's been an absolute star - even from Day 1 - not a single bit of trouble. Hardest bit of the whole 8 months has been last 6 weeks or so knowing that today was almost upon us. I really hoped initially not to have a foster child over Christmas, just hoped to keep that time between myself, the wife and our own 3 - but so it was and it was great - especially with it being her 1st Christmas.
Truly believe she's not missed anything in having us as family for her first 8 months and now moving on, and I'm sure she'll go on to be a talented and happy little girl!
New family collected her this morning and off she goes to her new life.
I was, and still am, a bag of emotion. The wife seemed to handle it slightly better but no doubt feeling it now sat in an empty house! New Mum and Dad only live around 10 miles/25 mins away so maybe we'll see her again sometime - we didn't see the last one so not holding out too much for that just in case.
Good luck to her - she's been an absolute star - even from Day 1 - not a single bit of trouble. Hardest bit of the whole 8 months has been last 6 weeks or so knowing that today was almost upon us. I really hoped initially not to have a foster child over Christmas, just hoped to keep that time between myself, the wife and our own 3 - but so it was and it was great - especially with it being her 1st Christmas.
Truly believe she's not missed anything in having us as family for her first 8 months and now moving on, and I'm sure she'll go on to be a talented and happy little girl!
I hope it's not annoying to resurrect this thread, but I just wanted to say that as a chap that is in the very early stages of looking into fostering, this thread has been the most useful thing I have read online so far.
There are various forums, but mostly almost unused and just people asking about accounts queries.
This has been proper anecdotal evidence; just what I needed to read. I must admit to a few particles of dust rising and causing a moist eye every now and again (thank you Sider!)
But yes. I haven't even contacted any agencies yet to discuss, but I am very keen.
I am a single chap, in my late thirties rattling around a 3 bed house on my own. I always have wanted children, i have brilliant relationships with all my friends kids, I am Father Christmas etc. I am just fed up with waiting, so I thought I would do something about it.
Thanks for the input!
There are various forums, but mostly almost unused and just people asking about accounts queries.
This has been proper anecdotal evidence; just what I needed to read. I must admit to a few particles of dust rising and causing a moist eye every now and again (thank you Sider!)
But yes. I haven't even contacted any agencies yet to discuss, but I am very keen.
I am a single chap, in my late thirties rattling around a 3 bed house on my own. I always have wanted children, i have brilliant relationships with all my friends kids, I am Father Christmas etc. I am just fed up with waiting, so I thought I would do something about it.
Thanks for the input!
Our last placement (the one I was talking about at the top of the page) has moved on, and will be our last. I'm now working for the same agency in our new residential unit. Same kind of kids, but more support, and even though I may be here for two or three days at a time, you know that at some point you'll have a break.
It was a shame we didn't feel like we could continue, but it no longer felt like we were making a difference and this opportunity arose at the right time.
Now I feel I am making a difference every day, as if one of them is being a spanner, one of the others will make up for that.
It was a shame we didn't feel like we could continue, but it no longer felt like we were making a difference and this opportunity arose at the right time.
Now I feel I am making a difference every day, as if one of them is being a spanner, one of the others will make up for that.
Fozziebear said:
We used to foster, until the child's social worker withheld important information that put our niece at risk of abuse
I missed this comment when it was posted, but for the record we found that social services deliberately withheld key information which would have prevented our eldest from being fostered. He needed a specialist placement - ideally residential school - but fostering is cheaper.You'd think there might be a clue in the fact that we refused to have him in our own house for the safety of our other children.
UPDATE FROM ME!
Child 1 (we had for 5 months) - Happily living with her Mum's sister and family on a farm in the middle of nowhere. Get Christmas cards and wife keeps in touch via Facebook. Happy to see.
Child 2 (we had for 8 months) - Happily with new adoptive family, Mum, Dad and new brother. Loving life and we're now godparents! Wife gets messages off new Mum daily updating us and we regularly meet.
Child 3 (had for 1 week) - Broke down with birth Mum after 6 months - she walked out and poor thing is back in the system but not with us.
Child 4 (we've had since birth, nearly 8 months) - Leaving us in 4 weeks. Absolutely gutted. Knew it would happy but kid is an absolute superstar - very easy to parent and such a happy little thing. Going to be a tough 4 weeks! As with Nr 1 and 2, we did consider adopting ourselves but we've 3 of our own and it's not why we do it.
Child 1 (we had for 5 months) - Happily living with her Mum's sister and family on a farm in the middle of nowhere. Get Christmas cards and wife keeps in touch via Facebook. Happy to see.
Child 2 (we had for 8 months) - Happily with new adoptive family, Mum, Dad and new brother. Loving life and we're now godparents! Wife gets messages off new Mum daily updating us and we regularly meet.
Child 3 (had for 1 week) - Broke down with birth Mum after 6 months - she walked out and poor thing is back in the system but not with us.
Child 4 (we've had since birth, nearly 8 months) - Leaving us in 4 weeks. Absolutely gutted. Knew it would happy but kid is an absolute superstar - very easy to parent and such a happy little thing. Going to be a tough 4 weeks! As with Nr 1 and 2, we did consider adopting ourselves but we've 3 of our own and it's not why we do it.
BBC1 tonight 9pm a drama starting which should be powerful viewing - 'Three Girls'.
It deals with the horrific grooming and exploitation of girls in the Rochdale area between 2008 -2012, made with the full co-operation of the girls the story centres on it will no doubt be a hard watch.
There are girls and in some cases boys all over the country who have been through experiences such as these and very often the kids will spend time in residential care and fostering.
Its incredible and heart-wrenching to think what some kids have to go through.
It deals with the horrific grooming and exploitation of girls in the Rochdale area between 2008 -2012, made with the full co-operation of the girls the story centres on it will no doubt be a hard watch.
There are girls and in some cases boys all over the country who have been through experiences such as these and very often the kids will spend time in residential care and fostering.
Its incredible and heart-wrenching to think what some kids have to go through.
Edited by Coneyhurst Blue on Tuesday 16th May 14:11
BoRED S2upid said:
How does childcare work? I guess one of you is a stay at home parent? Childcare is horrendously expensive and I'm guessing the fostering money wouldn't cover everything.
My wife effectively classes her 'job' as a foster carer and has no real desire to do anything else career wise. The fostering can be fairly full time - with meetings, healthcare appointments, contact with parents etc. Depends on the scenario i suppose. It actually works well for us - as her being at home means that if there's ever one of our own three kids ill off school, then we're sorted. Likewise, never miss a sports day, concert etc etc,FC nr 4 leaves us tomorrow and i'm absolutely devastated.
As with the others, become extremely fond of him and would do anything for him.
His new parents seem really nice - not sure how much involvement they want us to have in his life, hopefully some occasional contact from time to time as he's only 30 mins or so away. They've added us as friends on social media so hopefully we can see regular updates.
Dreading tomorrow morning when he leaves though - i really struggle with not showing my emotion and don't want to be blubbing too much in front of new Mum and Dad!
As with the others, become extremely fond of him and would do anything for him.
His new parents seem really nice - not sure how much involvement they want us to have in his life, hopefully some occasional contact from time to time as he's only 30 mins or so away. They've added us as friends on social media so hopefully we can see regular updates.
Dreading tomorrow morning when he leaves though - i really struggle with not showing my emotion and don't want to be blubbing too much in front of new Mum and Dad!
sider said:
FC nr 4 leaves us tomorrow and i'm absolutely devastated.
As with the others, become extremely fond of him and would do anything for him.
His new parents seem really nice - not sure how much involvement they want us to have in his life, hopefully some occasional contact from time to time as he's only 30 mins or so away. They've added us as friends on social media so hopefully we can see regular updates.
Dreading tomorrow morning when he leaves though - i really struggle with not showing my emotion and don't want to be blubbing too much in front of new Mum and Dad!
Don't stop doing what you do - the benefit you bring these young lives by giving them the stability, love, care and attention they need to thrive is incalculable. As with the others, become extremely fond of him and would do anything for him.
His new parents seem really nice - not sure how much involvement they want us to have in his life, hopefully some occasional contact from time to time as he's only 30 mins or so away. They've added us as friends on social media so hopefully we can see regular updates.
Dreading tomorrow morning when he leaves though - i really struggle with not showing my emotion and don't want to be blubbing too much in front of new Mum and Dad!
Particularly where they go on to be adopted, it's a firm basis for understanding what a good family "is" and the trajectory you've created by opening your home and family to them will propel them onwards and upwards.
The fact you feel so emotional about it means that they've benefited from being not just a "placement", but a member of your family. I have the greatest of respect for what you do. Hats off to you.
oldcynic said:
Fozziebear said:
We used to foster, until the child's social worker withheld important information that put our niece at risk of abuse
I missed this comment when it was posted, but for the record we found that social services deliberately withheld key information which would have prevented our eldest from being fostered. He needed a specialist placement - ideally residential school - but fostering is cheaper.You'd think there might be a clue in the fact that we refused to have him in our own house for the safety of our other children.
This thread has made for really interesting and at times, emotional reading.
Mrs. 1879 and I have a 6-year-old son and thought (three years ago) that rather than have another of our own we'd look to adopt and give a child in desperate need a better shot at life.
The whole approval process took about a year and was quite harrowing at times but rightly so as you need to be prepared for what you might find. We were delighted to get our approval at the adoption panel and expected to be waiting a few months for a placement. We were assigned our social worker and she promised to catch up with us on a fortnightly basis.
The adoptive child had to be at least two years younger than our son (so he wouldn't be displaced as the senior child in the household) and we were 80% looking for a boy but didn't rule out girls. We specifically said all along that we didn't want a baby.
The social worker was a completely useless scatterbrain. For the first few months we'd constantly check the (secured) adoption websites and submit queries if there were potentially suitable matches for us but she didn't respond to a single email, text or phone call.
Another month or so passed and out of the blue we heard form her. She was off to a regional meeting where the various teams from the wider area compare case notes etc. "Great" we thought. There may be some positive news form this. We were really excited to receive an A4 envelope the following week with a few profiles in it. None of which were anywhere close to our criteria. Older sibling groups, a baby girl, one or two kids of completely different race (not a deal-breaker necessarily for us but given the bonding issues for looked after children it makes assimilation into a family much harder).
At this point, the wife was of the "sod it" opinion but having seen the profiles it reinvigorated me a bit and we agreed after an emotional conversation to get back on the pro-active search. Unfortunately this went the same way as before. Come the end of a twelve-month period with no further contact from our social worker we got a letter form her saying that we'd need to be re-approved at the panel and to apply for another date. Mrs. 1879 and I both firmly agreed to say "shove it up your arse".
We did hear of several other couples form our training process getting placements and without wanting to sound snobby about it, the social work team seemed more bothered about getting children for people who couldn't have their own kids rather than placing children in the best environments. For example we know of one couple who were both seriously overweight, lived in a small terrace with no garden in a crap part of town etc. but the social workers were much more pro-active in getting a child for them rather than us: both in reasonably senior jobs with a four bed house and decent garden in the catchment area for an Ofsted Excellent primary school and one of the best comprehensives in the country. I know how that may sound but the point I'm trying to make is that the child should be at the heart of the decision.
Had we know how it would all pan out we would've had another baby of our own but now we just take the view of saving the £800 a month nursery fees and other expense of a second child so we can go on amazing holidays every year with our son. So we're off to Disneyworld in five weeks' time.
Mrs. 1879 and I have a 6-year-old son and thought (three years ago) that rather than have another of our own we'd look to adopt and give a child in desperate need a better shot at life.
The whole approval process took about a year and was quite harrowing at times but rightly so as you need to be prepared for what you might find. We were delighted to get our approval at the adoption panel and expected to be waiting a few months for a placement. We were assigned our social worker and she promised to catch up with us on a fortnightly basis.
The adoptive child had to be at least two years younger than our son (so he wouldn't be displaced as the senior child in the household) and we were 80% looking for a boy but didn't rule out girls. We specifically said all along that we didn't want a baby.
The social worker was a completely useless scatterbrain. For the first few months we'd constantly check the (secured) adoption websites and submit queries if there were potentially suitable matches for us but she didn't respond to a single email, text or phone call.
Another month or so passed and out of the blue we heard form her. She was off to a regional meeting where the various teams from the wider area compare case notes etc. "Great" we thought. There may be some positive news form this. We were really excited to receive an A4 envelope the following week with a few profiles in it. None of which were anywhere close to our criteria. Older sibling groups, a baby girl, one or two kids of completely different race (not a deal-breaker necessarily for us but given the bonding issues for looked after children it makes assimilation into a family much harder).
At this point, the wife was of the "sod it" opinion but having seen the profiles it reinvigorated me a bit and we agreed after an emotional conversation to get back on the pro-active search. Unfortunately this went the same way as before. Come the end of a twelve-month period with no further contact from our social worker we got a letter form her saying that we'd need to be re-approved at the panel and to apply for another date. Mrs. 1879 and I both firmly agreed to say "shove it up your arse".
We did hear of several other couples form our training process getting placements and without wanting to sound snobby about it, the social work team seemed more bothered about getting children for people who couldn't have their own kids rather than placing children in the best environments. For example we know of one couple who were both seriously overweight, lived in a small terrace with no garden in a crap part of town etc. but the social workers were much more pro-active in getting a child for them rather than us: both in reasonably senior jobs with a four bed house and decent garden in the catchment area for an Ofsted Excellent primary school and one of the best comprehensives in the country. I know how that may sound but the point I'm trying to make is that the child should be at the heart of the decision.
Had we know how it would all pan out we would've had another baby of our own but now we just take the view of saving the £800 a month nursery fees and other expense of a second child so we can go on amazing holidays every year with our son. So we're off to Disneyworld in five weeks' time.
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