Discussion
My Mother is a Foster Carer, she has been since I was 6 years old.
It can be rewarding, but it can also be heartbreaking. She eventually went on to Foster children 2 and under as the older children were too challenging, especially when there could be as many as three children, plus myself in the house!
Some of the backgrounds that children come from are truly shocking and to see them go back to their parents is horrible. But on the other hand, seeing a child that first came to your home wearing filthy clothes, didn't know what to do with toys and wolfing down every scrap of food, getting adopted by a loving family is fantastic.
It can be rewarding, but it can also be heartbreaking. She eventually went on to Foster children 2 and under as the older children were too challenging, especially when there could be as many as three children, plus myself in the house!
Some of the backgrounds that children come from are truly shocking and to see them go back to their parents is horrible. But on the other hand, seeing a child that first came to your home wearing filthy clothes, didn't know what to do with toys and wolfing down every scrap of food, getting adopted by a loving family is fantastic.
Just looking for an old post on here regarding foster care - this one isn't it - but it's as good as.
Myself and my wife, and our 3 children, all under the age 8, decided that it was something we'd like to do. The training took two year and dragged on and on.
I wasn't sure if it was worth it - financially it was never going to be but we weren't in it for the £.
Our first foster child landed in February. I can't really say too much in a public forum about exact circumstances, but it was a neglect case rather than abuse.
Our kids have grown to treat her as a little sister - it's been a real eye-opener and she's come on massively in the time she's been with us, having her 2nd birthday whilst with us. She's been an absolute angel whilst with us - has become my little buddy in a morning when getting up for work early whilst the others have been in bed, plus has accompanied me watching the others at gymnastics/football etc!
Anyway, things have progressed and she's going to live with other members of her blood family, away from the area, and it's likely that this will happen in the next few days.
I'm a bit lost at the moment really - it's funny how much a 1yr/2yr old can really become part of the family in just 5 months. I know it's not for everyone and some people are of a different frame of mind, but as far as doing something rewarding and seeing a change - it doesn't get much better than this!
If anyone has the doubts that i had, please feel free to ask me anything. I can't claim to be an expert, we've only be at it 5 months, but i hope i can give some decent honest advice.
Myself and my wife, and our 3 children, all under the age 8, decided that it was something we'd like to do. The training took two year and dragged on and on.
I wasn't sure if it was worth it - financially it was never going to be but we weren't in it for the £.
Our first foster child landed in February. I can't really say too much in a public forum about exact circumstances, but it was a neglect case rather than abuse.
Our kids have grown to treat her as a little sister - it's been a real eye-opener and she's come on massively in the time she's been with us, having her 2nd birthday whilst with us. She's been an absolute angel whilst with us - has become my little buddy in a morning when getting up for work early whilst the others have been in bed, plus has accompanied me watching the others at gymnastics/football etc!
Anyway, things have progressed and she's going to live with other members of her blood family, away from the area, and it's likely that this will happen in the next few days.
I'm a bit lost at the moment really - it's funny how much a 1yr/2yr old can really become part of the family in just 5 months. I know it's not for everyone and some people are of a different frame of mind, but as far as doing something rewarding and seeing a change - it doesn't get much better than this!
If anyone has the doubts that i had, please feel free to ask me anything. I can't claim to be an expert, we've only be at it 5 months, but i hope i can give some decent honest advice.
sider said:
Anyway, things have progressed and she's going to live with other members of her blood family, away from the area, and it's likely that this will happen in the next few days.
I'm a bit lost at the moment really.
Feel for you. We foster, only had one placement (we lasted 9months, very difficult lad, no one else has managed mor than 5!) and we still keep in contact with him. We saw him just this weekend, actually. As he'd had some many carers we felt he needed to have someone hang around, so we have. I now have other roles in our agency so no full-time fostering, but still doing respite and emergency/support workI'm a bit lost at the moment really.
Couldn't imagine doing my old job now
Kudos to you all, you should be very proud of yourselves. I and my other half looked into this a couple of years ago but were put off by the social workers stories of what we may have to deal with. We have another child who was ~3 at the time and didn't feel it would be fair to put her at the kinda risk it sounded like we would be. Still um and ar about adoption.
Thanks. Been a tough 12 hours or so for me really. Felt like i was giving away our own little girl last night - even though i've only known her since February.
And this morning when leaving for work i almost hoped she'd be naughty to make it easier to leave, but she was her usual little angel self and wanted cuddles.
Anyway, just had the call from the wife - court have approved it all and she's going to live with her wider family on a farm, around 70 miles away. She's going to love it - loves our dog, so throw in a load of chickens and a few pigs and she'll be in her element.
Going to miss her though!
And this morning when leaving for work i almost hoped she'd be naughty to make it easier to leave, but she was her usual little angel self and wanted cuddles.
Anyway, just had the call from the wife - court have approved it all and she's going to live with her wider family on a farm, around 70 miles away. She's going to love it - loves our dog, so throw in a load of chickens and a few pigs and she'll be in her element.
Going to miss her though!
The OH and I are doing a scheme called supported lodgings. When children leave care, currently at 18, supposedly changing to 21 soon. They either get housed or put with people like us and they effectively become a lodger. It is our role to prepare them for the real world!
We have 19 year old girl living with us at the moment. It can be challenging, but it's mostly very rewarding and less of a commitment than fostering. Worth thinking about if anyone is thinking of this sort of thing.
We have 19 year old girl living with us at the moment. It can be challenging, but it's mostly very rewarding and less of a commitment than fostering. Worth thinking about if anyone is thinking of this sort of thing.
Thanks folks.
The attachment thing worried the Mrs at first but she's been ok. I've been a wreck!
The official line is that we're not really supposed to have contact with a child for 12 months afterwards, on the basis that they're adopted. But this one is a bit of an different tale and given that she's ended up with wider family, we've been in a lot of contact with them over the past 6 weeks or so, and as such have become friends of a fashion - so they've promised email updates and i'm sure a visit towards Christmas won't be out of the question.
It was odd when i got home last night - house was very quiet - even given that she was generally asleep most nights i got home.
Had all sorts going through my head - practical stuff, like cancelling her dentist check up in a few months time, taking her off our doctors list, and even cancelling her nursery membership that we'd signed her up for starting in September.
It's a bit like grieving someone who's passed away really - but nice knowing that we were a nice period in her life and things are getting better for her now and will only get even more stable. My main thought is that when i had a particularly 'bad' week with one of our own kids, where you feel you're constantly telling them off, or not giving them enough time etc, there's always next week, and then week after, all the way up until them being 18 and going off to uni etc. Thing with this scenario was that i was thinking about her on her way to her new life yesterday thinking 'well that place was OK, apart from that idiot who was always a bit stressed with work, or moaning about me throwing food around...' etc. Wife reckons i've massively over-thought it - and i'm sure she's right. Just makes you think though, and for the better - certainly made me take stock about how i am with our own kids.
Call came through last night too - can we have a 3 yr old for 15 days respite care whilst their own foster carer goes on an already booked/planned holiday. Unfortunately not, we're away too at similar times - but don't think it'll be long until nr 2 arrives! Good times!
The attachment thing worried the Mrs at first but she's been ok. I've been a wreck!
The official line is that we're not really supposed to have contact with a child for 12 months afterwards, on the basis that they're adopted. But this one is a bit of an different tale and given that she's ended up with wider family, we've been in a lot of contact with them over the past 6 weeks or so, and as such have become friends of a fashion - so they've promised email updates and i'm sure a visit towards Christmas won't be out of the question.
It was odd when i got home last night - house was very quiet - even given that she was generally asleep most nights i got home.
Had all sorts going through my head - practical stuff, like cancelling her dentist check up in a few months time, taking her off our doctors list, and even cancelling her nursery membership that we'd signed her up for starting in September.
It's a bit like grieving someone who's passed away really - but nice knowing that we were a nice period in her life and things are getting better for her now and will only get even more stable. My main thought is that when i had a particularly 'bad' week with one of our own kids, where you feel you're constantly telling them off, or not giving them enough time etc, there's always next week, and then week after, all the way up until them being 18 and going off to uni etc. Thing with this scenario was that i was thinking about her on her way to her new life yesterday thinking 'well that place was OK, apart from that idiot who was always a bit stressed with work, or moaning about me throwing food around...' etc. Wife reckons i've massively over-thought it - and i'm sure she's right. Just makes you think though, and for the better - certainly made me take stock about how i am with our own kids.
Call came through last night too - can we have a 3 yr old for 15 days respite care whilst their own foster carer goes on an already booked/planned holiday. Unfortunately not, we're away too at similar times - but don't think it'll be long until nr 2 arrives! Good times!
Jasandjules said:
My OH and I like the idea of adoption in a few years.
Fair play. One of my mates has done it and he's been given a little superstar. She was 3 when they got her and they've got a great life. I think she still sees her birth Mother once a year or so but it works fine.Weird thing is - our foster child was 2 yrs and 2 months old when she left us yesterday. Council worker reckoned this was almost 'over the hill' and that they'd have struggled to get her adopted if it wasn't for the wider family coming forward! Really don't know why - she was great, and easily 'changed' i.e. not set in any ways or habits and soon fitted in with our lives. My parents even mentioned adopting her at one point but figured that at 60yrs old each, it might not be fair on her in the long run.
I can see why people would choose to adopt a 6 month old over a 2 or 3 year old, in terms of having the full 'parenting' thing from as close to day one as possible, but i really wouldn't have felt i'd missed too much with getting a child who's just turned 2 given what they can give.
(All getting a bit deep and meaningful this for a Wednesday morning!)
It's funny, part of the reason we went with our agency was because they specialise in over-8s, so no nappy changing for me! But those first two years are the ones where real damage is done, or real change can be implemented.
One of my roles is signing up new carers, and lots of people want babies. Lots of people say they would rather adopt, but from my limited experience it seems there is often no support offered, and how damaging would it be if the adoptive parents can't handle the Child? (Actually I know, as this has happened to one of the lads in school, although after fairly extreme behaviour...)
We are still in touch with our first placement, so many people go through his life we felt we wanted to stay even though we couldn't carry on caring for him (now in a residential setting)
We saw him last week, fifth time since he left us a year ago. 150 miles each way! Good to give him the message that we weren't just doing it for the money (someone had told him that, and showed him on the net how much carers get!)
Got up late this morning as I will be night-waking on a camping trip tonight, for the lads in our school. Just love my job(s)!!!
One of my roles is signing up new carers, and lots of people want babies. Lots of people say they would rather adopt, but from my limited experience it seems there is often no support offered, and how damaging would it be if the adoptive parents can't handle the Child? (Actually I know, as this has happened to one of the lads in school, although after fairly extreme behaviour...)
We are still in touch with our first placement, so many people go through his life we felt we wanted to stay even though we couldn't carry on caring for him (now in a residential setting)
We saw him last week, fifth time since he left us a year ago. 150 miles each way! Good to give him the message that we weren't just doing it for the money (someone had told him that, and showed him on the net how much carers get!)
Got up late this morning as I will be night-waking on a camping trip tonight, for the lads in our school. Just love my job(s)!!!
Can imagine it does. Fair play to you.
Was chatting to the wife tonight and mentioned what you said, about seeing them in the future - as some sort of continuity for once - something that they never have had. Good idea really. Just with 'ours' having been so young, we don't want to rush things and confuse her even more. My selfish worry is that she thinks we perhaps 'abandoned' her as her parents did, and the two other foster carers who had her a night each before we took her on (they both had their own none selfish reasons for not having her) 0 the wife's assured me that we simply got her on a good footing to an even better life that with be secure and stable for the next 18 or so years.
Think I've shocked the wife last couple of days. She was the one who really pushed the fostering idea in this house, and she's the one who does all the liasing with social services - yet Tuesday's departure has hit me like a steam train, perhaps more so than everyone else so far! I'm an emotional wreck, getting there slowly I suppose but she's been in my dreams both nights so far - just there doing whatever the rest of the family is doing in the dream. Really need an early night!!
Family holiday sorted anyway for 2 weeks tomorrow - hopefully that'll clear my head of everything and she'll just be a nice little memory for us, plenty of photos to look at and a phonecall and 90 min drive away once every 9 months or so to say hello.
Was chatting to the wife tonight and mentioned what you said, about seeing them in the future - as some sort of continuity for once - something that they never have had. Good idea really. Just with 'ours' having been so young, we don't want to rush things and confuse her even more. My selfish worry is that she thinks we perhaps 'abandoned' her as her parents did, and the two other foster carers who had her a night each before we took her on (they both had their own none selfish reasons for not having her) 0 the wife's assured me that we simply got her on a good footing to an even better life that with be secure and stable for the next 18 or so years.
Think I've shocked the wife last couple of days. She was the one who really pushed the fostering idea in this house, and she's the one who does all the liasing with social services - yet Tuesday's departure has hit me like a steam train, perhaps more so than everyone else so far! I'm an emotional wreck, getting there slowly I suppose but she's been in my dreams both nights so far - just there doing whatever the rest of the family is doing in the dream. Really need an early night!!
Family holiday sorted anyway for 2 weeks tomorrow - hopefully that'll clear my head of everything and she'll just be a nice little memory for us, plenty of photos to look at and a phonecall and 90 min drive away once every 9 months or so to say hello.
sider said:
... she'll just be a nice little memory for us, plenty of photos to look at and a phonecall and 90 min drive away once every 9 months or so to say hello.
You'll be fine, future Uncle & Auntie Sider 
.The background to this comment? My parents fostered during the '70s (I am a single child); their last adoptee arrived initially for 6 months in '77/'78, then returned 6 weeks later for a temporary placement pending a permanent placement. In the end she stayed with us (even after my father's self-elected departure due to his adultery in '81) until she went to Uni following her 18th birthday in '87; she (in reality, I call her my sister) called my parents Auntie XXXX and Uncle YYYY from fairly early on and my mum remains Auntie XXXX to this day (and my [foster] sister's son also calls my mum Auntie XXXX).
As a point of procedure from one of your earlier posts, you don't need to let your GP know the girl has moved as her new GP will request the records when she is registered there (well, that's one thing off your list
). Not sure how it works with Dentists though...You should be proud of what you've done, in making a positive difference to this girl's life
. You do realise we will want regular updates?? My parents did foster care for many years.
You get some really good kids, you also get some that just can't be helped. All they know is bad and just can't alter the way they've lived all their life.
Also a lot of the foster carers themselves are part of the problem. Some really don't offer the kids the stability and guidance that they require. Then they get upset too quickly when the foster kid isn't a model pupil.
Too many of then want to hand the children back after 5 minutes as they aren't well behaved.
You will get a shock just how wild some of the kids are. We had some unbelievable cases over the years, not sure I should admit to some of the really high profile cases that my parents had. We are talking main newspaper headline cases here.
It was very rewarding when kids turned their life around and some actually still come back to visit my parents 15 years on.
You'll never find a bad kid without bad parents. You could always see where the problems started.
You get some really good kids, you also get some that just can't be helped. All they know is bad and just can't alter the way they've lived all their life.
Also a lot of the foster carers themselves are part of the problem. Some really don't offer the kids the stability and guidance that they require. Then they get upset too quickly when the foster kid isn't a model pupil.
Too many of then want to hand the children back after 5 minutes as they aren't well behaved.
You will get a shock just how wild some of the kids are. We had some unbelievable cases over the years, not sure I should admit to some of the really high profile cases that my parents had. We are talking main newspaper headline cases here.
It was very rewarding when kids turned their life around and some actually still come back to visit my parents 15 years on.
You'll never find a bad kid without bad parents. You could always see where the problems started.
vx220 said:
THIS is the reason I hate supervising "contact"
We often had kids that went home for the weekend every other week. This was often disrupted if the parents had a night out organised. You could honestly see progress in the children week on week, then a weekend at home set them back all the time. It was like a different person coming back and required a lots of attention to calm back down again.
It's scary how some parents treat their children. It's a bond you never want to break, but some parents just can't do it and cause more harm than help.
A perspective from someone who grew up in Foster Care:
At 42 years of age I have a very hazy memory of my early years, just the odd little thing here and there. The earliest memory I can recollect is being 5-6 years old living with my Mum and my older (by 2 years) sister. My Father didn't live with us (I do vaguely recall having some sort of contact with him at some point) There was always an 'Uncle'
or two around. I have a memory of coming home from school with my sister one day to an empty house Mum wasn't around, I'm not 100% sure if this was a regular occurrence but we watched some TV and managed to get something to eat. I also remember making an drinking hot drinks and having sugar in them (crazy how I can remember little things)
From what I remember Mum didn't appear that evening, my sister sent me off to bed and got me up for school the next morning. IIRC this went on for 2-3 days and nights. As I mentioned earlier my memory is a little hazy.
I remember being at school and a teacher coming to get me out of class to take me to the Headmistress's office and being told that there were a couple of people there to see me
I 'think I may have blurted something out about it being my Mum and Uncle 'whoever' as we hadn't seen them for a few days.
I recall seeing my sister outside the office and we went inside (I think my class teacher was with us) in the office was the Headmistress, I'm fairly sure there was a Police Officer (I vaguely recall being scared) and 2 people who I didn't know but I do recall one of them being called Tony)
My memory is a little hazy as to what happened and what was said in the Head mistress Office but I vaguely recall being taken away from the school with my sister.
My next memory is being in a children's Home, being really scared and wetting the bed
I have a vague memory of being taken to Foster Parents and being in a largish house where there were 4-5 kids I don't remember much about it other than being locked/shut in the bedroom one morning after breakfast with my sister and two other kids as some money had gone missing. We were all taken away to the Children's home later that day.
I think we were in the children's home for a little while and we went back to live with mum.
From talking to my sister I believe history repeated itself and mum went AWOL again and we were taken away again
I have patchy memories of the children's home and going to different Foster Parents here and there, and back to the Children's Home - I have a vague memory of a fire or fire alarm at the children's home and then we went to live with a local family that had 2 children (a boy and girl) themselves . I think we lived there for quite a while and went back to the Children's Home some weekends (I now know that these were 'short term' Foster Carers )
When I was aged around 8 we were taken to live with another family - my new Mum & Dad
It was a fairly big house, they had 4-5 bedrooms, 3 sons of their own a dog, a garden, a games room everything a kid needed.
New school, new friends etc etc, I settled in. Other kids drifted in and out on short term placements.
My Foster Parents tried to keep us in contact with Mum and I do recall that my Father died when I was around 9 years old. I can recall seeing my mum every 2 weeks/month but there would be lots of times when she wouldn't turn up, My Foster parents were always there to pick up the pieces, dry the tears etc
Hell why am I calling them my Foster Parents - They are my Mum & Dad! and their 3 sons are my brothers
I had a great childhood growing up in a house that was centred around kids, Dad worked his balls off to make sure we had everything, yes they were paid for giving us a home but I know damn well they didn't do it for the money! How Mum kept on top of the Housework, washing, ironing etc will never cease to amaze me me
Kids came and went, not many have kept in touch, my sister even drifted away eventually and went to live with our 'mum' for a whole and came back again
I remember being a teenager, and being out with my parents and my brothers and meeting one of my dad's work colleagues and a 4 of us being introduced as "these are my 4 boys" which I will remember fondly as being one of the proudest moments of my life.
My oldest brother went off to University, got all sorts of degrees and went off to work in London before moving to New York and taking up permanent residence - he still comes home a couple if times a year with my nephews
As I grew up, Dad taught me right from wrong, taught me that if I wanted to achieve anything in later life I had to seize opportunities and look for a career
Dad worked in the construction industry, I trained as a carpenter initially and then decided that I wanted to go into the Army and my parents supported my decision. I kept a sporadic contact with my sister.
Into the army I went, loved it and served 10 years
I remember with fondness my Dad taking me out for a pint and telling me how proud he was of me.
Back to civvy street
Bloody hell I'm an Uncle
my blood sister has a baby boy
My Army career meant I could walk into my chosen profession quite easily and I remembered what my Dad had taught me about seizing opportunities, I moonlighted as much as possible and was earning a decent wage and building a decent career
I started spending a bit of time with my sisters little lad and kind of doted on him (owing to an incident in the forces I can't have kids). My nephews father was and still is a waste of space so I kind of took him under my wing and became a Father Figure to him - Hell if an (at the time) couple of strangers could do it for me, I sure as Hell could do it for him
As time moved on, I started having my Nephew for 2 days here, then 3 days, would/could I have him for a week, 2 weeks....... Remember one of my earliest memories
I was making a success of my business and being a part time dad to my nephew, putting him through private school and again I recall sitting with my Mum and Dad and my Dad upon discussing how long My Nephew - Pagey Junior was staying with me this time around commented he was proud of what I had achieved and was still achieving.
As time moved on, my sister moved on history repeating itself? My nephew has lived with me full time for 9-10 years now 
(granted his school offer flexi boarding and he has had to do the odd week here and there so I can travel when needed on business)
Another of the proudest moments in my life was when he made me a Fathers Day Card and started calling me Pops!
My Dad became very ill and sadly passed away last year, in his final weeks I was summonsed to visit him 'alone'.
He told me again how proud he was of what I had achieved in life,what I was doing for Pagey Junior and that he was immensely proud to call me his son.
I was able to look him in the eye and thank him for everything he had done for me, for giving me that 2nd chance in life 33years ago and for making a ragamuffin kid part of a family and that hand on heart I knew that I wouldn't be where I was today if him and Mum hadn't given me that chance and that I would always attempt to follow in his footsteps in raising Pagey Junior : it was very dusty in that room that day
Another of the proudest - yet immensely sad and difficult moments in my life was when arranging my Dads funeral, my Mum and my brothers asked 'ME' to read Dads Eulogy
I was a mammoth task, but such a relief when everyone said I had "done him proud"
Where would I be without that 2nd chance in life?
Does history repeat itself?
My sister has drifted away again, she used to have regular contact with my Nephew via Skype, email etc and he would go to visit her for school holidays,birthdays, Christmas etc but over the last few years it's become somewhat sporadic and she forgot his birthday last year
I'm determined to continue to be the father figure he never had to my Nephew - in fact he's not my Nephew he's My Boy (or Lad as he now prefers)
still considering being a Foster Parent?
Another thing my Dad always said to me " Pay it Forward "..................................
At 42 years of age I have a very hazy memory of my early years, just the odd little thing here and there. The earliest memory I can recollect is being 5-6 years old living with my Mum and my older (by 2 years) sister. My Father didn't live with us (I do vaguely recall having some sort of contact with him at some point) There was always an 'Uncle'
or two around. I have a memory of coming home from school with my sister one day to an empty house Mum wasn't around, I'm not 100% sure if this was a regular occurrence but we watched some TV and managed to get something to eat. I also remember making an drinking hot drinks and having sugar in them (crazy how I can remember little things) From what I remember Mum didn't appear that evening, my sister sent me off to bed and got me up for school the next morning. IIRC this went on for 2-3 days and nights. As I mentioned earlier my memory is a little hazy.
I remember being at school and a teacher coming to get me out of class to take me to the Headmistress's office and being told that there were a couple of people there to see me
I 'think I may have blurted something out about it being my Mum and Uncle 'whoever' as we hadn't seen them for a few days. I recall seeing my sister outside the office and we went inside (I think my class teacher was with us) in the office was the Headmistress, I'm fairly sure there was a Police Officer (I vaguely recall being scared) and 2 people who I didn't know but I do recall one of them being called Tony)
My memory is a little hazy as to what happened and what was said in the Head mistress Office but I vaguely recall being taken away from the school with my sister.
My next memory is being in a children's Home, being really scared and wetting the bed
I have a vague memory of being taken to Foster Parents and being in a largish house where there were 4-5 kids I don't remember much about it other than being locked/shut in the bedroom one morning after breakfast with my sister and two other kids as some money had gone missing. We were all taken away to the Children's home later that day.
I think we were in the children's home for a little while and we went back to live with mum.
From talking to my sister I believe history repeated itself and mum went AWOL again and we were taken away again
I have patchy memories of the children's home and going to different Foster Parents here and there, and back to the Children's Home - I have a vague memory of a fire or fire alarm at the children's home and then we went to live with a local family that had 2 children (a boy and girl) themselves . I think we lived there for quite a while and went back to the Children's Home some weekends (I now know that these were 'short term' Foster Carers )
When I was aged around 8 we were taken to live with another family - my new Mum & Dad
It was a fairly big house, they had 4-5 bedrooms, 3 sons of their own a dog, a garden, a games room everything a kid needed.
New school, new friends etc etc, I settled in. Other kids drifted in and out on short term placements.
My Foster Parents tried to keep us in contact with Mum and I do recall that my Father died when I was around 9 years old. I can recall seeing my mum every 2 weeks/month but there would be lots of times when she wouldn't turn up, My Foster parents were always there to pick up the pieces, dry the tears etc
Hell why am I calling them my Foster Parents - They are my Mum & Dad! and their 3 sons are my brothers
I had a great childhood growing up in a house that was centred around kids, Dad worked his balls off to make sure we had everything, yes they were paid for giving us a home but I know damn well they didn't do it for the money! How Mum kept on top of the Housework, washing, ironing etc will never cease to amaze me me
Kids came and went, not many have kept in touch, my sister even drifted away eventually and went to live with our 'mum' for a whole and came back again
I remember being a teenager, and being out with my parents and my brothers and meeting one of my dad's work colleagues and a 4 of us being introduced as "these are my 4 boys" which I will remember fondly as being one of the proudest moments of my life.
My oldest brother went off to University, got all sorts of degrees and went off to work in London before moving to New York and taking up permanent residence - he still comes home a couple if times a year with my nephews
As I grew up, Dad taught me right from wrong, taught me that if I wanted to achieve anything in later life I had to seize opportunities and look for a career
Dad worked in the construction industry, I trained as a carpenter initially and then decided that I wanted to go into the Army and my parents supported my decision. I kept a sporadic contact with my sister.
Into the army I went, loved it and served 10 years
I remember with fondness my Dad taking me out for a pint and telling me how proud he was of me.
Back to civvy street
Bloody hell I'm an Uncle
my blood sister has a baby boy My Army career meant I could walk into my chosen profession quite easily and I remembered what my Dad had taught me about seizing opportunities, I moonlighted as much as possible and was earning a decent wage and building a decent career
I started spending a bit of time with my sisters little lad and kind of doted on him (owing to an incident in the forces I can't have kids). My nephews father was and still is a waste of space so I kind of took him under my wing and became a Father Figure to him - Hell if an (at the time) couple of strangers could do it for me, I sure as Hell could do it for him
As time moved on, I started having my Nephew for 2 days here, then 3 days, would/could I have him for a week, 2 weeks....... Remember one of my earliest memories
I was making a success of my business and being a part time dad to my nephew, putting him through private school and again I recall sitting with my Mum and Dad and my Dad upon discussing how long My Nephew - Pagey Junior was staying with me this time around commented he was proud of what I had achieved and was still achieving.
As time moved on, my sister moved on
history repeating itself? My nephew has lived with me full time for 9-10 years now (granted his school offer flexi boarding and he has had to do the odd week here and there so I can travel when needed on business) Another of the proudest moments in my life was when he made me a Fathers Day Card and started calling me Pops!
My Dad became very ill and sadly passed away last year, in his final weeks I was summonsed to visit him 'alone'.
He told me again how proud he was of what I had achieved in life,what I was doing for Pagey Junior and that he was immensely proud to call me his son.
I was able to look him in the eye and thank him for everything he had done for me, for giving me that 2nd chance in life 33years ago and for making a ragamuffin kid part of a family and that hand on heart I knew that I wouldn't be where I was today if him and Mum hadn't given me that chance and that I would always attempt to follow in his footsteps in raising Pagey Junior :
it was very dusty in that room that day Another of the proudest - yet immensely sad and difficult moments in my life was when arranging my Dads funeral, my Mum and my brothers asked 'ME' to read Dads Eulogy
I was a mammoth task, but such a relief when everyone said I had "done him proud" Where would I be without that 2nd chance in life?
Does history repeat itself?
My sister has drifted away again, she used to have regular contact with my Nephew via Skype, email etc and he would go to visit her for school holidays,birthdays, Christmas etc but over the last few years it's become somewhat sporadic and she forgot his birthday last year
I'm determined to continue to be the father figure he never had to my Nephew - in fact he's not my Nephew he's My Boy (or Lad as he now prefers)
still considering being a Foster Parent?Another thing my Dad always said to me " Pay it Forward "..................................
Edited by Pagey on Saturday 1st August 01:34
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