Discussion
New placement starts with us tomorrow. He's well known to me, coming from our agencies residential home and school. In the last month he's met MrsVX (they get on well) and stayed over a few times. The idea is to get him ready for independent living, which our house is ideal for (we have a sort of integrated annex)
Hoping for a settled placement, not the violence and verbal abuse of the younger kids.
I have had some pms and emails from some of you from this thread, how's everybody getting on?
Hoping for a settled placement, not the violence and verbal abuse of the younger kids.
I have had some pms and emails from some of you from this thread, how's everybody getting on?
I think I had it easy.
I fostered a boy back in December 2012. He used to live with his mum who had drug and alcohol issues, and there was some fairly serious neglect. He was removed from her care up in Sheffield, and moved to me near Bristol. It was a very complicated case, but all has worked out really well.
He's 15 now, and we're currently looking at sixth forms with him. He's predicted all A and B grades for all of his GCSEs, and considering his attendance rate at his old school was 42% I'm chuffed to bits with his progress.
I now have a Child Arrangement Order in place, and he'll be with me until he is 18 at least, and his mum can't come and take him from me now. She's more or less disappeared into oblivion, and he's made it pretty clear that he's happy with not hearing from her at all. They did have occasional contact visits when he first came down here, but every single one would end up in arguments with his mum blaming him for the situation.
I fostered a boy back in December 2012. He used to live with his mum who had drug and alcohol issues, and there was some fairly serious neglect. He was removed from her care up in Sheffield, and moved to me near Bristol. It was a very complicated case, but all has worked out really well.
He's 15 now, and we're currently looking at sixth forms with him. He's predicted all A and B grades for all of his GCSEs, and considering his attendance rate at his old school was 42% I'm chuffed to bits with his progress.
I now have a Child Arrangement Order in place, and he'll be with me until he is 18 at least, and his mum can't come and take him from me now. She's more or less disappeared into oblivion, and he's made it pretty clear that he's happy with not hearing from her at all. They did have occasional contact visits when he first came down here, but every single one would end up in arguments with his mum blaming him for the situation.
Edited by SlimRick on Thursday 22 October 09:30
vx220 said:
New placement starts with us tomorrow. He's well known to me, coming from our agencies residential home and school. In the last month he's met MrsVX (they get on well) and stayed over a few times. The idea is to get him ready for independent living, which our house is ideal for (we have a sort of integrated annex)
Hoping for a settled placement, not the violence and verbal abuse of the younger kids.
I have had some pms and emails from some of you from this thread, how's everybody getting on?
Teenager! Hoping for a settled placement, not the violence and verbal abuse of the younger kids.
I have had some pms and emails from some of you from this thread, how's everybody getting on?
Fair play to you
It would be interesting to hear whether prospective Foster parents have progressed....
I have managed to meet up with my sister recently, and I may have bluntly mentioned "that she needs to get a f
king grip and show a bit of interest" I don't always do tact and diplomacy 
Which then continued into - Do you remember how you felt as a kid.............
After her initial shock and subsequent tears She did refresh and get my memory remembering things from a young childhood
Is continued contact with previously fostered kids not usual? A lad I joined the RAF with had his Mum & Dad at our passing out parade, along with EIGHT brothers 
. It turned out that he was their son and the others were kids they'd fostered, all grown up. They all considered themselves brothers and one thing that stood out to me was that most of them were also in uniform; Army, Navy, Police. I always wondered if they had a joint feeling that they wanted to give something back to society?
. It turned out that he was their son and the others were kids they'd fostered, all grown up. They all considered themselves brothers and one thing that stood out to me was that most of them were also in uniform; Army, Navy, Police. I always wondered if they had a joint feeling that they wanted to give something back to society? Contact is just about the worst double-edged sword ever!
Rarely does the child get a positive experience, I think most carers witness good work being undone by birth parents (not always maliciously, but still...) and kids behaviours are all over the place leading up to and after contact
Rarely does the child get a positive experience, I think most carers witness good work being undone by birth parents (not always maliciously, but still...) and kids behaviours are all over the place leading up to and after contact
This week, after watching the modern take on "Karate Kid", my new placement described me as "The Mr Han of fostering" which was nice (I think...)
Unfortunately, in a meeting with our Safeguarding Manager, he described me as "The Jackie Chan of fostering", which might give off a completely different image!
Unfortunately, in a meeting with our Safeguarding Manager, he described me as "The Jackie Chan of fostering", which might give off a completely different image!
The implications of very poor foster care are still evident in our 6 year old twins over 3 years from adoption, its a tough gig but they are very rewarding and slowly responding to rules and behaviour expectation.
Our issue was a short term foster carer looking after them long term (2.9 years plus) something that wasnt ideal for either party.
Our issue was a short term foster carer looking after them long term (2.9 years plus) something that wasnt ideal for either party.
Both the girls I adopted each went into emergency short term foster care at around 6 months old and ended up staying over 18 months with the same carers. It's damaging for all involved as the carers don't know it's going to be that long and are told not to form bonds with the children, this then results in attachment disorder for the kids when they finally get adopted.
This predicament seems to be getting worse, they are now 11 and 8 and having all sorts of problems as apparently the brain gets hard wired very early in life and this lack of parental closeness whilst in care has significant negative impact on them being able to conform in society, especially in school.
I would be interested to hear the foster carers take on this situation with very young children.
Also the nature versus nurture debate? my 11 year old has no memories of her birth mother having last seen her at 6 months old but is mirroring all the negative things her actual mother did at the same age when also in foster care/ and with her own adopted family, the script is scarily identical. The "specialists" are adamant it is not a genetic trait
This predicament seems to be getting worse, they are now 11 and 8 and having all sorts of problems as apparently the brain gets hard wired very early in life and this lack of parental closeness whilst in care has significant negative impact on them being able to conform in society, especially in school.
I would be interested to hear the foster carers take on this situation with very young children.
Also the nature versus nurture debate? my 11 year old has no memories of her birth mother having last seen her at 6 months old but is mirroring all the negative things her actual mother did at the same age when also in foster care/ and with her own adopted family, the script is scarily identical. The "specialists" are adamant it is not a genetic trait
Edited by PAUL500 on Sunday 29th November 22:04
vx220 said:
New placement starts with us tomorrow.
Hoping for a settled placement, not the violence and verbal abuse of the younger kids.
Quick update, think I preferred the violence! Not really, but new guy is king of the BS! Just unbelievable!Hoping for a settled placement, not the violence and verbal abuse of the younger kids.
Still, Christmas should be fun. Current project for me is to turn the conservatory into a micro RC car racetrack! Of course, I had to buy two...
Digging up a fairly old post (again!).
Update on us and our fostering antics.
We took on a new born baby last September, straight from hospital. Wife was visiting her from 1 day old and she came 'home' to us at 7 days. Last 7 ish months with her have been excellent - she's been excellent, really friendly and happy little girl. As you do, we've treated her as our own and enjoyed giving her her first Christmas - albeit she was only 3 months old.
She's been put up for adoption and is going in 4 weeks.
All made official last week and the tears have begun (on my part!, was a blubbering wreck when I gave her a bottle one day last week!). Going to be hard - we're all she knows and is going to be massively missed. She's only going to be living about 25 mins away so we may well see her at some point in the future - hope so anyway!
Would like to post a photo but you know how it is!
I've got a day not working tomorrow whilst the wife is on training - just me and her. Reckon a trip to the local 'open' farm is in order.
As for the last one we had who left last July. Very little contact - a few photos and a card at Xmas but other than that, I reckon that her new family see us as the end of a bad chapter that doesn't need dragging up again. Shame, really thought I'd have said hello again between then and now but no such luck. Still, she seems happy enough on the pics!
Update on us and our fostering antics.
We took on a new born baby last September, straight from hospital. Wife was visiting her from 1 day old and she came 'home' to us at 7 days. Last 7 ish months with her have been excellent - she's been excellent, really friendly and happy little girl. As you do, we've treated her as our own and enjoyed giving her her first Christmas - albeit she was only 3 months old.
She's been put up for adoption and is going in 4 weeks.
All made official last week and the tears have begun (on my part!, was a blubbering wreck when I gave her a bottle one day last week!). Going to be hard - we're all she knows and is going to be massively missed. She's only going to be living about 25 mins away so we may well see her at some point in the future - hope so anyway!
Would like to post a photo but you know how it is!
I've got a day not working tomorrow whilst the wife is on training - just me and her. Reckon a trip to the local 'open' farm is in order.
As for the last one we had who left last July. Very little contact - a few photos and a card at Xmas but other than that, I reckon that her new family see us as the end of a bad chapter that doesn't need dragging up again. Shame, really thought I'd have said hello again between then and now but no such luck. Still, she seems happy enough on the pics!
Its a tough call for the foster carers regarding contact after placement. Our 2 yr old had been with the foster family from 6 months old and was their first foster child. They had older children but doted on her regardless.
The whole foster family came to visit us when she had turned 3 and it was heartbreaking to see she did not recognise any of them at all, it was as if the little girl they recalled no longer existed, that must have been a tough drive home for them, even though they had taken on another child straight after.
The whole foster family came to visit us when she had turned 3 and it was heartbreaking to see she did not recognise any of them at all, it was as if the little girl they recalled no longer existed, that must have been a tough drive home for them, even though they had taken on another child straight after.
Update from me, as well...
Our guy has been difficult, the BS is now just outright lies and he has settled into accepting consequences so he can behave as he wants.
It's a weird situation, I feel like a Landlord more than a carer. He's not a risk or threat to either of us, but seems intent on following a delinquent path. Unable to trust us or other adults (staff at his work placement, agency staff or his SW) but will follow some of his dodgy pals to the ends of the Earth.
This placement isn't really rewarding in any way (his birthday went well) but equally there's no shouting or violence, it's just "Landlordy"
The lipservice is amazing to watch!
Still having fun with TAing at our school, only a day or two a week. Got the lads to cook "sweet and sour sausages" out in the woods last night, fantastic!
Our guy has been difficult, the BS is now just outright lies and he has settled into accepting consequences so he can behave as he wants.
It's a weird situation, I feel like a Landlord more than a carer. He's not a risk or threat to either of us, but seems intent on following a delinquent path. Unable to trust us or other adults (staff at his work placement, agency staff or his SW) but will follow some of his dodgy pals to the ends of the Earth.
This placement isn't really rewarding in any way (his birthday went well) but equally there's no shouting or violence, it's just "Landlordy"
The lipservice is amazing to watch!
Still having fun with TAing at our school, only a day or two a week. Got the lads to cook "sweet and sour sausages" out in the woods last night, fantastic!
PAUL500 said:
Also the nature versus nurture debate? my 11 year old has no memories of her birth mother having last seen her at 6 months old but is mirroring all the negative things her actual mother did at the same age when also in foster care/ and with her own adopted family, the script is scarily identical. The "specialists" are adamant it is not a genetic trait
I used to know a couple in a similar situation. It is bizarre how it works. The kid was adopted just before 2nd birthday. Sad really.An update from the Pagey Residence
Pagey Junior is 16, nothing really Junior about him he has grown into a big lad. He is currently Weekday Boarding at 6th Form
Boarding was his choice, it cuts a fair old chunk of travel time off of every school day and he doesn't have to get up early to catch the school minibus.
He has given up on his Mum, after me having words with her in the run up to Christmas, she made an effort for a few weeks and then no calls, no emails etc. She was back home in the UK for a couple of weeks and made absolutely no effort to contact or see Junior whatsoever
He was gutted when he found out, I was furious and let rip over the phone, I didn't pull any punches and told her what I really thought of her and her piss poor attitude. We haven't spoken or communicated since
I reminded Junior about Mothers Day and his reply was "do you honestly think she deserves a card"?
He is growing into a fine young man and fortunately not an arrogant teenager. We trecked into London a few weeks ago to meet MrsPagey at one of her work events and on the tube ride back to Victoria with several of her colleagues Junior spotted an elderly lady travelling with her daughter and they were struggling with suitcases and without anyone saying a word he stepped up, took the lady's case in one hand and took her arm and helped her up the stairs I was as proud as could be and all I could say was "that's my boy"!!!
Pagey Junior is 16, nothing really Junior about him he has grown into a big lad. He is currently Weekday Boarding at 6th Form
Boarding was his choice, it cuts a fair old chunk of travel time off of every school day and he doesn't have to get up early to catch the school minibus.
He has given up on his Mum, after me having words with her in the run up to Christmas, she made an effort for a few weeks and then no calls, no emails etc. She was back home in the UK for a couple of weeks and made absolutely no effort to contact or see Junior whatsoever
He was gutted when he found out, I was furious and let rip over the phone, I didn't pull any punches and told her what I really thought of her and her piss poor attitude. We haven't spoken or communicated since I reminded Junior about Mothers Day and his reply was "do you honestly think she deserves a card"?
He is growing into a fine young man and fortunately not an arrogant teenager. We trecked into London a few weeks ago to meet MrsPagey at one of her work events and on the tube ride back to Victoria with several of her colleagues Junior spotted an elderly lady travelling with her daughter and they were struggling with suitcases and without anyone saying a word he stepped up, took the lady's case in one hand and took her arm and helped her up the stairs
I was as proud as could be and all I could say was "that's my boy"!!!Edited by Pagey on Saturday 30th April 01:29
Update here.
Toddler we have (now 8 months) is going to her new home on Friday. Hand-over has begun and new Mum and Dad here most of her waking hours now. I'm absolutely broken about it right now - tomorrow is my last full day with a pleasant, smiley little girl who i've really grown to love over the last 8 months and this evening since she's gone to bed has been really hard. Think it's a mix of both emotion and tiredness in keeping the house clean and tidy for these constant visits. We know she's going to somewhere that'll be a great home for her for the rest of her life but still not easy.
Does it get any easier saying goodbye? Not sure i'm going to be able to deal with this every 6-12 months!
Toddler we have (now 8 months) is going to her new home on Friday. Hand-over has begun and new Mum and Dad here most of her waking hours now. I'm absolutely broken about it right now - tomorrow is my last full day with a pleasant, smiley little girl who i've really grown to love over the last 8 months and this evening since she's gone to bed has been really hard. Think it's a mix of both emotion and tiredness in keeping the house clean and tidy for these constant visits. We know she's going to somewhere that'll be a great home for her for the rest of her life but still not easy.
Does it get any easier saying goodbye? Not sure i'm going to be able to deal with this every 6-12 months!
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