The best insult you've ever heard

[av185]

Seen more beds than Percy Thrower's trowel....

[007 VXR]

Do you want me to call you a taxi, or whistle for your broom?

[Tyre Tread]

If I had a face like yours I'd teach my arse to talk. Although judging by what you've just said, it seems you already have.

[xRIEx]

Tyre Tread said:

If I had a face like yours I'd teach my arse to talk. Although judging by what you've just said, it seems you already have.

I like that

[toasty]

Referring to a certain couple, possibly related to us, at a hotel my sister came out with...

"If you're going to bring that thing in here, would you kindly put a muzzle on it."

[soad]

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Winston Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.

[Martin350]

I prefer the Family Guy take on that (NSFW).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON0rjckCTl4

[arguti]

...has been tied to more bedposts than David Blunkett's guide dog...

[mybrainhurts]

arguti said:

...has been tied to more bedposts than David Blunkett's guide dog...

Blindfolded....

[mybrainhurts]

Martin350 said:

I prefer the Family Guy take on that (NSFW).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON0rjckCTl4

You forgot the NSFW bit...

[omgus]

Martin350 said:

I prefer the Family Guy take on that (NSFW).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON0rjckCTl4

[dazwalsh]

Your wife is so fat when she passes her handbag from one arm to the other she has to throw it!

Johnny Vaughan- talk sport. Chuckled for a long time when he came out with that. Delivery was spot on though, reads a bit pants written down

[Ossiantoad]

If my dog had a face like yours I'd shave it's butt and teach it to walk backwards.

[Ossiantoad]

If my dog had a face like yours I'd shave it's butt and teach it to walk backwards.

[Ossiantoad]

Groucho Marx had a couple of good ones:

I never forget a face but in your case I gonna make and exception.

I could dance with you until the cows come home but I'd rather dance with the cows until you came home.

[Ossiantoad]

I have got hair like yours. Just not on my head.

Cat - Red Dwarf.

[Ossiantoad]

A doctor friend of mine told me that as a junior houseman she used to put the acronym D.T.S. on the notes of overweight patients.

Danger To Shipping.

[Ossiantoad]

And my all time favourite (I'm trying to raise the tone a bit) Disraeli on Gladstone.....

"a sophistical rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity."

[The Surveyor]

Ossiantoad said:

A doctor friend of mine told me that as a junior houseman she used to put the acronym D.T.S. on the notes of overweight patients.

Danger To Shipping.

My Mum used to work as a midwife many moons ago, they used to use the acronym 'F.L.K' on babies who looks sufficiently odd, to save doing repeat tests. Stood for 'Funny Looking Kid'.

[StuntmanMike]

In the film Filth , two blokes are tag teaming some tart, she looks over her shoulder and says ' Have you even started yet, babycock ' bloke at the rear completely destroyed.