The best insult you've ever heard

[john2443]

Comedian on Radio 4 referred to Andrew Lloyd-Webber as 'old one tune fish face'

Old joke about the man who loved circus's. fk off you red nosed bd' - it's probably on the Sean Connery joke thread somewhere!

[Kozy]

lord trumpton said:

Line manager?

Do you work for the highways agency or something?

That's what he calls himself...

[xRIEx]

lord trumpton said:

Kozy said:

I just called my line manager a cock eyed knob gobbler. Does that count?

Line manager?

Do you work for the highways agency or something?

I don't get it.

[Schermerhorn]

Customer complained about a product that was sold to him and says to shop keeper "It didn't do what it was supposed to do"

Shopkeeper "Well, see him? *points to colleague*, his name is Nasser, doesn't mean he's a f*cking astronaut does it?"

:lol:

[Greg_D]

It's probably already been mentioned:

"The best bit of you ran down the inside of your mothers leg"

[crofty1984]

From Chris Rock:"You're not SUPPOSED to go to jail you low-expectation-having mother fker!"

[Captain Muppet]

I was once lectured on my diet by a chap at work who finished with "...you are what you eat".

I said "you must eat a lot of cock".

[otolith]

Kozy said:

That's what he calls himself...

Not unusual terminology, surely?

[Jonmx]

The photoshop van thread has been enjoying the 'throbber' insult so I thought I'd add it to this classic thread.
One of the insults in my arsenal is 'skiplicker' used for those who don't meet what I deem to be decent standards, such as washing and contributing to society.

[ikarl]

blindswelledrat said:

numtumfutunch said:

stevesingo said:

Just heard my colleague refer to someone as a "Knob Jockey". It painted a picture in my mind.

That your colleague is homophobic?

And in 1980

I always thought tha by calling someone a knob jockey, you were in fact calling them a fanny

[phil-sti]

My dad once said to me 'you were a wk until your mum jumped on it'


Made me giggle.

[The Moose]

Jonmx said:

The photoshop van thread has been enjoying the 'throbber' insult so I thought I'd add it to this classic thread.
One of the insults in my arsenal is 'skiplicker' used for those who don't meet what I deem to be decent standards, such as washing and contributing to society.

Sorry about that. Felt dirty at the time...and not in a good way.

[Jonmx]

The Moose said:

Sorry about that. Felt dirty at the time...and not in a good way.

Don't, it's a corking insult when applied correctly. Like so many things, it should be used sparingly I find.

[straight dad]

antspants said:

lord trumpton said:

Kozy said:

I just called my line manager a cock eyed knob gobbler. Does that count?

Line manager?

Do you work for the highways agency or something?

Not anymore.

If he called him a cock eyed knob gobbler there's a good chance he did.

Edited by straight dad on Saturday 11th March 15:51

[Kenty]

Found this in the joke thread, but what a great insulting retort to be able to use!


I was out with my girlfriend last night who had recently divorced her husband.
He was obviously pissed off that his ex Mrs was out with someone else and shouts across the crowded room at me
"what's that secondhand fanny like?"
I replied "the first 3 inches are a bit worn but the rest is like brand new"

[davhill]

I heard a memorable insult in the '70s, I think it was in 'Custom Car'. In reader's letters, the protagonist referred to his target as a 'snivelling blackhead'.

[Sa Calobra]

You loathsome little stehawk

Spitting Image.

[NordicCrankShaft]

Just yesterday on PH someone referred to another as a "Weapons grade bell-end".....Fantastic

[bazza white]

One of the older blokes in work is pretty quiet and never bites when you wind him up and his team leader is a bit of a bully. Bloke couldn't see something from the crane and team leader said over the radio "maybe you need to go to spec savers and get your eyes checked" older bloke replied on the radio " maybe you should go see a psychiatrist and get your head checked"? The first time in 10 years of working together old bloke has ever stood up for himself or replied to one of the team leaders comments. Team leader walked off with his tail between not knowing what to say

[marmitemania]

If someone say's whats that horrible smell? I say 'It must be your breath blowing back in your face.