The best insult you've ever heard
Discussion
Sycamore said:
We had some machinery show up on a container and had the German driver reverse into the bay. One of the lads shouted something along the lines of "hurry up it's lunch time soon" as the guy was reversing into the bay.
6'8" of German anger jumped out of the cab and WW3 was almost triggered
If he was German, then he was a little over 2 metres, but 6’8” sounds bigger.6'8" of German anger jumped out of the cab and WW3 was almost triggered
This isn’t an insult, but I thought that it was a good come-back, and your story reminds me of it.
In the early 80s, I was driving an artic oil tanker, and was in the Castrol refinery at Stanlow, Ellesmere Port, discharging 21,000 litres of additive into a storage tank, when an Austrian artic, flat bedded with curtain drawsides came in, to pick up a load of barrels.
The driver drew back the curtain sides, then got back in his cab, a fork lift appeared, with a special attachment that wrapped around 4 barrels at a time, and lifted the first 4 up, and dropped them close to the front of the trailer.
The fork lift picked up another 4 barrels, and approached the trailer, then honked his horn.
The Austrian got out and looked at the fork lift driver, arms in front, palms up, and shrugging his shoulders.
Fork lift guy says, “Roll those four into position, and I’ll put this four on the trailer.”
Austrian walked to his truck, leaned up and tapped the steering wheel, and said, “My job”, pointed at the barrels, and said, “your job.”
Fork lift guy said, “If you don’t roll them, you don’t get loaded.”
Austrian shrugs, and started to close the curtains, saying, “Better take these 4 off then.”
Within minutes, a gang appeared, and rolled all the barrels into place.
when I was a young field engineer, one of the bosses from Chicago head office visited a construction site I was assigned to. We were talking to a subcontractor who proudly said in 4 weeks his scope would be finished. Not missing beat, boss asks him what he was going to do for the other 2 weeks. Much older now and use this every now and again.
cookmysock said:
when I was a young field engineer, one of the bosses from Chicago head office visited a construction site I was assigned to. We were talking to a subcontractor who proudly said in 4 weeks his scope would be finished. Not missing beat, boss asks him what he was going to do for the other 2 weeks. Much older now and use this every now and again.
AdeTuono said:
cookmysock said:
when I was a young field engineer, one of the bosses from Chicago head office visited a construction site I was assigned to. We were talking to a subcontractor who proudly said in 4 weeks his scope would be finished. Not missing beat, boss asks him what he was going to do for the other 2 weeks. Much older now and use this every now and again.
Ok, here are a couple of real ones (not necessarily funny, but real)
1. About 1991ish my female boss had come in to work with her daughter who had a lion painted on her face from a kids party probably, I went up to ask her to check or approve something, I forget, not knowing she wasn't working, she started chatting about how it was her day off or something and introduced her daughter saying what a great lion she made - I just said something like, Hi, so all we need now is a wardrobe....
Yep, nobody laughed and I just went back to my desk questioning my sexuality probably, who knows, I was young.
2. A few years ago my teenage nieces were discussing how great it would be to have a little sister to play with, I just said I thought they did have one, Cinderella. They laughed. They laughed, why couldn't you Janet, you b
h? IT WAS FUNNY, The Lion, The WITCH and The Wardrobe, you bh Janet, you fking bh...
But I'm over it now.
1. About 1991ish my female boss had come in to work with her daughter who had a lion painted on her face from a kids party probably, I went up to ask her to check or approve something, I forget, not knowing she wasn't working, she started chatting about how it was her day off or something and introduced her daughter saying what a great lion she made - I just said something like, Hi, so all we need now is a wardrobe....
Yep, nobody laughed and I just went back to my desk questioning my sexuality probably, who knows, I was young.
2. A few years ago my teenage nieces were discussing how great it would be to have a little sister to play with, I just said I thought they did have one, Cinderella. They laughed. They laughed, why couldn't you Janet, you b
h? IT WAS FUNNY, The Lion, The WITCH and The Wardrobe, you bh Janet, you fking bh...But I'm over it now.
Testarossa said:
Ok, here are a couple of real ones (not necessarily funny, but real)
1. About 1991ish my female boss had come in to work with her daughter who had a lion painted on her face from a kids party probably, I went up to ask her to check or approve something, I forget, not knowing she wasn't working, she started chatting about how it was her day off or something and introduced her daughter saying what a great lion she made - I just said something like, Hi, so all we need now is a wardrobe....
Yep, nobody laughed and I just went back to my desk questioning my sexuality probably, who knows, I was young.
2. A few years ago my teenage nieces were discussing how great it would be to have a little sister to play with, I just said I thought they did have one, Cinderella. They laughed. They laughed, why couldn't you Janet, you bh? IT WAS FUNNY, The Lion, The WITCH and The Wardrobe, you bh Janet, you fking bh...
But I'm over it now.
1. About 1991ish my female boss had come in to work with her daughter who had a lion painted on her face from a kids party probably, I went up to ask her to check or approve something, I forget, not knowing she wasn't working, she started chatting about how it was her day off or something and introduced her daughter saying what a great lion she made - I just said something like, Hi, so all we need now is a wardrobe....
Yep, nobody laughed and I just went back to my desk questioning my sexuality probably, who knows, I was young.
2. A few years ago my teenage nieces were discussing how great it would be to have a little sister to play with, I just said I thought they did have one, Cinderella. They laughed. They laughed, why couldn't you Janet, you b
h? IT WAS FUNNY, The Lion, The WITCH and The Wardrobe, you bh Janet, you fking bh...But I'm over it now.
Had me in stitches
Testarossa said:
Ok, here are a couple of real ones (not necessarily funny, but real)
1. About 1991ish my female boss had come in to work with her daughter who had a lion painted on her face from a kids party probably, I went up to ask her to check or approve something, I forget, not knowing she wasn't working, she started chatting about how it was her day off or something and introduced her daughter saying what a great lion she made - I just said something like, Hi, so all we need now is a wardrobe....
Yep, nobody laughed and I just went back to my desk questioning my sexuality probably, who knows, I was young.
Brilliant - your quick thinking didn't get the recognition it deserved. Love it 1. About 1991ish my female boss had come in to work with her daughter who had a lion painted on her face from a kids party probably, I went up to ask her to check or approve something, I forget, not knowing she wasn't working, she started chatting about how it was her day off or something and introduced her daughter saying what a great lion she made - I just said something like, Hi, so all we need now is a wardrobe....
Yep, nobody laughed and I just went back to my desk questioning my sexuality probably, who knows, I was young.
Old Tyke said:
Not a "best insult you've heard" but I do get great amusement from watching really slow or 'crashy' fork lift truck drivers unloading my trailer and asking them completely deadpan : "have you not long passed your test?". The look of indignation on their faces never gets old and you can see the cogs going round in their heads trying to work out if I'm being serious or taking the piss.
The same works well for truck drivers who take forever to reverse on a loading bay as well, especially the old guys who have been driving them for over 30 years.
I used to deliver fifthwheels on a transit pickup, they'd stack 5 on a small pallet , when the straps were off they were pretty top heavy so I'd instruct the forklift drivers not to tip the pallet with the forks but push it over to the other side then go round to get itThe same works well for truck drivers who take forever to reverse on a loading bay as well, especially the old guys who have been driving them for over 30 years
.One guy wasn't happy, don't you tell me how to drive a forklift , I've been driving one for 30 f
king years so i know what im doing Ok, stands back
Tips the pallet to drag it and f
k off , tips over and landed on the floor upside down He's just sat there looking a t
t with his mouth openI'll let you pick them up as you obviously know what you're doing
Testarossa said:
Ok, here are a couple of real ones (not necessarily funny, but real)
1. About 1991ish my female boss had come in to work with her daughter who had a lion painted on her face from a kids party probably, I went up to ask her to check or approve something, I forget, not knowing she wasn't working, she started chatting about how it was her day off or something and introduced her daughter saying what a great lion she made - I just said something like, Hi, so all we need now is a wardrobe....
Yep, nobody laughed and I just went back to my desk questioning my sexuality probably, who knows, I was young.
2. A few years ago my teenage nieces were discussing how great it would be to have a little sister to play with, I just said I thought they did have one, Cinderella. They laughed. They laughed, why couldn't you Janet, you bh? IT WAS FUNNY, The Lion, The WITCH and The Wardrobe, you bh Janet, you fking bh...
But I'm over it now.
Have I missed something with the 2nd one? 1. About 1991ish my female boss had come in to work with her daughter who had a lion painted on her face from a kids party probably, I went up to ask her to check or approve something, I forget, not knowing she wasn't working, she started chatting about how it was her day off or something and introduced her daughter saying what a great lion she made - I just said something like, Hi, so all we need now is a wardrobe....
Yep, nobody laughed and I just went back to my desk questioning my sexuality probably, who knows, I was young.
2. A few years ago my teenage nieces were discussing how great it would be to have a little sister to play with, I just said I thought they did have one, Cinderella. They laughed. They laughed, why couldn't you Janet, you b
h? IT WAS FUNNY, The Lion, The WITCH and The Wardrobe, you bh Janet, you fking bh...But I'm over it now.
Some bosses can take a joke and others are incompetent a
holes 
I was recently working overseas and in the midst of an accommodation reshuffle. Andy was senior to me and from a branch which has an air of superiority of the the rest of us, but he is more than a little camp. When discussing which flat I would be moving into, And chirps up in his smug manner, "You can stay in ours...I think there is space in our closet!"
Quick as a flash, I retort, "Well there would be now you have come out of it!" The office was in uproar. Smug git!
Quick as a flash, I retort, "Well there would be now you have come out of it!" The office was in uproar. Smug git!
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