July 26th 2014. Day 17 at the Mental Health Clinic.

[MarvGTI]

Hi all,

I left the clinic yesterday and am staying in Würzburg until Sunday morning with my girlfriend, so if anyone is from around here, let's have a beer tonight!

Am getting used to the Mirt, but the dopiness is very present. I take about half day to really wake up, so all morning until late afternoon is like walking through mist, it's very bizarre.

The bullstter thread is amazing, had to laugh quite a few times!

Cheers!

[MarvGTI]

Thanks all!

Glad to have had this thread to keep in touch with the outside world

[MarvGTI]

NeMiSis, full freedom release, I do have to check in with them every day as there is a concern I might attempt suicide again. To be honest, the real world is frightening and having spent 3 months in a bubble it's very frightening, though the thought of killing myself frightens me more currently.

Spike, thanks mate I shall keep this thread updated with how it is back out here in the real madhouse.

So far I'm very disoriented and have trouble focusing on the simple things - it's like I am overwhelmed by the vastness of the world outside, like it's all too much.

To be continued...

[MarvGTI]

Hi all,

Thought I should give this an update.

I've been struggling since being released, and this does not look like it'll change soon.

Feeling very down ATM - it's my son's 3rd birthday today and I was neither able to speak to him on the phone let alone see him.

Till next time.

[MarvGTI]

So a late, great update.

Ever since getting out of the clinic, I had loads of trouble reintegrating. Couldn't find a job and couldn't pay my rent, so earlier this year I lost my apartment where I lived with my dog.

My ID expired right around that time, which I hadn't checked or anything because that was one of the last things on my mind, and without a valid ID, I couldn't work or get a new apartment.

I still collected unemployment money and feck me if I told the local job agencies that I no longer had an address - I collected their money as long as I could.

The dog and I moved in with my girlfriend in Germany.

At the time, while looking for a proper flat of her own, she lived in a shared apartment with three people, one ultra cool dude and two girls that just so happened to be totally, thoroughly anti. It also happens they were sisters. So from day one, they were fighting my and my dog's staying there despite having agreed to it previously during a discussion - I was ready to move into a cheap hotel at a moment's notice but they were okay with it.

Only then did I move what little stuff I had in (a TV and a PS4, another source of great complaints. I used headphones when gaming so no way was anybody disturbed, but the sisters felt differently. The other guy that lived there was on our side though which furthered the infighting).

The dog was a big source of complaints despite them getting to know her before and actually seeming to like her. She is a Border Collie - Aussie Shep mix, so extremely intelligent and eager to please (cue jokes). She doesn't bark, she doesn't crap around the place and I brushed her every other day and vacuumed every day, so doggy hair was minimal.

Since they were fancy party girls, when they weren't interning hungover at local hospitals for their med studies, they used to go out and party during the night, work in the morning and sleep in the afternoon - I made sure never to be home with the dog when they were home and took her for long walks and swims in the Main river.

The other roommate loved the dog and often went for walks with us.

But all in all, we had to GTFO, so we found a flat for ourselves, barely more expensive than the roommating before. We moved there and there was constant tension because I wasn't able to get a job in Germany due to not being able to officially move there, due to not having a valid ID.

I can't get a valid ID because I don't have an address in my home country, and can't get an address without an ID.

Also can't apply for a job or get any kind of wage or benefit at all.

I end up selling my Lupo GTI track car for a ridiculous sum after advertising it for months, and have since heard that the guy who bought it had several run ins with the local 5-0 and the car is currently damaged and impounded. How bad it is, no one can tell me. Sad end for a wonderful car.

Without an address, can't have car insurance, so I kept running my Subaru on the insurance and ended up putting it in one of the many empty barns in Bavaria while my girlfriend (who we'll get to soon) figures out insurance and takes the car on as her own.

After a few months, my money ran out and that's when the st hit the fan. The fights became more constant, the distance between us grew and it ended.

While it may sound harsh on her, I just won't go into details of the split - all I can say is that my condition and my stress and my issues affected her immensely and she truly gave her best to support me where she could, until it was just... too much.

She loves my dog like her own and vice versa so she kindly took her on as I moved out.

Ever since I've essentially been on the streets, living off what little there is.

I am no beggar, and a clever bit of rationing can actually last you quite long if you've no rent or somesuch to pay.

I was in contact with different support groups for homeless people and today, my dossier has been turned over to a commission that'll decide if I can have a legal address and permanent overnight place. That way, I can apply for a job and find a place of my own.

I have been staying at my sister's place for a couple of weeks now ever since the temperatures drop, and can stay here until I hear from the commission.

Nights at homeless shelters are as bad as they sound. Unfortunately, a lot of the homeless people that spend the night there have serious addiction problems and are... uncomfortably loud and intrusive when you're trying to sleep, always with your valuable stuff locked up.

The only good thing that happened is that I saw my son for the first time in almost one and a half years, after a lot of debating. He turned 4 this week and the experience was quite strange. He obviously recognized but since he last saw me when he was 2 and a half, the memories aren't all there.

My ex's new boyfriend, who moved in shortly after I'd been moved out, is called "Papa" by my son, which doesn't help.

The feeling is weird.

I so longed to see my son (and still do, and hopefully will see him again soon), and after it was finally possible, I left... unhappy.

In an empty way.

But anyways, I will see if I remember to update this thread with the commission's decision once I hear it.

TL;DR

Depressed guy goes homeless

[MarvGTI]

Adenauer said:

Marv, that's quite an update, stay as focussed as you can.

Which town are you in now?

Würzburg used to be the case, now I keep close to Luxembourg. My sister actually lives in France.

CinnamonFan said:

Im happy to help too. There seems to be loopholes in the system if anyone can end up like Marv has through no fault of their own.

Bookmarked.

There is quite a lot of fault of my own, truth is I saw the homelessness coming for a few months, but lacked (still lack) the energy and determination and, cheesy as it may sound, hope to "get back on my feet for God's sake you're a young guy" as is the usual response I get here.

NeMiSiS said:

Sorry, but why can't this process be made easier?

When I gave to other worthy causes, Swerni/Ali-Kat/EddieCain etc I clicked on a clicky and pay-palled my money, job done, easy.

Sort it out, cleverer people than I.

I think we all know that our money wont fix Marvs mental health issues, he needs to go back to the 'Hilton' for some more professional electric shock therapy, but I have no issues with him spending some of my money on 'coke and hookers' while he waits.

WIA.

NeMiSis, as mentioned a few posts above, I have no bank account anymore, no credit card, no Paypal.

Coke and Hookers sounds good though ^^ 'fraid I've neither the nose nor the prostate to make you gents proud though!

V6Pushfit said:

The first question is what does the OP actually need???? A proper address? A move to another country? Tabs n booze, coke n hookers??
The second question is how do we sort it for him?

Marv seems switched on, so can he please confirm in order of priority what is needed and we can see if/how we can assist. If its cash then how much, if its something else then what/how/when?

Marv we need a bit of input here...

Main thing needed to get the ball rolling is just an address - social services were supposed to call me today and let me know if it call worked out, but I haven't heard from them yet. Didn't want to press the matter, as people who know Luxembourg and her administrations know that calling will only make things worse and slower. I'll wait till tomorrow afternoon.

With an address, I'll be able to register with the jobs center as well as applying for the RMG, our equivalent of sorts to Germany's Hartz IV. I don't know the UK term for this, but the translation is Guaranteed Minimal Revenue.

This is by no means a situation I want to be in for long, as people have a tendency to get stuck in the RMG (you have to actually reimburse the money after you've found work so people just never bother getting a job) and living off anybody.

Step by step. Step by step.

ali_kat said:

But I agree, we need Merv to input before we start putting £££ anywhere. He may not want it for a start

I am a dude who never takes what he can't give back. Not for pride or shame or whatever reason, but simply because I will not take anything from anybody they might need later if they end up in a situation like mine. Because it can happen seriously quickly.

I want to thank the lot of you - the kindness on this forum is overwhelming.

If I am to decline your very awesome offer, it is not for being an ungrateful chav - my current situation is dire but the main reason is my mind and the fact that it won't stop reminding me how st life is.

Before we start any collection in my name, I'd like to say that refugees from Syria need help much more than I do. They have less to live on and even more than their unfair share of problems. I've witnessed violence against them myself while in Germany, and it is more than disgusting.

Thank you again, all of you.

You're a good bunch, better than most left in the world.

[MarvGTI]

V6Pushfit said:

Merv as you say it's the address that's the most vital thing is there anything we can help with? I'm sure someone can help is some way to put pressure on you behalf? We may be a bunch of idiots and after all it's PH but there's a lot of people rooting for you and it's surprising what can be achieved in numbers. Stick a photo on here you never know a newspaper may take up your cause too.

V6,

There's only a handful of other PHers from Luxembourg (where I live), maybe there a lawyer specialized in pro bono homeless work... Russ ?

No newspapers, that's a kind of exposure I frankly dgaf about. There newspapers in Lux are a joke (as far as the ones go that'd pick this up) and no way do I want my son to find this crap out should he google me one day

[MarvGTI]

Well here's the update.

I tried calling the social services lady on Friday but she wasn't available all day long.

She called me in the evening (8pm) to tell me that apparently there were documents missing in the file she submitted and the whole application has been put on hold. She gave me an appointment this morning so we could figure this out.

I went there this morning and turns out that she received no further information about missing stuff; the file has been put on hold until Dec 17th for no apparent whatsoever except screw those that ask for and need help.

A definitive verdict will be given on Dec 17th - I won't be getting my hopes up in anticipation.

This afternoon I had a court appearance.

My father is suing my ex (my son's mother) and me because apparently he wants custody rights. The ex informed me of this when I saw my son last week and asked if I could make the appointment to see wtf is up, she sent her lawyer as well.

Apparently I didn't get the formal summons because, guess what, no address -> no mail.

I won't be getting into any details about the case as of yet, but my father sues for what basically amounts to my theoretical custody rights as he deems me officially not a factor in my son's life anymore.

This I deem totally unacceptable; the old man is behind most of my troubles today and at the genesis of that deep, dark emptiness, and I will be fighting him on all fronts on this.

I also get the slight suspicion that my ex is only letting me see my son as a bargaining chip to get me on her side during the impending trial. I had called her about visiting my son what must be a few days before she received her summons letter, and she made excuses about it not being the right time blablabla.

Few days later, in late October, I ask what my son wants for his upcoming birthday and suddenly I can meet him.

At the meeting she gives me a copy of the letter and asks me to appear in court.

Of course no time to seek legal counsel, let alone find a lawyer who'll take on a hobo.

I talked to my sister about this since she used to know my ex quite well, and she thinks this is plausible.

I am being played like a Fender on all ends, but at least it's for the sake of my son's safety from the abusive, scheming lump of gravity that is my father. No lengths I wouldn't go to in this case, and the ex knows it very well.

Well, in any case, the next court date is Dec 10th.

I'll update the thread as more info becomes available.

Thank you for all the kind words and also the few that emailed me.

[MarvGTI]

V6Pushfit said:

Hi Marv
More frustration, but hang in there Bud and it sounds like it will reach a conclusion by the end of the year.
You have a father, wife and sister so can none of them assist or provide you with assistance or an address - after all you are the father of their grandson/son/niece?

I had originally moved in my sister when the wife and I separated in 2013, and this was during a time of great emotional turmoil and depression, and it made her depressed, too. I have currently been staying at my sister's for a couple of weeks, but this is no permanent solution.

I've already been getting remarks that maybe it's time to go, so at the end of the week I'll be back out on the street, which I am totally fine with - my sister and her boyfriend (my best friend before they became an item) have done more than enough.

My parents are, as far as I am concerned, ghosts haunting me from afar. I broke off all contact with them some time ago and chances are that the next time I see my father, one of us isn't going to make it out alive.

My ex wife has a live-in boyfriend and she can't stand me, so that's a no no.

The trouble is that the few people left in my life all live abroad, albeit just 5 or 10 minutes from the border. This means that I can't go officially live with them because I would forfeit all my rights at assistance and help in Luxembourg - I would essentially become France's problem, or Germany's problem.

Ah well, what's another month in the st ?

[MarvGTI]

Sorry to all for the delay in replying.

It ain't been easy.

There's nothing really new on the horizon except that maybe my I can get a temporary bed at the homeless shelter. This would allow me to use thee shelter's address as my own and get my paperwork done as well as register to find work.

I'll know if this can be done by the end of the week.

As for the court thing, neither my parents nor his legal counsel showed up Dec 10th so the case had to be postponed to Jan 21st.

Since my father is the one suing, there is no problem if nobody from his side shows up to the court dates. If I had not shown up, the court would have regarded that as a sort of admission of guilt and I would not have been able to present my case. Talk about fair.

Holiday depression is still going full throttle with overboost.

Life is st right now.

[MarvGTI]

Hello to all of PH,

here's the update I wanted to do yesterday, but the day went a bit differently than planned and I ended up having no access to a computer.

I really want to thank all of Pistonheads for their support and the kind words, and reading up on the thread now, it is truly astonishing.

I would also like to thank the generous people that have sent money to Russ (5PotTurbo) that he passed on to me. I already bought a pair of sneakers during the spring sale here to replace my old, worn, full-of-holes shoes that I used to wear. No more wet feet and dirty socks! Thank you very, very much!

And last but not least, I want to thank Russell for taking time out of his Saturday afternoon to meet me in the city. If anyone else from here has had the pleasure of meeting him, I am sure they would agree that he's a great guy. To do that for a stranger, you have to be.

Now the update:

For about 5 and a half weeks now, I have been a regular at the shelter in the city where I live - thus I was able to get on a waiting list for a bed of my own and with it, I got tickets to go eat at Stemm vun der Strooss, which is like a social restaurant for people with little to no means - a meal costs 50 cents.

Since the 8th of March, I've finally had my own bed. I do sleep in a room with 3 other guys, but the atmosphere is amicable for the most part. I've met a couple of cool blokes, two of whom I have become friends with, and I stay away from the addicts and their poisonous atmosphere.A social worker is helping with with all the bureaucratic nightmare fuel I have to go through to get back into the system.

I was able to register the shelter as my address, so I have again been able to look for work. I have already sent many applications, some for jobs I would very much like to do, other for jobs to keep my neck above water whist I look for something that suits me.

This morning, I picked up my new ID and used it to open a bank account - the anonimity is officially over now, I reckon.

I have been trying to see my son on as regular a basis as possible, and thankfully this has largely been happening. It's fantastic to have the little man back in my life, and our relationship has been continually improving to the point where now, we can have a productive father-son relationship based more on friendship than authority. I love him very much and would hate to be a figure of authority in his life (which I have only known as a negative so far).

The court affair is still ongoing, tomorrow (March 22nd) will be judgment day. I am practically crapping my pants from anxiety and nervousness but alas, I am somewhat optimistic.

Overall, I am looking to be in an appartment by June or July provided I can find work by May, which should be feasable. After that, babysteps back into life and putting money aside to be able to go on holiday with my son.

I will update this more as events unfold.