Phantom pooing

[rollondeath]

Fattyfat said:

longshot said:

I thought a phantom poo was when you had a dump but there is nothing in the toilet.

So did I. I was expecting tales of the double whammy, a phantom st with a clean break.

One of life's greatest pleasure's.

[toohuge]

The ladies toilets are usually worse....

A common problem is the idea of attempting to hover above the seat but remember, physics always wins.

The other comment about squatting is a common occurrence too, something about the benefits of a multicultural society...

Chris

[Shaolin]

I used to work somewhere where there had been an electrician who had been known as "jobby". Jobby was known for leaving his trademarks around in places related to his trade. A couple of years later the replacement electrician was still finding by then dried out fossilised jobbies in fuse boxes, inside items from the stores etc. Highly amusing for the rest of us but a bit annoying for the electrician.

[theshrew]

We used to have one at work - In the Ladies

It wasn't all the time but a semi regular thing the cleaners would find a log on the floor. It stopped when a dumb bint Polish bird left so we guess it was her

[Rawwr]

Hoofy said:

MajorProblem said:

Hoofy said:

Only a sensible answer here: any footprints on the bowl or seat before she cleaned it up?

Wonder if it's a visitor/foreigner squatting rather than sitting.

Didn't think of that, regardless why try and clean it up with your hands?

IT WASN'T ME!!

Oh so NOW the story changes. You monster.

[Sargeant Orange]

We had a mysterious crapper once who boobytrapped the whole office toilet.

By that I mean wiping st on the door handles, taps, dryers etc. Anywhere you needed to touch to go about your business. I'll never forget the look on the guys face who walked back into the office after discovering the scene. Once you were in there was no getting out without it getting messy.

[CrutyRammers]

We had an African chap at uni years ago, who eventually got thrown out of halls for repeatedly stting in the shared showers.

[BHC]

At university some dirty bd curled one out on our porch roof.

I have always found it odd.

[Mr Pies]

My friend is a project manager for a large utilities company. They've recently had a big influx of indian workers.
The toilets have been getting left in such a state, they've now had to put stickers of a man standing on the seat squatting with a big cross through it.

The same place, about 12 months ago in the someone was going into the mens and blowing his beans and leaving it running down the back of the door and door handle. Stern warnings from HR on all notice boards about "leaving bodily fluids in the cubicles" seemed to stop that one.

[Salesy]

Dirty batsards,

I used to work in a factory looking after print machines that were run by our Indian friends.

The poor old cleaner used to curse all the time when he did his rounds twice a day to the toilet blocks.

st everywhere, floor, walls, cistern and even the door (how on earth). He protested so much one day that he left it and went and summoned the director. Massive meeting of all staff (230 odd) and stern warnings that this is not normal and anyone caught leaving the loos like that will subject to disciplinary action.

Still happened occasionally and no one got pumped......

st in the hole and clean yourself up properly, it ain't that hard

[Axionknight]

A good few years ago now when I worked as a sparky on the building sites I was in sheffield on a job called the iQuarter, a block on rather snazzy flats. Once they were finished, or nearly finished, they were locked and you had to sign a key out from the site agent - we did so and went on a walk around to check out a few snags we had been given and boom...... A giant turd in the middle of a finished living room, carpet down, the lot.

Shameful, why in the name of God would anyone act like that?

[Johnnytheboy]

Our garden centre has an influx of nice old people in the mornings at times, who take coach trips from here to various stately homes etc.

The things they do to the toilets are beyond belief. Flushing is apparently optional, brushing certainly isn't on the agenda.

[Silent1]

I know of a phantom stter who was caught and the trap was so well thought out yet massively illegal.
They set up a hidden camera in the loo showing the doors to the cubicles but not inside at the end of each day or after an incident the video would be checked, not long after they noticed there was a pattern to the phantom of the bog opera whereby he would go after someone else had been in, always the same person but only if they went in after lunch.
So a trap was set, the person was informed that they were the unlucky bait for the poomaster general and the next day they were to go in after lunch but to let the camera owner know before hand.
Unbeknownst to the terrorist he had brought his paintball gun in so he waited for the chap to go in left it 30 seconds or so and burst in whilst shooting up the toilets, this solved the problem and the guy admitted he had a crush on the other bloke he still works there to this day but is now only allowed to use the disabled bog

[MajorProblem]

[XJSJohn]

Used to have this problem in Singapore with a few of our South Asian collegues who liked to squat over the toilet seat and lay cable ... or more often pebbledash the bog walls.

Solution - one toilet seat would be randomly unscrewed and rested in position and a warning put out to all those of a ethnic tendancy to sit on teh throan rather than hover over it .....

after a few impressive dismount, one of which included a boken leg, another severe concussion and a third that broke the porcelaine HR sent out a very strict warning about tampering with the stters ... however the message was recieved loud and clear, subsequently toilet harmony was to be had!!!

[anonymous-user]

Someone at my old place of employment used to take great pleasure in using the ladies' loo first thing in the morning, before any of them got in. He'd go from cubicle to cubicle pinching off a small one in each bowl and just leave them there.

No it wasn't me. But the thought does make me laugh.

[Spare tyre]

I worked somewhere with a regular visitor from the USA

He was massssive

Bizarrely the it dept that I was working for came under building facilities for historical reasons, so my boss the it manager was also in charge of fixing lights watering plants and dispatching cleaners etc.

We had a knock at the door, can we have someone clean the toilet, boss man was on the phone so asked me to investigate, I kid you not in. It's have been 18 inches long and 1.5 to 2 inches wide

Poor cleaner had to break it down with a garden trowel

It was impressive in a rather odd way


This would repeat pretty much each time he visited, I guess USA toilets are better equipped for this


In other places it's not been too bad but always amazes me how lazy people can be, stty bog roll on the floor, too lazy to pick it up I guess

[Dog Star]

A mate of my dads is a retired headmaster and at his school they had a "phantom desk stter" who would do it in peoples desks. The only problem was that (and I quote) "the cleaners would refuse to clean it up and would only pour a bit of Vim on it"

I also used to work for a big car leasing firm in IT in Sale, Manchester. We had a phantom bog w@nker - there would sometimes be a blob of spunk on the floor in front of the urinals. Then one day one of my mates came into the office to find the security guard on his knees, pants round his ankles and a picture of my missus (in some rather nice lycra club gear (it was a good pic)) that was usually on my desk in front of him! His excuse to management: his belt broke and his trousers fell down and he had accidentally knocked the pic of Mrs DS onto the floor.

Coincidentally the phantom bog spunk stopped after he was "transferred away".

And on the subject of ethnic poo explosions - a friend of mine works in HR and has the "pleasure" of sorting out the accomodation for "offshore" IT staff - she goes mental when she has to go in to the apartments when they've vacated and many of them just st everywhere and have some strange cooking habits.

[IanCress]

Dog Star said:

I also used to work for a big car leasing firm in IT in Sale, Manchester. We had a phantom bog w@nker - there would sometimes be a blob of spunk on the floor in front of the urinals. Then one day one of my mates came into the office to find the security guard on his knees, pants round his ankles and a picture of my missus (in some rather nice lycra club gear (it was a good pic)) that was usually on my desk in front of him! His excuse to management: his belt broke and his trousers fell down and he had accidentally knocked the pic of Mrs DS onto the floor.

You should probably post the picture, just so we can erm... check.

[Moose.]

Could be someone from SE Asian as the usual toilets round these parts are holes in the ground. So when presented with a normal sit down toilet, they tend to stand on the seat and squat. It's such a problem out here in Indonesia the following sign is fairly typical in public toilets:



10 points if you can explain the bottom right pic!