how to get a 3 1/2 yr old to sleep?

[jshell]

Sooooooo much great advice on this thread!

OP, if you let her rule the roost now, you are proper fked later on. She's the child, you're the adult. Kids are like puppies, they need to be trained and they are all the better for it. Firm boundaries make them feel safe and secure and my God they test those boundaries.

Sorry, but for the first time on here I'm saying MTFU!

[gtidriver]

I tried a method on my son that i had seen on SuperNanny, i laid him in his bed,i told him i was going to read his favourite book and when i had finished i was going to leave. Half way through the book i told him where i was in the book and reminded him that i was leaving after the reading had finished. After id finished i put the book down,gave him a kiss goodnight and left the bedroom. He didn't get up or make a noise,it was like id flicked a switch, a very difficult child to get to sleep was changed over night. Goodluck op.

[Sheepshanks]

petemurphy said:

this the only way? am v weak when she cries

Get her some new parents.

[HTP99]

UncappedTag said:

HTP99 said:

There's your problem.

We were firm with our two straight off and they've always stayed in bed; give kids an inch and they will take the piss, particularly with soft parents.

must be fun in your household.

Not at all; kids need boundaries and parents who won't take st and aren't scared to upset their little darlings with discipline, they will soon learn and life will be far easier and enjoyable for bit he parties.

Many kids are like they are today as they have parents who are either weak and don't want to upset their little darlings or they have parents who want to be their kids friend rather than a parent.

[Bigbox]

Reward chart didn't really work with my 3.5 year old however what did work was we bought a bag of marbles and told him that if he can go to sleep on his own (he'd demand that i stayed in his room till his lordship nodded off) he'd get a marble in the morning. Same if he waited for 'the sunshine' in the morning he'd get two marbles.

I then made a big deal about it and promised him the earth (two trains) if he could fill a plastic see through cup with marbles - we kept it so it was visible but out of reach.

As it was taking ages for him to get anywhere (a plastic cup takes quite a while to fill with marbles) i'd planned on topping it up for him so he'd get to his target quite quickly and get his trains to keep him interested and up for the next incentive. To my surprise he was well into it and to my even greater surprise, after a few days of coaxing to go to sleep on his own, promising marbles, he'd even forgotten what he was aiming for and just went to sleep all by himself. Chump

Anyway, i think the physical reward of a marble in a cup worked better for us than a sticker he wasn't really arsed about (or didn't really understand)

Try it?

[prand]

UncappedTag said:

must be fun in your household.

Not really, we're pretty laid back adn have plenty of fun with our kids, but for our sanity, getting them to bed for 7.00pm, and getting them to stay in till their glo clocks change at 7.00am without a fuss was something we worked at from when they were babies. It has been well worth being firm with a routine from the early days as a result our two are very good sleepers, and we can afford to be more flexible now of the need or situation arises.

It's quite amusing to see how they try all the tricks in the book to stretch out bedtime or staying downstairs, but a firm line is not us being miserable, it's just being in control! Mrs P and I need the 2-3 hours to catch up, eat, finish chores etc which would be impossible if we have little ones appearing every 5 mins.

[IanMorewood]

A bed time routine and stick to it, oh and stop being such a wet blanket when she gets out of bed and stick her straight back in bed.

[eliot]

Look up controlled crying:

http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=controlled+crying...

[craste]

Echo what the others have said, you have to be cruel to be kind, keep putting back to bed, and don't stop until she gives up, she will scream the house down and make you feel oh so bad but it will be forgotten about in the morning.

children need rules and boundaries, this way they grow up to respect you and not to walk all over you.

Good luck :0)

[Sir Bagalot]

antspants said:

Put her back in bed, and keep putting her back in bed until she stops it. Kids will push the boundaries.

^^This.

First time we tried routine we were up and down the stairs for 3.5 hours

The next night was just as bad, but they eventually got the routine.

Start it, and stick with it.

[petemurphy]

Sir Bagalot said:

^^This.

First time we tried routine we were up and down the stairs for 3.5 hours

The next night was just as bad, but they eventually got the routine.

Start it, and stick with it.

thanks looks like its the only answer. anyone ever lock their bedroom door and let them get on with it or is that too dangerous?

[prand]

petemurphy said:

thanks looks like its the only answer. anyone ever lock their bedroom door and let them get on with it or is that too dangerous?

We have did once or twice when things got really out of hand, but it was the threat of locking the door that worked more often. There was a period when our two were around 2 yrs old when they simply would not stay in bed at bedtimes - up to 3hrs of crying, screaming and coming out of their rooms. This was really only a period of a few weeks though.

We would repeatedly go back up, put them in their bed, rinse, repeat as long as necessary. Often they would be out again before you'd shut their door. Sometimes I would hold the door shut with them yanking and banging away at the other side. Then the final straw, after many warnings, every now and then would be to lock it.

For me, this became a battle of wills. No matter the bloodcurdling noises coming from the bedroom, pleas, tears, bangs etc, I was not going to give in. I know friends who have allowed their kids to dictate things and they are miserable, sleep in separate rooms as one of the kids has to sleep in their bed, or one of them sleeps in the kids room, are forced to get up at 5.30 all days and the bedtime routine lasts 2.5 hrs. This is with 5-6 yr old kids too.

[petemurphy]

prand said:

We have did once or twice when things got really out of hand, but it was the threat of locking the door that worked more often. There was a period when our two were around 2 yrs old when they simply would not stay in bed at bedtimes - up to 3hrs of crying, screaming and coming out of their rooms. This was really only a period of a few weeks though.

We would repeatedly go back up, put them in their bed, rinse, repeat as long as necessary. Often they would be out again before you'd shut their door. Sometimes I would hold the door shut with them yanking and banging away at the other side. Then the final straw, after many warnings, every now and then would be to lock it.

For me, this became a battle of wills. No matter the bloodcurdling noises coming from the bedroom, pleas, tears, bangs etc, I was not going to give in. I know friends who have allowed their kids to dictate things and they are miserable, sleep in separate rooms as one of the kids has to sleep in their bed, or one of them sleeps in the kids room, are forced to get up at 5.30 all days and the bedtime routine lasts 2.5 hrs. This is with 5-6 yr old kids too.

"sleep in separate rooms as one of the kids has to sleep in their bed, or one of them sleeps in the kids room, are forced to get up at 5.30 all days and the bedtime routine lasts 2.5 hrs"


yeah thats us! thanks all - all good advice guess i need to toughen up and nip it in the bud now

[HTP99]

My colleague still stays upstairs until his son and daughter have gone to sleep, he doesn't have to stay in their room however thay have to know he is upstairs; they are 8 and 9 years old FFS, nothing like making a rod for your own back!!

[Puggit]

Gro-clocks do work, when the child is properly adjusted to using them. OP - you've been given the correct advice about using quiet, firm returns to the bed. Now get on with it

[eltax91]

petemurphy said:

thanks looks like its the only answer. anyone ever lock their bedroom door and let them get on with it or is that too dangerous?

Close. With our 2 year old we have a baby gate in the door frame. He can open the door from the inside, but if it isn't getting up time then the gate stays locked and he is sent back to bed.

This way he can open the door and scream blue murder and we can listen and see if it warrants getting up.

[HCMH]

I really don't understand how parents suffer for so long.....we stuck to a routine very early on, after the stage where they need to eat at night and they soon start sleeping through. Just leave them to cry and they soon figure it out. Babies/ kids are very tough and resilient and they respond much better to boundaries......really hope i haven't jinxed it with this response!

It'll be a few nights of pain but suck it up and you won't look back.

[prand]

petemurphy said:

"sleep in separate rooms as one of the kids has to sleep in their bed, or one of them sleeps in the kids room, are forced to get up at 5.30 all days and the bedtime routine lasts 2.5 hrs"


yeah thats us! thanks all - all good advice guess i need to toughen up and nip it in the bud now

Good luck - it won't be as hard or as long as you think to get them into a routine, just remember you are not causing them distress, this is just their way of getting you to give in. When they know it doesn't work it stops, almost miraculously.

I probably come across as a mean old git, but I'm not like this in real life - I enjoy leisure time with both my kids and my wife. But we're two adults and our lives are hard enough already not to let the kids completely run the house.

We do set boundaries in other areas (like food, ice creams, tv, ipad time etc) which they constantly push at (I liken it to the velociraptors in Jurassic Park constantly attacking the weak points in the enclosure!). But at least they know where they stand and they know that when we loosen them (to stay up late for a film, to have some extra sweets at the weekend etc), these are treats, not a regular expectation. I think most of all we try to make sure that good behaviour is rewarded, not tantrums and wheedling.

I'm not perfect, and I know and they know that pestering and tanrums can sometimes get them what they want all for an easy life, but we try to keep consistent.

[brickwall]

There's a lot of decent research into child behaviour management that shows that the certainty that a threat will be carried out is a lot more important in changing behaviour than the severity of the threat itself.

In short, it's not about being mean or harsh, it's all about being consistent. You mustn't give in, no matter how big the tantrum. They soon get the idea.

[jshell]

HTP99 said:

My colleague still stays upstairs until his son and daughter have gone to sleep, he doesn't have to stay in their room however thay have to know he is upstairs; they are 8 and 9 years old FFS, nothing like making a rod for your own back!!

Utter, utter madness!