Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
james_tigerwoods said:
mcdjl said:
feef said:
regarding POF, you get a notification that a user likes you and you can see their username, but they have removed the username search from the site so you can't just search for them. Clicking through the 'who likes me' requires payment.
The work around is to search the site via google (e.g. "site
of.com [username]" ) but that doesn't always work.
Or on the mobile app do the 'meet me game' and they'll often be the first person that comes up- their picture will match teh notification one if it is.The work around is to search the site via google (e.g. "site
of.com [username]" ) but that doesn't always work.olly22n said:
All that jazz said:
PAUL500 said:
From my own experience.
When I first blundered into the whole new world of net dating I thought I had found Nirvana at last!
Pages of willing, occasionally attractive single women all in one place, perfect.
Like everyone else I had forgotten the adage, Men are from Mars etc.
You think its like an Argos catalogue, hmm I like that one, ooooo that one's even better, hang on ding dong, she is the woman of my dreams. Press of a button and they are yours. All so simple.
The reality is its not a cross section of single people, its a concentration of a certain minority all hanging out in the same location, typically unicorn hunters seeking mr perfect, bodyclock ticking big time so think if he does not exist in the real world he must be on a web site! You may tick 99 of the 100 boxes but the next day after a date they think mr 100 pointer is just around the corner and ignore you after that, 6 months later they are still hunting. Then there are the damaged goods, fresh out of a disaster relationship, or the mad as a box of frogs one who has had a new bloke every 6 weeks since they were 18, and then there are the penpals, either bored single mothers or housewives in a dead relationship needing an ego boost, they play the game big time online until you suggest a meet up then they all go Harry Houdini on you as they cannot back up the chat.
Trying to find a normal person who just wants to date is the proverbial needle in the haystack.
Its a way to get from point A to point B when you are newly single, I had some fun adventures that would otherwise never have happened but in the main net dating does not work.
Success with net dating is a bit like betting people, you hear of the occasional one big win, but rarely hear about the thousands of losers in the same time period.
Do not confuse how people would treat you face to face in the real world with how you will get treated online.
Its the classic numbers game, men do all the chasing, women are in the minority, get bombarded and then think they have suddenly turned from an average 5 out of 10 into a 9 out of 10 major catch and get very fussy, so they fall for the patter of the player every time then get disillusioned and walk away from it.
Fill your boots, make the most of it, key thing is don't take the knock backs to heart, the vast majority of blokes on those places are going through exactly the same as you.
A very accurate and well written summary Paul! When I first blundered into the whole new world of net dating I thought I had found Nirvana at last!
Pages of willing, occasionally attractive single women all in one place, perfect.
Like everyone else I had forgotten the adage, Men are from Mars etc.
You think its like an Argos catalogue, hmm I like that one, ooooo that one's even better, hang on ding dong, she is the woman of my dreams. Press of a button and they are yours. All so simple.
The reality is its not a cross section of single people, its a concentration of a certain minority all hanging out in the same location, typically unicorn hunters seeking mr perfect, bodyclock ticking big time so think if he does not exist in the real world he must be on a web site! You may tick 99 of the 100 boxes but the next day after a date they think mr 100 pointer is just around the corner and ignore you after that, 6 months later they are still hunting. Then there are the damaged goods, fresh out of a disaster relationship, or the mad as a box of frogs one who has had a new bloke every 6 weeks since they were 18, and then there are the penpals, either bored single mothers or housewives in a dead relationship needing an ego boost, they play the game big time online until you suggest a meet up then they all go Harry Houdini on you as they cannot back up the chat.
Trying to find a normal person who just wants to date is the proverbial needle in the haystack.
Its a way to get from point A to point B when you are newly single, I had some fun adventures that would otherwise never have happened but in the main net dating does not work.
Success with net dating is a bit like betting people, you hear of the occasional one big win, but rarely hear about the thousands of losers in the same time period.
Do not confuse how people would treat you face to face in the real world with how you will get treated online.
Its the classic numbers game, men do all the chasing, women are in the minority, get bombarded and then think they have suddenly turned from an average 5 out of 10 into a 9 out of 10 major catch and get very fussy, so they fall for the patter of the player every time then get disillusioned and walk away from it.
Fill your boots, make the most of it, key thing is don't take the knock backs to heart, the vast majority of blokes on those places are going through exactly the same as you.
trackdemon said:
Me neither. I've met some idiots, but quite a lot of nice girls, and a few really nice ones in particular, especially the most recent that may become something. You can't just say 'this is the truth' based on personal experience and the words of scorned acquaintances, everybody's truth is different. OLD isn't for everyone - it can be brutal if you're thin skinned, get fixated, or can't get chat going, but that doesn't mean it's the same for everyone.
Quite, for anyone in their late 30's that is decent looking, has a good job and can hold a conversation OLD is pretty easy.
james_tigerwoods said:
Ahh, sorry to hear that. If it's any consolation, the ones I met on PoF were bat s
t crazy....
Only applies to the girls who clicked ' want to meet '. If they actually sent me a message the chances of meeting were much higher. t crazy....Only met one that went straight to crazy, still quite nice though!
Question to the Greek Gods who were batting them off with a stty stick on match, why did you then quit the place?
If it was because you met someone via the site then are you still with them? and if not why are you not back on there?
I have had plenty of dates, made a number of friends as a result, still single though, so its ultimately not worked for me or anyone I know.
tty stick on match, why did you then quit the place?If it was because you met someone via the site then are you still with them? and if not why are you not back on there?
I have had plenty of dates, made a number of friends as a result, still single though, so its ultimately not worked for me or anyone I know.
Mr Happy said:
james_tigerwoods said:
mcdjl said:
feef said:
regarding POF, you get a notification that a user likes you and you can see their username, but they have removed the username search from the site so you can't just search for them. Clicking through the 'who likes me' requires payment.
The work around is to search the site via google (e.g. "siteof.com [username]" ) but that doesn't always work.
Or on the mobile app do the 'meet me game' and they'll often be the first person that comes up- their picture will match teh notification one if it is.The work around is to search the site via google (e.g. "site
of.com [username]" ) but that doesn't always work.olly22n said:
I'm with the girl I met on there, and only went back on after I split with the girl I first met on there after two and a half years.
I don't believe OLD is any different to the natural cross section of life you'd meet anywhere. Of course there is an obvious benefit if you can actually hold a conversation etc etc but it isn't the minefield it's made out to be. I've met some lovely girls and am struggling to think of any wrong uns.
Maybe it's you?
agreed. i think the bemoaners would/do still struggle without OLD. either no chat, no confidence or living somewhere with a small pool of prospective dates for their age range or preferences. I don't believe OLD is any different to the natural cross section of life you'd meet anywhere. Of course there is an obvious benefit if you can actually hold a conversation etc etc but it isn't the minefield it's made out to be. I've met some lovely girls and am struggling to think of any wrong uns.
Maybe it's you?
way back in vol.1 i met someone through POF and ended up together for almost 4 years. was single for a couple of years but now with a girl i met through OKC and we're moving in together next month. my current flatmate met his OH on tinder and have been together over a year. another mate has married and had a child with the girl he met through OLD. there are others. OLD has no stigma anymore, most people have tried it.
i agree that if you're sub 40, in good shape and interesting conversationally its not difficult. also helps if you live in a decent city and don't treat it like its the answer to all your prayers. a partner should compliment the life you already have, not replace it.
i think a lot of those who spout the whole 'unicorn hunting' b
ks are just a tad bitter. just because some girl isn't into you or can't find words to respond to your lifeless messages doesn't mean she is a bad person, nor should you treat the rejection as a reflection on your own worth. its easy to get carried away and idealise a relationship with someone you have flirted with electronically and maybe even in person, doesn't mean it will come true. don't cling to what might have been or never was. as an aside, when my OH messaged me the first time i thought she was a catfish as she appeared too good to be true. i was in africa at the time and was bored so messaged back. very glad i did.
PAUL500 said:
I have had plenty of dates, made a number of friends as a result, still single though,
you don't date to make friends. if there's no spark, move on. I do wonder if, on evidence of posts on PH, there's a correlation between the 'powerfully build director' types, or just those who flaunt their decent job, nice house and possessions and success on dating sites?
I was very, very cautious when using them - vague about the job, vague about the house, even vague about my car.
It's often said 'if you aren't bad looking and have a decent job' that it's easy. The highlighted bit would always worry me a little.
I was very, very cautious when using them - vague about the job, vague about the house, even vague about my car.
It's often said 'if you aren't bad looking and have a decent job' that it's easy. The highlighted bit would always worry me a little.
shirt said:
but why would you want to date someone who wasn't financially self reliant anyway?
Maybe old fashioned now I suppose but it's called love.Having lost my wife to cancer I told my partner that I will be honest and open about everything. Hell, I have even told her things that I did not tell my wife of 20 years about!
Trabi601 said:
CaptainSlow said:
I think you have to be open and honest when building a relationship. Maybe if you kept being vague on too many subjects it worked against you.
Honesty has to be earned by both parties. I played cards very close until I was sure I wasn't just a meal ticket.Honesty is overated.
I found out that my 11 year old daughter had been lying to us. I told her that I wanted the truth, somethings may be uncomfortable to hear but I wanted the truth.
She went to her friends for the afternoon, picked her up and drove home.
'What did you do'
'Watched a movie'
'What did you watch, I hope it wasnt a scarey film, what was it about'
'Fornication'
Would rather she had lied!
I found out that my 11 year old daughter had been lying to us. I told her that I wanted the truth, somethings may be uncomfortable to hear but I wanted the truth.
She went to her friends for the afternoon, picked her up and drove home.
'What did you do'
'Watched a movie'
'What did you watch, I hope it wasnt a scarey film, what was it about'
'Fornication'
Would rather she had lied!
Trabi601 said:
I do wonder if, on evidence of posts on PH, there's a correlation between the 'powerfully build director' types, or just those who flaunt their decent job, nice house and possessions and success on dating sites?
I was very, very cautious when using them - vague about the job, vague about the house, even vague about my car.
It's often said 'if you aren't bad looking and have a decent job' that it's easy. The highlighted bit would always worry me a little.
I've never bothered putting anything about my job, home or possessions on a dating site. At worst they won't be sufficient for the gold-digging sorts and at best they will attract said sorts. Lose/lose IMO. I was very, very cautious when using them - vague about the job, vague about the house, even vague about my car.
It's often said 'if you aren't bad looking and have a decent job' that it's easy. The highlighted bit would always worry me a little.
That said, I have known friends who have done so and, hey presto, they have attracted the gold-digging sorts.
I never bothered with any script at all for what its worth. The photos are the only thing of importance. It probably helps I am based in city and not some rural backwater but I had a good laugh and met some great people on it. Probably went on 30 dates over about 3 months and no real horror stories so my experience was positive. There were a few that were slightly odd - but I can't say I thought on-line stuff highlighted a particularly different demographic to people you would meet on the street.
Trabi601 said:
I do wonder if, on evidence of posts on PH, there's a correlation between the 'powerfully build director' types, or just those who flaunt their decent job, nice house and possessions and success on dating sites?
I was deliberately vague about my profession as I suspected it might put people off, what with the classic stigma attached to accountants... 
I've had similar experiences to Olly and Shirt though- I can't speak highly enough of online dating. I first tried it several years ago (POF) and went on a few dates- all very enjoyable, then met someone who I was with for a couple of years- it didn't work out in the end due to changes in our own personal circumstances, but there were no hard feelings or anything.
I then tried it again last year (Tinder), I went on a few dates that whilst not going any further, were still a good laugh- we just didn't click. In each case we wished each other the best and moved on. After just over a month on Tinder I then met my current girlfriend, we hit it off straight away and have been together ever since, couldn't be happier.
I always found it rather straightforward- act like a grown-up, a few messages to have a bit of a laugh and find out if you are on the same wavelength, if so, suggest meeting up and see if the compatibility is still there in person. At that point you are at the same stage as you would be if you were on a date with someone you'd met offline.
I didn't think it was hard to filter out the ones who would likely be a waste of time, either from their pictures or their profiles. I ignored those women who looked like they were auditioning for a reality tv program, any who had comments about adding them on other social media/messaging platforms, those who had OTT provocative comments in their bio, those with only a single (heavily posed/edited) picture, and those with only pictures of above-shoulder 'selfies' etc. (Granted some of those might have their own unique qualities but it depends what you are looking for...)
Once all of those were filtered out (from the profiles I actually found appealing in the first place!), I was left with a small handful of profiles who I was pretty confident were on a similar page to myself- surprise surprise they were the ones I messaged and I almost always received 'normal' responses from them!
Tinder makes it even easier as you can only message people you have matched with- so straight away you know there is at the very least a shred of mutual attraction, so you're half-way across that particular bridge before you've even sent a message!
Online dating is just a means of massively broadening the pool of available people- whether online or offline you just filter out the ones who aren't worth approaching just the same. Unless of course going after those kind of individuals is your thing!
Morningside said:
shirt said:
but why would you want to date someone who wasn't financially self reliant anyway?
Maybe old fashioned now I suppose but it's called love.Having lost my wife to cancer I told my partner that I will be honest and open about everything. Hell, I have even told her things that I did not tell my wife of 20 years about!
I'm with the squirrel in that it's easy to tell if you're on the same wavelength. I do wonder about those who have no filter for this kind of things, or is it a case of having such a barren spell that you take anything that bites?
As for advertising wealth, well that's just as stupid as the women who advertise their tits and lingerie who'd be 'attracted' to you for doing it.
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