Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
RobinBanks said:
I went to the University of Birmingham. Why didn't I meet her?
Either you acted like a closet case Mr Benn with white jeans, stetsons and assorted militaria forming the bulk of your wardrobe or she was too busy up Cannock Chase with half a dozen blokes a night hanging out the back of her.HerrSchnell said:
RobinBanks said:
I went to the University of Birmingham. Why didn't I meet her?
Either you acted like a closet case Mr Benn with white jeans, stetsons and assorted militaria forming the bulk of your wardrobe or she was too busy up Cannock Chase with half a dozen blokes a night hanging out the back of her.
andy-xr said:
The only truth here I guess is that you've been f
ked over, maybe more than once, so you're of the opinion that they're all like that. I wouldn't say any more or less than anybody else. It's certainly not the cause for my thinking. I haven't been in a relationship (choice partly, time constraints as well) for a few years and if anything time without one is what made me question why we (as men) bother to go through it all. I think the longer I've been single, the more I've decided it's not worth changing for. I certainly don't feel my "biological clock" ticking away encouraging me to have children
...
And you think about it, there's separation between jobs and relationships, but mindsets can be a funny thing. It's odd to castigate someone who's fked you over for doing exactly what they're conditioned to do. Now THIS was my point. Women are programmed to be a certain way. Find a person that is a good mate (strong genes, security etc etc) Whilst men are hardwired to spread their seed to increase the chances of their genes continuing. Many have taken the view that I hate women. Far from it. They are pretty and smell nice and I want to have sex with them. But I realise that these differences are why Men and Women rarely find the complete happiness that's sold in Hollywood. If IME losing my independence/money/whatever is the cost for a relationship. It's too high
It's something that I think Impasse put as a comment to me a few pages ago that's made me think about what he said, and I dont think it's a good healthy mindset to have.
ked over, maybe more than once, so you're of the opinion that they're all like that. I wouldn't say any more or less than anybody else. It's certainly not the cause for my thinking. I haven't been in a relationship (choice partly, time constraints as well) for a few years and if anything time without one is what made me question why we (as men) bother to go through it all. I think the longer I've been single, the more I've decided it's not worth changing for. I certainly don't feel my "biological clock" ticking away encouraging me to have children...
And you think about it, there's separation between jobs and relationships, but mindsets can be a funny thing. It's odd to castigate someone who's f
ked you over for doing exactly what they're conditioned to do. Now THIS was my point. Women are programmed to be a certain way. Find a person that is a good mate (strong genes, security etc etc) Whilst men are hardwired to spread their seed to increase the chances of their genes continuing. Many have taken the view that I hate women. Far from it. They are pretty and smell nice and I want to have sex with them. But I realise that these differences are why Men and Women rarely find the complete happiness that's sold in Hollywood. If IME losing my independence/money/whatever is the cost for a relationship. It's too highIt's something that I think Impasse put as a comment to me a few pages ago that's made me think about what he said, and I dont think it's a good healthy mindset to have.
Joey Deacon said:
Judging by the amount of men on Tinder and POF who only use it for hookups, I would say more and more men are starting to think Like Rich. I don't know a single one of my married friends who is happy, most of them are just putting up with it for the kids or the fact that they would be financially screwed over if they split.
Thank You. This is my point. If relationships were as wonderful as a minority of posters (Georgy, Alikat, CDG) would have you believe. Why is the use of POF/Tinder/Cheating websites on the up and up. Why do 42% of Marraiges end in divorce? It's virtually HALF, yet some continue to think that they are the lucky ones and their relationship is solid as a rock since they "complete" or "fulfil" each other.What's the cause and what's the effect?
clonmult said:
My marriage thankfully ended rather than continuing the nightmare that it had become. Whilst that has put me off marriage, I do however have a good few friends who are irritatingly happily married. I know a few others who have had marriage breakdowns over the last few years.
But I do also see a few obviously married people on Tinder ....
But I do also see a few obviously married people on Tinder ....
ali_kat said:
He knows nothing!
I know enough 
I'm no shredded ripped fireman calendar model. But I've done alright. Probably better than some and worse than others. So I like to think I can give an opinion on my findings.
That's nearly 60% marriages that succeed then. Some will be bad marriages. However that could then leave something like 40-50% as good - that's a lot of woman who actually are decent unlike your view of money grabbing bhes.
POF as your example... actuallt surely that says people are looking for someone, not your view. Tinder is a way of meeting with someone you find attractive, it's a way to meet. Then see if the person is relationship material. Cheating websites - always been people who will cheat, it's just an easier way to do so. It doesn't mean all women are cheats. Plus big increases in statistics are easy to show when original numbers were very low due to technology just starting out in these ways.
hes. POF as your example... actuallt surely that says people are looking for someone, not your view. Tinder is a way of meeting with someone you find attractive, it's a way to meet. Then see if the person is relationship material. Cheating websites - always been people who will cheat, it's just an easier way to do so. It doesn't mean all women are cheats. Plus big increases in statistics are easy to show when original numbers were very low due to technology just starting out in these ways.
CountZero23 said:
Rich, if you have such distain for relationships and online dating surely this isn't the thread for you?
I find it interesting to see the counter view. 
I like to challenge and be challenged.I also thought that the bullying of the Uni student for 20 pages was unjustified.
NRS said:
That's nearly 60% marriages that succeed then. Some will be bad marriages. However that could then leave something like 40-50% as good - that's a lot of woman who actually are decent unlike your view of money grabbing bhes.
From my experience of people I know, I would argue that more than 42% of marriages fail. I would suggest that the percentage of people who got married in the last 15 years or so and who are now divorced is much higher than 42%. hes. So, of the remaining marriages that succeed, I would be very interested to know what percentage of people are happy. You only have to look a website like deadbedrooms to realise there are a hell of a lot of people who are in sexless marriages where they are basically just roommates who don't really like each other anymore.
From an early age we are lead to believe that the secret to a happy life is to get married, buy a house, have 2 children and live happily ever after. More and more people are starting to realise this isn't the case and there is another way, hence the falling numbers of people getting married.
I have been married myself, and from my experience the decent into unhappiness was so slow and gradual that I actually thought this was what marriage was like and was normal. Don't get me wrong, I was devastated when it ended, but looking back now I know it was the best thing to happen to me.
I am living with someone now and have been for a while, but I have no desire to get married again.
I did both. Lived together for 22 years. Got married. Felt very different inside. Met a lass on a dating site -first and only person. we get on well and have had similar life experiences. I don't for a moment think there is a recipe for a successful marriage or relationship, other than the desire and commitment to make it work.
drivin_me_nuts said:
I did both. Lived together for 22 years. Got married. Felt very different inside. Met a lass on a dating site -first and only person. we get on well and have had similar life experiences. I don't for a moment think there is a recipe for a successful marriage or relationship, other than the desire and commitment to make it work.
Good to see you are back out there, fella. Richard.... each to there own, but I think you are completely wrong (and arguing the counter just a little bit too vociferously)
I've seen both sides..... In a long term relationship and then married - lost my wife to cancer not long after. Thought that was it from a relationship perspective. Went out and had lots of sex with lots of women, thought it was great (and I was great), then realised very quickly that it was just fulfilling a physical need and nothing else. Parked the former to one side, met a lovely girl who I adore (and who adores me back), got married, and couldn't be happier. Contrary to other posts, with the exception of one (and there other issues at play with him), all of my friends are married, and all of them love their wives and children and are extremely happy. That may change in the future..... it may not.
As an aside, from direct experience the married women I have known who have looked outside of their marriage have done so because they have (over time) become physically or emotionally detached from their husbands. From this I would conclude that a marriage is something that requires equal effort from both parties. Perhaps you have been wronged in the past, but have you ever taken a step back and thought your actions?
Joey Deacon said:
NRS said:
That's nearly 60% marriages that succeed then. Some will be bad marriages. However that could then leave something like 40-50% as good - that's a lot of woman who actually are decent unlike your view of money grabbing bhes.
From my experience of people I know, I would argue that more than 42% of marriages fail. I would suggest that the percentage of people who got married in the last 15 years or so and who are now divorced is much higher than 42%. hes. So, of the remaining marriages that succeed, I would be very interested to know what percentage of people are happy. You only have to look a website like deadbedrooms to realise there are a hell of a lot of people who are in sexless marriages where they are basically just roommates who don't really like each other anymore.
From an early age we are lead to believe that the secret to a happy life is to get married, buy a house, have 2 children and live happily ever after. More and more people are starting to realise this isn't the case and there is another way, hence the falling numbers of people getting married.
I have been married myself, and from my experience the decent into unhappiness was so slow and gradual that I actually thought this was what marriage was like and was normal. Don't get me wrong, I was devastated when it ended, but looking back now I know it was the best thing to happen to me.
I am living with someone now and have been for a while, but I have no desire to get married again.
I would suspect the number of marriages that break down in the last 15 years will be higher than average, however that would also be related to the 7 year rule (I think it's 7 years). If you survive those then it's more skewed to surviving long term.
You mention deadbedrooms - but of course there will be a lot of people on there complaining. When there are many many millions who are married in the UK even tens of thousands will seem like a lot of members there but is again a very small number in the overall picture.
Yes, I would have to agree we are generally conditioned by films etc that it is the way things should be. However I think we also generally want it. The problem is too many people think about what they can get, and forget about the work that needs to go into it. There will be times when it's horrible, but certainly there are lots who say it was worth it sticking together through those times. Many people say they'll never get married, and yet what is the difference between a long term relationship and marriage? You still live together, have to deal with problems etc.
Couples marrying more recently are less likely to get divorced. The more recent the marriage, the less likely it is to end in divorce. For example, those marrying after 2006 have a 5% likelihood that they will have divorced by their 5th anniversary, compared to an 8% likelihood for those married between 1987 and 1995.
Rich_W said:
I find it interesting to see the counter view. I like to challenge and be challenged.
I also thought that the bullying of the Uni student for 20 pages was unjustified.
Hi Rich, its not bullying - he actively courts the attention...see all his previous threads/topics. If he didn't want the attention he wouldn't do it. I like to challenge and be challenged.I also thought that the bullying of the Uni student for 20 pages was unjustified.
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