Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
drivin_me_nuts said:
Adenauer said:
drivin_me_nuts said:
Adenauer said:
I'm still convinced that Matt/CC/Airbrakes etc. is some stooge posting on here whilst his 'operatives' back at GCHQ are watching the responses so that they can find the ideal candidate to fill their vacancy for a ridiculously understanding, tolerant, and patient spy to send out to North Korea Peckham to find out what makes that fat geezer tick.
EFA.;)
t - you're* ffs you Germans posts on here murdering our grammar.DMN - you swine
ChemicalChaos said:
Vocal Minority said:
There's the problem. I know 'friend zone' is an irritating Americanism, but it is also a real thing.
y say 'you're a nice guy' is because (despite the constantly getting angry and political tirades 'round these parts) you probably are. Girls like going out with nice guys. If you asked them out fairly sharply after meeting them and deciding they are pretty and seem quite nice, you'd probably get better results.
As it is you let it get to a stage where its not about you being nice or not, its because in their head you have become a 'friend' - and moving the dynamic away from that would be weird, whereas 6 months or so ago (maybe) it wouldn't have been weird.
That is what I am interpreting. It may be you don't dither around - but it sounds like you do.
Yes, I do tend to dither a bit because my last relationship was a "wham, bang, thankyou ma'am" affair that started quickly and ended in complete disaster, because we were nowhere near as compatible as we first thought on first impressions. Also there seems to be a 50/50 split in people agreeing on the existance of the friendzone or not.y say 'you're a nice guy' is because (despite the constantly getting angry and political tirades 'round these parts) you probably are. Girls like going out with nice guys. If you asked them out fairly sharply after meeting them and deciding they are pretty and seem quite nice, you'd probably get better results.
As it is you let it get to a stage where its not about you being nice or not, its because in their head you have become a 'friend' - and moving the dynamic away from that would be weird, whereas 6 months or so ago (maybe) it wouldn't have been weird.
That is what I am interpreting. It may be you don't dither around - but it sounds like you do.
Edited by ChemicalChaos on Tuesday 10th March 14:42
I understand exactly what you are trying to achieve. I understand because it is exactly what I tried to do around your age/a little younger than you. Never worked. Not once.
In fact I can think of only two occasions with friends when it did work. Those occasions ended in VERY acrimonious break ups - the friend bit prior seemingly made it even worse.
In short - you will get complete disasters in life. They happen to everyone - its almost a right of passage really. Enjoy yourself finding out whether this next one is the right one - and if they are great.
If not - well, success is merely moving from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm (I think I may have said that before - but it is impossible to over use Churchill quotes).
I personally don't think you'll find what you are looking for, the way you are looking. I didn't. I know other people who tried it too. They had similar results to me!
Edited by Vocal Minority on Tuesday 10th March 15:17
ChemicalChaos said:
Thats the point - apart from the partying, she has loads in common with me. We're both massive 80s rock music fans, into cars, slightly right wing and like a good drink and a laugh. She's an American who loves the UK, I'm a Brit who loves the US. Ok, so she likes going out partying a lo. I can be the life and soul of a party when I want (yes really, my birthday party looked like a warehouse rave), so I didnt consider it a dealbreak (nothing forcing me to go along every time) or I wouldnt have asked her in the first place. Nevertheless, it's her decision and I respect her choice.
I asked her out in person, on the way back from a society night out in a bar. However, I took her so completely by surprise that she wanted to have a sober think about it, and then she got back to me via email.
Wrong again. The last girl I liked, someone on my course who sadly left, was a quite quiet, shy person who was very much cut from the same cloth in terms of staying in not going out.
If I see a girl I really, really like in terms of physical attraction, then I will get to know them a bit first (or vice versa, if I make friends with someone and then notice their beauty the more I see of them) - if they are single, not mental and have more than a few things in common, then I will consider asking them out. Outgoing or shy, loud or quiet, nerdy or "normal", its the general personality that I find more important than individual traits.
Did the last girl leave cause of you?I asked her out in person, on the way back from a society night out in a bar. However, I took her so completely by surprise that she wanted to have a sober think about it, and then she got back to me via email.
Wrong again. The last girl I liked, someone on my course who sadly left, was a quite quiet, shy person who was very much cut from the same cloth in terms of staying in not going out.
If I see a girl I really, really like in terms of physical attraction, then I will get to know them a bit first (or vice versa, if I make friends with someone and then notice their beauty the more I see of them) - if they are single, not mental and have more than a few things in common, then I will consider asking them out. Outgoing or shy, loud or quiet, nerdy or "normal", its the general personality that I find more important than individual traits.
So you have Rock, beer, cars and a laugh... Wow... she is marriage material and you two are soulmates!!
You obviously know f
k all about her as she like you is going number 1 first.... the PHYSICAL attraction, why does it need to spelt out to you?You already said you only talk to women you find physically attractive... (I bet you back track and say you would do a swamp donkey if it could make you laugh now).
PH gives you advice on how not to be the ugliest Chemist in the room, just to get past this first wall... Its a case of someone thinking you are slightly attractive, or you have a cheeky personality... I doubt you have the personality to pull of cheeky, so you need to go for the making an effort with appearance.
You are already in the friend zone before you start with your technique.
You yourself are your own worst enemy, look in a mirror and say to yourself, would I go out with me? You are a nerd chasing rock chicks, doesnt matter if you happen to both like Bon Jovi, it don't work without being shallow and sorting yourself out.
ChemicalChaos said:
I am my real self. My real self IS part old fashioned chap, part cowboy rocker. My real self IS a cutting edge science geek who also likes Victorian heavy engineering. And my real self IS mentally about 65. I can't help my personality, and I'm not changing for anyone.
Its funny really how the tables turn. I broke up with my ex girlfriend in Bristol because she wanted to settle down and I didn't - at age 20, I wanted to drink and muck around with fast cars, but she wanted to start a family and find a house together!
Now, last week I asked out a truly fantastic, gorgeous 80s rock chick I've become very good friends with. Part of her very kind but still negative response included the words "You are so sweet and any girl would be lucky to be with you, so I feel awful saying I only want to be friends. I am kind of a party animal, very loud, and go out a lot. You don't seem to enjoy that kind of lifestyle as much as I do, and I don't want to hurt you".
In fact, of the last few girls I've asked out over the years, the common theme seems to be "You're such a lovely guy, but...". It pains me every time, but I'm not about to try and fake being some sort of douchebag in order to attract girls. I am who I am, and that's the way it is.
It's okay, Im here now.Its funny really how the tables turn. I broke up with my ex girlfriend in Bristol because she wanted to settle down and I didn't - at age 20, I wanted to drink and muck around with fast cars, but she wanted to start a family and find a house together!
Now, last week I asked out a truly fantastic, gorgeous 80s rock chick I've become very good friends with. Part of her very kind but still negative response included the words "You are so sweet and any girl would be lucky to be with you, so I feel awful saying I only want to be friends. I am kind of a party animal, very loud, and go out a lot. You don't seem to enjoy that kind of lifestyle as much as I do, and I don't want to hurt you".
In fact, of the last few girls I've asked out over the years, the common theme seems to be "You're such a lovely guy, but...". It pains me every time, but I'm not about to try and fake being some sort of douchebag in order to attract girls. I am who I am, and that's the way it is.
Let's just have a quick recap on what we have to work with.
23 years old
Part cowboy/rocker/cutting edge science geek/Victorian heavy engineering lover/ 65 year old wannabe/
Appearance: Not unpleasant, if ruined a touch by clothes and hair. And face a bit.
Typical friend: A girl
Want from a relationship aged 23: A Cuddle and a film. Not fussed about sex.
Actually I'm completely stumped as to why you aren't having to beat them off with a stick with that list of things you have going for you there CC.
Just a joke by the way. I'm not stumped.
The answers are obvious. You need to change either yourself or the type of girl you are seeking to attract.
Given that you have no testosterone you should be happy to just have a girl of any type so look for someone who fits your description rather than a wild gorgeous rocker chick. No offense but of course she was never going to be interested.
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