Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
CharlesdeGaulle said:
That's not middle class though, is it? That's being a f
king irritating cow, nothing to do with socio-economic group at all.
Mind you, there's also the very real possibility she'd be a better skier than me (most people are) and laugh heartily as I wobble down the hill. Not good.king irritating cow, nothing to do with socio-economic group at all. CharlesdeGaulle said:
That's not middle class though, is it? That's being a fking irritating cow, nothing to do with socio-economic group at all.
i'm being slightly tongue in cheek, but skiing is far more likely to be in that person's 'wheelhouse', and people who act like that are quite likely to be in that socio-economic group/class whatever. Ultimately you've got to filter out the people you don't want somehow, and you can only really do this using factors that aren't 100% reliable. e.g. when i was on that game, i filtered out any girl that did't have a degree, as that would mean they were less likely to be scum. clearly it's not guaranteed. Internet dating tends to mean that you have to make judgements based on relatively little info.king irritating cow, nothing to do with socio-economic group at all. Blown2CV said:
i'm being slightly tongue in cheek, but skiing is far more likely to be in that person's 'wheelhouse', and people who act like that are quite likely to be in that socio-economic group/class whatever. Ultimately you've got to filter out the people you don't want somehow, and you can only really do this using factors that aren't 100% reliable. e.g. when i was on that game, i filtered out any girl that did't have a degree, as that would mean they were less likely to be scum. clearly it's not guaranteed. Internet dating tends to mean that you have to make judgements based on relatively little info.
I think, generally, you can gauge a person's background in how they present themselves.You may have missed out on a few ladies by selecting degree only candidates.
I don't have a degree.
Also I don't dress in a shell suit!
I think I present myself quite smartly, and in my humble opinion, you can usually spot a potential 'council' lurker a million miles away!
Having said that, I don't think I would ever feel 100% comfortable dating a smoker, so I do find myself examining photo's for the sign of a ciggy lurking anywhere.
Robw73 said:
Blown2CV said:
i'm being slightly tongue in cheek, but skiing is far more likely to be in that person's 'wheelhouse', and people who act like that are quite likely to be in that socio-economic group/class whatever. Ultimately you've got to filter out the people you don't want somehow, and you can only really do this using factors that aren't 100% reliable. e.g. when i was on that game, i filtered out any girl that did't have a degree, as that would mean they were less likely to be scum. clearly it's not guaranteed. Internet dating tends to mean that you have to make judgements based on relatively little info.
I think, generally, you can gauge a person's background in how they present themselves.You may have missed out on a few ladies by selecting degree only candidates.
I don't have a degree.
Also I don't dress in a shell suit!
I think I present myself quite smartly, and in my humble opinion, you can usually spot a potential 'council' lurker a million miles away!
Having said that, I don't think I would ever feel 100% comfortable dating a smoker, so I do find myself examining photo's for the sign of a ciggy lurking anywhere.
Blown2CV said:
i know, my point was that anything you might choose to filter on, either in the profile or by eye, cannot be 100% accurate in getting you what you really want. I know degree doesn't guarantee personality traits, or even intelligence, and that plenty of people without degrees are perfectly dateable. However, I made the inference that not many horrific council slags will have degrees, and so it seemed to get rid of those at least, even though unfortunately it also got rid of some good candidates with it.
I'm not sure internet dating will EVER get you what you really want.If you approach somebody at a bar, be they male or female, you can usually establish within a few moments if you are going to get along. I don't think anything similar can be judged via Tinder / OKCupid / Match.com etc etc.
Initially, attraction is primarily based on physical appearance.
The same can be said in 'real life' buthaving approached your chosen las she then blasts you with a fog-horn voice, or has those huge bloody great finger nails like old Chinese men have, you know pretty damn quick that you're not a perfect match.......unless you have an odd liking for quirky traits!
I may now go and amend my profile to add:
'No horrific Council Slags need apply'
Great terminology which I applaud loudly.
Robw73 said:
Blown2CV said:
i know, my point was that anything you might choose to filter on, either in the profile or by eye, cannot be 100% accurate in getting you what you really want. I know degree doesn't guarantee personality traits, or even intelligence, and that plenty of people without degrees are perfectly dateable. However, I made the inference that not many horrific council slags will have degrees, and so it seemed to get rid of those at least, even though unfortunately it also got rid of some good candidates with it.
I'm not sure internet dating will EVER get you what you really want.If you approach somebody at a bar, be they male or female, you can usually establish within a few moments if you are going to get along. I don't think anything similar can be judged via Tinder / OKCupid / Match.com etc etc.
Initially, attraction is primarily based on physical appearance.
The same can be said in 'real life' buthaving approached your chosen las she then blasts you with a fog-horn voice, or has those huge bloody great finger nails like old Chinese men have, you know pretty damn quick that you're not a perfect match.......unless you have an odd liking for quirky traits!
I may now go and amend my profile to add:
'No horrific Council Slags need apply'
Great terminology which I applaud loudly.
I guess initial attraction isn't that good a measure either!
Blown2CV said:
I met the current Mrs 2CV online, and she wasn't interested in clicking on me at first - her mate persuaded her to, and said that if not, she'd click me herself instead! We get married next month.
I guess initial attraction isn't that good a measure either!
Congratulations.I guess initial attraction isn't that good a measure either!
Best wishes for the big day.
Just came across this ... Well, not literally.
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=592...
I wouldn't post it, if wasn't for the car content
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=592...
I wouldn't post it, if wasn't for the car content
Ikemi said:
Just came across this ... Well, not literally.
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=592...
I wouldn't post it, if wasn't for the car content
Athletic body? Well I suppose the shot-putt is 'Athletics'...http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=592...
I wouldn't post it, if wasn't for the car content
Robw73 said:
Blown2CV said:
i know, my point was that anything you might choose to filter on, either in the profile or by eye, cannot be 100% accurate in getting you what you really want. I know degree doesn't guarantee personality traits, or even intelligence, and that plenty of people without degrees are perfectly dateable. However, I made the inference that not many horrific council slags will have degrees, and so it seemed to get rid of those at least, even though unfortunately it also got rid of some good candidates with it.
I'm not sure internet dating will EVER get you what you really want.escargot said:
Oh I dunno. I feel like I've won the jackpot, speaking personally.
Great to hear lots of positives.I've only had my profile on Tinder, Happn and OKCupid a few days after separating from my wife earlier in the year.
3 'matches' on Tinder, although 2 of those are yet to return messages!!!
No action on Happn (but I think that is more my location than anything else)
OKCupid is work in progress!
Are there any other sites / apps that seem genuine & where you can actually make contact?
Blown2CV said:
Horrific council types
Ikemi said:
trackdemon said:
Blown2CV said:
Horrific council types
Ikemi said:
Well, I've found myself in a friendzone situation yet again.
I met up with a girl last weekend after having sent 3 or 4 messages on OKC. After a couple of messages about music and travel I asked her out for a drink, she sent me her number and we met up that weekend. Had a really great afternoon, I showed her round my favourite little corner in London, long walk round the park and then couple hours drinks and chatting in a cosy pub. Conversation flowed throughout, she's really cute and I felt really relaxed and confident around her. She brought up some quite personal things which I'm sure wouldn't normally be raised on a first date if there wasn't a good deal of immediate trust. I was buzzing afterwards, genuinely best date I've had for a few years with one of the prettiest girls I've met online.
Well anyway, sent her a text a couple hours after just to see if she got home ok, which she replied to a little later as she'd met with friends after our afternoon date. I replied, couple of little in-jokes from the afternoon, said I'd really enjoyed it and I'd call to see her again if she was game. However, I got the dreaded "lovely guy but.." reply, she said she hadn't felt that spark, although she was gushing with compliments about how much she'd enjoyed it too. However, I had put in my OKC profile at the end that I wasn't looking for friendship, which she referred to and was it best to leave it completely, even though she'd love to stay in touch. I replied saying it was a real shame, as I'd felt quite differently and that I'd had the best company with her for ages and how attractive I found her but said I'd love to just be friends, but have found it to be a mistake in the past so probably best to leave it there.
I admit I have read and understand the psychology of some of these dating coaches, and I'm fully aware I naturally fall into nice guy patterns. Flirting doesn't come naturally to me in person, although I'm actually really good when writing eg. FB Chat, text etc. I know I should have left it there, but I tend to over-think things so probably mistakenly the next day I sent her another message just saying that saying to leave it was a bit of a gut reaction to the "nice guy but..." text, I'd had second thoughts and I thought we'd got on too well to not stay in touch. She reacted very positively to that. Since then we've exchanged a couple more messages, I added her to FB and she's since revealed a couple of quite personal things again.
I know I've probably done a couple of things to compound the friendzone problem since. It's massively frustrating to hear such compliments and keenness for friendship, but be written off romantically after one date!
Unsure what to do now - I've been here before and got hurt by how difficult I find it balancing wanting to be friends and attraction and wanting more. In the past, I've had a couple of instances where I've just cut off completely. Interestingly both times, 3-6 months later both girls got back in touch with me, one progressed beyond friends, the other didn't again. Ironically the times I've had girls keen for me are when I don't like them much. There's a classic dynamic in dating it seems to me, but one which isn't natural to me when I like someone and hard to balance in with being genuine and confident, but being a little calculating as well.
So PH. Does keeping my latest friendzoner at arm's length but still staying positive and maybe agreeing to meet again if she suggests it (but only if she suggests it) sound right? If we do, should I up the flirtiness? Or is her straight-up no spark comment after one otherwise great date a major sticking point? Meanwhile I'm still on OKC and sending out messages quite regularly with some good replies here and there, so in no way depressed and pining, just a bit frustrated!
I met up with a girl last weekend after having sent 3 or 4 messages on OKC. After a couple of messages about music and travel I asked her out for a drink, she sent me her number and we met up that weekend. Had a really great afternoon, I showed her round my favourite little corner in London, long walk round the park and then couple hours drinks and chatting in a cosy pub. Conversation flowed throughout, she's really cute and I felt really relaxed and confident around her. She brought up some quite personal things which I'm sure wouldn't normally be raised on a first date if there wasn't a good deal of immediate trust. I was buzzing afterwards, genuinely best date I've had for a few years with one of the prettiest girls I've met online.
Well anyway, sent her a text a couple hours after just to see if she got home ok, which she replied to a little later as she'd met with friends after our afternoon date. I replied, couple of little in-jokes from the afternoon, said I'd really enjoyed it and I'd call to see her again if she was game. However, I got the dreaded "lovely guy but.." reply, she said she hadn't felt that spark, although she was gushing with compliments about how much she'd enjoyed it too. However, I had put in my OKC profile at the end that I wasn't looking for friendship, which she referred to and was it best to leave it completely, even though she'd love to stay in touch. I replied saying it was a real shame, as I'd felt quite differently and that I'd had the best company with her for ages and how attractive I found her but said I'd love to just be friends, but have found it to be a mistake in the past so probably best to leave it there.
I admit I have read and understand the psychology of some of these dating coaches, and I'm fully aware I naturally fall into nice guy patterns. Flirting doesn't come naturally to me in person, although I'm actually really good when writing eg. FB Chat, text etc. I know I should have left it there, but I tend to over-think things so probably mistakenly the next day I sent her another message just saying that saying to leave it was a bit of a gut reaction to the "nice guy but..." text, I'd had second thoughts and I thought we'd got on too well to not stay in touch. She reacted very positively to that. Since then we've exchanged a couple more messages, I added her to FB and she's since revealed a couple of quite personal things again.
I know I've probably done a couple of things to compound the friendzone problem since. It's massively frustrating to hear such compliments and keenness for friendship, but be written off romantically after one date!
Unsure what to do now - I've been here before and got hurt by how difficult I find it balancing wanting to be friends and attraction and wanting more. In the past, I've had a couple of instances where I've just cut off completely. Interestingly both times, 3-6 months later both girls got back in touch with me, one progressed beyond friends, the other didn't again. Ironically the times I've had girls keen for me are when I don't like them much. There's a classic dynamic in dating it seems to me, but one which isn't natural to me when I like someone and hard to balance in with being genuine and confident, but being a little calculating as well.
So PH. Does keeping my latest friendzoner at arm's length but still staying positive and maybe agreeing to meet again if she suggests it (but only if she suggests it) sound right? If we do, should I up the flirtiness? Or is her straight-up no spark comment after one otherwise great date a major sticking point? Meanwhile I'm still on OKC and sending out messages quite regularly with some good replies here and there, so in no way depressed and pining, just a bit frustrated!
vrsmxtb said:
Well, I've found myself in a friendzone situation yet again.
I met up with a girl last weekend after having sent 3 or 4 messages on OKC. After a couple of messages about music and travel I asked her out for a drink, she sent me her number and we met up that weekend. Had a really great afternoon, I showed her round my favourite little corner in London, long walk round the park and then couple hours drinks and chatting in a cosy pub. Conversation flowed throughout, she's really cute and I felt really relaxed and confident around her. She brought up some quite personal things which I'm sure wouldn't normally be raised on a first date if there wasn't a good deal of immediate trust. I was buzzing afterwards, genuinely best date I've had for a few years with one of the prettiest girls I've met online.
Well anyway, sent her a text a couple hours after just to see if she got home ok, which she replied to a little later as she'd met with friends after our afternoon date. I replied, couple of little in-jokes from the afternoon, said I'd really enjoyed it and I'd call to see her again if she was game. However, I got the dreaded "lovely guy but.." reply, she said she hadn't felt that spark, although she was gushing with compliments about how much she'd enjoyed it too. However, I had put in my OKC profile at the end that I wasn't looking for friendship, which she referred to and was it best to leave it completely, even though she'd love to stay in touch. I replied saying it was a real shame, as I'd felt quite differently and that I'd had the best company with her for ages and how attractive I found her but said I'd love to just be friends, but have found it to be a mistake in the past so probably best to leave it there.
I admit I have read and understand the psychology of some of these dating coaches, and I'm fully aware I naturally fall into nice guy patterns. Flirting doesn't come naturally to me in person, although I'm actually really good when writing eg. FB Chat, text etc. I know I should have left it there, but I tend to over-think things so probably mistakenly the next day I sent her another message just saying that saying to leave it was a bit of a gut reaction to the "nice guy but..." text, I'd had second thoughts and I thought we'd got on too well to not stay in touch. She reacted very positively to that. Since then we've exchanged a couple more messages, I added her to FB and she's since revealed a couple of quite personal things again.
I know I've probably done a couple of things to compound the friendzone problem since. It's massively frustrating to hear such compliments and keenness for friendship, but be written off romantically after one date!
Unsure what to do now - I've been here before and got hurt by how difficult I find it balancing wanting to be friends and attraction and wanting more. In the past, I've had a couple of instances where I've just cut off completely. Interestingly both times, 3-6 months later both girls got back in touch with me, one progressed beyond friends, the other didn't again. Ironically the times I've had girls keen for me are when I don't like them much. There's a classic dynamic in dating it seems to me, but one which isn't natural to me when I like someone and hard to balance in with being genuine and confident, but being a little calculating as well.
So PH. Does keeping my latest friendzoner at arm's length but still staying positive and maybe agreeing to meet again if she suggests it (but only if she suggests it) sound right? If we do, should I up the flirtiness? Or is her straight-up no spark comment after one otherwise great date a major sticking point? Meanwhile I'm still on OKC and sending out messages quite regularly with some good replies here and there, so in no way depressed and pining, just a bit frustrated!
To me, this is straightforward (and I've been in a similar position). You made it clear on your profile that you don't want to be friends with her. She said that she wants to be friends. Why would you then actively pursue and encourage something that you don't want?I met up with a girl last weekend after having sent 3 or 4 messages on OKC. After a couple of messages about music and travel I asked her out for a drink, she sent me her number and we met up that weekend. Had a really great afternoon, I showed her round my favourite little corner in London, long walk round the park and then couple hours drinks and chatting in a cosy pub. Conversation flowed throughout, she's really cute and I felt really relaxed and confident around her. She brought up some quite personal things which I'm sure wouldn't normally be raised on a first date if there wasn't a good deal of immediate trust. I was buzzing afterwards, genuinely best date I've had for a few years with one of the prettiest girls I've met online.
Well anyway, sent her a text a couple hours after just to see if she got home ok, which she replied to a little later as she'd met with friends after our afternoon date. I replied, couple of little in-jokes from the afternoon, said I'd really enjoyed it and I'd call to see her again if she was game. However, I got the dreaded "lovely guy but.." reply, she said she hadn't felt that spark, although she was gushing with compliments about how much she'd enjoyed it too. However, I had put in my OKC profile at the end that I wasn't looking for friendship, which she referred to and was it best to leave it completely, even though she'd love to stay in touch. I replied saying it was a real shame, as I'd felt quite differently and that I'd had the best company with her for ages and how attractive I found her but said I'd love to just be friends, but have found it to be a mistake in the past so probably best to leave it there.
I admit I have read and understand the psychology of some of these dating coaches, and I'm fully aware I naturally fall into nice guy patterns. Flirting doesn't come naturally to me in person, although I'm actually really good when writing eg. FB Chat, text etc. I know I should have left it there, but I tend to over-think things so probably mistakenly the next day I sent her another message just saying that saying to leave it was a bit of a gut reaction to the "nice guy but..." text, I'd had second thoughts and I thought we'd got on too well to not stay in touch. She reacted very positively to that. Since then we've exchanged a couple more messages, I added her to FB and she's since revealed a couple of quite personal things again.
I know I've probably done a couple of things to compound the friendzone problem since. It's massively frustrating to hear such compliments and keenness for friendship, but be written off romantically after one date!
Unsure what to do now - I've been here before and got hurt by how difficult I find it balancing wanting to be friends and attraction and wanting more. In the past, I've had a couple of instances where I've just cut off completely. Interestingly both times, 3-6 months later both girls got back in touch with me, one progressed beyond friends, the other didn't again. Ironically the times I've had girls keen for me are when I don't like them much. There's a classic dynamic in dating it seems to me, but one which isn't natural to me when I like someone and hard to balance in with being genuine and confident, but being a little calculating as well.
So PH. Does keeping my latest friendzoner at arm's length but still staying positive and maybe agreeing to meet again if she suggests it (but only if she suggests it) sound right? If we do, should I up the flirtiness? Or is her straight-up no spark comment after one otherwise great date a major sticking point? Meanwhile I'm still on OKC and sending out messages quite regularly with some good replies here and there, so in no way depressed and pining, just a bit frustrated!
Cut off and move on. If she comes back in 3-6 months then she comes back, but be firm and make sure there's no doubt about what you want and the terms under which contact can happen again.
Her : So you have changed your mind about us meeting as friends?
You : No. Have you changed your mind about us getting together?
You're doing absolutely the right thing in walking away before unreciprocated feelings escalate.
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