Match.com (Volume 6)

[photosnob]

Calza said:

So at the weekend I had a second date with the only person I've actually made an effort with on Tinder, despite being advised that a two week gap between dates was not wise and nor was constant texting.

Met at half 7, intention to go for a few drinks then a bite to eat. Come half 11 when the bar closed we realised the food boat had probably sailed, so decided to go to a club for another 4-5 hours which involved copious amounts of vodka and tequila. I dropped her off at the following day (and I'll point out it wasn't a day of none stop shagging, but actually felt more intimate?), so all in all I'm counting that as a raging success.

Issue now being my skin is definitely not rhinoceros thickness, and I'm finding myself less than pleased she's still going on tinder.

She sounds like a tart. I wouldn't be having anything to do with her. Imagine getting into a relationship with the sort of women who sleeps with a bloke of the internet the second time she meets him. Treat it as a one night wonder and move on mate.

[ChemicalChaos]

Talking of tinder, have they removed the pay limit again? I went back on yesterday for the first time in ages and liked much more than 20 girls in one go

[andy-xr]

Calza said:

I'm finding myself less than pleased she's still going on tinder.

Sounds a bit possessive with jealousy mixed in. You've got to get over it, she might be out tonight somewhere with someone else and there's nothing you can do about it and you dont have any reason to question her. Having a good night out doesnt mean you're now in an exclusive relationship, I'm sure you know that though. Until there's an agreement you're also free to go back on Tinder or any other dates, or have you already exclusified yourself just for her?

[RobinBanks]

andy-xr said:

Calza said:

I'm finding myself less than pleased she's still going on tinder.

Sounds a bit possessive with jealousy mixed in. You've got to get over it, she might be out tonight somewhere with someone else and there's nothing you can do about it and you dont have any reason to question her. Having a good night out doesnt mean you're now in an exclusive relationship, I'm sure you know that though. Until there's an agreement you're also free to go back on Tinder or any other dates, or have you already exclusified yourself just for her?

I would just take it at face value rather than reason with him. He's merely saying that he likes her - not that he's insanely jealous and possessive and that he's going to jump out of her bath with a kitchen knife.

[anonymous-user]

RobinBanks said:

andy-xr said:

Calza said:

I'm finding myself less than pleased she's still going on tinder.

Sounds a bit possessive with jealousy mixed in. You've got to get over it, she might be out tonight somewhere with someone else and there's nothing you can do about it and you dont have any reason to question her. Having a good night out doesnt mean you're now in an exclusive relationship, I'm sure you know that though. Until there's an agreement you're also free to go back on Tinder or any other dates, or have you already exclusified yourself just for her?

I would just take it at face value rather than reason with him. He's merely saying that he likes her - not that he's insanely jealous and possessive and that he's going to jump out of her bath with a kitchen knife.

That IS the quickest way to her heart though. Straight through the ribcage.

[Calza]

Swanboy said:

And to discover this, presumably you've been on Tinder yourself? Double standards much?

Is a bit of light stalking not acceptable? Using the tools I have etc...

photosnob said:

She sounds like a tart. I wouldn't be having anything to do with her. Imagine getting into a relationship with the sort of women who sleeps with a bloke of the internet the second time she meets him. Treat it as a one night wonder and move on mate.

Nothing actually happened like that so sadly there was definitely no wonder to revel in.

andy-xr said:

Sounds a bit possessive with jealousy mixed in. You've got to get over it, she might be out tonight somewhere with someone else and there's nothing you can do about it and you dont have any reason to question her. Having a good night out doesnt mean you're now in an exclusive relationship, I'm sure you know that though. Until there's an agreement you're also free to go back on Tinder or any other dates, or have you already exclusified yourself just for her?

Hah probably, I like her and want a crack myself without other temptations. Don't get me wrong I'm not stupid, I don't expect exclusivity and know this is how things work - I would certainly never question her. Really it was just light hearted comment on my own failings as an alpha.

I've definitely not exclusified myself by any means, but to be honest I've never put a lot of effort in to dating at all. Tinder appealed because it required less effort than the others, and it was a compromise to myself after a health scare (to get back into things).

[leglessAlex]

Impasse said:

Careful, you'll upset some alpha type who won't take too kindly to being slated. They'll puff their chest out and everything.

There are an awful lot of those types on this thread these days.

ChemicalChaos said:

Talking of tinder, have they removed the pay limit again? I went back on yesterday for the first time in ages and liked much more than 20 girls in one go

Nah, I think they've just raised it. I just swipe on everyone and maybe managed 50 or so before it told me I had to pay. If you have an Android or a jailbroken iPhone try getting your hands on a previous, non pay version of the app and install that? I haven't tried it myself yet but it should work.

Paying works out at 10p a day, so hardly expensive, I just won't pay on principle. Plus I want to think I'm not desperate enough to pay for a dating app(yet)

[Shnozz]

Mobile Chicane said:

Shnozz said:

Well perhaps I have been very fortunate, because this is not my experience whatsoever. I haven't even bothered with any jottings to my profile on tinder and happn so no B/S attempts at dick swinging or wittiness. I've no shirtless pics, no black tie peacocking, just a few snaps from my FB profile.

I've been very selective over who I have swiped right to with limited ages and distances so not just a free for all. I've had 50+ matches and the follow up with a few has been encouraging.

The only thing that possibly weighs in my favour to others on this thread is I do live in the centre of a city so active users on these sites are plentiful. I think living rurally it might be a lot harder but that's a limiting factor whether it be on a night out or online.

Whilst I do read a lot of good advice on here, I think to paint a scene of misery about online is a bit misleading. I'd never tried it before 3 or so weeks ago and if I'd believed all I read on here I probably wouldn't have bothered.

So, being tall, dark and handsome with great wit and a good job had nothing to do with it, eh?

You're too kind, but even if they were assisting factors once you meet a "match", none of them (darkness aside) feature on my tinder profile. No mention of my height and only one photo is full length with no others to contrast against, no narrative offered at all to indicate personality or career etc.

Whilst wishing to retain a degree of modesty, the attributes you kindly compliment do mean that when I meet with anyone in person their interest is heightened as I perhaps underplay my online hand. I'd rather it that way around than being friendzoned by attempting to look like Charlie Big Potato online only for the women turn up to be disappointed.

Perhaps the point is give it a shot, you might be pleasantly surprised. If not, and a few tweaks don't work, delete the app and revert to more analogue means.

[Robw73]

Calza said:

Is a bit of light stalking not acceptable? Using the tools I have etc...

Surely 99.9% of Tinder users do this.
I know I certainly do, to gauge interest levels if nothing else.

If a 'match' replies straight away, it's pretty obvious they are keen.
If they are active, but reply after a few hours (and probably have nothing better to do!) then you know the deal.

[CountZero23]

photosnob said:

Do you believe this rubbish? And do you really need to get a women drunk to impress her?

Afternoon dates are fine. It's blokes who are on a date with a women who doesn't find them attractive which are the problem... And what sort of sad act has to read a book on how to chat up a women??? Sexual dynamics... I'm not sure if you are being serious or if you are just winding the poor bloke up.

Getting het up about one women is perfectly normal... In fact it works well.

I know this - because I've done it myself on many many occasions. Stop reading books on how to behave with women - it's weird and sad, and very very cringe worthy.

Indeed. We should definitely get het up over a girl we've never even slept with and take them out for tea in the afternoon.

You don't get a woman drunk to impress her. You take out for a drink, a dance and then back to yours for that cup of tea, it's something of a tradition

photosnob said:

She sounds like a tart. I wouldn't be having anything to do with her. Imagine getting into a relationship with the sort of women who sleeps with a bloke of the internet the second time she meets him. Treat it as a one night wonder and move on mate.

No this is very very cringe worthy. A misogynistic diatribe from a sexually frustrated, Daily Mail reading numpty.

Exactly how many dates just she need to go on with Calza before she isn't tart for sleeping with him? Is Calza a shameless hussy for putting out so easy or is it a case of double standards?

st, it's a wonder women sleep with guys at all with so many blokes like you trying to shame them.

Edited by CountZero23 on Saturday 18th April 14:39

[Calza]

there was no sex involved, although I have to agree I wouldn't class her as a tart for doing so.

I am very powerfully built you know.

[CountZero23]

Calza said:

there was no sex involved, although I have to agree I wouldn't class her as a tart for doing so.

I am very powerfully built you know.

Got any more lined up Calza?

Chatting to a teacher and a air hostess on POF, seems to be easier than ever. The girl I was dating has just started something serious with someone so I now actually need to put some effort in again...

[Calza]

No none, still in contact with this girl though. To be honest I don't have the time or energy to have a load of dates on the go at once - although I accept that's not really the best way to tackle internet dating!

Plus I'm back in for another operation in a few weeks so it seems daft to potentially start something then be out of action for a while.

Aren't teachers meant to be pure filth? That can only be a good thing.

[CountZero23]

Calza said:

No none, still in contact with this girl though. To be honest I don't have the time or energy to have a load of dates on the go at once - although I accept that's not really the best way to tackle internet dating!

Plus I'm back in for another operation in a few weeks so it seems daft to potentially start something then be out of action for a while.

Aren't teachers meant to be pure filth? That can only be a good thing.

If you're enjoying chatting with her crack on, though it's time you could be spending hunting a more enthusiastic girl. Trying to work up the motivation to hit the dating thing properly again though have more than enough things to sped my time and money on atm without a girl haha

They have been in my experiences so far though this one is a cycling nut (loses points there obviously) and lives in London - bit of a trek from Brighton for a date. Will get back to this Air Hostess later, she's off to Cape Town today so hopefully she'll make it back in one piece...

[Markgenesis]

Right, thought i'd try my luck with POF last weekend, amazed when i quickly got chatting to a lovely woman (a Solicitor), seemed to have tons in common, texted her last Monday, she said she had a hen do on Saturday so i suggested Sunday lunchtime (today), she agreed, seemed a long time away when we are only meeting for a coffee but she said she had her parents staying with her (they left thursday)

So that was last Monday, we then spent ALL DAY Tuesday texting, from about 10 in the morning to 10 at night, got on like a house on fire, she's really quite funny and we seem to be on the same wave length mentally.

Pretty quiet on Wednesday so i texted her around dinner time, she phones me and we then spend a good hour chatting on the phone, again great, funny, witty, educated girl, we seem totally compatable, cant wait till Sunday we both agree'd.

Texted last night to say she's not well and probably wont make it tomorrow.

Texted thismorning (Sunday) to say she definitely wont make the date today.

I didn't bother replying, she texted a wee while ago to say she hadn't heard from me, i text her back to say "text or phone me if and when you want to meet".

She could be genuinely unwell but i cant help being cynical and thinking she is just stringing me along and playing games , also cant help being really disapointed, told a few mates last week i had a date with a Solicitor, will need to now tell them it didn't happen

[escargot]

Jesus mate, of course she wasn't feeling well. She was out on a hen do last night, probably ended up absolutely st-faced groping a stripper.

[CountZero23]

Markgenesis said:

Right, thought i'd try my luck with POF last weekend, amazed when i quickly got chatting to a lovely woman (a Solicitor), seemed to have tons in common, texted her last Monday, she said she had a hen do on Saturday so i suggested Sunday lunchtime (today), she agreed, seemed a long time away when we are only meeting for a coffee but she said she had her parents staying with her (they left thursday)

So that was last Monday, we then spent ALL DAY Tuesday texting, from about 10 in the morning to 10 at night, got on like a house on fire, she's really quite funny and we seem to be on the same wave length mentally.

Pretty quiet on Wednesday so i texted her around dinner time, she phones me and we then spend a good hour chatting on the phone, again great, funny, witty, educated girl, we seem totally compatable, cant wait till Sunday we both agree'd.

Texted last night to say she's not well and probably wont make it tomorrow.

Texted thismorning (Sunday) to say she definitely wont make the date today.

I didn't bother replying, she texted a wee while ago to say she hadn't heard from me, i text her back to say "text or phone me if and when you want to meet".

She could be genuinely unwell but i cant help being cynical and thinking she is just stringing me along and playing games , also cant help being really disapointed, told a few mates last week i had a date with a Solicitor, will need to now tell them it didn't happen

You're going to need to get a thicker skin if you're going to survive dating.

Always assume the best. As soon as you're not confident of the outcome it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

People get ill, have other commitments.

Imagine if roles were reversed, you got ill and postponed. If she sent you "text or phone me if and when you want to meet" - you'd think she as being a bit psycho, passive aggressive and needy.

This is come girl you haven't even met yet, you really shouldn't be giving much of a fk at this point.

[Markgenesis]

CountZero23 said:

You're going to need to get a thicker skin if you're going to survive dating.

Always assume the best. As soon as you're not confident of the outcome it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

People get ill, have other commitments.

Imagine if roles were reversed, you got ill and postponed. If she sent you "text or phone me if and when you want to meet" - you'd think she as being a bit psycho, passive aggressive and needy.

This is come girl you haven't even met yet, you really shouldn't be giving much of a fk at this point.

You're right, just me being paranoid, i've sent her another message apologising for saying that, said i hope she feels better and we could sort something out for next week.

[leglessAlex]

CountZero23 said:

You're going to need to get a thicker skin if you're going to survive dating.

Always assume the best. As soon as you're not confident of the outcome it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

People get ill, have other commitments.

Imagine if roles were reversed, you got ill and postponed. If she sent you "text or phone me if and when you want to meet" - you'd think she as being a bit psycho, passive aggressive and needy.

This is come girl you haven't even met yet, you really shouldn't be giving much of a fk at this point.

I agree with this, if the roles were reversed you'd be thinking she was mental. It's not as if she's flaked out for a third or fourth time in a row, give her the benefit of the doubt and relax a bit.

Even if it doesn't come to anything, what's the big deal? When I was on dating sites I'd say most of the girls I talked to never came to much, probably my fault mostly but the point is it's no use getting your hopes up until a good few dates have gone by!

[Markgenesis]

escargot said:

Jesus mate, of course she wasn't feeling well. She was out on a hen do last night, probably ended up absolutely st-faced groping a stripper.

She said she didn't go, spent all day yesterday in bed unwell.