Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
WinstonWolf said:
"It's on x, fancy going?" (With a smiley, natch)
It's an assumptive close, if she makes excuses it's time to move on but there's no point in talking yourself out of the race before it's over
I dunno, if she wants/expects to see me at the club surrounded by mutual friends then does that not miss the point that I wanted to see her in an environment with just the two of us, not surrounded by others?It's an assumptive close, if she makes excuses it's time to move on but there's no point in talking yourself out of the race before it's over
(ETA) I usually go to the club every week, and she does when she can, so it's not a special effort or significant in any way if she sees me there. Conveniently we're not meeting this coming week anyway cos the pub is closed.
Edited by stroberaver on Wednesday 17th June 20:05
Edited by stroberaver on Wednesday 17th June 20:08
Ok, so say I do that, how does that get around the fact she's just listed everything she has booked up for the next two weeks? I need to say something that acknowledges what she has on right now but puts the ball back in her court to commit (or not) to seeing me once she gets back.
Bear with me, I'm just feeling paranoid about what I say now. I've f
ked it up thus far so don't really trust my judgement.
Oh, and I've just worked out that if she's away next weekend (26th - 28th) then that only leaves a few weekdays before she goes off on holiday in early July, and I'll wager already that she's going to be mad busy with trying to get ready whilst working. fk.
Bear with me, I'm just feeling paranoid about what I say now. I've f
ked it up thus far so don't really trust my judgement.Oh, and I've just worked out that if she's away next weekend (26th - 28th) then that only leaves a few weekdays before she goes off on holiday in early July, and I'll wager already that she's going to be mad busy with trying to get ready whilst working. f
k.WinstonWolf said:
"How about just you and me doing something together?"
You're talking yourself in while prompting her to see how she feels about you.
If it's a no, fair enough but at least you will know
I'm the first to say that I'm crap at all of this stuff (primarily I think because I'm never really that interested)You're talking yourself in while prompting her to see how she feels about you.
If it's a no, fair enough but at least you will know
But WinstonWolf's approach is how I would handle it as you're clearly interested in her
stroberaver said:
Ok, so say I do that, how does that get around the fact she's just listed everything she has booked up for the next two weeks? I need to say something that acknowledges what she has on right now but puts the ball back in her court to commit (or not) to seeing me once she gets back.
Bear with me, I'm just feeling paranoid about what I say now. I've fked it up thus far so don't really trust my judgement.
Oh, and I've just worked out that if she's away next weekend (26th - 28th) then that only leaves a few weekdays before she goes off on holiday in early July, and I'll wager already that she's going to be mad busy with trying to get ready whilst working. fk.
Stop fretting and send it Bear with me, I'm just feeling paranoid about what I say now. I've f
ked it up thus far so don't really trust my judgement.Oh, and I've just worked out that if she's away next weekend (26th - 28th) then that only leaves a few weekdays before she goes off on holiday in early July, and I'll wager already that she's going to be mad busy with trying to get ready whilst working. f
k.While you're busy worrying someone else might be following my sage advice!
The logistics come later, you need to establish intent first
If she likes you she'll find a way to schedule it 
stroberaver said:
WinstonWolf said:
Ignore this completely and just send the blooming text.
I just have., but equally i think what i said is the truth. I am not saying every relationship has to start like a fairy tale, but if someone sounds like they are backing away from contact, and are actively telling you they don't want a relationship, at what point do you decide to leave it? Just because you have grown attached doesn't change the situation at all. WinstonWolf said:
stroberaver said:
Ok, so say I do that, how does that get around the fact she's just listed everything she has booked up for the next two weeks? I need to say something that acknowledges what she has on right now but puts the ball back in her court to commit (or not) to seeing me once she gets back.
Bear with me, I'm just feeling paranoid about what I say now. I've fked it up thus far so don't really trust my judgement.
Oh, and I've just worked out that if she's away next weekend (26th - 28th) then that only leaves a few weekdays before she goes off on holiday in early July, and I'll wager already that she's going to be mad busy with trying to get ready whilst working. fk.
Stop fretting and send it Bear with me, I'm just feeling paranoid about what I say now. I've f
ked it up thus far so don't really trust my judgement.Oh, and I've just worked out that if she's away next weekend (26th - 28th) then that only leaves a few weekdays before she goes off on holiday in early July, and I'll wager already that she's going to be mad busy with trying to get ready whilst working. f
k.While you're busy worrying someone else might be following my sage advice!
The logistics come later, you need to establish intent first
If she likes you she'll find a way to schedule it If she likes you, she'll make time. If she doesn't make time, write her off and try and get on with your life.
Blown2CV said:
stroberaver said:
WinstonWolf said:
Ignore this completely and just send the blooming text.
I just have., but equally i think what i said is the truth. I am not saying every relationship has to start like a fairy tale, but if someone sounds like they are backing away from contact, and are actively telling you they don't want a relationship, at what point do you decide to leave it? Just because you have grown attached doesn't change the situation at all. 
It's easy to misinterpret chit chat and talk yourself into the friend zone by accident. Better to make your intentions clear, if it's a knock back so be it but at least you know.
You could be right but, there's no point not giving it a shot
Blown2CV said:
stroberaver said:
WinstonWolf said:
Ignore this completely and just send the blooming text.
I just have.I think I mis-read her asking about when the club was on, she was simply asking when it was closed (cos it's changed), so I've sent her what WW suggested prefixed with "not sure about the [pub name]," just to casually dismiss the notion of meeting up there.
I don't actually think she'll appreciate me being so direct but I'm fed up and getting myself in a state over being an increasingly distant pen pal.
again, there is the assumption that only a man can physically put himself in the 'friend zone', and then at will, he can simply magic himself out of there with merely a nicely worded text. It's a bit sexist really. She's helpless to her desires for you, and you've kept her at arm's length, but it's OK because as you're in control, she's just waiting for you to express desire for her again.
Maybe, just maybe... she actually doesn't find him attractive, and there aren't actually words he can say to change it.
Maybe, just maybe... she actually doesn't find him attractive, and there aren't actually words he can say to change it.
I agree with blown2cv. The desperate effort to chase someone who doesn't want to be chased is unflattering at best. Given the non-relationship that preceded it, it's tragic at worst.
Let it go and move on. You might feel there was a connection better than you'd ever witnessed previously, but the reality is you won't persuade her to feel the same or to feel something for you that's not there, or not at this juncture. I say it from bitter experience and a recent similar encounter, with the added benefit of 37 years experience.
Let it go and move on. You might feel there was a connection better than you'd ever witnessed previously, but the reality is you won't persuade her to feel the same or to feel something for you that's not there, or not at this juncture. I say it from bitter experience and a recent similar encounter, with the added benefit of 37 years experience.
Blown2CV said:
Maybe, just maybe... she actually doesn't find him attractive, and there aren't actually words he can say to change it.
Well, she certainly seemed interested and willing to spend time with me in the early days... so it stands to reason that it's something I've done or said... and therefore I need to do whatever is humanly possible to reverse that.The reply is taking conspicuously longer this time though.
stroberaver said:
Well, she certainly seemed interested and willing to spend time with me in the early days... so it stands to reason that it's something I've done or said... and therefore I need to do whatever is humanly possible to reverse that.
The reply is taking conspicuously longer this time though.
Mate, I'm sorry to repeat this but she is getting laid by ANOther. Move on.The reply is taking conspicuously longer this time though.
stroberaver said:
Blown2CV said:
Maybe, just maybe... she actually doesn't find him attractive, and there aren't actually words he can say to change it.
Well, she certainly seemed interested and willing to spend time with me in the early days... so it stands to reason that it's something I've done or said... and therefore I need to do whatever is humanly possible to reverse that.The reply is taking conspicuously longer this time though.
stroberaver said:
Blown2CV said:
Maybe, just maybe... she actually doesn't find him attractive, and there aren't actually words he can say to change it.
Well, she certainly seemed interested and willing to spend time with me in the early days... so it stands to reason that it's something I've done or said... and therefore I need to do whatever is humanly possible to reverse that.The reply is taking conspicuously longer this time though.
stroberaver said:
She was up super early this morning to fit in a gym session, and pretty sure she's gone to bed by now, without replying (but has been online on facebook messenger since I sent it).
Sounds like she's not interested dude. I would always reply to someone I liked if I had seen the message, and even if I was about to go to bed I'd say that and tell them I'd text them the next day. Seems like a pretty clear signal to me, but then I could be over analyzing it. It is just one message. The one thing you need to appreciate with net dating is that it is not a cross section of the singles out there, it is a concentration mainly of a certain type.
Don't take the whole process personally, your scenario happens all the time, you will probably never know the rhyme or reason for her change in attitude but you are ancient history to her already, but she just will not tell you that, the easy option is for her to remain silent or illusive.
It's a very regular thing, been through it a few times myself, you even re read previous messages to see if anything was misconstrued, it never is, they just simply and quickly go off the boil and a new trinket takes their fancy.
The whole "too busy with work, life" etcetera is just a cop out from telling you the truth, she just aint into you anymore, take it on the chin, chalk it up to experience and move onto the next with your head held high :-)
Don't take the whole process personally, your scenario happens all the time, you will probably never know the rhyme or reason for her change in attitude but you are ancient history to her already, but she just will not tell you that, the easy option is for her to remain silent or illusive.
It's a very regular thing, been through it a few times myself, you even re read previous messages to see if anything was misconstrued, it never is, they just simply and quickly go off the boil and a new trinket takes their fancy.
The whole "too busy with work, life" etcetera is just a cop out from telling you the truth, she just aint into you anymore, take it on the chin, chalk it up to experience and move onto the next with your head held high :-)
I'm with Winston on this one. If it works or not you need to find out.
If you get a date and turn to tide by taking action. Awesome.
If you get rejected. Good. You can get some practice. Finding a decent girl involves a fair bit of it.
Got talking to my POF date tonight about Tinder, got her to show me the messages. To be fair they were all dire apart from one which made it to almost below bad. Most copy and pasted, one giving a brief family tree and ethnic origin.
She then started swiping right, every guy was a match.
Still, she perceptively said allot of guys just swipe right and see who comes up. Girls basically just sit around waiting for a message off a guy they find alright looking to send them a message that isn't shamefully tragic.
The whole 'fancy' things is less of an issue with girls as they tend to be less shallow than us. If they don't fall in love at first site you can still seduce a girl. It's more a case of avoiding doing anything wrong than doing anything right.
Girls basically hang out with you waiting for you to fk up and if your fk ups aren't too epic they might fk you.
If you get a date and turn to tide by taking action. Awesome.
If you get rejected. Good. You can get some practice. Finding a decent girl involves a fair bit of it.
Got talking to my POF date tonight about Tinder, got her to show me the messages. To be fair they were all dire apart from one which made it to almost below bad. Most copy and pasted, one giving a brief family tree and ethnic origin.
She then started swiping right, every guy was a match.
Still, she perceptively said allot of guys just swipe right and see who comes up. Girls basically just sit around waiting for a message off a guy they find alright looking to send them a message that isn't shamefully tragic.
The whole 'fancy' things is less of an issue with girls as they tend to be less shallow than us. If they don't fall in love at first site you can still seduce a girl. It's more a case of avoiding doing anything wrong than doing anything right.
Girls basically hang out with you waiting for you to f
k up and if your fk ups aren't too epic they might fk you. Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff