Match.com (Volume 6)

[TedMaul]

shakotan said:

TedMaul said:

soad said:

TedMaul said:

Two matches on tinder tonight both quite chatty. Both send a word for word identical message about meeting friend in pub who is going to flake. Then follow up saying have to run. Then both say "Damn I have to run, can you add me here http://tindweb.com/connect/m2015"

What's that all about as I'm sure not going to click it!!!

Not safe for work! Semi nude pics.
Wants you to register for a free profile.

So do they get commission?

They don't exist.

Chatbots.

Ok, I get that, computerised or $1 a day keyboard warriors, but, it costs money to mess about, how do they get the money back? Lots of women pop up on POF with nice polite profiles which all end the same "Oh you can also fined me on getfanny.com so message me there if you use it"

[TedMaul]

Blown2CV said:

NickM450 said:

L555BAT said:

Anyone else that's a 5-6/10 looks wise getting any luck at all on Tinder? Or POF/OkCupid for that matter?

I probably get 5 matches a week, 4 will ignore me when I message. Even worse on the sites, almost all messages ignored. Those that chat for a few days go quiet when I ask them out for a coffee/drink, or are busy or whatever.

Huge proportion of ladies on Tinder are pretty fit, leads me to suspect they hide the ugly ones and so would they be doing the same for men.

Not sure there's much I can do, I'm trying the same thing all the time expecting a different result - the definition of insanity. I'm taking care of myself pretty well, nice clothes etc., pictures doing fun stuff. Nice messages, cocky messsages, nothing works. Nice girls, chav rubbish and anything in between, young women, middle aged, thin, fat, even those with kids (just to see what'd happen). Nothing works.

Are you me?

Ring the bell boys, we've got a match.

I think something is going wrong with POF and I suspect it is too popular. I have had a couple of dates off there recently, the women bemoaning the state of the place. I think as its free, a lot of people just mess about on there, married women looking for attention, I suspect blokes the same. A mate of mine has given up and spent some money on e-harmony. I have avoided it simply because the name and adverts make it sound ghastly, but he is getting a few dates and they are broadly compatible, so I may wait until they have some sort of 3 month for the price of 1 type offer and give it a go. I did try match a few years ago but found most women on there quite snotty and POF was more my level.........

[NRS]

NickM450 said:

L555BAT said:

Anyone else that's a 5-6/10 looks wise getting any luck at all on Tinder? Or POF/OkCupid for that matter?

I probably get 5 matches a week, 4 will ignore me when I message. Even worse on the sites, almost all messages ignored. Those that chat for a few days go quiet when I ask them out for a coffee/drink, or are busy or whatever.

Huge proportion of ladies on Tinder are pretty fit, leads me to suspect they hide the ugly ones and so would they be doing the same for men.

Not sure there's much I can do, I'm trying the same thing all the time expecting a different result - the definition of insanity. I'm taking care of myself pretty well, nice clothes etc., pictures doing fun stuff. Nice messages, cocky messsages, nothing works. Nice girls, chav rubbish and anything in between, young women, middle aged, thin, fat, even those with kids (just to see what'd happen). Nothing works.

Are you me?

Strangely enough tinder doesn't seem to work for me, whereas traditional dating sites seem to be better. That said, very few messages as the available people is almost non-existent around me (most popular dating site has 8 people in my matches within 60 miles of me)! I think that's why I get a pretty good message reply rate - both guys and girls are pretty screwed when it comes to anything available! If you're in a city (or the UK) then you have to be more realistic as to what your choice is - yes you can see loads of "9s" or "10s" but when they have the same you're very unlikely to get anywhere because there is so much choice. Or you need better pictures/ chat.

TedMaul said:

Ok, I get that, computerised or $1 a day keyboard warriors, but, it costs money to mess about, how do they get the money back? Lots of women pop up on POF with nice polite profiles which all end the same "Oh you can also fined me on getfanny.com so message me there if you use it"

It's surely pay-per-view porn sites? Very few will go and use them, but like spam mail even if 1/1000 do so then when you're messaging hundreds of thousands globally it still gets you money.

[L555BAT]

olly22n said:

L555BAT said:

Anyone else that's a 5-6/10 looks wise getting any luck at all on Tinder? Or POF/OkCupid for that matter?

You're probably a 3-4/10.

Get off tinder and into some bars.

Maybe so.

I'm not posting a pic, so could someone post some pics of what say 3-4-5-6/10 men look like? On the normal scale so not including celebrities.

I've done reasonably well in life if you rated career, lifestyle, money etc., especially considering where I started. I've always worked and persevered with everything and got what I want. So I'm finding it hard with the dating game to accept that at age 27 not even 3/10ish girls are interested on Tinder/dating sites. I'm not wildly successful but women in my work and friends circles are good looking, smart, have good jobs, and are ambitious in their outside-work lives. That's what I want. It seems I can't even get the 3/10 fat 25 year old McDonalds worker from a council estate.

Shouldn't bars be worse? In bars, looks are the only think you have to start things off.

[TREMAiNE]

Thankyou4calling said:

TREMAiNE said:

I'm racing this weekend (sat/sun), after that she's in the US on business until the 28th... I can do the weekend after that though...
I can't do weeknights (I work 1100-2300). Then the weekend after that I go on holiday, then I come back on the Friday but race the weekend after that...

It's not an excuse, its just a downside of living a busy life - and also just bad luck that this is happening around the times we're both away. I really wasn't that interested but she's a really nice girl and I want to will see her again, it will just be longer than I'd like!

How are things going? Has the lady come back from her trip and seen you again yet?

She just got back at the end of last week, we're searching for a date we are both free at the moment. Last weekend of August seems likely unless I manage to swap shifts with someone this weekend... All going good - slowly - but good.

[big dub]

Well I'm at 5.5yrs single now, and having zero luck. I'm only on Tinder and PoF, I refuse to pay for the other sites or the upgrade on PoF.

No idea what rating out of 10 I would get, but punched above my level for the majority of GF and the ex wife.

[NRS]

L555BAT said:

I've done reasonably well in life if you rated career, lifestyle, money etc., especially considering where I started. I've always worked and persevered with everything and got what I want. So I'm finding it hard with the dating game to accept that at age 27 not even 3/10ish girls are interested on Tinder/dating sites. I'm not wildly successful but women in my work and friends circles are good looking, smart, have good jobs, and are ambitious in their outside-work lives. That's what I want. It seems I can't even get the 3/10 fat 25 year old McDonalds worker from a council estate.

Shouldn't bars be worse? In bars, looks are the only think you have to start things off.

In reality looks are the only thing you use on dating sites at first too. If someone is good looking you then check their profile and see if that facts are also good (unless you're wanting a quick hook-up, then even that doesn't matter). However also remember a lot of people will be put off by certain images. A person with lots of outdoor pictures etc will put off someone who hates the outdoors etc. Or some people will by put off council type images (oompa loompa girls for example). Sounds like pictures need sorting out (unless you have something terrible in the text).

If you want to improve things post your profile here for people to help with corrections. Some of it will be pretty cutting remarks, but a lot will be extreme versions of the truth that the girls will be thinking anyway. In some ways a better option is asking a female friend to look at the profile too, but harder to ask a friend potentially, and often they are too nice and won't say the truth (why are you wearing a pokamon t-shirt in this photo etc). Others have done so in the past.

[Driver101]

olly22n said:

L555BAT said:

Anyone else that's a 5-6/10 looks wise getting any luck at all on Tinder? Or POF/OkCupid for that matter?

You're probably a 3-4/10.

Get off tinder and into some bars.

I always thought these online dating places were for the ones who couldn't pull in a bar?

[SpunkyGlory]

Bars are easier to pull if you have confidence as you can use good conversation to overcome physical appearance (if that's a problem). A well dressed, confident man with a nice smile and engaging conversation will have no problem meeting people in bars, whereas Tinder only gives you the one opportunity based on looks and so personality doesn't really come into it.

If you match with someone and you're still not converting it's one of two things: they look at your picture again and decide you're not as good looking as they first thought, or your chat is simply st.

I've moved to a new city recently and so set up Tinder again. I'd experimented with it a few months ago and so know what works for me. The main picture is a black and white, flattering picture from the beach which my mates would rip me for if they saw it but it does the job on Tinder. The other photos are me smiling, having fun, out with friends and enjoying life, some of the photos I see baffle me as people scowl at the camera or have all selfies taken in their bedroom.

I get about 8 or 9 matches a day and get responses from probably 60% that I message. It's then all about getting their number and setting up a date as quickly as possible, none of this talking by text for months on end. I've got 2 Tinder dates this week and a couple next week, as well as a date with the hotel receptionist. I appreciate that may make me sound like a knob but I don't know anyone in this city and so dating passes the time till I make new mates .

None of this is meant in a boasting way, just trying to highlight that it's about finding what works for you. I'm not bad looking but no one is going to kick George Clooney out of bed to nibble my nik nak, but I invest time and money in staying in shape and dressing well. Most importantly though I can talk to women as though they are a normal human who I'm interested in, I never understand why some people can hold a perfectly engaging conversation with their fellow sex or people they aren't attracted to but the second they talk to someone attractive they turn into the 40 year old virgin.

And if nothing else, remember to smile. A smile goes a long way!

Aside from all that, I've had some interesting dates recently, some successful and some tragic. I'll go into more detail when I get a chance.

[Studio117]

Great post!

SpunkyGlory said:

You're not as good looking as they first thought, or your chat is simply st..

/thread

[Thankyou4calling]

TREMAiNE said:

She just got back at the end of last week, we're searching for a date we are both free at the moment. Last weekend of August seems likely unless I manage to swap shifts with someone this weekend... All going good - slowly - but good.

Ok. We are obviously VERY different as to me that's way too long to wait. Still I hope it works out.

[SpunkyGlory]

For all I said earlier, it is possible to string things out for ages before meeting but it usually fizzles out as there's only so much conversation you can have before it gets repetitive without meeting.

I had one exception with a girl I matched with in a different city on a business trip in February. I tried to meet her that night but ended up going on another date, but I got her number and we started texting. I didn't meet her until the end of June, normally I'd have got bored a long time before that but we seemed to click and so the wait was worth it. As it turns out, she's pretty weird and despite being filthy and constantly horny, she annoys the fk out of me and so I stopped seeing her.

I also met a girl at a music festival a couple of weekends ago, we've been talking a lot and agreed to meet (she's 4 hours away but will meet in the middle), however diaries won't let this happen until September. I think it's unlikely we'll meet but I'm not going to fight against it, will just see what happens.

And the final one is a girl I matched with last week. She's absolutely stunning and is perfect on paper and we seem to get on great, it took a while to get her number as she's cautious about giving it out but she finally relented. Only problem is she's snowed under with work and so a meet isn't looking likely for a few weeks. Normally I'd accept it wasn't going to happen but this girl is absolutely beautiful and we seem to get on well, or as well as you can without meeting, so I'm going to try and keep her interested.

[NickM450]

OK, I retract everything I said yesterday. It's been a rather productive few days, I've been chatting to 4 women and all have agreed that a meeting at some point would be good

Only one has confirmed a day, this Thursday. First date in almost 3 years

My only real question is, at what point - if any - do I mention my rather crap home situation?

I still live with the ex whilst we try and sell the house. I split with her and it is 100% over, no way back, not that I want it anyway. Separate rooms, separate lives etc. but still not a pleasent house to be in and certainly not one I'd ever want to invite anyone back too.

Edit to add: Not that I think I'll be taking anyone back home anytime soon but it feel it's something I need to think about at some point

Edited by NickM450 on Tuesday 4th August 13:29

[Studio117]

say nothing.

Edited by Studio117 on Tuesday 4th August 13:39

[Echo66]

As he said. At such an early stage don't say a word.

[Thankyou4calling]

big dub said:

Well I'm at 5.5yrs single now, and having zero luck. I'm only on Tinder and PoF, I refuse to pay for the other sites or the upgrade on PoF.

No idea what rating out of 10 I would get, but punched above my level for the majority of GF and the ex wife.

I can't understand you at all. You're having no success on free sites, there are sites where women are actually paying a monthly sub to meet men and you won't cough up what, 15 quid a month! Amazing.

I went on EH and had more dates than I could deal with and all good looking, mental often but good luck to point.

Get your card out mate and try it

Edited by Thankyou4calling on Tuesday 4th August 13:54

[big dub]

SpunkyGlory said:

For all I said earlier, it is possible to string things out for ages before meeting but it usually fizzles out as there's only so much conversation you can have before it gets repetitive without meeting.

I had one exception with a girl I matched with in a different city on a business trip in February. I tried to meet her that night but ended up going on another date, but I got her number and we started texting. I didn't meet her until the end of June, normally I'd have got bored a long time before that but we seemed to click and so the wait was worth it. As it turns out, she's pretty weird and despite being filthy and constantly horny, she annoys the fk out of me and so I stopped seeing her.

I also met a girl at a music festival a couple of weekends ago, we've been talking a lot and agreed to meet (she's 4 hours away but will meet in the middle), however diaries won't let this happen until September. I think it's unlikely we'll meet but I'm not going to fight against it, will just see what happens.

And the final one is a girl I matched with last week. She's absolutely stunning and is perfect on paper and we seem to get on great, it took a while to get her number as she's cautious about giving it out but she finally relented. Only problem is she's snowed under with work and so a meet isn't looking likely for a few weeks. Normally I'd accept it wasn't going to happen but this girl is absolutely beautiful and we seem to get on well, or as well as you can without meeting, so I'm going to try and keep her interested.

I wish I had your confidence, I've always been pretty quiet and shy, if I'm around a woman I fancy, I tend to be the '40 year old virgin' you mention

[SpunkyGlory]

big dub said:

I wish I had your confidence, I've always been pretty quiet and shy, if I'm around a woman I fancy, I tend to be the '40 year old virgin' you mention

Absolutely nothing wrong with being quiet and shy, you just have to make it work to your advantage. The only thing I don't understand is why people become more quiet around someone they fancy - no matter how beautiful they are they are just flesh and blood like you and I. And you'll find that a lot of really pretty girls are quite easy to talk to on a night out because they aren't use to normal attention as most people are intimidated by them and so won't approach. Either that or they get hit on by cocky, arrogant dheads all night long.

The way I look at it is simple - what's the worst that can happen?! Just go in with the attitude that the very worst thing they will do is say no (assuming they don't pepper spray you), you'll feel like a tit for a couple of minutes and then move onto the next one. Don't take rejection personally and it'll be absolutely fine. I appreciate it's easier said than done but once you've forced yourself to talk to people it becomes easier and easier. Also, don't worry about having some cheesy opening line, something as simple as 'Hi, I'm Batman, what's your name?' is fine for an opening and then let the conversation flow naturally.

[Driver101]

big dub said:

I wish I had your confidence, I've always been pretty quiet and shy, if I'm around a woman I fancy, I tend to be the '40 year old virgin' you mention

Loads of people have extreme confidence.






Disclaimer: Usually only on the internet.

[Soov535]

NickM450 said:

OK, I retract everything I said yesterday. It's been a rather productive few days, I've been chatting to 4 women and all have agreed that a meeting at some point would be good

Only one has confirmed a day, this Thursday. First date in almost 3 years

My only real question is, at what point - if any - do I mention my rather crap home situation?

I still live with the ex whilst we try and sell the house. I split with her and it is 100% over, no way back, not that I want it anyway. Separate rooms, separate lives etc. but still not a pleasent house to be in and certainly not one I'd ever want to invite anyone back too.

Edit to add: Not that I think I'll be taking anyone back home anytime soon but it feel it's something I need to think about at some point

Edited by NickM450 on Tuesday 4th August 13:29

Christ man it's a drink not a job interview


Dress properly, have a wash and a shave, go out, have a good time, buy her a couple of drinks, talk to her like a human and see what happens!