Match.com (Volume 6)

[big dub]

Well, after thinking the Tinder date was a no-go, we have continued to message each other and just met up for a coffee and a walk for about 90mins, and made plans to go to a nearby county show at the end of the month, so that will be our first lengthy date.
I'm still not 100% sure if things will go the distance with her. I'm probably being too pernickety; she's a bit too tomboyish and a smidgen too tall at 6ft, I'm 6'2 but would prefer someone about 5'8 for her to wear heels and not be taller than me. But she's a really nice person and we seem to get on ok, so will see how it goes.

[NickM450]

OpulentBob said:

I assume everyone on this thread to be about 40.

32 here

Well the 4 that I have been speaking to have turned in to 2. After the first date, we both agreed it wasn't going anywhere. Another has just fizzled out, I've discovered that if you don't pin down that first meeting, texting very quickly leads to nowhere.

Onwards and upwards I guess.

[CharlesdeGaulle]

big dub said:

I'm probably being too pernickety; she's a bit too tomboyish and a smidgen too tall at 6ft, I'm 6'2 but would prefer someone about 5'8 for her to wear heels and not be taller than me. But she's a really nice person and we seem to get on ok, so will see how it goes.

You're 42. And still bothered about not being shorter than her when she's dressed to go out.

You need to change that mindset, or be destined to either die alone, or for everyone to think you're a tt.

[big dub]

CharlesdeGaulle said:

You're 42. And still bothered about not being shorter than her when she's dressed to go out.

You need to change that mindset, or be destined to either die alone, or for everyone to think you're a tt.

Really not arsed what anyone else thinks, it's my personal preference.

[NBTBRV8]

big dub said:

CharlesdeGaulle said:

You're 42. And still bothered about not being shorter than her when she's dressed to go out.

You need to change that mindset, or be destined to either die alone, or for everyone to think you're a tt.

Really not arsed what anyone else thinks, it's my personal preference.

If she likes trance, she is a keeper Rob.

[ChemicalChaos]

People, your help please!

SO, I got a match on Tinder. And she responded to my initial message - thats a first for me

She's actually someone that was in my year at college, and though we knew of each other I dont think we actually ever spoke. But still, shes rather [pretty and seemed quite enthusiastic, until...

You know how every piece of advice on here seems to revolve around "get the conversation off tinder and meet face to face asap, before the conversation turns stale"? Well, I tried just that, and appear to have scared her off!
Please can anyone offer some SERIOUS advice on how to rescue this, and what to say etc?

Thanks!

[Condi]

No... I dont think I can help.

[HerrSchnell]

"Where exactly is home for you?"

Comes across as "which bedroom window should I camp outside?"

Also, it would be useful to actually have a conversation prior to continuing one.

[king arthur]

I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with asking her where home is but you should have left it at that. There comes a point in a conversation where you can steer it towards meeting up, and that wasn't it.

[Thankyou4calling]

CC I'm afraid your messages are appalling.

Your not establishing any banter or rapport and you can see from the brevity of her replies she either isn't interested or needs more before you go for the date.

Move on from that one and raise your game mate, hugely raise your game because that type of message won't get you laid.

Edited by Thankyou4calling on Sunday 16th August 14:55

[hajaba123]

ChemicalChaos said:

People, your help please!

SO, I got a match on Tinder. And she responded to my initial message - thats a first for me

She's actually someone that was in my year at college, and though we knew of each other I dont think we actually ever spoke. But still, shes rather [pretty and seemed quite enthusiastic, until...

You know how every piece of advice on here seems to revolve around "get the conversation off tinder and meet face to face asap, before the conversation turns stale"? Well, I tried just that, and appear to have scared her off!
Please can anyone offer some SERIOUS advice on how to rescue this, and what to say etc?

Thanks!

What others have said, be more blunt, try an assumptive close 'Tuesday or Wednesday at 8? Etc. this one can't get worse so you may as well send a message as a test and see what happens.
Where's Councilbaby. He may be able to resurrect this

[leglessAlex]

Thankyou4calling said:

CC I'm afraid your messages are appalling.

Your not establishing any banter or rapport and you can see from the brevity of her replies she either isn't interested or needs more before you go for the date.

Move on from that one and raise your game mate, hugely raise your game because gag type of message won't get you laid.

There's two replies. Two. How on earth can you tell from the 'brevity of her replies' that she's not interested? They aren't exactly one word either. Why not chuck a couple of screenshots of your first two texts from a tinder match to show CC what you would expect them to say?

You could try and give advice as to how he should raise his game too! Clearly, you're good at starting up 'banter' with girls over text but some people like CC and myself aren't very good, and we appreciate any help we can get.

[Thankyou4calling]

leglessAlex said:

There's two replies. Two. How on earth can you tell from the 'brevity of her replies' that she's not interested? They aren't exactly one word either. Why not chuck a couple of screenshots of your first two texts from a tinder match to show CC what you would expect them to say?

You could try and give advice as to how he should raise his game too! Clearly, you're good at starting up 'banter' with girls over text but some people like CC and myself aren't very good, and we appreciate any help we can get.

Well I've never used Tinder but from those replies it's pretty obvious she isn't interested. If I got a text like that I'd be moving on. No kisses, no smiley face no humour, no inquisitiveness of intrigue bug you're right I am good at banter, at heart I'm a salesperson and that helps.

[SpeckledJim]

You sent that at 0621 am?

"Morning! Gissa shag!"

[king arthur]

Thankyou4calling said:

Well I've never used Tinder but from those replies it's pretty obvious she isn't interested. If I got a text like that I'd be moving on. No kisses, no smiley face no humour, no inquisitiveness of intrigue bug you're right I am good at banter, at heart I'm a salesperson and that helps.

Surely if she wasn't at all interested she wouldn't reply in the first place?

[HerrSchnell]

leglessAlex said:

Why not chuck a couple of screenshots of your first two texts from a tinder match to show CC what you would expect them to say?

Good idea, I'll get the ball rolling

[king arthur]

HerrSchnell said:

Good idea, I'll get the ball rolling

Maybe I should message her...

[Willy Nilly]

hajaba123 said:

Where's Councilbaby. He may be able to resurrect this

balls deep in the lady in question, most probably.

[CountZero23]

ChemicalChaos said:

Bad tinder convo

Good work, obviously she must like you a bit or she wouldn't of matched and responded.

The key principle here is that you should be communicating more emotionally than logically, keep the vibe fun and playful and when you hit the hook point then arrange drinks. After a bit of banter back and forth I usually say something like "Let's grab a drink, how are you fixed for next week", assumptive close can be good too.

Messages should provide value. The message you sent back was too long (try to match the length of your messages more to there's as good guideline), keep it more short and snappy - like hers.

She's asked what you're up to now, you can say ANYTHING to this and you decide to keep it logical and dull. Always think about the response you want and structure your message to get desired outcome.

You want to build more rapport before asking a girl out for a drink.

The 'necromancer' line I often use when a convo goes dead is to wait a good few days (5+) then say "It feels like we're drifting apart ". If nothing back from that after a few days - delete and keep swiping right.

2nd date with Kiwi went well, she came down to Brighton this time so took her to a few of my favorite bars though headed back to mine pretty early

Rather like this one, not playing it as cool as I usually do. Often a recipe for disaster though no sense in messing around. She seems to be making the right noises. Brought up the fact she's going back home for a few months over Christmas and 'wouldn't be seeing anyone over there anyway so seems to be thinking about where things may lead.

Anyway, best not to read to much into it just yet. Only second date and might be meeting up next weekend.

Got some rather hot Tinder matches but can't be arsed to get back to them, think this pretty much qualifies as 'loved up' nowadays

[Blown2CV]

big dub said:

CharlesdeGaulle said:

You're 42. And still bothered about not being shorter than her when she's dressed to go out.

You need to change that mindset, or be destined to either die alone, or for everyone to think you're a tt.

Really not arsed what anyone else thinks, it's my personal preference.

mrs 2cv has a friend who is a very attractive, independent, intelligent, adventurous, athletic woman. She's single. She insists that any prospective suitor is taller than her in heels. She is 6' 1". So, unsurprisingly (to me) she can't fking find anyone. Yet, she constantly complains that there are no decent men around, everyone is taken, woe is her, and that all she wants to do is to settle down etc (she's mid 30s). No-one apart from me apparently thinks this is stupid as fk. All her female friends just blow smoke up her arse telling her she's amazing and that men are st. Personal preferences are all very well, until such time as you realise you spent your entire life ruling everyone out and now you're alone. Won't seem so important then i am sure.