Match.com (Volume 6)

[CountZero23]

Blown2CV said:

big dub said:

CharlesdeGaulle said:

You're 42. And still bothered about not being shorter than her when she's dressed to go out.

You need to change that mindset, or be destined to either die alone, or for everyone to think you're a tt.

Really not arsed what anyone else thinks, it's my personal preference.

mrs 2cv has a friend who is a very attractive, independent, intelligent, adventurous, athletic woman. She's single. She insists that any prospective suitor is taller than her in heels. She is 6' 1". So, unsurprisingly (to me) she can't fking find anyone. Yet, she constantly complains that there are no decent men around, everyone is taken, woe is her, and that all she wants to do is to settle down etc (she's mid 30s). No-one apart from me apparently thinks this is stupid as fk. All her female friends just blow smoke up her arse telling her she's amazing and that men are st. Personal preferences are all very well, until such time as you realise you spent your entire life ruling everyone out and now you're alone. Won't seem so important then i am sure.

Totally crazy IMO. If you meet someone who's smart, good looking, funny, lot's on common and a ton of chemistry then you would still discount them?

Apparently it's quite common though. Apparently 70% of women say they wouldn't date a guy under 6 foot when rather hilariously only 14% of men are over 6 foot. Maybe suggest she should start hanging around outside her local branch High and Mighty?

Chatting to my sister over lunch last week as she was lamenting a string of bad dates. She said she just wanted to meet a guy who passed the 'sick test'. Intrigued I stupidly asked what this was, "oh, when you don't feel sick the next morning after sleeping with them"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2344324/...
http://gladwell.com/blink/why-do-we-love-tall-men/

[Blown2CV]

i do get what she's on about, and i know it's far from just her that feels that way... however if she's then left with a pond to fish in that's just a stagnant little puddle, and she's genuinely upset about the fact that she can't find a man... i mean how important is it really? if something's not working, it needs changing.

Maybe it's because my job deals with the concept of negotiation over and prioritisation of requirements on a daily basis that I have a bit more of a pragmatic attitude towards the fact that life is compromise, and few things are genuine needs.

[CountZero23]

I can understand it being a 'nice to have' but when so many of my girl friends bemoaning the lack of suitable men as it is, she's reducing an already stagnant puddle to a moist patch, or not as the case may be.

If she's 6'1" without heels she'll be 6'4 with them. If the guy needs to be taller then she's looking at men 6'5" or taller which is just mental when you put it in context.

Found some US stats, they only go to 6'4" and 99.2% of men are shorter than that. If she rules out > 99.2% of guys before she even starts thinking about other factors her odds don't look good.

http://www.allcountries.org/uscensus/230_cumulativ...

Having played the field and enjoyed dating lots of different girls over the years I've got a clear idea of my priorities are and height doesn't feature unless they are a giant or a midget. I'd of hoped she was a little less superficial by her mid 30's.

It does seem to me that many people sabotage their chances before they've even begun by coming up with a set of unrealistic and vacuous criteria.

Finding someone fun, loyal, smart and you have great chemistry with is hard enough to find - when you discount 99% of them then you'll find yourself in a very lonely place.

I assume she wants them to be loaded, speak 3 languages, have a six pack and have the same taste in music too?

[Impasse]

Maybe her requirement for a certain physical attribute is the important factor for her and the other more common box tickers are the fripperies?

If that's the case then why settle for someone you are preprogrammed not to find attractive? Actually, I'd ask that question of many of the contributors to this thread.

[king arthur]

Right then chaps, time for me to officially declare my interest in this thread.

Realising that I'm not getting any younger and my friend-with-benefits having moved away and downgraded herself to mere "friend" status, I decided I need a kitchen slave woman in my life and for me online is the most likely way to find one.

So I've put up profiles on OKCupid and POF. My first attempt at a profile wasn't that good and got little response, so I did some research and came up with a better one. Still not getting much interest on OKC - the best so far was a few messages with a biker girl from SW London who seemed keen at first but when I got her to agree to set up a date she then stopped reading my messages.

On POF though, I'm getting three or four messages a week, not amazing but I've only got the one profile pic up. Some of them aren't actually from utter monsters either. I find the "meet me" function is getting the best results - two dates in the last week have resulted from that. Still nothing that looks like it will lead to anything but it's early days.

I'm not claiming to be an expert but I seem to have found the key to writing a profile that gets a response so if any guys out there aren't getting anything from theirs, I'd be happy to give a bit of advice.

[Condi]

king arthur said:

friend-with-benefits having moved away

Mine did that. We had our arguments, but I thought Vietnam was a taking the piss a bit. On the plus side, cheap holidays and (almost) guaranteed shag if I do visit.

[CountZero23]

Impasse said:

Maybe her requirement for a certain physical attribute is the important factor for her and the other more common box tickers are the fripperies?

If that's the case then why settle for someone you are preprogrammed not to find attractive? Actually, I'd ask that question of many of the contributors to this thread.

Maybe, but I doubt someone so picky over height will be any less demanding on other attributes. So what what are you looking for in a man? "Oh just tall" - said no women ever

Find it odd you could look at a picture of someone and find them attractive, then on meeting them suddenly be revolted due to them being a few inches shorter than you thought. Each to their own, but it appears this requirement has kept her single for a long time.

king arthur said:

Back in the saddle again

Good man, keep us posted.

Regarding profiles, I've got mine looking pretty good. It's mainly funny and lighthearted but gets a fair bit of my personality and interests across too. Find so many guys write them in the style of a CV - often very dry and clichéd.

To be fair 4 messages a week isn't bad at all. It's crazy just how many messages an attractive girl gets on there, chatting to the Kiwi lass the other night about it - she'll have 20/30 messages a day sometimes. 90%+ of these are complete rubbish or just "Hi" though. Competition is fierce but usually weak

[king arthur]

Condi said:

Mine did that. We had our arguments, but I thought Vietnam was a taking the piss a bit. On the plus side, cheap holidays and (almost) guaranteed shag if I do visit.

Hmmm...mine only moved to Andover! But we have a lot of history and decided a while ago to move on from each other whilst remaining very good friends. It's good to have a female perspective on dating even if there's a hint of jealousy in some of the advice she gives me.

[big dub]

CountZero23 said:

Blown2CV said:

big dub said:

CharlesdeGaulle said:

You're 42. And still bothered about not being shorter than her when she's dressed to go out.

You need to change that mindset, or be destined to either die alone, or for everyone to think you're a tt.

Really not arsed what anyone else thinks, it's my personal preference.

mrs 2cv has a friend who is a very attractive, independent, intelligent, adventurous, athletic woman. She's single. She insists that any prospective suitor is taller than her in heels. She is 6' 1". So, unsurprisingly (to me) she can't fking find anyone. Yet, she constantly complains that there are no decent men around, everyone is taken, woe is her, and that all she wants to do is to settle down etc (she's mid 30s). No-one apart from me apparently thinks this is stupid as fk. All her female friends just blow smoke up her arse telling her she's amazing and that men are st. Personal preferences are all very well, until such time as you realise you spent your entire life ruling everyone out and now you're alone. Won't seem so important then i am sure.

Totally crazy IMO. If you meet someone who's smart, good looking, funny, lot's on common and a ton of chemistry then you would still discount them?

Apparently it's quite common though. Apparently 70% of women say they wouldn't date a guy under 6 foot when rather hilariously only 14% of men are over 6 foot. Maybe suggest she should start hanging around outside her local branch High and Mighty?

Chatting to my sister over lunch last week as she was lamenting a string of bad dates. She said she just wanted to meet a guy who passed the 'sick test'. Intrigued I stupidly asked what this was, "oh, when you don't feel sick the next morning after sleeping with them"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2344324/...
http://gladwell.com/blink/why-do-we-love-tall-men/

If anything happens with this one, then great. She is smart, good looking and funny, we have a bit in common but unable to tell if there's any chemistry on her side, as she has a better poker face than Dan Bilzerian.
Been single for 5.5yrs, but I'm not exactly putting much effort in to find someone, I'm not that bothered either way.

[Ikemi]

ChemicalChaos said:

People, your help please!

SO, I got a match on Tinder. And she responded to my initial message - thats a first for me

She's actually someone that was in my year at college, and though we knew of each other I dont think we actually ever spoke. But still, shes rather [pretty and seemed quite enthusiastic, until...

You know how every piece of advice on here seems to revolve around "get the conversation off tinder and meet face to face asap, before the conversation turns stale"? Well, I tried just that, and appear to have scared her off!
Please can anyone offer some SERIOUS advice on how to rescue this, and what to say etc?

Thanks!

[Buster73]

Blown2CV said:

mrs 2cv has a friend who is a very attractive, independent, intelligent, adventurous, athletic woman. She's single. She insists that any prsospective suitor is taller than her in heels. She is 6' 1". So, unsurprisingly (to me) she can't fking find anyone. Yet, she constantly complains that there are no decent men around, everyone is taken, woe is her, and that all she wants to do is to settle down etc (she's mid 30s). No-one apart from me apparently thinks this is stupid as fk. All her female friends just blow smoke up her arse telling her she's amazing and that men are st. Personal preferences are all very well, until such time as you realise you spent your entire life ruling everyone out and now you're alone. Won't seem so important then i am sure.

One of the dragons mates is a blond attractive airstewardess in her early 50's and she is the same , no decent men about especially " without luggage "

Then in the same breath wants to meet someone wealthy enough so she can either go part time or stop work altogether .

She's a canny lass but definitely got a touch of the ph mentalist about her.

[POORCARDEALER]

Buster73 said:

Blown2CV said:

mrs 2cv has a friend who is a very attractive, independent, intelligent, adventurous, athletic woman. She's single. She insists that any prsospective suitor is taller than her in heels. She is 6' 1". So, unsurprisingly (to me) she can't fking find anyone. Yet, she constantly complains that there are no decent men around, everyone is taken, woe is her, and that all she wants to do is to settle down etc (she's mid 30s). No-one apart from me apparently thinks this is stupid as fk. All her female friends just blow smoke up her arse telling her she's amazing and that men are st. Personal preferences are all very well, until such time as you realise you spent your entire life ruling everyone out and now you're alone. Won't seem so important then i am sure.

One of the dragons mates is a blond attractive airstewardess in her early 50's and she is the same , no decent men about especially " without luggage "

Then in the same breath wants to meet someone wealthy enough so she can either go part time or stop work altogether .

She's a canny lass but definitely got a touch of the ph mentalist about her.

Arnt most single women in their 30s upwards complete mentalists...female aquaintances I have and know, some very attrative, I think I pity the poor bd that ends up with you..most are dating online, strange thing is, the average ones seem to have elevated themselves to super model in their own mind, have been online dating for years, waiting for the the multi millionaire Clooney lookalike to come along.

Friend on POF, male, average sort of chap, own business, not getting very far on POF, little response despite a decent profile...I said IMO its because they are all looking for the above, he didnt think so as women are not as quote shallow, superficial etc.

Two weeks later he rings me, I drop in at his office....he had set up a spoof profile on POF, photo of a decent looking chap off google with Headline of: DrSmith Seeks feminine Lady...profile said, age unimportant, must be chatty feminine and classy....within 4 hours he had 30 replies in his inbox, the tone of the replies totally different to anything hed seen on POF before...a few stunners, but mostly very average women who our spoofer wouldnt entertain in reality.

I can imagine it been fun for someone thick skinned and there for the ride.

[Axionknight]

Oh the middle aged mentalists all want their millionaire prince charming, no doubt about it.

Whaddaya mean David Beckham isn't interested in me? LOOK AT MY CUTE, FLUFFY CATS!

[Cotty]

For some reason my subscription went through twice, they confirm receiving it twice. They are claiming that as 30 days has elapsed (only noticed when I got my statement) that there is nothing they can do.

I paid via PayPal, can I put a complaint though them?

[shakotan]

Cotty said:

For some reason my subscription went through twice, they confirm receiving it twice. They are claiming that as 30 days has elapsed (only noticed when I got my statement) that there is nothing they can do.

I paid via PayPal, can I put a complaint though them?

Yup, start a case in the Resolution Centre.

[anonymous-user]

POORCARDEALER said:

Arnt most single women in their 30s upwards complete mentalists...female aquaintances I have and know, some very attrative, I think I pity the poor bd that ends up with you..most are dating online, strange thing is, the average ones seem to have elevated themselves to super model in their own mind, have been online dating for years, waiting for the the multi millionaire Clooney lookalike to come along.

Because average women on dating websites get way more attention than they do in real life they suddenly assume they can be a lot more picky than they have any right to be. I also think they get addicted to the attention, so even if someone decent and suitable comes along they will overlook them because they think someone even better might be out there and they don't want to settle.

I'd doesn't matter that they are divorced with two kids, living in a council house and working in some low paid job, they still think that they deserve a good looking man with a well paid job who is willing to take on her and her two kids and provide for her. They do not seem to understand that these sort of guys are off banging hot 25 year olds.

These women are in total denial and it is made even worse because I guarantee they will not look like their photos when you finally meet them. The photos will either be 5 years out of date, photo shopped, professionally taken or just the one photo in 10,000 where they look good from that particular angle.

In their heads they will have a checklist along the lines of the following and any man that doesn't meet every single criteria will be discarded.

1)Really good looking.
2)6 foot plus
3)Works out and has a good body.
4)Well paid job.
5)Dependable, but at the same time exciting.
6)A really nice guy, but at the same time a bad boy.

So you end up with a situation where men are using POF for hookups and women are using it because they think the dream man is just waiting to find them. Also don't underestimate the amount of 20 something year olds who are contacting these women (obviously for hookups but these women love the attention).

I was on POF for about a year and my experience was that I had way more success with women who emailed me first that vice versa. I even tested this theory by messaging women who were way below me looks wise and I still didn't get that many replies.

I think the phrase I read earlier, lots of competition but little of it serious really sums up online dating.

Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 17th August 10:39

[TallTom]

Blown2CV said:

mrs 2cv has a friend who is a very attractive, independent, intelligent, adventurous, athletic woman. She's single. She insists that any prospective suitor is taller than her in heels. She is 6' 1". So, unsurprisingly (to me) she can't fking find anyone. Yet, she constantly complains that there are no decent men around, everyone is taken, woe is her, and that all she wants to do is to settle down etc (she's mid 30s). No-one apart from me apparently thinks this is stupid as fk. All her female friends just blow smoke up her arse telling her she's amazing and that men are st. Personal preferences are all very well, until such time as you realise you spent your entire life ruling everyone out and now you're alone. Won't seem so important then i am sure.

I am 6ft 8in and see hardly anyone my height/within a few inches of my height, even walking around london! As someone said.... she has about as much chance finding 'the one'...... with such high expectations........ (I will see myself out....)

[Studio117]

TallTom said:

I am 6ft 8in and see hardly anyone my height/within a few inches of my height, even walking around london! As someone said.... she has about as much chance finding 'the one'...... with such high expectations........ (I will see myself out....)

Mind your head!

[CountZero23]

TallTom said:

I am 6ft 8in and see hardly anyone my height/within a few inches of my height, even walking around london! As someone said.... she has about as much chance finding 'the one'...... with such high expectations........ (I will see myself out....)

Not looking for a date are you Tom?

Joey Deacon said:

Because average women on dating websites get way more attention than they do in real life they suddenly assume they can be a lot more picky than they have any right to be. I also think they get addicted to the attention, so even if someone decent and suitable comes along they will overlook them because they think someone even better might be out there and they don't want to settle.

I'd doesn't matter that they are divorced with two kids, living in a council house and working in some low paid job, they still think that they deserve a good looking man with a well paid job who is willing to take on her and her two kids and provide for her. They do not seem to understand that these sort of guys are off banging hot 25 year olds.

These women are in total denial and it is made even worse because I guarantee they will not look like their photos when you finally meet them. The photos will either be 5 years out of date, photo shopped, professionally taken or just the one photo in 10,000 where they look good from that particular angle.

In their heads they will have a checklist along the lines of the following and any man that doesn't meet every single criteria will be discarded.

1)Really good looking.
2)6 foot plus
3)Works out and has a good body.
4)Well paid job.
5)Dependable, but at the same time exciting.
6)A really nice guy, but at the same time a bad boy.

So you end up with a situation where men are using POF for hookups and women are using it because they think the dream man is just waiting to find them. Also don't underestimate the amount of 20 something year olds who are contacting these women (obviously for hookups but these women love the attention).

I was on POF for about a year and my experience was that I had way more success with women who emailed me first that vice versa. I even tested this theory by messaging women who were way below me looks wise and I still didn't get that many replies.

I think the phrase I read earlier, lots of competition but little of it serious really sums up online dating.

Women have the right to be as picky as they want to be, just not to moan when they are still single in their mid 30's and still haven't found a man who meets their exacting criteria. Sure they might be able to sleep with them but will wonder why they never text them back afterwards...

The girl I met the other week seemed surprised when I texted her the day after arranging another date. I was careful not to give of any boyfriend signals during our date, girls can view you as a nice guy provider or someone they want to fk. If you fall into the former then they will hold out for 3 dates or more and the sex won't half as wild. She even let slip when she was pissed "but don't guys think girls who put out on the first date as easy and wouldn't date them?". This happened AFTER we slept together when she starting finding out I do fairly well for myself and might fit in the boyfriend category and started getting anxious she'd blown it buy letting her inner slut out

Joey, to expand on point 6 "A really nice guy, but at the same time a bad boy", most guys try their best to come across as a nice guy first thinking the girl will think "oh my god, he's not one of those cocky womaniser arse holes like the rest of them". This is so far from the truth it hurts.You will be made to wait and they never have any real attraction for you because you've already supplicated and given the control to them. Yes, you get punished for good behaviour.

Sure, once you've set the frame as being the one in control in the relationship you can do nice things for them. Buy them dinner, buy flowers - but they appreciate it rather than taking it for a given.

The girl I'm dating at the moment is the same age as me (34) and while I was dating a 23 year old earlier this year I'd rather date a girl who's a bit older and knows the score. Attractive girls in their 20's really don't want commitment and will be much more likely to jump ship as soon as the grass looks greener with someone else. Problem being many of them who eat crap, drink to much and don't look after themselves realise to late they have turned from a hot 20 something into a fat undateable mess who's only going to sleep with a reasonable guy on a drunken one night stand. Their looks and desirability fall of a cliff but their standards don't shift.

[anonymous-user]

CountZero23 said:

The girl I met the other week seemed surprised when I texted her the day after arranging another date. I was careful not to give of any boyfriend signals during our date, girls can view you as a nice guy provider or someone they want to fk. If you fall into the former then they will hold out for 3 dates or more and the sex won't half as wild. She even let slip when she was pissed "but don't guys think girls who put out on the first date as easy and wouldn't date them?". This happened AFTER we slept together when she starting finding out I do fairly well for myself and might fit in the boyfriend category and started getting anxious she'd blown it buy letting her inner slut out

Joey, to expand on point 6 "A really nice guy, but at the same time a bad boy", most guys try their best to come across as a nice guy first thinking the girl will think "oh my god, he's not one of those cocky womaniser arse holes like the rest of them". This is so far from the truth it hurts.You will be made to wait and they never have any real attraction for you because you've already supplicated and given the control to them. Yes, you get punished for good behaviour.

Sure, once you've set the frame as being the one in control in the relationship you can do nice things for them. Buy them dinner, buy flowers - but they appreciate it rather than taking it for a given.

By the end of my time on POF I ended up with a few women I could hook up with when I was bored. I was still looking for new opportunities, but it was more for sport and I really wasn't bothered either way. This was not a conscious change of behavior on my part, it was just because I really didn't care about these women. The change in their attitude was amazing, basically once I had been on a date with them and ignored them or cancelled on them at the last minute for a better offer I couldn't get rid of them.

Women on the whole are looking for a provider, but will still lap up any attention from bad boy womanisers. When it says in their profile they are not into hookups or one night stands, what they really mean is no one night stands from provider types. Trust me, they are still happy to sleep with a guy within hours of meeting him if they find him exciting enough.

But women are mental, they would much rather be with a guy who ignores them and cancels on them at the last minute as that is way more exciting than some provider who would do anything for them and bores them senseless.

CountZero23 said:

The girl I'm dating at the moment is the same age as me (34) and while I was dating a 23 year old earlier this year I'd rather date a girl who's a bit older and knows the score. Attractive girls in their 20's really don't want commitment and will be much more likely to jump ship as soon as the grass looks greener with someone else. Problem being many of them who eat crap, drink to much and don't look after themselves realise to late they have turned from a hot 20 something into a fat undateable mess who's only going to sleep with a reasonable guy on a drunken one night stand. Their looks and desirability fall of a cliff but their standards don't shift.

You mean when they hit the wall in their early 30s and get thrown off the Alpha cock carousel? They are then left with two options, become an Alpha Widow or marry a Beta provider (also known as the future ex husband) who they wouldn't have looked twice at in their 20s. Obviously this is bitter and misogynist talk and is in no way what happens in real life.

Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 17th August 13:04