Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
ChemicalChaos said:
People, your help please!
SO, I got a match on Tinder. And she responded to my initial message - thats a first for me
She's actually someone that was in my year at college, and though we knew of each other I dont think we actually ever spoke. But still, shes rather [pretty and seemed quite enthusiastic, until...
You know how every piece of advice on here seems to revolve around "get the conversation off tinder and meet face to face asap, before the conversation turns stale"? Well, I tried just that, and appear to have scared her off!
Please can anyone offer some SERIOUS advice on how to rescue this, and what to say etc?
Thanks!
You're destined to be forever alone unless you sort yourself out.SO, I got a match on Tinder. And she responded to my initial message - thats a first for me
She's actually someone that was in my year at college, and though we knew of each other I dont think we actually ever spoke. But still, shes rather [pretty and seemed quite enthusiastic, until...
You know how every piece of advice on here seems to revolve around "get the conversation off tinder and meet face to face asap, before the conversation turns stale"? Well, I tried just that, and appear to have scared her off!
Please can anyone offer some SERIOUS advice on how to rescue this, and what to say etc?
Thanks!
Most likely, she 'matched' you because she recognised you and watched to catch up, not because she was attracted to you.
Your final message smack heavily of desperation, I'm not surprised she bolted, she's sent two short but friendly messages and you've waded in with a date proposal.
TallTom said:
Nope Count, LTR with a 5ft 8" lady..... that annoys the even taller women!
Just enjoy reading the stories in here!
Well if you're ever single give blown2cv a shout as I imagine his friend will still be on the market Just enjoy reading the stories in here!
Joey Deacon said:
Women on the whole are looking for a provider, but will still lap up any attention from bad boy womanisers.
In my experience it's worse than that, they want their cake and eat it too. Many spend their 20's trying to tame genuine pricks. Some of the stories I've heard from girls make me turn cold.
As you said they want a nice guy / bad boy then wonder why they can't find anyone. That said if you can be the rare beast which displays both qualities then you won't be able to get rid of them.
Joey Deacon said:
When it says in their profile they are not into hookups or one night stands...
I laugh, how I laugh. This is taken as reality by so many guys who hold back to show how 'respectful' they are then post on this thread asking why they have been friend zoned after things had been going so well (i.e. behaving like a friend over several dates).
If a girl is attracted to you and you make it 'ok' for her to sleep with you then you'll be straight in there. 90% of my girlfriends I've bedded on a first date. Can't think of a time it got to date three and anything ever happened.
Joey Deacon said:
But women are mental, they would much rather be with a guy who ignores them and cancels on them at the last minute.
Mental when you don't understand their games but quite savvy when you do. If you have so few options you are bending over backwards for her then why would she want to date you?Joey Deacon said:
You mean when they hit the wall in their early 30s and get thrown off the Alpha cock carousel? They are then left with two options, become an Alpha Widow or marry a Beta provider (also known as the future ex husband) who they wouldn't have looked twice at in their 20s. Obviously this is bitter and misogynist talk and is in no way what happens in real life.
Depends. You just need to look at Facebook to realise that the majority of girls you were pining after in secondary school /college have turned into an undateable mess and are married to some call centre worker called Kevin. Must sting. Then there are some exceptionally good looking and wiser girls in their 30's, somewhat of a rarity though. Not sure the alpha cock carousel is a feature just of women, certainly had fun in my 20's dating allot of unsuitable girls and wouldn't resent a woman for doing the same.
The tough part now is I do want to settle down; having experienced first hand just how cold and calculating women can be the idea of gambling with my financial future and betting it on 50/50 odds is quite terrifying.
Certainly won't be rushing into anything. One of the attractive features of the girl I'm seeing is she has a great relationship with her family and her parents are still together, just the same as me.
I think this is a huge contributing factor, from personal experience the girls who have had an unstable upbringing tend to bring that baggage with them into a relationship.
Impasse said:
shakotan said:
Your final message smack heavily of desperation, I'm not surprised she bolted, she's sent two short but friendly messages and you've waded in with a date proposal.
Yep, proposing a date is an utterly ridiculous thing to do on a dating website.
Axionknight said:
I think the widespread condescension regarding his post was more the timing of his message, than the actual content.
But only on this very page we are reminded that time is of the essence for fear of being friendzoned. Which is it? Chat for ages or get in there with a clear declaration of your intentions (on a dating site)?A definitive time marker needs to be set to avoid such confusion. Preferably by one of those vocal Alpha Male types. They're always an amusing read.
Vocal Minority said:
shakotan said:
Most likely, she 'matched' you because she recognised you and watched to catch up, not because she was attracted to you.
Isn't that what Facebook is for? Just an observation...seems odd to use tinder for it Impasse said:
Axionknight said:
I think the widespread condescension regarding his post was more the timing of his message, than the actual content.
But only on this very page we are reminded that time is of the essence for fear of being friendzoned. Which is it? Chat for ages or get in there with a clear declaration of your intentions (on a dating site)?A definitive time marker needs to be set to avoid such confusion. Preferably by one of those vocal Alpha Male types. They're always an amusing read.
Agreed on the bold bit though, some of it is pretty cringe worthy stuff,
Blown2CV said:
mrs 2cv has a friend who is a very attractive, independent, intelligent, adventurous, athletic woman. She's single. She insists that any prospective suitor is taller than her in heels. She is 6' 1". So, unsurprisingly (to me) she can't f
king find anyone. Yet, she constantly complains that there are no decent men around, everyone is taken, woe is her, and that all she wants to do is to settle down etc (she's mid 30s). No-one apart from me apparently thinks this is stupid as fk. All her female friends just blow smoke up her arse telling her she's amazing and that men are st. Personal preferences are all very well, until such time as you realise you spent your entire life ruling everyone out and now you're alone. Won't seem so important then i am sure.
Hmm. I can see why she'd like that but life really isn't ideal. She may have to compromise on that one.king find anyone. Yet, she constantly complains that there are no decent men around, everyone is taken, woe is her, and that all she wants to do is to settle down etc (she's mid 30s). No-one apart from me apparently thinks this is stupid as fk. All her female friends just blow smoke up her arse telling her she's amazing and that men are st. Personal preferences are all very well, until such time as you realise you spent your entire life ruling everyone out and now you're alone. Won't seem so important then i am sure. I'm only 6'3" so I'm probably out.
Joey Deacon said:
Because average women on dating websites get way more attention than they do in real life they suddenly assume they can be a lot more picky than they have any right to be. I also think they get addicted to the attention, so even if someone decent and suitable comes along they will overlook them because they think someone even better might be out there and they don't want to settle.
I'd doesn't matter that they are divorced with two kids, living in a council house and working in some low paid job, they still think that they deserve a good looking man with a well paid job who is willing to take on her and her two kids and provide for her. They do not seem to understand that these sort of guys are off banging hot 25 year olds.
These women are in total denial and it is made even worse because I guarantee they will not look like their photos when you finally meet them. The photos will either be 5 years out of date, photo shopped, professionally taken or just the one photo in 10,000 where they look good from that particular angle.
In their heads they will have a checklist along the lines of the following and any man that doesn't meet every single criteria will be discarded.
1)Really good looking.
2)6 foot plus
3)Works out and has a good body.
4)Well paid job.
5)Dependable, but at the same time exciting.
6)A really nice guy, but at the same time a bad boy.
So you end up with a situation where men are using POF for hookups and women are using it because they think the dream man is just waiting to find them. Also don't underestimate the amount of 20 something year olds who are contacting these women (obviously for hookups but these women love the attention).
I was on POF for about a year and my experience was that I had way more success with women who emailed me first that vice versa. I even tested this theory by messaging women who were way below me looks wise and I still didn't get that many replies.
I think the phrase I read earlier, lots of competition but little of it serious really sums up online dating.
How very true this is. There must be millions of women, with kids, who seem to think that every guy is just waiting to take them on, lavish loads of money/presents on them and play 'happy families'. Probably 99% are going to be disappointed.I'd doesn't matter that they are divorced with two kids, living in a council house and working in some low paid job, they still think that they deserve a good looking man with a well paid job who is willing to take on her and her two kids and provide for her. They do not seem to understand that these sort of guys are off banging hot 25 year olds.
These women are in total denial and it is made even worse because I guarantee they will not look like their photos when you finally meet them. The photos will either be 5 years out of date, photo shopped, professionally taken or just the one photo in 10,000 where they look good from that particular angle.
In their heads they will have a checklist along the lines of the following and any man that doesn't meet every single criteria will be discarded.
1)Really good looking.
2)6 foot plus
3)Works out and has a good body.
4)Well paid job.
5)Dependable, but at the same time exciting.
6)A really nice guy, but at the same time a bad boy.
So you end up with a situation where men are using POF for hookups and women are using it because they think the dream man is just waiting to find them. Also don't underestimate the amount of 20 something year olds who are contacting these women (obviously for hookups but these women love the attention).
I was on POF for about a year and my experience was that I had way more success with women who emailed me first that vice versa. I even tested this theory by messaging women who were way below me looks wise and I still didn't get that many replies.
I think the phrase I read earlier, lots of competition but little of it serious really sums up online dating.
Edited by Joey Deacon on Monday 17th August 10:39
Periodically I like to come into this thread to;
1. Read about all these terrible women who have the audacity to reject men.
2. Learn what amazing studs inhabit PH and are willing to share the secret of their prowess with men with smaller penises.
3. Find out that women want 'bad boys' or 'providers" or are 'being unrealistic', or want to 'friendzone people' or are 'sluts' if they put out on a first date, but are 'frigid timewasters' if they hold out until the third dtate.
4. Wonder incredulously that you're all still single.
I imagine you all as short, fat, bald, and lacking generosity (of spirit, not cash).
And you can all imagine me as warty, short, fat, freakishly hirsute and very, very old.
Good luck in your search - you'll need it. X
1. Read about all these terrible women who have the audacity to reject men.
2. Learn what amazing studs inhabit PH and are willing to share the secret of their prowess with men with smaller penises.
3. Find out that women want 'bad boys' or 'providers" or are 'being unrealistic', or want to 'friendzone people' or are 'sluts' if they put out on a first date, but are 'frigid timewasters' if they hold out until the third dtate.
4. Wonder incredulously that you're all still single.
I imagine you all as short, fat, bald, and lacking generosity (of spirit, not cash).
And you can all imagine me as warty, short, fat, freakishly hirsute and very, very old.
Good luck in your search - you'll need it. X
Carthage said:
I imagine you all as short, fat, bald, and lacking generosity (of spirit, not cash).
fat, nope
Bald, not yet but getting there
lacking generosity, not at all
I was watching a few vids on Youtube and stumbled across something called MGTOW
Rather than accepting an attitude like your own, it seems a lot of guys are choosing not to engage.
Impasse said:
Cotty said:
MGTOW
Not heard of this label but the concept applies (apart from the computer games and illegal substance abuse!). Looks like I'm way ahead of the internet. 
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