Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
if you're over 40 and being hit on by 18-25 year olds (and believe it's genuine) then you should be made aware that the Internet has created a generation of women for whom their sole aspiration in life is to acquire a sugar daddy, or maybe even several at once. Or, according to the security videos my employer makes us all watch, they could be foreign state-sponsored espionage.
The issue isnt really how big the age gap is, it's where you are in your life and the other in theirs. For example, I was in a relationship with a 20 year old when I was 31. She didnt really know what she wanted, I'd already gone through that stage. It was a great physical relationship, but I was mortgaged up and thinking maybe kids were on the horizon, she was heading off to travel with her friends because she wanted to do her own thing. I wasnt at the right stage in my life and didnt really want to do that. There's nothing to say I couldnt, it's more that I didnt want to. Been there, done it.
Same age gap then as there is with me and my wife (not same person as above) though I'm a bit older as is she. Completely different people granted, but that time in your 20's, say under 23/24, no-one really knows what they're after, they need to find out what they want and need, dont ofetn know, and they're generally a bit of a nobhead and sometimes dont realise it.
Same age gap then as there is with me and my wife (not same person as above) though I'm a bit older as is she. Completely different people granted, but that time in your 20's, say under 23/24, no-one really knows what they're after, they need to find out what they want and need, dont ofetn know, and they're generally a bit of a nobhead and sometimes dont realise it.
I must be doing something seriously wrong here. Been on 2 months, and not even a hint of anything! Have sent messages to people, something with a little thought rather than just a generic 'hi how are you?', and the most I seem to get is a view on my profile, and no response. I've rewritten my profile, which isn't too short but not too long either, got some decent photos up, and still no responses at all. Wouldn't mind if it was free, but this time round I've paid for a match subscription. If I wanted to spend a lot of money and be ignored, I'd go to a nightclub!
DanB7290 said:
I must be doing something seriously wrong here. Been on 2 months, and not even a hint of anything! Have sent messages to people, something with a little thought rather than just a generic 'hi how are you?', and the most I seem to get is a view on my profile, and no response. I've rewritten my profile, which isn't too short but not too long either, got some decent photos up, and still no responses at all. Wouldn't mind if it was free, but this time round I've paid for a match subscription. If I wanted to spend a lot of money and be ignored, I'd go to a nightclub!
post upOk, I'm prepared for the piss taking, here it is http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=112...
It's just bloody boring.
I like cars, blahblahblah, I sell cars blahblahblah, I want to go and watch cars at the weekend in europe whilst driving a red car, blahblahblah
Delete EVERYHING you have written and replace it with this:
"See that gap between my front teeth? There's a reason it's called the 'dirty gap'.
Message me."
Trust me.
I like cars, blahblahblah, I sell cars blahblahblah, I want to go and watch cars at the weekend in europe whilst driving a red car, blahblahblah
Delete EVERYHING you have written and replace it with this:
"See that gap between my front teeth? There's a reason it's called the 'dirty gap'.
Message me."
Trust me.
DanB7290 said:
I must be doing something seriously wrong here. Been on 2 months, and not even a hint of anything! Have sent messages to people, something with a little thought rather than just a generic 'hi how are you?', and the most I seem to get is a view on my profile, and no response. I've rewritten my profile, which isn't too short but not too long either, got some decent photos up, and still no responses at all. Wouldn't mind if it was free, but this time round I've paid for a match subscription. If I wanted to spend a lot of money and be ignored, I'd go to a nightclub!
Go out and speak to people, everyone, talk to the person on the checkout, the postman, just get used to striking up conversations. There are loads of single women, just get used to talking to people in a relaxed manner. It can be brutal on there, trust me. Expect to send 10's of messages to get a couple of replies and even then most will just stop replying after a few messages for no apparent reason...
For anyone who cares, an update on the girl I've been chatting to for a few weeks. We met on Monday (day off for me and half term for her, she's a teacher) for a coffee and a walk, I was genuinely the first bloke she'd met from online. Spent 50 minutes or so chatting, and afterwards got the all too inevitable 'you're a lovely guy but there was no connection, sorry' text, which after several weeks of pretty flirty texting (nothing graphic but underwear choices etc were discussed
) was a bit of a let down, to say the least. Granted there wasn't an immediate instant attraction for me either, but she actually was a great girl - normal, not crazy, a decent person and very pretty, and I know that sometimes it takes a little while for feelings to develop, so that pissed me off too, after all that work she'd decided in probably 20 minutes that I wasn't worth anymore of her time. She's said that she'd be happy to meet up again as friends but I honestly can't see that happening. I'm most angry at myself for letting myself hope that something good could actually happen...
I'm 99.99999% sure that's me done with the online dating thing - just too much work for no reward. And yes I've given it a damn good try, I've been on a couple of sites for a few years. Good on you lot who can get 2-3 dates a week, maybe my standards are too high or I'm just an ugly, boring
... if I ever meet someone it'll be face to face, but having no social life at the moment means that's gonna be pretty tricky!
I've joined meetup.com but even on that the local meets seems to be nothing but 40+ divorcees, I'm still youngish at 34 but don't feel it, so the prospect of sitting with a bunch of 45 year olds bores me to death. However, nothing ventured and all that so I'll go to a few meets. I'll probably end up down my local every Friday night eyeing up the barmaids just to get out the house for a few hours.
I'm actually happier with the constant slightly below averageness of a single life filled with bikes, planning euro trips on my bike, occasional work nights out and a couple of wks a week, rather than the yo-yo emotions of the dating game - hopeful and happy one week then pissed off, angry and depressed the next, rinse and repeat...
To all of you who are in happy relationships, or those who have ever had a decent, proper relationship - I'm envious, but it's obvious it's not for me.
For anyone who cares, an update on the girl I've been chatting to for a few weeks. We met on Monday (day off for me and half term for her, she's a teacher) for a coffee and a walk, I was genuinely the first bloke she'd met from online. Spent 50 minutes or so chatting, and afterwards got the all too inevitable 'you're a lovely guy but there was no connection, sorry' text, which after several weeks of pretty flirty texting (nothing graphic but underwear choices etc were discussed
) was a bit of a let down, to say the least. Granted there wasn't an immediate instant attraction for me either, but she actually was a great girl - normal, not crazy, a decent person and very pretty, and I know that sometimes it takes a little while for feelings to develop, so that pissed me off too, after all that work she'd decided in probably 20 minutes that I wasn't worth anymore of her time. She's said that she'd be happy to meet up again as friends but I honestly can't see that happening. I'm most angry at myself for letting myself hope that something good could actually happen... I'm 99.99999% sure that's me done with the online dating thing - just too much work for no reward. And yes I've given it a damn good try, I've been on a couple of sites for a few years. Good on you lot who can get 2-3 dates a week, maybe my standards are too high or I'm just an ugly, boring
... if I ever meet someone it'll be face to face, but having no social life at the moment means that's gonna be pretty tricky!I've joined meetup.com but even on that the local meets seems to be nothing but 40+ divorcees, I'm still youngish at 34 but don't feel it, so the prospect of sitting with a bunch of 45 year olds bores me to death. However, nothing ventured and all that so I'll go to a few meets. I'll probably end up down my local every Friday night eyeing up the barmaids just to get out the house for a few hours.
I'm actually happier with the constant slightly below averageness of a single life filled with bikes, planning euro trips on my bike, occasional work nights out and a couple of w
ks a week, rather than the yo-yo emotions of the dating game - hopeful and happy one week then pissed off, angry and depressed the next, rinse and repeat... To all of you who are in happy relationships, or those who have ever had a decent, proper relationship - I'm envious, but it's obvious it's not for me.
Edited by Tall_Paul on Tuesday 16th February 22:45
Without wishing to be too brutal.....this is why, at 42, my other half is hot and 26 - because this 26 year old guy is who I'm up against!
Online dating is sooooooo visual....you have two options. Set the bar low - accept it will be very quiet until someone your equal comes along. Or, do what I did which is get up at 5.30am today so I could be in the gym by 6am. Since 7.30am I've been making the kids half term school club pack lunch boxes and weighing out my meal's for the day. So none of this "dont have time" BS
You simply make a call - adopt the shape most humans are supposed to be or put up with a hard time online dating (and there's no reason why you cant be chubby, etc, etc - You just can't be chubby and wonder why your inbox is empty....anymore than I can be ripped and wonder why I was at the movies last night with sore legs from my deadlifts and eating crappy tasting protein flapjacks instead of popcorn!
PS - at 36/37 was almost 23 stone of blubber so I know what it's like......I also know I didnt get many 26 year olds wanting sex twice a day and my wife was on the verge of leaving my fat arse!
Online dating is sooooooo visual....you have two options. Set the bar low - accept it will be very quiet until someone your equal comes along. Or, do what I did which is get up at 5.30am today so I could be in the gym by 6am. Since 7.30am I've been making the kids half term school club pack lunch boxes and weighing out my meal's for the day. So none of this "dont have time" BS
You simply make a call - adopt the shape most humans are supposed to be or put up with a hard time online dating (and there's no reason why you cant be chubby, etc, etc - You just can't be chubby and wonder why your inbox is empty....anymore than I can be ripped and wonder why I was at the movies last night with sore legs from my deadlifts and eating crappy tasting protein flapjacks instead of popcorn!
PS - at 36/37 was almost 23 stone of blubber so I know what it's like......I also know I didnt get many 26 year olds wanting sex twice a day and my wife was on the verge of leaving my fat arse!
This is worth a read:
http://www.afr.com/lifestyle/health/womens-health/...
Morris says while feminism may have improved the stakes for women in the workplace, it has confused and complicated intimate relationships.This has happened because while women have been intellectually liberated, their emotional needs have remained unchanged....
Morris says a woman is not secure in a sexual relationship until she believes she is in sole, public possession of her partner. He often fails to understand that she wants him to make a public display of his affection, of their being a couple....
Morris says a woman can go to bed once with a man she fancies and she's already wondering if this is forever. The man more often will be wondering if he can, or wants to, do it once again...For the woman, getting attracted to a man signals the beginning of a long emotional journey if she wants to keep him...This compulsion can emotionally 'enslave' her during courtship. Once he commits to tying the knot, paradoxically she feels free. She's got her man and she's arrived.
It then goes on to say that the woman's attitude towards the man changes to trying to change him to suit her ideal man and this is where the men are blind sided as the men can't understand why "things have changed" after a number of years, it is because the goal posts have changed.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Sex-fifty-therapy-les...
http://www.afr.com/lifestyle/health/womens-health/...
Morris says while feminism may have improved the stakes for women in the workplace, it has confused and complicated intimate relationships.This has happened because while women have been intellectually liberated, their emotional needs have remained unchanged....
Morris says a woman is not secure in a sexual relationship until she believes she is in sole, public possession of her partner. He often fails to understand that she wants him to make a public display of his affection, of their being a couple....
Morris says a woman can go to bed once with a man she fancies and she's already wondering if this is forever. The man more often will be wondering if he can, or wants to, do it once again...For the woman, getting attracted to a man signals the beginning of a long emotional journey if she wants to keep him...This compulsion can emotionally 'enslave' her during courtship. Once he commits to tying the knot, paradoxically she feels free. She's got her man and she's arrived.
It then goes on to say that the woman's attitude towards the man changes to trying to change him to suit her ideal man and this is where the men are blind sided as the men can't understand why "things have changed" after a number of years, it is because the goal posts have changed.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Sex-fifty-therapy-les...
Tiggsy said:
Without wishing to be too brutal.....this is why, at 42, my other half is hot and 26 - because this 26 year old guy is who I'm up against!
Online dating is sooooooo visual....you have two options. Set the bar low - accept it will be very quiet until someone your equal comes along. Or, do what I did which is get up at 5.30am today so I could be in the gym by 6am. Since 7.30am I've been making the kids half term school club pack lunch boxes and weighing out my meal's for the day. So none of this "dont have time" BS
You simply make a call - adopt the shape most humans are supposed to be or put up with a hard time online dating (and there's no reason why you cant be chubby, etc, etc - You just can't be chubby and wonder why your inbox is empty....anymore than I can be ripped and wonder why I was at the movies last night with sore legs from my deadlifts and eating crappy tasting protein flapjacks instead of popcorn!
PS - at 36/37 was almost 23 stone of blubber so I know what it's like......I also know I didnt get many 26 year olds wanting sex twice a day and my wife was on the verge of leaving my fat arse!
I think that's more your issues with your weight than anything that's really actually hindering people. Physical is just one aspect, you can be 'ripped' as you put it, but you can also be perfectly normal and/or overweight. The problem is, if you dont have a body type that women immediately notice, you have to have something else and that's where people here seem to be falling down. Online dating is sooooooo visual....you have two options. Set the bar low - accept it will be very quiet until someone your equal comes along. Or, do what I did which is get up at 5.30am today so I could be in the gym by 6am. Since 7.30am I've been making the kids half term school club pack lunch boxes and weighing out my meal's for the day. So none of this "dont have time" BS
You simply make a call - adopt the shape most humans are supposed to be or put up with a hard time online dating (and there's no reason why you cant be chubby, etc, etc - You just can't be chubby and wonder why your inbox is empty....anymore than I can be ripped and wonder why I was at the movies last night with sore legs from my deadlifts and eating crappy tasting protein flapjacks instead of popcorn!
PS - at 36/37 was almost 23 stone of blubber so I know what it's like......I also know I didnt get many 26 year olds wanting sex twice a day and my wife was on the verge of leaving my fat arse!
If you're a bit bland and nothing's really going on, sticking a flag up shouting 'look at me!!!! Not them, MEEE' without a reason to keep reading, it's no surprise that people pass over you.
If you're blaming them for that, then that's not really fair, you're just not right for them based on what your shop window has to offer. The rules of the game are fairly simple, put out enough interesting stuff aimed at the right people so that there's a reason for someone to reply to you. If you're hoping that Selma Hayek's cute sister is going to quietly message you grumbleshots, based on a bland profile and not wanting to actually show people who you are, that's deluded in more than a few ways.
I believe in the scorecard, if you're a 6, you should be talking with 5's and 7's but you'll never get along with 4's and 8's will break your heart. Some people think they're an 8, some people wont settle for less than a 9, when they're a very firm 5.5.
Tall_Paul said:
It can be brutal on there, trust me. Expect to send 10's of messages to get a couple of replies and even then most will just stop replying after a few messages for no apparent reason...
For anyone who cares, an update on the girl I've been chatting to for a few weeks. We met on Monday (day off for me and half term for her, she's a teacher) for a coffee and a walk, I was genuinely the first bloke she'd met from online. Spent 50 minutes or so chatting, and afterwards got the all too inevitable 'you're a lovely guy but there was no connection, sorry' text, which after several weeks of pretty flirty texting (nothing graphic but underwear choices etc were discussed) was a bit of a let down, to say the least. Granted there wasn't an immediate instant attraction for me either, but she actually was a great girl - normal, not crazy, a decent person and very pretty, and I know that sometimes it takes a little while for feelings to develop, so that pissed me off too, after all that work she'd decided in probably 20 minutes that I wasn't worth anymore of her time. She's said that she'd be happy to meet up again as friends but I honestly can't see that happening. I'm most angry at myself for letting myself hope that something good could actually happen...
I'm 99.99999% sure that's me done with the online dating thing - just too much work for no reward. And yes I've given it a damn good try, I've been on a couple of sites for a few years. Good on you lot who can get 2-3 dates a week, maybe my standards are too high or I'm just an ugly, boring... if I ever meet someone it'll be face to face, but having no social life at the moment means that's gonna be pretty tricky!
I've joined meetup.com but even on that the local meets seems to be nothing but 40+ divorcees, I'm still youngish at 34 but don't feel it, so the prospect of sitting with a bunch of 45 year olds bores me to death. However, nothing ventured and all that so I'll go to a few meets. I'll probably end up down my local every Friday night eyeing up the barmaids just to get out the house for a few hours.
I'm actually happier with the constant slightly below averageness of a single life filled with bikes, planning euro trips on my bike, occasional work nights out and a couple of wks a week, rather than the yo-yo emotions of the dating game - hopeful and happy one week then pissed off, angry and depressed the next, rinse and repeat...
To all of you who are in happy relationships, or those who have ever had a decent, proper relationship - I'm envious, but it's obvious it's not for me.
Shame to hear about that mate! Although on the plus side, rather she was upfront and told you now rather than after dating for 2 or 3 months. Seems like a nice enough girl from how you've described it.For anyone who cares, an update on the girl I've been chatting to for a few weeks. We met on Monday (day off for me and half term for her, she's a teacher) for a coffee and a walk, I was genuinely the first bloke she'd met from online. Spent 50 minutes or so chatting, and afterwards got the all too inevitable 'you're a lovely guy but there was no connection, sorry' text, which after several weeks of pretty flirty texting (nothing graphic but underwear choices etc were discussed
) was a bit of a let down, to say the least. Granted there wasn't an immediate instant attraction for me either, but she actually was a great girl - normal, not crazy, a decent person and very pretty, and I know that sometimes it takes a little while for feelings to develop, so that pissed me off too, after all that work she'd decided in probably 20 minutes that I wasn't worth anymore of her time. She's said that she'd be happy to meet up again as friends but I honestly can't see that happening. I'm most angry at myself for letting myself hope that something good could actually happen... I'm 99.99999% sure that's me done with the online dating thing - just too much work for no reward. And yes I've given it a damn good try, I've been on a couple of sites for a few years. Good on you lot who can get 2-3 dates a week, maybe my standards are too high or I'm just an ugly, boring
... if I ever meet someone it'll be face to face, but having no social life at the moment means that's gonna be pretty tricky!I've joined meetup.com but even on that the local meets seems to be nothing but 40+ divorcees, I'm still youngish at 34 but don't feel it, so the prospect of sitting with a bunch of 45 year olds bores me to death. However, nothing ventured and all that so I'll go to a few meets. I'll probably end up down my local every Friday night eyeing up the barmaids just to get out the house for a few hours.
I'm actually happier with the constant slightly below averageness of a single life filled with bikes, planning euro trips on my bike, occasional work nights out and a couple of w
ks a week, rather than the yo-yo emotions of the dating game - hopeful and happy one week then pissed off, angry and depressed the next, rinse and repeat... To all of you who are in happy relationships, or those who have ever had a decent, proper relationship - I'm envious, but it's obvious it's not for me.
Edited by Tall_Paul on Tuesday 16th February 22:45
Although I do empathise with your single life / bikes / w
king life - been there / done it. But I still want a bike. Even if you are with someone you will have the occasional tommy tank. Finding the right woman is about being your true self without having to necessarily compromise what you enjoy. I can do what I want with my Mrs, I can go to a car show and not talk to her for the day, if she comes over and I need to pop out to help my friend change a bumper on his car she's quite happy sat around for a couple of hours watching iPlayer.
You will find it matey :-)
I wouldn't give up on the online dating as if you don't go out much it does help you meet people you wouldn't otherwise. That being said, you can simply remove your hopes/expectation. You can put effort in without expecting/hoping it would work that means IF (not when) it does fail then you are not as hurt/disappointed.
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