Match.com (Volume 6)

[xjay1337]

Tiggsy said:

Without wishing to be too brutal.....this is why, at 42, my other half is hot and 26 - because this 26 year old guy is who I'm up against!

Online dating is sooooooo visual....you have two options. Set the bar low - accept it will be very quiet until someone your equal comes along. Or, do what I did which is get up at 5.30am today so I could be in the gym by 6am. Since 7.30am I've been making the kids half term school club pack lunch boxes and weighing out my meal's for the day. So none of this "dont have time" BS

You simply make a call - adopt the shape most humans are supposed to be or put up with a hard time online dating (and there's no reason why you cant be chubby, etc, etc - You just can't be chubby and wonder why your inbox is empty....anymore than I can be ripped and wonder why I was at the movies last night with sore legs from my deadlifts and eating crappy tasting protein flapjacks instead of popcorn!

PS - at 36/37 was almost 23 stone of blubber so I know what it's like......I also know I didnt get many 26 year olds wanting sex twice a day and my wife was on the verge of leaving my fat arse!

I'm quite fat mate and I've netted some proper stunners. Infact I had shagged more women in the space of 2 months than I had in my whole life after my last relationship split.
It's more to do with how you carry yourself, your attitude, if you are confident.
Just because you are a bit fat doesn't make you unattractive. All the women I've been with also prefer a man with a bit of meat. This is also backed up by a well regarded, slightly racist newspaper study.
Then again you can be fairly appealing on the eye even if you are fat if you have a nice face. Some people just don't have a nice face.

While I'm glad you are happy - sincerely - it sounds like you think you are better than the rest of the 40-somethings who are shagging people basically half your age and going to the gym at 6am. Do you really think the whole alpha male thing works for everyone?

I'd rather enjoy my sleep, instead of be in the gym for 6am. No. Thanks. No amount of pussy is worth that faff.

Edit: I agree with Schnozz below , pretty much entirely actually! and maybe what you were trying to say(but not sure?)
Online on dating profiles it's mainly about initial looks. You can't get a personality across online in a small profile so you can hope that someone likes your face enough to get to meet you and get to know you.

Edited by xjay1337 on Wednesday 17th February 09:48

[Shnozz]

andy-xr said:

Tiggsy said:

Without wishing to be too brutal.....this is why, at 42, my other half is hot and 26 - because this 26 year old guy is who I'm up against!

Online dating is sooooooo visual....you have two options. Set the bar low - accept it will be very quiet until someone your equal comes along. Or, do what I did which is get up at 5.30am today so I could be in the gym by 6am. Since 7.30am I've been making the kids half term school club pack lunch boxes and weighing out my meal's for the day. So none of this "dont have time" BS

You simply make a call - adopt the shape most humans are supposed to be or put up with a hard time online dating (and there's no reason why you cant be chubby, etc, etc - You just can't be chubby and wonder why your inbox is empty....anymore than I can be ripped and wonder why I was at the movies last night with sore legs from my deadlifts and eating crappy tasting protein flapjacks instead of popcorn!

PS - at 36/37 was almost 23 stone of blubber so I know what it's like......I also know I didnt get many 26 year olds wanting sex twice a day and my wife was on the verge of leaving my fat arse!

I think that's more your issues with your weight than anything that's really actually hindering people. Physical is just one aspect, you can be 'ripped' as you put it, but you can also be perfectly normal and/or overweight. The problem is, if you dont have a body type that women immediately notice, you have to have something else and that's where people here seem to be falling down.

That's the thing though isn't it? "Immediately notice". Therein lies the whole raison d'être of most online dating, or certainly seems to be the case with the free ones that are based 99% on pictures.

The "something else" can only come with personality and that is hard to project online, let alone in 5 lines beneath a photo.

A shirtless selfie may be looked at with disdain by many decent women, as perhaps it should. However, the other end of that spectrum is someone with a one second capacity to judge might happily swipe past someone carrying some weight. Is it right? No. Is it what happens, IMO yes.

Rightly or wrongly, weight and body shape are one of the most immediately aesthetic points on someone. The difference can take someone from a 4/5 out of ten to an 8/9. The most handsome and beautiful folk can rarely carry excess weight without people decreeing them to be less attractive as a result. Those guilty crushes that people carry on someone a bit afraid of salads is usually based on their humour and personality, neither of which can carry across the medium of online dating to any meaningful degree.

Don't hate the player etc etc...

I am not saying avoid online altogether, just the blunt truth to why it might be quiet. The other thing is to keep in mind the figures are a bit binary in terms of online. There is a finite pool of people, many of whom (for both sexes) will gravitate towards a certain percentage of the other gender counterparts. In essence, this creates two distinct camps.100 women might swipe right on a Brad Pitt'alike, 0 on another. A conversation between the 2 in the pub can lead to a disparity insofar as someone wondering why someone is getting all the matches and yet another not a single lead.

If you are carrying weight, Tiggsy, as candid as it was, is right IMO. You either:-

1. Accept you'll get fewer matches (and perhaps less so than in real life where your personality can elevate you)
2. You get your arris down the gym and eat well
3. You concentrate more on meeting people out and about/through work/favourite all you can eat buffets etc, and use the personality that you cannot convey via 6 photos.

[WinstonWolf]

olly22n said:

WinstonWolf said:

DanB7290 said:

Gretchen said:

Delete everything bar the last paragraph and then add the bit about the dirty gap. HTH.

done, will update tomorrow

I'm 51 and I look younger than you. Sort your image out...

Hmmmmmm.

Well it's a bloody close call

[MontyC]

Well my POF story goes like this, I broke up with my ex who was 20 I was 30, so was feeling pretty low decided to sign up to POF. I was not fussy to start off with and just used it to fill my weekends.
If I could have some little piggy come down cook me dinner and stay the night then why not, If nothing else it would boost my self-esteem and get some dating practice in. After doing that for a month I met a girl 24 who lived 2 mins away who was every bit of perfect, stunning no baggage she walked round pretty much every night just to hangout and watch tv and chat, I wasn’t going to mess it up by coming across to keen, we got on so well that after dating a month booked a weeks holiday together. Then everything just seemed to full into place she moved in. It’s been 18 months now and all seems to be going well. She told me she used to get a ridiculous amount of messages from guys sometimes 100 a day, she had only been on one other date with a guy that was only after one thing and told her he cancelled a date to meet her. So had low hopes finding someone. Her sister is also on POF and fussy to the point of being unrealistic and is put off by the slightest thing not even giving a guy much chance, she started seeing one guy and was put off by him moaning she didn’t reply to his messages soon enough and he was gone. So my advice is don’t have to high expectations even if you see a stunning girl chances are there’s 100 other guys think the same thing.

[Ki3r]

It's been six months since I've been with my girlfriend who I met on POF. Things are still going well.

Had our first argument on Saturday however, drove up to Longleat with her, her son and her sister. Spent the time moaning about my driving (she doesn't like that I follow road craft and doesn't think it's right to be that close to the side of the road etc). Icing on the cake was playing with my beard whilst driving. Joked about it now though, and not a major argument which is good.

Her valentines present to me was a house key for her flat. Feels very real now.

Something I was worried about was her ex. They have a child together (who is amazing, always makes me laugh). I did say to myself I wouldn't date someone with kids due to their exes.

Thankfully (and sadly) the dad doesn't have much to do with either of them so isn't too much of a problem.

[Tiggsy]

I suppose it comes down to sex (in it's broadest sense) I want to look as good for her as she does for me......I'm sure fat people can find someone! But I get pleasure knowing the physical aspect I add to her life is not a compromise.

And studies saying men/women prefer their partners with "meat" are slanted by the vast majority of people being fat....so people respond they like fatties because it makes them feel better about the bloater they have at home

And the personality is not relevant to the issue - that and your body are not either or! Sure, women like Jack Black.....more women would want to sleep with him if he had "insert decent bodied actor's" body.

I love my food, but nothing tastes good enough to sacrifice the knowing that your body turns someone on - same as its great to make someone laugh.

[andy-xr]

All of that though, it's like joining a class to meet women. You're not doing it for yourself, you're doing it for other people to then feel good about having done something.

[Tiggsy]

andy-xr said:

All of that though, it's like joining a class to meet women. You're not doing it for yourself, you're doing it for other people to then feel good about having done something.

yes - in the sense that, if I lived on a desert island (with pizzahut) I'd eat till I burst because I have no need to look good if its "Only" for me.

but if that was the case I'd never be witty, funny, romantic...whatever - we all do things that are for the benefit of others that we then feel good about.

[xjay1337]

Tiggsy said:

I suppose it comes down to sex (in it's broadest sense) I want to look as good for her as she does for me......I'm sure fat people can find someone! But I get pleasure knowing the physical aspect I add to her life is not a compromise.

And studies saying men/women prefer their partners with "meat" are slanted by the vast majority of people being fat....so people respond they like fatties because it makes them feel better about the bloater they have at home

And the personality is not relevant to the issue - that and your body are not either or! Sure, women like Jack Black.....more women would want to sleep with him if he had "insert decent bodied actor's" body.

I love my food, but nothing tastes good enough to sacrifice the knowing that your body turns someone on - same as its great to make someone laugh.

I think after about 6 or 7 months the physical attraction fades and then you end up with the mental/emotional attachment.
Yes they can still turn you on or vice versa by appearance alone but attractiveness of body is not what makes long term healthy relationships work, unless they are purely physical.

I think personally that an initial attractiveness helps but after a short while it doesn't really matter and you have to be pretty shallow to break up with someone after a few years purely based on them getting a bit podgy.

It's an interesting discussion that I dont think we will get any factual information for hahahah

Edited by xjay1337 on Wednesday 17th February 16:47

[andy-xr]

Tiggsy said:

yes - in the sense that, if I lived on a desert island (with pizzahut) I'd eat till I burst because I have no need to look good if its "Only" for me.

but if that was the case I'd never be witty, funny, romantic...whatever - we all do things that are for the benefit of others that we then feel good about.

Sure, but you might feel like you want to eat Pizza Hut for yourself, you dont need to do it for the sake of keeping someone else happy, because what happens if you lose this mythical magical physical thing you think is gluing you to someone else? Say you get depressed and the meds give you weight gain, everything you pin onto being in good shape is at risk.

I'm not saying it's east or west and them's the only choices, but hanging your hat on an attribute you have for the benefit of someone else is going to end in tears

[Petrus1983]

I still love this thread. Over 2 years ago people ripped it out of me for meeting a girl on match - a few years later I believe the circle is closing in and getting a bit harder - if you're rubbish at talking to a girl in a bar you'll probably be pretty bad online too, or worse, as in a bar there's a limited number of people who can go for one girl at once. It is still a great leveller on many fronts and can give you just that edge on getting yourself out there. Anyway, for the haters, here's our match.com relationship on the 2nd valentines...

[xjay1337]

Phwoar, she could sit on my face.


Happy 2 years man.

[Petrus1983]

xjay1337 said:

Phwoar, she could sit on my face.

You're too kind sir.

[photosnob]

Let's be real - you are both pretty hot. Congratulations. You'd both be okay in real life. I'm not sure you can say that for most of the online cretins. I'm just in it for the sex.

[xjay1337]

Petrus1983 said:

You're too kind sir.

You could also sit on my face but it wouldn't be as pleasurable for either of us.

No homo.

[whoami]

Petrus1983 said:

xjay1337 said:

Phwoar, she could sit on my face.

You're too kind sir.

[Petrus1983]

xjay1337 said:

Petrus1983 said:

You're too kind sir.

You could also sit on my face but it wouldn't be as pleasurable for either of us.

No homo.

Just stick to her - it gets weird at 3 huh

[Tiggsy]

xjay1337 said:

Tiggsy said:

I suppose it comes down to sex (in it's broadest sense) I want to look as good for her as she does for me......I'm sure fat people can find someone! But I get pleasure knowing the physical aspect I add to her life is not a compromise.

And studies saying men/women prefer their partners with "meat" are slanted by the vast majority of people being fat....so people respond they like fatties because it makes them feel better about the bloater they have at home

And the personality is not relevant to the issue - that and your body are not either or! Sure, women like Jack Black.....more women would want to sleep with him if he had "insert decent bodied actor's" body.

I love my food, but nothing tastes good enough to sacrifice the knowing that your body turns someone on - same as its great to make someone laugh.

I think after about 6 or 7 months the physical attraction fades and then you end up with the mental/emotional attachment.

Edited by xjay1337 on Wednesday 17th February 16:47

Really? We're 17 months in and the highlight of my day is still waking up to her wandering around naked getting ready for work. In fact, while I get what you say about the emotional attachment (i was married for 20 years so I understand) the advantage of physical attraction is (if you want) you can spend time just enjoying that alone......quite fun to put on hold the idea you love each other and just do it with someone hot.

[CharlesdeGaulle]

Petrus1983 said:

I gathered from your posts that she was a pretty girl, but you don't look anything like I was expecting!

Congratulations to you both.

[Petrus1983]

CharlesdeGaulle said:

I gathered from your posts that she was a pretty girl, but you don't look anything like I was expecting!

Congratulations to you both.

Not sure how to take that! Errrr - thanks