Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
Tiggsy said:
xjay1337 said:
Tiggsy said:
I suppose it comes down to sex (in it's broadest sense) I want to look as good for her as she does for me......I'm sure fat people can find someone! But I get pleasure knowing the physical aspect I add to her life is not a compromise.
And studies saying men/women prefer their partners with "meat" are slanted by the vast majority of people being fat....so people respond they like fatties because it makes them feel better about the bloater they have at home
And the personality is not relevant to the issue - that and your body are not either or! Sure, women like Jack Black.....more women would want to sleep with him if he had "insert decent bodied actor's" body.
I love my food, but nothing tastes good enough to sacrifice the knowing that your body turns someone on - same as its great to make someone laugh.
I think after about 6 or 7 months the physical attraction fades and then you end up with the mental/emotional attachment.And studies saying men/women prefer their partners with "meat" are slanted by the vast majority of people being fat....so people respond they like fatties because it makes them feel better about the bloater they have at home
And the personality is not relevant to the issue - that and your body are not either or! Sure, women like Jack Black.....more women would want to sleep with him if he had "insert decent bodied actor's" body.
I love my food, but nothing tastes good enough to sacrifice the knowing that your body turns someone on - same as its great to make someone laugh.
Edited by xjay1337 on Wednesday 17th February 16:47
then again i'm not into the younger girl so hey
maybe when i'm single at 45 i may change my tune lol.
Petrus1983 said:
Ok - so bottom line, seeing as I've used a 'me' photo - this is what can happen, in the best way, from match.com
tter on the other thread Great to see you're happy.
DuncanM said:
You're an absolute dude Petrus, I still remember how classy you were dealing with people calling you a bullstter on the other thread
Great to see you're happy.
That's kind - I've learnt a lot about ph since then - mainly humility! I've also learnt it's a great place too, so in balance its fun tter on the other thread Great to see you're happy.
WinstonWolf said:
olly22n said:
WinstonWolf said:
DanB7290 said:
Gretchen said:
Delete everything bar the last paragraph and then add the bit about the dirty gap. HTH.
done, will update tomorrow
Well it's a bloody close call ker used to smoke and have been in a high stress job for the last few years which doesn't help my cause!I am hitting the gym quite hard right now, but it's more for my own benefit than anyone else, had a wake up call before Christmas so time to get myself sorted out.
DanB7290 said:
I'm well aware I'm an ugly fker
You're a bloke - body beats ugly with ease.ker If jason statham was fat he'd be more Bob Hoskins than sex symbol.
Seriously, if you're in great shape you need to look SHOCKING to not attract women.
Not to mention - when your head is covered in fat you dont really get to worry if you are ugly or not! You cant really tell!
Surprise surprise - when your head is less covered in fat you will look vastly different and the things that make someone "attractive" emerge - things like bone structure as opposed to swollen balloon structure.
Edited by Tiggsy on Thursday 18th February 08:13
And yet every woman I've ever got jiggy with (and I'm getting on a bit now) has always said they've never wanted to go out with "ripped" blokes. I'm not fat, although for a while I was a bit stocky but skinny again now. Then again, I guess I wouldn't have got jiggy with those who DID...
I guess some women do and some don't. Depends what crowd you mix with and your age, I expect.
I guess some women do and some don't. Depends what crowd you mix with and your age, I expect.
Flip Martian said:
And yet every woman I've ever got jiggy with (and I'm getting on a bit now) has always said they've never wanted to go out with "ripped" blokes.
They say that because those kind of men are usually out of their league. And they are talking about Mr Olympia physiques, not Brad Pitt in Fight Club style ripped.dieselgrunt said:
They say that because those kind of men are usually out of their league. And they are talking about Mr Olympia physiques, not Brad Pitt in Fight Club style ripped.
Nice assumption to make on a whole bunch of people you don't know; and inaccurate. They say that because they see pics of guys with 6 packs and muscles and see a bloke who spends a lot of time looking in the mirror, is more the case. No offence to anyone at all but not everyone is attracted by looks first and foremost. Then again, I've never been on a dating site; just reading this for laughs at the mentals stories.Flip Martian said:
And yet every woman I've ever got jiggy with (and I'm getting on a bit now) has always said they've never wanted to go out with "ripped" blokes. I'm not fat, although for a while I was a bit stocky but skinny again now. Then again, I guess I wouldn't have got jiggy with those who DID...
I guess some women do and some don't. Depends what crowd you mix with and your age, I expect.
You've answered your own question to an extent there.I guess some women do and some don't. Depends what crowd you mix with and your age, I expect.
1. They wouldn't have got jiggy with them as you say.
2. Unless they were an utter b1tch they are unlikely to drop into conversation that they'd rather you were in better shape.
Is it simple coincidence that all male icons in most arts, and certainly visual arts, are muscular? From the statue of Adonis to the moment Daniel Craig set women's pulses racing to the sudden interest in football a woman might show as Ronaldo whips off his shirt.
And as for age, well perhaps to an extent perhaps as they're own bodies become less firm then a tolerance of the same for the male species goes with it. But I need only point to the screaming hoards of middle age (and older) housewives that were fawning over the Chippendales in the 80's and their modern counterparts today. It's perhaps seen as only comical when a gran grabs her specs to admire a young man's toned body, but the humour only works because of the underlying accepted admiration.
I noticed a pic a female mate of mine had put up on Facebook the other day that was of a "ripped" chap and with about 30 zillion likes as usual on FB. I think it was "like if you would jump this" or something like that. I noticed that the face was obscured by the pic. That says enough. And it's not like us chaps are much different - I am certain the other way around the response would be identical. The point is, we seem to think women are less two-dimensional than just deciding with their eyes what they would like to "get jiggy with". Perhaps its to try and make us big-uns feel better.
Whether or not they'd want to "date" one of those sorts is a slightly separated issue for other reasons that you also touch upon. With said Adonis frame often comes arrogance and vanity. However, these are a trait of the person, exacerbated by their form or otherwise. Not all will be as such, therefore. The other issue I have heard complaints of is a freakish dedication to the body that means no meals out, or eating only chicken, or not enjoying a nice box of popcorn but eating protein crunches at the flicks
In seriousness though, that routine can be interruptive and I can see why that would be frustrating in the same way that I wouldn't date a fussy eater as I would want to wine and dine with a partner all over the world and have a wide range of tastes. Doing that solo would be a big divide. There is also, of course, the insecurity issue alluded by the other respondent here - worst is they feel ripped chap is out of their league; however other potential is that being nekkid around them makes them feel uncomfortable with themselves if they don't share the desire to be always wanting to wash clothing on their stomach. There's dating, and there is wanting to shag. No different for either gender. As to how they align depends on a case by case basis. The chap with the fit bod is likely to get a fair percentage wanting to at least shag him. Date him, well, depends on the above. The chunky munky, well it depends on his personality doesn't it...can he charm the pants off the ladies. In the real world, perhaps. But put this back to 5 pictures and a choice to swipe left or right...
Edited by Shnozz on Thursday 18th February 09:46
In several cases at least, I'm talking about women who see a pic with muscles and say "ugh". Some might be attracted to a pic of Daniel Craig in his swimming trunks but I would take notice of an attractive body in a bikini. Doesn't mean I would consider sleeping with it. I've slept with conventionally "attractive" girls, conventionally "plain" and most points in between. Ultimately looks aren't what do it for me. Shallow people bore me rigid and I have to say most girls I have met who spend hours on their appearance every day are really not very interesting (or attractive) to me. I wouldn't say I was good looking or have a sparkling personality even but I've done all right and despite being very happily married to a beautiful woman my own age, I still have admirers. And not roly poly old women needing a spark in their lives.
To suggest everyone of either sex is attracted to the "ultimate" muscular/toned physique and the only reason they might not say they are is because they're unattainable is clearly silly. There are a million shades in between your idea of the ultimate physique and a clinically obese ugly looking person. 7 billion people on the planet and we don't all have the same tastes.
To suggest everyone of either sex is attracted to the "ultimate" muscular/toned physique and the only reason they might not say they are is because they're unattainable is clearly silly. There are a million shades in between your idea of the ultimate physique and a clinically obese ugly looking person. 7 billion people on the planet and we don't all have the same tastes.
Whilst on the subject, the other point I would make is there is the other side to this coin.
Whilst getting "ripped" might lead to "vanity", "self-absorption" etc and all the negative sides that might be considered come with the turf, it might also be viewed (subliminally or otherwise) as signs of "dedication", "perseverance", "pride in one's appearance" and "self-discipline".
Overweight can say "comfortable in one's self" and "great person to stand next to at the beach". More often than not, however, I think it's more likely to display "sloth-like", "lazy" at worst. "Unobservant" or "doesn't feel he needs to try" at best.
When I was best part of 20 stone the first 3 of those traits would sum it up. I never thought I didn't need to try so much as "I am alright as I am". And I was alright, same as anyone that weight (health risks aside). I dated, sure. But to think women wouldn't have preferred me with muscles would have been delusional.
Whilst getting "ripped" might lead to "vanity", "self-absorption" etc and all the negative sides that might be considered come with the turf, it might also be viewed (subliminally or otherwise) as signs of "dedication", "perseverance", "pride in one's appearance" and "self-discipline".
Overweight can say "comfortable in one's self" and "great person to stand next to at the beach". More often than not, however, I think it's more likely to display "sloth-like", "lazy" at worst. "Unobservant" or "doesn't feel he needs to try" at best.
When I was best part of 20 stone the first 3 of those traits would sum it up. I never thought I didn't need to try so much as "I am alright as I am". And I was alright, same as anyone that weight (health risks aside). I dated, sure. But to think women wouldn't have preferred me with muscles would have been delusional.
Flip Martian said:
Ultimately looks aren't what do it for me. Shallow people bore me rigid and I have to say most girls I have met who spend hours on their appearance every day are really not very interesting (or attractive) to me.
I am in your camp there. But I think the danger is merging looks/figure with personality traits. I understand why you would on the basis of experience, but it's a different point to whether someone is more or less attractive based on narcissistic behaviour rather than how they simply look. You, no doubt with the benefit of experience I accept, are crossing one over the other. 1. I don't like narcissistic, vain people.
2. I do like a "great" body (immediately we all can picture "great" and I bet we all have the same rough idea - interesting...)
You say, I don't like 2 because I don't like 1. I would agree. I just like 2. More often than not, 2 comes with 1....but it doesn't mean I stop liking 2. I just might choose 3 or 4 or whatever because they aren't likely to come with 1.
Shnozz said:
The other issue I have heard complaints of is a freakish dedication to the body that means no meals out, or eating only chicken, or not enjoying a nice box of popcorn but eating protein crunches at the flicks In seriousness though, that routine can be interruptive and I can see why that would be frustrating in the same way that I wouldn't date a fussy eater as I would want to wine and dine with a partner all over the world and have a wide range of tastes. Doing that solo would be a big divide.
Having been in a relationship with a girl who was like this, I agree 100% that this can be incredibly frustrating. It never got to protein snacks in the cinema, but often involved getting out a Tupperware box of chicken & veg in a coffee shop while out shopping etc... Likewise going out to restaurants could be a nightmare, and involved careful studying of several menus (to ensure they had a plain chicken/fish + veg option), or deciding to just stay in because it was easier- oh and no alcohol full stop, which gradually equated to no going out full stop. It became too much in the end and was one of the contributing factors to me deciding to call it a day. In seriousness though, that routine can be interruptive and I can see why that would be frustrating in the same way that I wouldn't date a fussy eater as I would want to wine and dine with a partner all over the world and have a wide range of tastes. Doing that solo would be a big divide. The irony being that she had no interest in any of it before we got together- it was my own love of fitness / healthy eating that got her into it into the first place! She just took it a million miles further than I did.
In fairness to her it took some supreme dedication and she studied her way to becoming a certified PT and was working running voluntary classes for severely overweight people and got involved in a lot of charity stuff too. But the relationship we originally had (which heavily involved socializing with friends, wining & dining etc just went completely out of the window). I was extremely proud of her, yet she was gradually becoming someone I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with, as what I wanted from a relationship was simply impossible.
So whilst a dedication to staying in shape and looking good does have it's benefits, I can entirely understand why some women wouldn't want to be in a relationship with guys like that.
Edited by Squirrelofwoe on Thursday 18th February 10:15
Shnozz said:
Whilst on the subject, the other point I would make is there is the other side to this coin.
Whilst getting "ripped" might lead to "vanity", "self-absorption" etc and all the negative sides that might be considered come with the turf, it might also be viewed (subliminally or otherwise) as signs of "dedication", "perseverance", "pride in one's appearance" and "self-discipline".
Overweight can say "comfortable in one's self" and "great person to stand next to at the beach". More often than not, however, I think it's more likely to display "sloth-like", "lazy" at worst. "Unobservant" or "doesn't feel he needs to try" at best.
When I was best part of 20 stone the first 3 of those traits would sum it up. I never thought I didn't need to try so much as "I am alright as I am". And I was alright, same as anyone that weight (health risks aside). I dated, sure. But to think women wouldn't have preferred me with muscles would have been delusional.
Totally agree with that view too. Absolutely nothing wrong with taking the time to look after yourself and try to stay healthy.Whilst getting "ripped" might lead to "vanity", "self-absorption" etc and all the negative sides that might be considered come with the turf, it might also be viewed (subliminally or otherwise) as signs of "dedication", "perseverance", "pride in one's appearance" and "self-discipline".
Overweight can say "comfortable in one's self" and "great person to stand next to at the beach". More often than not, however, I think it's more likely to display "sloth-like", "lazy" at worst. "Unobservant" or "doesn't feel he needs to try" at best.
When I was best part of 20 stone the first 3 of those traits would sum it up. I never thought I didn't need to try so much as "I am alright as I am". And I was alright, same as anyone that weight (health risks aside). I dated, sure. But to think women wouldn't have preferred me with muscles would have been delusional.
Squirrelofwoe said:
Shnozz said:
The other issue I have heard complaints of is a freakish dedication to the body that means no meals out, or eating only chicken, or not enjoying a nice box of popcorn but eating protein crunches at the flicks In seriousness though, that routine can be interruptive and I can see why that would be frustrating in the same way that I wouldn't date a fussy eater as I would want to wine and dine with a partner all over the world and have a wide range of tastes. Doing that solo would be a big divide.
Having been in a relationship with a girl who was like this, I agree 100% that this can be incredibly frustrating. It never got to protein snacks in the cinema, but often involved getting out a Tupperware box of chicken & veg in a coffee shop while out shopping etc... Likewise going out to restaurants could be a nightmare, and involved careful studying of several menus (to ensure they had a plain chicken/fish + veg option), or deciding to just stay in because it was easier- oh and no alcohol full stop, which gradually equated to no going out full stop. It became too much in the end and was one of the contributing factors to me deciding to call it a day. In seriousness though, that routine can be interruptive and I can see why that would be frustrating in the same way that I wouldn't date a fussy eater as I would want to wine and dine with a partner all over the world and have a wide range of tastes. Doing that solo would be a big divide. The irony being that she had no interest in any of it before we got together- it was my own love of fitness / healthy eating that got her into it into the first place! She just took it a million miles further than I did.
In fairness to her it took some supreme dedication and she studied her way to becoming a certified PT and was working running voluntary classes for severely overweight people and got involved in a lot of charity stuff too. But the relationship we originally had (which heavily involved socializing with friends, wining & dining etc just went completely out of the window).
So whilst a dedication to staying in shape and looking good does have it's benefits, I can entirely understand why some women wouldn't want to be in a relationship with guys like that.
Perhaps a show of fantasy v reality. The fantasy being the lean, muscular adonis who makes the ladies swoon, versus the reality of dating someone who is up for a take out, happy to knock back a few drinks and enjoy a decent night out without fretting about their body fat percentage. Equally, prepared to be disciplined enough to be careful what they eat over the course of a week, keep things being where they should on their figure, take some exercise, dress relatively well and keep an eye on their appearance so whilst not poncing about in a mirror they stay looking good on their beau's arm at said dinner...
Shnozz said:
I am in your camp there. But I think the danger is merging looks/figure with personality traits. I understand why you would on the basis of experience, but it's a different point to whether someone is more or less attractive based on narcissistic behaviour rather than how they simply look. You, no doubt with the benefit of experience I accept, are crossing one over the other.
1. I don't like narcissistic, vain people.
2. I do like a "great" body (immediately we all can picture "great" and I bet we all have the same rough idea - interesting...)
You say, I don't like 2 because I don't like 1. I would agree. I just like 2. More often than not, 2 comes with 1....but it doesn't mean I stop liking 2. I just might choose 3 or 4 or whatever because they aren't likely to come with 1.
I agree with you. Of course I appreciate a great body. I do think we all have differing ideas of what great is though - eg some think Kim Kardashian has an amazing bod; I would disagree. I think if my wife saw me put on loads of weight she would no doubt find me less physically attractive and I would understand that. I'm fortunate that she has good genes and has a great body. She swims and keeps active but she's not a gym bunny by any stretch. Or obsessed with her appearance, apart from the usual "OMG I'm getting fat" when she puts on a pound...1. I don't like narcissistic, vain people.
2. I do like a "great" body (immediately we all can picture "great" and I bet we all have the same rough idea - interesting...)
You say, I don't like 2 because I don't like 1. I would agree. I just like 2. More often than not, 2 comes with 1....but it doesn't mean I stop liking 2. I just might choose 3 or 4 or whatever because they aren't likely to come with 1.
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