Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
I met up with my ex last night for a drink and film (Jason Borune if you are interested).
She suggested us trying again, it isn't going to happen, within 20 minutes or so she was talking about her ex husband again (one of the things that used to wind me up no end). We also want different things in life at the moment, and that was the main reason for us breaking up. Nothing has changed for me, I don't want a family of my own just yet.
Film was good mind you.
She suggested us trying again, it isn't going to happen, within 20 minutes or so she was talking about her ex husband again (one of the things that used to wind me up no end). We also want different things in life at the moment, and that was the main reason for us breaking up. Nothing has changed for me, I don't want a family of my own just yet.
Film was good mind you.
Condi said:
Can I have a ruling from the floor please?
Picture the scene, young couple, go out for lunch. Girl goes to the toilet and guy quickly checks his phone. Has a snapchat from a friend he's known for years of her fully clothed and mainly her face outside at home. Girl catches glimpse of photo on her way back. Guy thinks nothing of it, doesnt reply to picture and carries on with lunch. Later on, girl friend goes ape s
t and makes a massive deal of it, saying she shouldnt be sending any pictures at all to him, demands to see the picture, then wants the guy to tell her not to send pictures again and asks to see proof of the message, before saying that she cant trust him and the whole thing is over before it really begins.
My take on it was that the guy did nothing wrong. Sending pictures via snapchat is reasonably common these days, the picture was taken outside, fully clothed, no hint of anything sexual/flirting. The gf's opinion was that said girl was fishing for attention and compliments and she shouldnt be sending pictures like that. The guy's argument was that its only the same as getting a text from a friend.
So girls, would you be pissed off if your guy got a snapchat picture from a friend? Albeit one which obviously was fishing for compliments?
3 words ... "bPicture the scene, young couple, go out for lunch. Girl goes to the toilet and guy quickly checks his phone. Has a snapchat from a friend he's known for years of her fully clothed and mainly her face outside at home. Girl catches glimpse of photo on her way back. Guy thinks nothing of it, doesnt reply to picture and carries on with lunch. Later on, girl friend goes ape s
t and makes a massive deal of it, saying she shouldnt be sending any pictures at all to him, demands to see the picture, then wants the guy to tell her not to send pictures again and asks to see proof of the message, before saying that she cant trust him and the whole thing is over before it really begins. My take on it was that the guy did nothing wrong. Sending pictures via snapchat is reasonably common these days, the picture was taken outside, fully clothed, no hint of anything sexual/flirting. The gf's opinion was that said girl was fishing for attention and compliments and she shouldnt be sending pictures like that. The guy's argument was that its only the same as getting a text from a friend.
So girls, would you be pissed off if your guy got a snapchat picture from a friend? Albeit one which obviously was fishing for compliments?
Edited by Condi on Saturday 6th August 09:05
hES BE CRAZY"Ki3r said:
I met up with my ex last night for a drink and film (Jason Borune if you are interested).
She suggested us trying again, it isn't going to happen, within 20 minutes or so she was talking about her ex husband again (one of the things that used to wind me up no end). We also want different things in life at the moment, and that was the main reason for us breaking up. Nothing has changed for me, I don't want a family of my own just yet.
Film was good mind you.
why did you meet up with her then?She suggested us trying again, it isn't going to happen, within 20 minutes or so she was talking about her ex husband again (one of the things that used to wind me up no end). We also want different things in life at the moment, and that was the main reason for us breaking up. Nothing has changed for me, I don't want a family of my own just yet.
Film was good mind you.
Ki3r said:
Pulse said:
Must admit, that's what I was wondering.
Curiosity partly, and we have remained friends to a degree as the split was completely mutral. I do think if we had met a few years later, it would have probably worked out in the long run. But one of those things.
Thoughts on disclosing disablities? Obviously it wouldn't be right not to.
I have a mobility affecting problem and use a manual wheelchair, I'm pretty independent really but there are little things I can't do and need help with. You want to be truthful about things, but not put anyone off or have someone be too sympathetic, both of which feel far too presumptuous to be thinking. I guess is probably best just to say you use a wheelchair and make something light-hearted out of it?
Making a concerted effort to try this business again, I did 6-7 years ago, chatted to some great people but nothing more. I don't think never having a picture helped! I've come to think in the last few weeks and there's no reason I should be without these things. My stubbornness has led to just carrying on as it is over the years and I never talk about it with my family. "going out" isn't my thing (pub if I do), work, and not getting out to do car or hobby stuff enough, aren't currently situations that lend themselves to meeting people, so online should be a good way. I'm not expecting it to be easy but I'm feeling pretty positive in general right now. I HATE pictures of myself, though I do have them in my library, I'll just have to get past that and post it!
I have a mobility affecting problem and use a manual wheelchair, I'm pretty independent really but there are little things I can't do and need help with. You want to be truthful about things, but not put anyone off or have someone be too sympathetic, both of which feel far too presumptuous to be thinking. I guess is probably best just to say you use a wheelchair and make something light-hearted out of it?
Making a concerted effort to try this business again, I did 6-7 years ago, chatted to some great people but nothing more. I don't think never having a picture helped! I've come to think in the last few weeks and there's no reason I should be without these things. My stubbornness has led to just carrying on as it is over the years and I never talk about it with my family. "going out" isn't my thing (pub if I do), work, and not getting out to do car or hobby stuff enough, aren't currently situations that lend themselves to meeting people, so online should be a good way. I'm not expecting it to be easy but I'm feeling pretty positive in general right now. I HATE pictures of myself, though I do have them in my library, I'll just have to get past that and post it!
Edited by mizx on Friday 26th August 19:56
mizx said:
Thoughts on disclosing disablities? Obviously it wouldn't be right not to.
I have a mobility affecting problem and use a manual wheelchair, I'm pretty independent really but there are little things I can't do and need help with. You want to be truthful about things, but not put anyone off or have someone be too sympathetic, both of which feel far too presumptious to be thinking. I know most people are very understanding when it comes down to it, so I just need to respect each persons intelligence to come to her own conclusion. If this does go anywhere, it wouldn't get to being really serious without that understanding having built up would it! I guess is probably best just to say you use a wheelchair and make something light-hearted out of it?
Making a concerted effort to try this business again, I did 6-7 years ago, chatted to some great people but nothing more. I don't think never having a picture helped! I think I had a bit of an epiphany in the last few weeks and thought "there's no reason I should be without these things". My stubborness from dealing with my problems has led to just carrying on as it is over the years and I never talk about it with my family. "going out" isn't my thing (restaurant & pub if I do), work, and not getting out to do car or hobby stuff enough, aren't currently situations that lend themselves, so online should be a good way.
I'm not expecting it to be easy but I'm feeling pretty positive in general right now. I HATE pictures of myself, though I do have them in my library, I'll just have to get past that and post it! that I'm even doing this means I got past being afraid of the A-bomb of emotion I know could manifest when I(/we
) are at the endgame of all this (in a good, relief, way), so I can. Won't let myself get put off if not, but this year!? lets see.
I'm a firm believer in always telling the truth, from the outset. Not only do other people know the facts up-front but you also don't have the awkwardness of trying to remember what you've already said/done that might need correcting at some point in the future.I have a mobility affecting problem and use a manual wheelchair, I'm pretty independent really but there are little things I can't do and need help with. You want to be truthful about things, but not put anyone off or have someone be too sympathetic, both of which feel far too presumptious to be thinking. I know most people are very understanding when it comes down to it, so I just need to respect each persons intelligence to come to her own conclusion. If this does go anywhere, it wouldn't get to being really serious without that understanding having built up would it! I guess is probably best just to say you use a wheelchair and make something light-hearted out of it?
Making a concerted effort to try this business again, I did 6-7 years ago, chatted to some great people but nothing more. I don't think never having a picture helped! I think I had a bit of an epiphany in the last few weeks and thought "there's no reason I should be without these things". My stubborness from dealing with my problems has led to just carrying on as it is over the years and I never talk about it with my family. "going out" isn't my thing (restaurant & pub if I do), work, and not getting out to do car or hobby stuff enough, aren't currently situations that lend themselves, so online should be a good way.
I'm not expecting it to be easy but I'm feeling pretty positive in general right now. I HATE pictures of myself, though I do have them in my library, I'll just have to get past that and post it! that I'm even doing this means I got past being afraid of the A-bomb of emotion I know could manifest when I(/we
) are at the endgame of all this (in a good, relief, way), so I can. Won't let myself get put off if not, but this year!? lets see.Edited by mizx on Friday 26th August 14:50
Go ahead, post a photo, give out the facts, be yourself, but also try to view it how others may see/read it - perhaps be a bit light-hearted, but realistic concerning any difficulties.
mizx said:
Thoughts on disclosing disablities? Obviously it wouldn't be right not to.
I have a mobility affecting problem and use a manual wheelchair, I'm pretty independent really but there are little things I can't do and need help with. You want to be truthful about things, but not put anyone off or have someone be too sympathetic, both of which feel far too presumptious to be thinking. I know most people are very understanding when it comes down to it, so I just need to respect each persons intelligence to come to her own conclusion. If this does go anywhere, it wouldn't get to being really serious without that understanding having built up would it! I guess is probably best just to say you use a wheelchair and make something light-hearted out of it?
Making a concerted effort to try this business again, I did 6-7 years ago, chatted to some great people but nothing more. I don't think never having a picture helped! I think I had a bit of an epiphany in the last few weeks and thought "there's no reason I should be without these things". My stubborness from dealing with my problems has led to just carrying on as it is over the years and I never talk about it with my family. "going out" isn't my thing (restaurant & pub if I do), work, and not getting out to do car or hobby stuff enough, aren't currently situations that lend themselves, so online should be a good way.
I'm not expecting it to be easy but I'm feeling pretty positive in general right now. I HATE pictures of myself, though I do have them in my library, I'll just have to get past that and post it! that I'm even doing this means I got past being afraid of the A-bomb of emotion I know could manifest when I(/we) are at the endgame of all this (in a good, relief, way), so I can. Won't let myself get put off if not, but this year!? lets see.
As with everything: Own it.I have a mobility affecting problem and use a manual wheelchair, I'm pretty independent really but there are little things I can't do and need help with. You want to be truthful about things, but not put anyone off or have someone be too sympathetic, both of which feel far too presumptious to be thinking. I know most people are very understanding when it comes down to it, so I just need to respect each persons intelligence to come to her own conclusion. If this does go anywhere, it wouldn't get to being really serious without that understanding having built up would it! I guess is probably best just to say you use a wheelchair and make something light-hearted out of it?
Making a concerted effort to try this business again, I did 6-7 years ago, chatted to some great people but nothing more. I don't think never having a picture helped! I think I had a bit of an epiphany in the last few weeks and thought "there's no reason I should be without these things". My stubborness from dealing with my problems has led to just carrying on as it is over the years and I never talk about it with my family. "going out" isn't my thing (restaurant & pub if I do), work, and not getting out to do car or hobby stuff enough, aren't currently situations that lend themselves, so online should be a good way.
I'm not expecting it to be easy but I'm feeling pretty positive in general right now. I HATE pictures of myself, though I do have them in my library, I'll just have to get past that and post it! that I'm even doing this means I got past being afraid of the A-bomb of emotion I know could manifest when I(/we
) are at the endgame of all this (in a good, relief, way), so I can. Won't let myself get put off if not, but this year!? lets see.Edited by mizx on Friday 26th August 14:50
If you appear to be bothered by it or ashamed of it then it'll come across as something that maybe they should be bothered about or ashamed of. If you come across as an absolutely top bloke who's hilarious and fun to be around who also happens to use a wheelchair, then that's just a facet of your personality. Look at it like bald blokes: some are really insecure about it and people tend to mock them for it, some are secretly insecure about it and mock themselves for it which doesn't really get them any positive points but they might feel a little better, and some are double hard b
ds like Jason Statham who don't give a fk whether anyone else likes it or not. So key for you I think will be in openly showing the wheelchair situation without sort of broadcasting as HELLO I'M WHEELCHAIR GUY.
You'll need to come to terms with the fact that many will be put off by it and that's just life, nothing wrong with that or them or you, just reality.
A part of men's attractiveness to women is being indepedent and capable - master of their environment. If there's any mobility stuff besides just physically being sat in the chair, then you need to absolutely 100% have them handled on your own and make light of it too. Weaknesses into strengths!
You need to be absolutely on your A-game because you have an extra "negative point" to get over compared to 99% of blokes, but it's nothing beyond you at all. It's the standard stuff that very guy has to do but you've got to be extra good at it to stand out: have your s
t together so to speak, be a fun person to spend time with, be well presented physically, be confident and casual, be outcome indepedent (not needy!), take everything in stride. You'll probably need to develop an offhand way to mention the chair before you meet up with someone just so there's no surprises for anyone that's not been paying proper attention, but keep it casual and light - it's no big thing to you because you're a capable and collected lighthearted sort of guy, it's not some deep dark secret to be ashamed of.
Dating especially in 2016 has a steep learning curve so just start plugging away and see how it goes, go out with lots of people (anyone that passes your most basic standards) just for the practice, don't spend ages sat at home trying to find "the one" and texting for months before you even go out for a drink with a stranger for the first time.
There was a disabled bloke on another forum I frequent who went through a similar discussion just before he met up with a girl he had been flirting with online, think he ended up bedding the lass on the first or second date, and this was a guy who had to bring a mate everywhere as a physical helper for basic tasks.
Edited by OwenK on Friday 26th August 17:41
Edited by OwenK on Friday 26th August 17:44
Not sure if people are aware, but WhatsApp has changed it's privacy policy to now share your phone number and contacts with Facebook to make Facebook's "People you might know" feature more accurate (as well as introduce advertising, but I think that's opt-outable).
I've seen a few people pop up on the "People you might know" feature who I have only talked to from places like POF and OKC and have progressed onto messaging on WhatsApp, so this is working.
Now, if you're one of the people that doesn't use Facebook, then that's fine - go you, but if you are - be aware that this change may lead to you sharing a bit more with people you message via WhatsApp than you intended. Case in point, I now know the full name and where one particularly nutty person I was talking to for a while, but went nowhere with works, lives, their friends, and so on and so forth - just via Facebook. As we never discussed surnames or anything other than rough geographic location, and therefore cruicially never added each other to Facebook, the suggested information can only really have come from one source: WhatsApp (or, possibly Facebook if it is scanning contacts, which it probably is in all honesty).
Not everyone is dodgy, but we all know there are a lot of strange people out in the world, so if you are at all concerned about your personal information, it is probably safer to keep your messages on POF/OKC/Match/whatever until you've met the person or have decided they're safe.
Also, everyone's a grown up - so it's up to you to make your own decision, this is just my experience.
I've seen a few people pop up on the "People you might know" feature who I have only talked to from places like POF and OKC and have progressed onto messaging on WhatsApp, so this is working.
Now, if you're one of the people that doesn't use Facebook, then that's fine - go you, but if you are - be aware that this change may lead to you sharing a bit more with people you message via WhatsApp than you intended. Case in point, I now know the full name and where one particularly nutty person I was talking to for a while, but went nowhere with works, lives, their friends, and so on and so forth - just via Facebook. As we never discussed surnames or anything other than rough geographic location, and therefore cruicially never added each other to Facebook, the suggested information can only really have come from one source: WhatsApp (or, possibly Facebook if it is scanning contacts, which it probably is in all honesty).
Not everyone is dodgy, but we all know there are a lot of strange people out in the world, so if you are at all concerned about your personal information, it is probably safer to keep your messages on POF/OKC/Match/whatever until you've met the person or have decided they're safe.
Also, everyone's a grown up - so it's up to you to make your own decision, this is just my experience.
TedMaul said:
CharlesdeGaulle said:
Mizx. No offence intended but I don't think that post makes enough sense to be able to know if it's good news or not. But I wish you the best of luck dating from a wheelchair- that won't make life any easier, but bon courage.
I was thinking same Just carried on typing when it was supposed to be a quick question, I wanted to edit again but was beaten to it.Thanks CDG. It's bound to put some off, can't hold that against anyone. You get used to being literally "overlooked" I'm not over-outgoing like some fellow users are, but using a wheelchair doesn't define me so it doesn't have to make things less easy.
Edited by mizx on Saturday 27th August 00:09
mizx said:
know, ignore my waffle Just carried on typing when it was supposed to be a quick question, I wanted to edit again but was beaten to it.
Thanks CDG. It's bound to put some off, can't hold that against anyone. You get used to being literally "overlooked" I'm not mega-outgoing like some fellow users are, but using the wheelchair doesn't define me so I don't feel it has to make things less easy. It's far from a boggo chair which can help start conversations
A disability/wheelchair wouldn't be an issue to any of the women I know. And don't think that the 'strength' people look for in a partner is physical. Just carried on typing when it was supposed to be a quick question, I wanted to edit again but was beaten to it.Thanks CDG. It's bound to put some off, can't hold that against anyone. You get used to being literally "overlooked" I'm not mega-outgoing like some fellow users are, but using the wheelchair doesn't define me so I don't feel it has to make things less easy. It's far from a boggo chair which can help start conversations
Edited by mizx on Friday 26th August 20:14
mizx said:
Thoughts on disclosing disablities? Obviously it wouldn't be right not to.
I have a mobility affecting problem and use a manual wheelchair, I'm pretty independent really but there are little things I can't do and need help with. You want to be truthful about things, but not put anyone off or have someone be too sympathetic, both of which feel far too presumptuous to be thinking. I guess is probably best just to say you use a wheelchair and make something light-hearted out of it?
Surely in at least some of your pictures you're going to be in your wheelchair, so they're going to see that any way?I have a mobility affecting problem and use a manual wheelchair, I'm pretty independent really but there are little things I can't do and need help with. You want to be truthful about things, but not put anyone off or have someone be too sympathetic, both of which feel far too presumptuous to be thinking. I guess is probably best just to say you use a wheelchair and make something light-hearted out of it?
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