Match.com (Volume 6)

[Ki3r]

I've got a first date on Thursday, first one since I broke up with my ex.

Little bit nervous, but looking forward to it. She's a friend of a friend who got us talking.

Another friend is trying to set me up with any of her single friends...Wouldn't be a problem, but the latest one is 47. 20 years older than me ha.

[anonymous-user]

Bluesgirl said:

Is there a 'fat' option when you're setting up your profile? If she thinks fat means someone who's 20+ stone, then she wouldn't tick that box. My best friend is a size 14, but describes herself as obese, although she's obviously far from it.

Hi mumsnet

[All that jazz]

andy-xr said:

All that jazz said:

Nah - decided against that idea some time ago after seeing her in some shorts and a tight top and it was a disturbing sight. I've seen chicken wings with more meat on them. I like 'em slim/athletic but the anorexic look where you can see the skeleton of their body is - unsurprisingly - a huge turn off for me. I'm also convinced she's bat st crazy too from some weird stuff she does.

I don't know if its faux bravado, wanting to fit in or just not getting it, but are you aware how negative and judgmental you are about other people?

They don't exist to fill your definition and standards of pretty you know!!

If you want to see "judgemental" try reading the other 220 pages of this thread, particularly the posts by the 'alpha males' tonker and CZ23 to name a couple. Not sure how you've come to the conclusion I'm judgemental because I've stated I don't find anorexic bat-st crazy women attractive either. Maybe you like that kind of thing in which case you're welcome to crack on fella.

[All that jazz]

Matt UK said:

Dude, if she's not your type just scroll on and find the one that is.

She's just putting herself out there to find someone, as are you. She's written a profile about herself as she sees herself or wants to portray herself to others.

To call out her profile on one of the UK's most well used male dominated forums, complete with your own derogatory remarks, is pretty poor form IMHO. Just saying.

Why are you being professionally offended on behalf of others all of a sudden?

Her first line "I'm a foody" instantly made me chuckle after seeing her pic as did the "average body type" line when she is clearly nothing of the sort, hence my posting the link for amusement. Some also found it amusing, you clearly didn't. No need to start an argument over it or get all offended, just ignore it and move along.

[andy-xr]

All that jazz said:

andy-xr said:

All that jazz said:

Nah - decided against that idea some time ago after seeing her in some shorts and a tight top and it was a disturbing sight. I've seen chicken wings with more meat on them. I like 'em slim/athletic but the anorexic look where you can see the skeleton of their body is - unsurprisingly - a huge turn off for me. I'm also convinced she's bat st crazy too from some weird stuff she does.

I don't know if its faux bravado, wanting to fit in or just not getting it, but are you aware how negative and judgmental you are about other people?

They don't exist to fill your definition and standards of pretty you know!!

If you want to see "judgemental" try reading the other 220 pages of this thread, particularly the posts by the 'alpha males' tonker and CZ23 to name a couple.

That's a diversion. We're not talking about them, we're talking about you.

All that jazz said:

Not sure how you've come to the conclusion I'm judgemental because I've stated I don't find anorexic bat-st crazy women attractive either. Maybe you like that kind of thing in which case you're welcome to crack on fella.

Let's put this into a metaphor of voicing your opinions being like farts. You absolutely can and should fart. But from a young age, you're generally taught that it's not acceptable to eg fart in peoples faces. Or launch a tandoori clearout in public, or in polite company. That's something you savor for your own knowledge, rather than to spread the joy with people who you may not know, or in some cases where you cant quite read the temperature of the room. It's generally not to be shared as others will view it as crass and they generally dont want to be clearing their nostrils of your particles of poo.

Do you remember when you got your nose bent out of shape by quite a few people in the Thai wives thread for this comment?

All that jazz said:

His young wife and family just biding their time? I guess when you're balls deep in some hot, young pretty thing you don't worry about things like that .

And when you started this thread that sounded kinda weird and potentially rapey; http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

Then when you said (about the person who you started the above thread)

All that jazz said:

fttm said:

^^ No luck with your neighbour yet ?

Nah - decided against that idea some time ago after seeing her in some shorts and a tight top and it was a disturbing sight. I've seen chicken wings with more meat on them. I like 'em slim/athletic but the anorexic look where you can see the skeleton of their body is - unsurprisingly - a huge turn off for me. I'm also convinced she's bat st crazy too from some weird stuff she does.

And you got all high horsed about someone else's contact preferences here

All that jazz said:

How's this for a laugh guys?

Clicky.

The blurb at the bottom specifically :

"Also, if I've viewed your profile and not messaged it doesn't necessarily mean I'm not interested, I just prefer the man to make the first move (guess that either makes me lazy, old fashioned or both!)"



So let me get this straight : you want the guy to do all the work, sending the initial message, then you'll check out his profile to see if you like him, but if you do you still can't be arsed to reply to be polite and you expect the guy to then send another message basically begging to take you out even though he has no idea whether or not you like him ?!

How about.. NOPE!

When you add it all up, it's not a nice look. You might not even know you're doing it. Or, (hopefully not the case) you're twisted up and bitter and taking it out on people.

Regardless, whomever is the subject of whatever laughing stick you're pointing in their direction, probably didnt start their day with your happiness at the top of their Things To Do Today list.

It's not fair to them (probably also to you too) to have an expectation of people meeting your pre-determined standards of acceptability and then smashing them for not living up to it. Give 'em a break.

[Matt UK]

All that jazz said:

Matt UK said:

Dude, if she's not your type just scroll on and find the one that is.

She's just putting herself out there to find someone, as are you. She's written a profile about herself as she sees herself or wants to portray herself to others.

To call out her profile on one of the UK's most well used male dominated forums, complete with your own derogatory remarks, is pretty poor form IMHO. Just saying.

Why are you being professionally offended on behalf of others all of a sudden?

Her first line "I'm a foody" instantly made me chuckle after seeing her pic as did the "average body type" line when she is clearly nothing of the sort, hence my posting the link for amusement. Some also found it amusing, you clearly didn't. No need to start an argument over it or get all offended, just ignore it and move along.

I'm not professionally offended on behalf of others all of a sudden - I made a comment, abbreviated that it was "in my humble opinion" and I stand by it.

[All that jazz]

Andy-xr you seem to take this internet stuff way too seriously. Trawling back through old posts spending time cutting and pasting quotes and in-depth analysis on what people write is quite stalkerish. I can be perfectly diplomatic and tactful when the need arises however if people write stupid stuff then there's a high chance I will take the piss if I spot it because that's just who I am. Don't write/do stupid stuff then it won't be a problem. All the examples you've listed above are people writing/doing stupid stuff and fully deserve the ridicule, and that doesn't exclude some of my own posts either.

Like I said earlier, if you don't like what you read then rather than getting all offended and whining about it, it would be far simpler for you to just move along to the next thread that piques your interest.

[andy-xr]

All that jazz said:

Like I said earlier, if you don't like what you read then rather than getting all offended and whining about it, it would be far simpler for you to just move along to the next thread that piques your interest.

Let's be honest though, the girls/people who you've ripped and posted up their profiles, ridiculed
You could also have thought 'hey, I dont really like what I'm seeing here. It's not for me. I'll just move along to someone who does pique my interest'

Then we wouldnt have had to deal with your rigid standard mindst being dumped out

Instead, you've posted them up and far as I can see, badly misjudged it.

[All that jazz]

Matt UK said:

I'm not professionally offended on behalf of others all of a sudden - I made a comment, abbreviated that it was "in my humble opinion" and I stand by it.

Which is fine, but I also stand by mine. If she hadn't blatantly lied about her figure then her profile wouldn't have even appeared in my shortlist. She is fully deserving of the ridicule as it's the dating equivalent of advertising your 318d on Autotrader and putting "not M3" in the description when you're in the market for an M3. She's a fat fk and should be in the fat fk's section . There, that should get you suitably enraged for disrespecting wimmins!

[All that jazz]

andy-xr said:

Let's be honest though, the girls/people who you've ripped and posted up their profiles, ridiculed
You could also have thought 'hey, I dont really like what I'm seeing here. It's not for me. I'll just move along to someone who does pique my interest'

And what kind of utterly dull and boring thread would that be? You do realise the original description of these threads when they started was for people to post their dating success and horror stories, amusing profiles etc?

Are you sure this thread is for you?

[andy-xr]

All that jazz said:

You do realise the original description of these threads when they started was for people to post their dating success and horror stories, amusing profiles etc?

It wasnt actually, that's just something that seemed to evolve. The original thread is here and was some guy asking on behalf of his *brother in law*
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

All that jazz said:

Are you sure this thread is for you?

At one point it was. But I've been married a few years now. It's still fun to dip into this thread and see PHers who've been on it for years still complaining about match.com women being there for a long time and they must have too high standards to be reasonable (who're still not replying to their messages).

[james_tigerwoods]

I think that the truth can be stretched on dating sites - I dated a girl who smoked even though her profile said she didn't (that one ended badly for me) and another that looked about her age (she was 45, not 35)....

I'm not chipping in to the thread above, but wanted to try to divert the conversation in case it was going badly....

[spikeyhead]

It's been ages since I've done the shaggathono of interweb dating, but it's not difficult to read between the lines, especially when someone has met the first rule of marketing, "show, don't tell"

You can see that she's built for comfort, and wants a good evening out and won't be upset if she ends the evening airtight. If that's not for you then move on. ...

[All that jazz]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

I'm absolutely fine with it and having read this entire thread over the course of several weeks I've found your posts most amusing, sometimes cringeworthy but generally true, but then I'm not the sort to get all offended personally nor on the behalf of others. Andy-xr and other "haters" seem to have a short memory as they were active participants in this thread 1-2 years ago when ChemChaos and Calza were both on the receiving end of some pretty harsh words from yourself, CZ and others yet nothing was ever said then. Even I thought that the comments to Calza were very close to crossing the line of being nasty and I'm not easily offended, but he seems to have taken it all in his stride and bounced back okay. ChemChaos is still MIA though - last I saw was some cringey response to a potential hook-up on Tinder and he hasn't been seen since.

[fttm]

Probably gripping his pillow tightly (ahem) whilst sleeping with one eye open ?

[Calza]

I almost forgot about all that last year!

[ascayman]

fttm said:

Probably gripping his pillow tightly (ahem) whilst sleeping with one eye open ?

Exit light,
enter night

[Don1]

On that topic I can't help but feel sorry for him - the abuse he gets isn't justified.

But damn, he doesn't help himself, does he?

So, as a happily married man, I read this thread and go 'for the grace of God go I'.

But I do have several single friends who keep me highly entertained with their antics in real life and Tinder (etc). The one with the best strike rate lives in NYC and seems to have a very good time....

[Morningside]

Don1 said:

So, as a happily married man, I read this thread and go 'for the grace of God go I'.

As a happy man in a relationship that started a few months back and now living together I know the minefields.

Many wanted to chat but no further with just the normal two word answers. Sadly the ones that did have all the chat were never really ever my type.

I was chatting to this really lovely lady for quite a while. Phone calls, mid morning work texts, the usual and then we were due to meet and she deleted her profile and never got back to me.

Another one was chatting away for quite a while and we were discussing all sorts of thing and that again came to nothing with no meeting.

The most oddest was a POF match that shortly after a quick message or two asked if I could call her. I did so and she wanted sex and lots of it as her husband could not perform. I told her that I do not want to destroy any relationships but she said he was fully OK with it and was listening in!
I talked and texted with her in length the boundaries that we must adhere to and after her agreeing a day later she backed out. I think it became far too real for her.

I did meet one very nice lady and we messaged and chatted quite a few times and had a laugh and then we met...oh dear, she was clearly a totally different class above me and it was never ever going to work.

But in the background to all this I kept in touch with someone who was in a emotionally abusive relationship and it was her that I finally fell for even though neither of us had planned for it.

So it is strange where you find true love. I honestly feel that it will find you rather than the other way round.

[Bluesgirl]

Morningside said:

I did meet one very nice lady and we messaged and chatted quite a few times and had a laugh and then we met...oh dear, she was clearly a totally different class above me and it was never ever going to work.

Can I ask why you felt this?

I met someone a few months ago. We really hit it off when we met, a few drinks turned into dinner and several hours of chatting, laughing... For a first date it couldn't have been better. But our respective situations, financially, were very different. We texted afterwards, but the second date never materialised. Of course I could have read it all wrong, but I think that's what put him off.

Is it really that big a deal?