Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
Matt UK said:
Blown2CV said:
Whilst differing incomes or 'social class' might be something to consider, I fail to see why it's a deal breaker. If someone with more money is prepared to date you then what's the issue? Surely it's the person that matters. Someone refusing to have a relationship with another because they have more money is a IMHO as bad as if it was because they had a lot less money. It's just as superficial and as much of a shame.
In a perfect world it doesn't matter. In reality it can get in the way. It often means one of you is going to have to change your outlook / attitude straight away.
Either the poorer of the two spends too much trying to keep up with the norms of the richer. Or the richer has to start regularly enjoying aldi pasta bake.
I'm not saying it's not possible, it is. But right from the off its a hurdle. And those who have experience of it avoid treading the same boards twice.
A friend of mine dated at a 'different level'. He liked her a lot but she had no disposable money. He didn't want to stop enjoying himself in the way he was used to, so he basically paid her way on weekends away, skiing, doing sky dives etc. When he went to see her they would have nice nights in and walks in the park.
After a year or so he said it was starting to become a strain. He'd subtly mention that weekends at hers were a bit 'repetitive and we just do the same stuff and then watch TV'. Plus he was always a bit short as everything fun he liked doing 'now costs double'...
He now dates a woman in his industry, they always seem to be off doing stuff and generally he seems a happy guy.
So just one example I guess.
The opposite is of course princess Fiona. She gave up the glamour of royalty to live with shrek in the swamp.
So it just goes to show.
Echo66 said:
Money is a big issue for some people. Vacuous that it makes them unfortunately.
I was seeing a Swedish girl for a while, was quite serious & i knew she earned on a par with me, but she was also getting yearly & quarterly bonuses.....the yearly one equating to 48% of her annual sallary. Which was a lot of bunce. I hadn't had a bonus in years due to the recession & she couldn't understand that, plus when it became obvious that my assets were way less than hers ( a divorce & a liking for fast cars meant the few k i had put aside paled next to her stash), he interest waned in weeks. It was blatant. She was also a collosal snob, which i found a common trait within her social circle of ex pat Swedes in that particular part of the UK. While us normals were more than happy to shop in stores like Aldi, Asda, Tesco etc.....for that lot only the likes of Waitrose, Booths, Arighi Bianchi (s
te place) & those incredibly overpriced refurbished tat that we had all binned years ago......the shabby chic st they loved & would pay £500 for a repainted 'quaint' dresser.
Edit to add, also an anti-Semite too.
none of that sounds like it's about money... she just sounds like a dickI was seeing a Swedish girl for a while, was quite serious & i knew she earned on a par with me, but she was also getting yearly & quarterly bonuses.....the yearly one equating to 48% of her annual sallary. Which was a lot of bunce. I hadn't had a bonus in years due to the recession & she couldn't understand that, plus when it became obvious that my assets were way less than hers ( a divorce & a liking for fast cars meant the few k i had put aside paled next to her stash), he interest waned in weeks. It was blatant. She was also a collosal snob, which i found a common trait within her social circle of ex pat Swedes in that particular part of the UK. While us normals were more than happy to shop in stores like Aldi, Asda, Tesco etc.....for that lot only the likes of Waitrose, Booths, Arighi Bianchi (s
te place) & those incredibly overpriced refurbished tat that we had all binned years ago......the shabby chic st they loved & would pay £500 for a repainted 'quaint' dresser. Edit to add, also an anti-Semite too.
Bluesgirl said:
I'd hoped that 'social class' was something that had been consigned to the last century.
Surely these days, with all the access to free education, shared childcare etc, women's career opportunities might ensure that it doesn't matter who earns more, it's the accompanying attitude that matters. I'm not interested in treats or expensive gifts and I don't want to be treated like a princess (something which a number of matches have indicated seems to be their goal). If I want something, I can buy it myself and I'm happy to pay my way and/or pick up the tab as and when.
Makes me wonder if this independence is intimidating?
ETA an occasional box of lindors wont go amiss tho'.
let me direct you to the "that's so council" thread for reference!! Class is not dead...Surely these days, with all the access to free education, shared childcare etc, women's career opportunities might ensure that it doesn't matter who earns more, it's the accompanying attitude that matters. I'm not interested in treats or expensive gifts and I don't want to be treated like a princess (something which a number of matches have indicated seems to be their goal). If I want something, I can buy it myself and I'm happy to pay my way and/or pick up the tab as and when.
Makes me wonder if this independence is intimidating?
ETA an occasional box of lindors wont go amiss tho'.
Blown2CV said:
i earn 4x what my wife earns, shortly to jump up to infinityx.
it isn't a problem for her. Unsurprisingly.
Right....it isn't a problem for her. Unsurprisingly.
My point being my over earning her and contributing more doesnt effect me at all.
She makes me happy and i cant put a value on that.
She is doing as much as she can and thats all you can expect
I will always pay on a 1st date, I think its the gentlemanly thing to do. If she feels uncomfortable, I will say we can go halves on a second date of I make a good impression. Its just the way I was brought up I think, but id feel bad having a lass pay, no idea why.
Re the money delta, it doesn't matter but it does get in the way. My last gf who I was crazy about earned probably 1/4 what I did and it bothered her. As others have said, its not the money per se, its the expectation, the ambition. She had two daughters, I have two kids and I had suggested we all go to Canaries one half term. Caused a ruckus with her kids father - he wanted to take them abroad for their first time, not me, even though he had 8 years and failed to get any further than Wales. Stupid stuff like that just got in the way. It isn't the money its the stuff you do, or don't do with it.
Re the money delta, it doesn't matter but it does get in the way. My last gf who I was crazy about earned probably 1/4 what I did and it bothered her. As others have said, its not the money per se, its the expectation, the ambition. She had two daughters, I have two kids and I had suggested we all go to Canaries one half term. Caused a ruckus with her kids father - he wanted to take them abroad for their first time, not me, even though he had 8 years and failed to get any further than Wales. Stupid stuff like that just got in the way. It isn't the money its the stuff you do, or don't do with it.
the rule with paying is that if you extend the invitation then its your bill. date/girlfriend/mate/family doesn't matter. if they offer its then up to you to decide whether to accept. anyone expecting sex because they buy a woman dinner is a fking moron.
russians have funny ideas about things. apparently if a woman pays for a date its a sign that she's not interested romantically and its taken as publicly humiliating for the man for her to do it.
that is by far. FAR [is there a bigger font?] the least strange thing about dating russians believe me.
king moron. russians have funny ideas about things. apparently if a woman pays for a date its a sign that she's not interested romantically and its taken as publicly humiliating for the man for her to do it.
that is by far. FAR [is there a bigger font?] the least strange thing about dating russians believe me.
TedMaul said:
I will always pay on a 1st date, I think its the gentlemanly thing to do. If she feels uncomfortable, I will say we can go halves on a second date of I make a good impression. Its just the way I was brought up I think, but id feel bad having a lass pay, no idea why.
Exactly, its polite. Its come to a pretty bad job if you cant afford, or have more important priorities for your cash, than buying someone you like a meal! Im amazed that so many are suggesting that the man paying is somewhat archaic. Whats wrong with you if you let your date pay the bill?
Condi said:
Exactly, its polite. Its come to a pretty bad job if you cant afford, or have more important priorities for your cash, than buying someone you like a meal!
Im amazed that so many are suggesting that the man paying is somewhat archaic. Whats wrong with you if you let your date pay the bill?
I think it is archaic, it's 2016. I'm fairly new to the dating game as it is nowadays, having been in an 8, then 7 year relationship back to back. But whilst I'm perfectly happy to cover the first date for drinks etc, I'm basically of the opinion that any couple should be even split (that's how it was in my previous relationships more or less). I wouldn't buy dinner for a first date mainly because.... dinner is a terrible idea as a first date Im amazed that so many are suggesting that the man paying is somewhat archaic. Whats wrong with you if you let your date pay the bill?
If they are shockingly dull, you've pretty much got to sit through it regardless.I went on a (3rd) date where the woman went and paid for dinner then came back and said 'I paid'. It's not like I had a choice. Simply agreed to pay for next dinner so no issue. I think the world has moved on a little, and most women are perfectly independent. It's about attitude really; it's not difficult to tell if a woman is out to take advantage I think, and for me that'd be a major red flag. Thank f
k I'm skint, so they can't be after my money Newly single again as of 12 hours ago.
I've been seeing a girl on/off for the past two years and it was most definitely on this time, with serious future talks, kids, house etc, I felt that things had taken a massive step forward and for once I was happy.
She became ill on Thursday, I was working away and couldn't get home until Friday night, sent her some flowers on Friday to cheer her up a little and came home Friday night to a massive argument based on me "not making enough effort"
Cue yesterday, up early as I had loads to do, made sure she was ok and left. Few texts during the day, gets a call around 5 to see what time I'll be home, my answer of 6.30 latest is met with dogs abuse about how I don't care she's ill blah blah.
I eventually rock up after 8 to give her time to calm down, take off my work boots, and it appears she's far from calm.
Flys into a rage, punches thrown at me, one of my boots used as a hammer to the head, and she then has the ordacity to claim she's going to call the police and have me arrested for attacking her.
Needless to say, I grabbed my boots, keys and left sharpish.
She text later, more abuse and not even a hint of an apology.
I've been seeing a girl on/off for the past two years and it was most definitely on this time, with serious future talks, kids, house etc, I felt that things had taken a massive step forward and for once I was happy.
She became ill on Thursday, I was working away and couldn't get home until Friday night, sent her some flowers on Friday to cheer her up a little and came home Friday night to a massive argument based on me "not making enough effort"
Cue yesterday, up early as I had loads to do, made sure she was ok and left. Few texts during the day, gets a call around 5 to see what time I'll be home, my answer of 6.30 latest is met with dogs abuse about how I don't care she's ill blah blah.
I eventually rock up after 8 to give her time to calm down, take off my work boots, and it appears she's far from calm.
Flys into a rage, punches thrown at me, one of my boots used as a hammer to the head, and she then has the ordacity to claim she's going to call the police and have me arrested for attacking her.
Needless to say, I grabbed my boots, keys and left sharpish.
She text later, more abuse and not even a hint of an apology.
martin mrt said:
Newly single again as of 12 hours ago.
I've been seeing a girl on/off for the past two years and it was most definitely on this time, with serious future talks, kids, house etc, I felt that things had taken a massive step forward and for once I was happy.
She became ill on Thursday, I was working away and couldn't get home until Friday night, sent her some flowers on Friday to cheer her up a little and came home Friday night to a massive argument based on me "not making enough effort"
Cue yesterday, up early as I had loads to do, made sure she was ok and left. Few texts during the day, gets a call around 5 to see what time I'll be home, my answer of 6.30 latest is met with dogs abuse about how I don't care she's ill blah blah.
I eventually rock up after 8 to give her time to calm down, take off my work boots, and it appears she's far from calm.
Flys into a rage, punches thrown at me, one of my boots used as a hammer to the head, and she then has the ordacity to claim she's going to call the police and have me arrested for attacking her.
Needless to say, I grabbed my boots, keys and left sharpish.
She text later, more abuse and not even a hint of an apology.
Are you quite sure that she's not actually more ill than you've realised ?I've been seeing a girl on/off for the past two years and it was most definitely on this time, with serious future talks, kids, house etc, I felt that things had taken a massive step forward and for once I was happy.
She became ill on Thursday, I was working away and couldn't get home until Friday night, sent her some flowers on Friday to cheer her up a little and came home Friday night to a massive argument based on me "not making enough effort"
Cue yesterday, up early as I had loads to do, made sure she was ok and left. Few texts during the day, gets a call around 5 to see what time I'll be home, my answer of 6.30 latest is met with dogs abuse about how I don't care she's ill blah blah.
I eventually rock up after 8 to give her time to calm down, take off my work boots, and it appears she's far from calm.
Flys into a rage, punches thrown at me, one of my boots used as a hammer to the head, and she then has the ordacity to claim she's going to call the police and have me arrested for attacking her.
Needless to say, I grabbed my boots, keys and left sharpish.
She text later, more abuse and not even a hint of an apology.
I have quite a talent when it comes to attracting women, they all seem to be 9/10 out of 10 on the crazy scale.
That's one i will definitely not be going anywhere near again, it was my boot that time, could quite easily have been a hammer/knife the next. Scary thought.
I feel better for airing it as I have kept it in all night and hardly slept
That's one i will definitely not be going anywhere near again, it was my boot that time, could quite easily have been a hammer/knife the next. Scary thought.
I feel better for airing it as I have kept it in all night and hardly slept
martin mrt said:
I have quite a talent when it comes to attracting women, they all seem to be 9/10 out of 10 on the crazy scale.
That's one i will definitely not be going anywhere near again, it was my boot that time, could quite easily have been a hammer/knife the next. Scary thought.
I feel better for airing it as I have kept it in all night and hardly slept
All the bestThat's one i will definitely not be going anywhere near again, it was my boot that time, could quite easily have been a hammer/knife the next. Scary thought.
I feel better for airing it as I have kept it in all night and hardly slept
What's the breakup situation? Separate houses already?
Block her/delete Facebook don't need any of that s
t stressing you outI have been hit by a woman years ago when she was drunk and unstable - most guys brush it off but it's a pretty fkd up situation as you can only try and defend yourself or hold them still / run!
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