Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
Matt UK said:
My mate who has been on this scene for a couple of years now shared the view that if you are seeing a few, you are merely dating / getting out and about meeting new people.
If you start having sex with one of them regularly whilst seeing others, you'll be perceived as a 'player' - which you may or may not want to be.
His personal rule is once you've had sex 3 times in a short space of time, he doesn't date others.
But I guess it's all personal. Another mate shags anything that moves and has the mindset that until he's married he's not being unfaithful to anyone.
And we've all got the mate who gets a mere fluttering of eyelashes and a phone number, and decides to fall hopelessly in love thinking it's the start of beautiful long term relationship
Good viewpoint. I like it.If you start having sex with one of them regularly whilst seeing others, you'll be perceived as a 'player' - which you may or may not want to be.
His personal rule is once you've had sex 3 times in a short space of time, he doesn't date others.
But I guess it's all personal. Another mate shags anything that moves and has the mindset that until he's married he's not being unfaithful to anyone.
And we've all got the mate who gets a mere fluttering of eyelashes and a phone number, and decides to fall hopelessly in love thinking it's the start of beautiful long term relationship
And yes, I've recently lost a mate to the last point there after he split from his wife and gave it the whole going travelling / new man thing.
Blown2CV said:
johnwilliams77 said:
CaptainSlow said:
59, not 39oh yes a women with a brain
Arguably not a very good one...
if you play with women you eill rein things gor the good guys i am a good person u will loose out out l
Right, advice from the floor please... I think I know the answer...
Met a girl about 3 months ago. Pretty, intelligent, very easy to get along with, very similar interests to me, good fun to be around... in all honesty if I had to write what I was after she'd tick almost every box. We spend time together when we can, once or twice a week maybe. Even if its only for a few hours we try when we can.
BUT
Its not 'exciting'. Not in the bedroom exciting, but just generally. Its nice when she comes round, but I dont really look forward to it, there are never any butterflys. Its just 'meh' and I really dont know why.
Suspect its because Ive not had to put any work at all into her, shes keen and therefore its very easy for me. Shes by far the most compatible person Ive ever dated, and yet for some reason it appears Im out to self-destruct this relationship because it doesnt mean anything. Yet the totally bonkers, totally unsuitable one I was willing to spend 2 years chasing, and went through some massive highs and lows when we did go out. What the f
k?!
Soooo.... guess the question is should this be put to bed now, or will the excitement come with time?
Met a girl about 3 months ago. Pretty, intelligent, very easy to get along with, very similar interests to me, good fun to be around... in all honesty if I had to write what I was after she'd tick almost every box. We spend time together when we can, once or twice a week maybe. Even if its only for a few hours we try when we can.
BUT
Its not 'exciting'. Not in the bedroom exciting, but just generally. Its nice when she comes round, but I dont really look forward to it, there are never any butterflys. Its just 'meh' and I really dont know why.
Suspect its because Ive not had to put any work at all into her, shes keen and therefore its very easy for me. Shes by far the most compatible person Ive ever dated, and yet for some reason it appears Im out to self-destruct this relationship because it doesnt mean anything. Yet the totally bonkers, totally unsuitable one I was willing to spend 2 years chasing, and went through some massive highs and lows when we did go out. What the f
k?!Soooo.... guess the question is should this be put to bed now, or will the excitement come with time?
Condi said:
Right, advice from the floor please... I think I know the answer...
Met a girl about 3 months ago. Pretty, intelligent, very easy to get along with, very similar interests to me, good fun to be around... in all honesty if I had to write what I was after she'd tick almost every box. We spend time together when we can, once or twice a week maybe. Even if its only for a few hours we try when we can.
BUT
Its not 'exciting'. Not in the bedroom exciting, but just generally. Its nice when she comes round, but I dont really look forward to it, there are never any butterflys. Its just 'meh' and I really dont know why.
Suspect its because Ive not had to put any work at all into her, shes keen and therefore its very easy for me. Shes by far the most compatible person Ive ever dated, and yet for some reason it appears Im out to self-destruct this relationship because it doesnt mean anything. Yet the totally bonkers, totally unsuitable one I was willing to spend 2 years chasing, and went through some massive highs and lows when we did go out. What the fk?!
Soooo.... guess the question is should this be put to bed now, or will the excitement come with time?
Seems you don't fancy her, but you haven't noticed.Met a girl about 3 months ago. Pretty, intelligent, very easy to get along with, very similar interests to me, good fun to be around... in all honesty if I had to write what I was after she'd tick almost every box. We spend time together when we can, once or twice a week maybe. Even if its only for a few hours we try when we can.
BUT
Its not 'exciting'. Not in the bedroom exciting, but just generally. Its nice when she comes round, but I dont really look forward to it, there are never any butterflys. Its just 'meh' and I really dont know why.
Suspect its because Ive not had to put any work at all into her, shes keen and therefore its very easy for me. Shes by far the most compatible person Ive ever dated, and yet for some reason it appears Im out to self-destruct this relationship because it doesnt mean anything. Yet the totally bonkers, totally unsuitable one I was willing to spend 2 years chasing, and went through some massive highs and lows when we did go out. What the f
k?!Soooo.... guess the question is should this be put to bed now, or will the excitement come with time?
I'm in a similar situation too. Started off as just friends (that's all I wanted at the time), but became clear she wanted more. I told her I didn't want a relationship, and things progressed to a 'with benefits' scenario. That's been going on for a couple of months and she dearly wants it to become a proper committed relationship (I'm not a player, we've both stayed exclusive to each other, despite the somewhat 'casual' arrangement).
She's a nice girl personality wise, but I see her more as a friend than someone I'm crazy about. The physical attraction (for me) is pretty minimal, if any at all, if I'm honest with myself about it. She's very much on the large side of large (must be dress size 20+). I'm ok about that in the short term, but I can help but think that she's going to be in for a world of health problems in 10-15 years time.
We've both got kids from previous relationships, which isn't an issue in itself, but she wants a fully committed relationship with us all part of a family unit. I've totally played it down all the way through, and that has meant her blowing hot and cold. One day she tells me she doesn't want us to carry on seeing each other, and I've never protested about us cooling things. Then a couple of days later she's inviting me round for an evening of 'with benefits'.
I think part of my problem is that I've always followed the 'beggars can't be choosers' approach to women - I'm pretty ugly and women that fancy me are a rarity. So I've just gone along with every offer I've ever had. The idea of actually turning a women down makes me feel bad.
I realise that I should probably call the whole thing off, as I'm potentially leading her on (even though I've always been clear that I don't want a relationship). But on the other hand, maybe it could develop into something really good. I could be single for the rest of my life if no one else comes along, never mind someone better.
So, is physical attraction essential for a successful relationship? I'd always thought that it was, but now I'm asking myself if maybe it can work without.
She's a nice girl personality wise, but I see her more as a friend than someone I'm crazy about. The physical attraction (for me) is pretty minimal, if any at all, if I'm honest with myself about it. She's very much on the large side of large (must be dress size 20+). I'm ok about that in the short term, but I can help but think that she's going to be in for a world of health problems in 10-15 years time.
We've both got kids from previous relationships, which isn't an issue in itself, but she wants a fully committed relationship with us all part of a family unit. I've totally played it down all the way through, and that has meant her blowing hot and cold. One day she tells me she doesn't want us to carry on seeing each other, and I've never protested about us cooling things. Then a couple of days later she's inviting me round for an evening of 'with benefits'.
I think part of my problem is that I've always followed the 'beggars can't be choosers' approach to women - I'm pretty ugly and women that fancy me are a rarity. So I've just gone along with every offer I've ever had. The idea of actually turning a women down makes me feel bad.
I realise that I should probably call the whole thing off, as I'm potentially leading her on (even though I've always been clear that I don't want a relationship). But on the other hand, maybe it could develop into something really good. I could be single for the rest of my life if no one else comes along, never mind someone better.
So, is physical attraction essential for a successful relationship? I'd always thought that it was, but now I'm asking myself if maybe it can work without.
mjb1 said:
The physical attraction (for me) is pretty minimal, if any at all, if I'm honest with myself about it.
[...]
But on the other hand, maybe it could develop into something really good.
[...]
But on the other hand, maybe it could develop into something really good.
Nope. Not a chance. You're kidding yourself. Stop putting yourself down. If you're not into her then bin her off and move on. Gym fixes 'ugly' problems if you work at it enough .mjb1 said:
I'm in a similar situation too. Started off as just friends (that's all I wanted at the time), but became clear she wanted more. I told her I didn't want a relationship, and things progressed to a 'with benefits' scenario. That's been going on for a couple of months and she dearly wants it to become a proper committed relationship (I'm not a player, we've both stayed exclusive to each other, despite the somewhat 'casual' arrangement).
She's a nice girl personality wise, but I see her more as a friend than someone I'm crazy about. The physical attraction (for me) is pretty minimal, if any at all, if I'm honest with myself about it. She's very much on the large side of large (must be dress size 20+). I'm ok about that in the short term, but I can help but think that she's going to be in for a world of health problems in 10-15 years time.
We've both got kids from previous relationships, which isn't an issue in itself, but she wants a fully committed relationship with us all part of a family unit. I've totally played it down all the way through, and that has meant her blowing hot and cold. One day she tells me she doesn't want us to carry on seeing each other, and I've never protested about us cooling things. Then a couple of days later she's inviting me round for an evening of 'with benefits'.
I think part of my problem is that I've always followed the 'beggars can't be choosers' approach to women - I'm pretty ugly and women that fancy me are a rarity. So I've just gone along with every offer I've ever had. The idea of actually turning a women down makes me feel bad.
I realise that I should probably call the whole thing off, as I'm potentially leading her on (even though I've always been clear that I don't want a relationship). But on the other hand, maybe it could develop into something really good. I could be single for the rest of my life if no one else comes along, never mind someone better.
So, is physical attraction essential for a successful relationship? I'd always thought that it was, but now I'm asking myself if maybe it can work without.
It really depends on where you personal benchmark is in terms of being single / alone. She's a nice girl personality wise, but I see her more as a friend than someone I'm crazy about. The physical attraction (for me) is pretty minimal, if any at all, if I'm honest with myself about it. She's very much on the large side of large (must be dress size 20+). I'm ok about that in the short term, but I can help but think that she's going to be in for a world of health problems in 10-15 years time.
We've both got kids from previous relationships, which isn't an issue in itself, but she wants a fully committed relationship with us all part of a family unit. I've totally played it down all the way through, and that has meant her blowing hot and cold. One day she tells me she doesn't want us to carry on seeing each other, and I've never protested about us cooling things. Then a couple of days later she's inviting me round for an evening of 'with benefits'.
I think part of my problem is that I've always followed the 'beggars can't be choosers' approach to women - I'm pretty ugly and women that fancy me are a rarity. So I've just gone along with every offer I've ever had. The idea of actually turning a women down makes me feel bad.
I realise that I should probably call the whole thing off, as I'm potentially leading her on (even though I've always been clear that I don't want a relationship). But on the other hand, maybe it could develop into something really good. I could be single for the rest of my life if no one else comes along, never mind someone better.
So, is physical attraction essential for a successful relationship? I'd always thought that it was, but now I'm asking myself if maybe it can work without.
At one end you have those who just need to be in a relationship and can't go a day without - these types will hop on any passing ship with the lights on. Best case is they may find the perfect partner because they kissed a lot of frogs on their journey, but they never stopped trying.
Worst case is they lead a trail of broken promises or destruction behind them as they hop from ship to ship, or they end up in destructive / abusive relationships that they figure are better than nothing.
At the other you have those who are unicorn hunting and are simply not prepared to entertain any relationship unless the partner is perfect in every way. Best case they hold out for the unicorn, find one and live happily ever after - the wait was justified.
Worst case is they end up being on their own for so long that one day they're sucking on their final Werthers Original, having never enjoyed the benefits and closeness of a long term relationship, wondering if maybe it would have been better to have cast the net a bit wider.
There's no right or wrong, we're all wired in complex ways.
Every partner you'll ever meet or relationship you enter into is a compromise to a some extent or another vs your ideals. Only you can decide that.
But in all situations, just remeber that if she really is hotter than a 9 and less crazy than a 4 - she's a dude
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU
mjb1 said:
I realise that I should probably call the whole thing off, as I'm potentially leading her on (even though I've always been clear that I don't want a relationship). But on the other hand, maybe it could develop into something really good. I could be single for the rest of my life if no one else comes along, never mind someone better.
So, is physical attraction essential for a successful relationship? I'd always thought that it was, but now I'm asking myself if maybe it can work without.
It sounds in your situation that you'd be better off calling it off.So, is physical attraction essential for a successful relationship? I'd always thought that it was, but now I'm asking myself if maybe it can work without.
You definiately need some sort of physical attraction to maintain a healthy relationship. Sex isn't everything but it is quite a major part of what makes a relationship work.
Regarding the guy who doesn't have butteryflys, you tell me if you want it to work. Do you care about her? do you love her?
I didn't really have to "work" to get my mrs, we just clicked, we have been together nearly 6 months, living together for 1.5 months.
I still hate it when she goes and get excited every time she walks in the door. But that's just me, doesn't mean everyone should feel that way..
But I think you should have some sort of fuzzy feeling? Isn't that love?
When we started going out we almost immediately started spending most of our free time together and every night together regardless. We already went shopping for food together as we'd always eat dinner together.
Saves the whole "I'm back from my friends now, you can come round." crap.
My friend moved in with his Mrs after less than 3 months. I guess when you know, you know, it's working, so if people think it's soon then they can feel free.
xjay1337 said:
BrabusMog said:
4.5 months together and you move in?!! Crikey!
What's wrong with that?All that jazz said:
It's considered to be a very fast transitional period from having nice cuddles and just getting your dick wet a few times a week with no ties to full on seriousness where you quickly have to deal with and learn to accept all the OPs annoying and disgusting bad habits. Often causes the relationship to quickly lose its shine for one or both parties and it can be over before it's even started. Moving in together is when you discover what the OP is really like in their natural habitat.
I guess that may be true, as I mentioned above, we spent so much time together, we basically lived together anyway. I didn't know there was a time scale.
Her sister and her BF moved in after 3 months also. They are now 1 kid and 3 years down the line. As I also said my friend and his Mrs have been together nearly 4 years now. They also moved in after 3 months.
If you know, you know.
xjay1337 said:
I didn't know there was a time scale.
There isn't, but as a general rule the shorter the period the higher the likelihood is of it ending in tears for the reasons mentioned. I can guarantee there will have been a girl-to-girl with her mates already about your annoying and disgusting bad habits. Her level of "into you-ness" is the deciding factor in whether that becomes a problem or not, and vv. 
All that jazz said:
I can guarantee there will have been a girl-to-girl with her mates already about your annoying and disgusting bad habits.
But what if I can guarantee you that there hasn't...I can now appreciate how annoying it can be being on the "other side" of the fence, despite the unwanted/unneeded advice.
The fact she choses to not go on weekends away with her mates because she doesn't want to leave me says a lot. She is free to go, I don't stop her.
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