Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
cheddar said:
Mercury00 said:
I'm definitely not posting my profile, I'll stick with the sock boomerang next to my bed.
WIDEN YOUR SEARCH!Which bit of "There are no women within my search radius" aren't you getting?
Unless you're driving a Nissan Leaf that's perpetually showing '20 miles to empty' there's no reason to not look further afield
feef said:
I must be Quasimodo's antisocial twin brother then, as with even a 70mile radius (so that it includes London) I get nothing.
One of my mates looks like Quasimodo's ugly brother, dresses like a scruff and has the personality of a 2 week old bag of M&S prawns. Not sure how he pulls all the birds, when he's out with us he just sits in the corner licking his forehead.shirt said:
Pebbles167 said:
^ Good advice
Yes some amazing advice on this page. Message everyone, aim low, settle for what you can. Anyone setting their standards too high will end up with f
k all. Of course that is entirely relative to the individual themselves. If you're a boring, fat, bald, poor, stupid, car enthusiast who doesn't get that women don't think your nerdy niche interests make you keeper-material, then you don't want to be unicorn-hunting. If you're a powerfully-built millionaire company director raconteur with an infinite supply of scintillating dinner party yarns who has everyone enthralled, a six pack and a jutting chin then yea shoot for the moon. It's simply about knowing your place in the pecking order. Anyone, and I mean anyone, saying "there are no good girls out there", "i get no matches", "I am off to try another dating, site this one is rubbish", "i never get replies" or any of the other bullst things men kid themselves with - you're aiming too high. You just aren't as attractive or interesting as you thought you were. Aim lower. Not everyone needs to do it, but if you're getting the sum total of zero , then you do need to do this. You should of course 'punch up' your profile with the quick PH crowdsource as you may not be fugly and boring but actually just st at writing/selling. Conversely, if I look at OK Cupid, I've set a 50 mile radius.
I've got filters set for an age range, non smoker, doesn't want kids but may or may not already have kids and height.
After removing those that mention religion, homeopathy, chakra and other nonsense or those who's every photo features them snogging their dog or the like, then I have 9 results to choose from. That's before I start deciding on attractiveness.
I've got filters set for an age range, non smoker, doesn't want kids but may or may not already have kids and height.
After removing those that mention religion, homeopathy, chakra and other nonsense or those who's every photo features them snogging their dog or the like, then I have 9 results to choose from. That's before I start deciding on attractiveness.
Blown2CV said:
shirt said:
Pebbles167 said:
^ Good advice
Yes some amazing advice on this page. Message everyone, aim low, settle for what you can. Pebbles167 said:
just copy paste message EVERYONE
This isn't not setting your standards too high, this is asking everyone! What's the point in that? Surely it would be better for the search to take longer and to find the right person. Someone who actually interests you in the first place.I don't disagree that sometimes you may need your expectations adjusting somewhat, but I don't believe that is the right approach. The (as you put it, 'literal') advice was to just message everyone..
feef said:
Conversely, if I look at OK Cupid, I've set a 50 mile radius.
I've got filters set for an age range, non smoker, doesn't want kids but may or may not already have kids and height.
After removing those that mention religion, homeopathy, chakra and other nonsense or those who's every photo features them snogging their dog or the like, then I have 9 results to choose from. That's before I start deciding on attractiveness.
Can you not see the problem here?I've got filters set for an age range, non smoker, doesn't want kids but may or may not already have kids and height.
After removing those that mention religion, homeopathy, chakra and other nonsense or those who's every photo features them snogging their dog or the like, then I have 9 results to choose from. That's before I start deciding on attractiveness.
Trabi601 said:
feef said:
Conversely, if I look at OK Cupid, I've set a 50 mile radius.
I've got filters set for an age range, non smoker, doesn't want kids but may or may not already have kids and height.
After removing those that mention religion, homeopathy, chakra and other nonsense or those who's every photo features them snogging their dog or the like, then I have 9 results to choose from. That's before I start deciding on attractiveness.
Can you not see the problem here?I've got filters set for an age range, non smoker, doesn't want kids but may or may not already have kids and height.
After removing those that mention religion, homeopathy, chakra and other nonsense or those who's every photo features them snogging their dog or the like, then I have 9 results to choose from. That's before I start deciding on attractiveness.
I mentally reject 99% of those who contact me based on many criteria, none of which are under my control. If you don't fancy someone, you don't fancy them.
Trabi601 said:
feef said:
Conversely, if I look at OK Cupid, I've set a 50 mile radius.
I've got filters set for an age range, non smoker, doesn't want kids but may or may not already have kids and height.
After removing those that mention religion, homeopathy, chakra and other nonsense or those who's every photo features them snogging their dog or the like, then I have 9 results to choose from. That's before I start deciding on attractiveness.
Can you not see the problem here?I've got filters set for an age range, non smoker, doesn't want kids but may or may not already have kids and height.
After removing those that mention religion, homeopathy, chakra and other nonsense or those who's every photo features them snogging their dog or the like, then I have 9 results to choose from. That's before I start deciding on attractiveness.
Age range is -12 years and +2
Non smoker : apart from me disliking the smell, I'm athsmatic and smoking exacerbates that
I have a child already, and at 43, I can't envisage having any more. Realistically, even if I met someone tomorrow, I doubt children would be on the cards for a few years even if I wanted more, and by then, I feel I'd be getting old enough that I wouldn't be able to offer them the support, both physically and financially as I get older. That, and the selfish aspect means that when I retire, I'd like to have time to do things that I can't do now.
Height : up to my height, no lower limit. The upper limit is due to experience where those I've contacted who are taller than me immediately discount me due to the fact I'm shorter. Granted, there may be one or two for whom an shorter partner isn't an issue, but so far I've not spoken to a single one.
Religion : I'm an atheist, and I find it hard to understand why someone would be religious in these times. Religion for me seems to be the root of many troubles so does become a stumbling block. It's an assumption on my part that if someone feels strongly enough about their religion to specify it on their dating profile, then it has some significance in their life.
Animals : I'm just not a dog lover, (was attacked by one as a child and while I'm okay now, I'm still not a fan), and if their photos include their pets to that extent (as so many seem to do) then it says to me "you're taking us both on" not "I'm me and, oh by the way, I have a pet"
Homeopathy and other pseudo science : I mean.. really?
Are those REALLY that restrictive or just applicable to my life and hoping to find someone that fits with that as much as I fit with theirs?
Pulse said:
Blown2CV said:
shirt said:
Pebbles167 said:
^ Good advice
Yes some amazing advice on this page. Message everyone, aim low, settle for what you can. Pebbles167 said:
just copy paste message EVERYONE
This isn't not setting your standards too high, this is asking everyone! What's the point in that? Surely it would be better for the search to take longer and to find the right person. Someone who actually interests you in the first place.I don't disagree that sometimes you may need your expectations adjusting somewhat, but I don't believe that is the right approach. The (as you put it, 'literal') advice was to just message everyone..
Look, if you literally message everyone, and yes I did say it (although didn't really mean it) then he will get a reply. Whether he ĺike the replies or the girls here is largely irrelevant, since he didn't look at them initially anyway. It can only serve as a confidence boost, which is no bad thing.
The advice i was trying to give, which i think most people understood, was that you should quickly skim everyone's profile and as long as it's not a horrific "NO!" then send a message. Most wont reply anyway, so by doing this you give yourself a good chance of getting a chat going with someone you could potentially start something with.
I know people can tend to be overly picky on dating apps/sites when new to it. Not just in looks, but on perceived personality flaws or bonuses too. In real world dating you wouldn't be presented with this, you just say hi and learn from there. I guess for some they treat all the girls on display as a pick and choose shop, when it isnt, they choose you. Some might not have fully moved on from their ex and are searching for similar comfortable qualities that they had, and some suffer confidence issues and tend to hardly message anyone at all. For me it was a combination of everything, and after months of no POF bites following my divorce, i can tell you, it's a real downer. A mate gave me a shortened version of what I'm writing, amd sure enough my prospects improved, and my confidence along with it.
feef said:
50 miles is a pretty decent radius
Age range is -12 years and +2
Non smoker : apart from me disliking the smell, I'm athsmatic and smoking exacerbates that
I have a child already, and at 43, I can't envisage having any more. Realistically, even if I met someone tomorrow, I doubt children would be on the cards for a few years even if I wanted more, and by then, I feel I'd be getting old enough that I wouldn't be able to offer them the support, both physically and financially as I get older. That, and the selfish aspect means that when I retire, I'd like to have time to do things that I can't do now.
Height : up to my height, no lower limit. The upper limit is due to experience where those I've contacted who are taller than me immediately discount me due to the fact I'm shorter. Granted, there may be one or two for whom an shorter partner isn't an issue, but so far I've not spoken to a single one.
Religion : I'm an atheist, and I find it hard to understand why someone would be religious in these times. Religion for me seems to be the root of many troubles so does become a stumbling block. It's an assumption on my part that if someone feels strongly enough about their religion to specify it on their dating profile, then it has some significance in their life.
Animals : I'm just not a dog lover, (was attacked by one as a child and while I'm okay now, I'm still not a fan), and if their photos include their pets to that extent (as so many seem to do) then it says to me "you're taking us both on" not "I'm me and, oh by the way, I have a pet"
Homeopathy and other pseudo science : I mean.. really?
Are those REALLY that restrictive or just applicable to my life and hoping to find someone that fits with that as much as I fit with theirs?
As you've found, you're cutting out probably 99% of the available women out there!Age range is -12 years and +2
Non smoker : apart from me disliking the smell, I'm athsmatic and smoking exacerbates that
I have a child already, and at 43, I can't envisage having any more. Realistically, even if I met someone tomorrow, I doubt children would be on the cards for a few years even if I wanted more, and by then, I feel I'd be getting old enough that I wouldn't be able to offer them the support, both physically and financially as I get older. That, and the selfish aspect means that when I retire, I'd like to have time to do things that I can't do now.
Height : up to my height, no lower limit. The upper limit is due to experience where those I've contacted who are taller than me immediately discount me due to the fact I'm shorter. Granted, there may be one or two for whom an shorter partner isn't an issue, but so far I've not spoken to a single one.
Religion : I'm an atheist, and I find it hard to understand why someone would be religious in these times. Religion for me seems to be the root of many troubles so does become a stumbling block. It's an assumption on my part that if someone feels strongly enough about their religion to specify it on their dating profile, then it has some significance in their life.
Animals : I'm just not a dog lover, (was attacked by one as a child and while I'm okay now, I'm still not a fan), and if their photos include their pets to that extent (as so many seem to do) then it says to me "you're taking us both on" not "I'm me and, oh by the way, I have a pet"
Homeopathy and other pseudo science : I mean.. really?
Are those REALLY that restrictive or just applicable to my life and hoping to find someone that fits with that as much as I fit with theirs?
I started off with really tight criteria - non smoker, no kids (and don't want them), no dogs, no religion, etc., etc - and got the same results as you. I then took off all the restrictions bar 'no kids, but want them' - I don't want kids, but decided I was cutting out most available women by looking for a 30-45 year old without them!
Suddenly there were hundreds of matches, and I started to get responses and dates. Even ended up seeing someone for a few months who had 3 kids a dog and 2 cats who also had the odd cigarette.
Pulse said:
Blown2CV said:
shirt said:
Pebbles167 said:
^ Good advice
Yes some amazing advice on this page. Message everyone, aim low, settle for what you can. Pebbles167 said:
just copy paste message EVERYONE
This isn't not setting your standards too high, this is asking everyone! What's the point in that? Surely it would be better for the search to take longer and to find the right person. Someone who actually interests you in the first place.I don't disagree that sometimes you may need your expectations adjusting somewhat, but I don't believe that is the right approach. The (as you put it, 'literal') advice was to just message everyone..
Trabi601 said:
don't set your standards too high!
and then immediately below thatPebbles167 said:
^ Good advice
Blown2CV said:
Pulse said:
Blown2CV said:
shirt said:
Pebbles167 said:
^ Good advice
Yes some amazing advice on this page. Message everyone, aim low, settle for what you can. Pebbles167 said:
just copy paste message EVERYONE
This isn't not setting your standards too high, this is asking everyone! What's the point in that? Surely it would be better for the search to take longer and to find the right person. Someone who actually interests you in the first place.I don't disagree that sometimes you may need your expectations adjusting somewhat, but I don't believe that is the right approach. The (as you put it, 'literal') advice was to just message everyone..
Trabi601 said:
don't set your standards too high!
and then immediately below thatPebbles167 said:
^ Good advice
In (slight) contrast to this, Olly is also correct. Sometimes you have to move out of your rigid 'must have' criteria to find the right one, and when that happens, you may find the 'right one' doesn't have everything you thought you required; but that doesn't require losing all standards completely.
Anyway, this thread should get back to helping people with their dating dilemmas, rather than this. That's why I said the poster a few posts back should post up - for genuine advice.
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