Match.com (Volume 6)

[CharlesdeGaulle]

condor said:

My dad got me to take loads of pics of him and he chose the best ones to upload on the mature dating site he'd chosen. He'd been a widower for 4 years and was very lonely - met a similar aged (80s) widow and they've been married nearly 2 years now.

amongst the needy st that's normally posted here, that's a heart-warming post.

[xjay1337]

ClockworkCupcake said:

johnwilliams77 said:

Pulse said:

You two are very odd. Have a word with yourselves.

No.

Well, in that case, maybe you two should get a room.

He started it!

[Marc p]

Well, update on mine, the first 3 weeks were fantastic, we had a great time every time we met, conversation flowed and we texted back and forth every day.

Then, since Monday she has gone very distant, not really texting back (haven't heard from her in the past 24 hours), last message I got was yesterday morning, I sent her a message yesterday lunchtime and followed up with another in the evening asking if she wanted to do something this weekend, think I should just leave it now.

She's probably lost interest in me, shame as I really felt an attachment to this one, female friends said I made myself too available and was too nice.

Women......so frustrating!! All they say is they want a nice guy but become disinterested when one comes along, why would they want someone who acted like a dick to someone they are to care about!

[Shnozz]

Marc p said:

She's probably lost interest in me, shame as I really felt an attachment to this one, female friends said I made myself too available and was too nice.

I refer to my previous post on the matter.

Shnozz said:

And that isn't supposed to sound negative in the PH doom and gloom manner of relationships - merely saying all things sound great but your nonchalance and lack of intense pursuit probably helped with the interest in you having piqued, and whilst its right to follow that up, I would alsways suggest a gentle approach rather than all guns blazing and putting aside 7 nights a week for the latest love interest.

Shnozz said:

And independence is also attractive.

And whilst it sounds encouraging so far, I would be careful not to smother or get too puppy eyed given you first met her Saturday, have seen her 3 times since and are posting on PH enthusiastically. Chill, Winston.

[Blown2CV]

Marc p said:

Well, update on mine, the first 3 weeks were fantastic, we had a great time every time we met, conversation flowed and we texted back and forth every day.

Then, since Monday she has gone very distant, not really texting back (haven't heard from her in the past 24 hours), last message I got was yesterday morning, I sent her a message yesterday lunchtime and followed up with another in the evening asking if she wanted to do something this weekend, think I should just leave it now.

She's probably lost interest in me, shame as I really felt an attachment to this one, female friends said I made myself too available and was too nice.

Women......so frustrating!! All they say is they want a nice guy but become disinterested when one comes along, why would they want someone who acted like a dick to someone they are to care about!

she's definitely moved on, but don't necessarily listen to people telling you what you've done wrong, because most of the time these things just happen and there is not much you could have done. Sometimes (and please take this the right way) it's who you are not how you've behaved. Take solace in that some people are just not right for each other, and in many ways that's liberating because you can dispose with worrying about what if, etc.

[gregs656]

Blown2CV said:

she's definitely moved on, but don't necessarily listen to people telling you what you've done wrong, because most of the time these things just happen and there is not much you could have done. Sometimes (and please take this the right way) it's who you are not how you've behaved. Take solace in that some people are just not right for each other, and in many ways that's liberating because you can dispose with worrying about what if, etc.

Well said.

[xjay1337]

Marc p said:

Well, update on mine, the first 3 weeks were fantastic, we had a great time every time we met, conversation flowed and we texted back and forth every day.

Then, since Monday she has gone very distant, not really texting back (haven't heard from her in the past 24 hours), last message I got was yesterday morning, I sent her a message yesterday lunchtime and followed up with another in the evening asking if she wanted to do something this weekend, think I should just leave it now.

She's probably lost interest in me, shame as I really felt an attachment to this one, female friends said I made myself too available and was too nice.

Women......so frustrating!! All they say is they want a nice guy but become disinterested when one comes along, why would they want someone who acted like a dick to someone they are to care about!

Sorry to hear, but you'll find someone else
Wouldn't worry too much bud.

[Matt UK]

If there's not a mutual compatibility, I think better to know it early than when either one of you gets more heavily invested.
So in a way, privately thank her for her show of disinterest, and move forwards to something else.
Better this than being fed a pack of lies by someone who wants the attention today but will bail at some point in the future when something more to their liking hoves into view. Which could be in weeks/months/even years to come..

Just imo.

[davek_964]

I saw the girl I met on Friday a couple of times over the weekend - it was memorable. But although there was clearly no lack of chemistry, we are quite different people and have agreed it won't go anywhere. I do like the modern woman though - she has suggested that if / when we're both single, we should basically get together occasionally to repeat the weekend.

For those of you who thought that me telling the ladies I was chatting to that I wouldn't meet them because I'd already agreed to meet somebody else was madness : I'm meeting one of those on Sunday evening now.

Having dipped my toe in the water, I'm actually not convinced I want the hassle of dating at the moment. So I'll see how Sunday night goes and if it doesn't go anywhere I may simply leave my profile hidden until I'm more in the mood.

[ClockworkCupcake]

davek_964 said:

Having dipped my toe in the water, I'm actually not convinced I want the hassle of dating at the moment. So I'll see how Sunday night goes and if it doesn't go anywhere I may simply leave my profile hidden until I'm more in the mood.

I totally get what you're saying. I haven't really dated since my divorce 8 years ago, mainly because I don't feel the need or desire to. I've had occasional dates, but haven't really met anyone (guy or gal) that I click with. I think some people are just cut out to be happily single - I know I am.

[Marc p]

Shnozz said:

I refer to my previous post on the matter.

I should of heeded the advice, just got blind in the moment I suppose.

Blown2CV said:

she's definitely moved on, but don't necessarily listen to people telling you what you've done wrong, because most of the time these things just happen and there is not much you could have done. Sometimes (and please take this the right way) it's who you are not how you've behaved. Take solace in that some people are just not right for each other, and in many ways that's liberating because you can dispose with worrying about what if, etc.

Annoyingly, I think I do know what I did wrong, she said that I was different and that I didn't text her when she was on nights out (in a good way), However, on Sunday night, I did, but this was more due to my concern that she had no cash on her and wanted to make sure she got home safe, plus, I messaged her at 5:30am when I noticed she was online on WhatsApp, this was the biggie I think, but unbeknownst to her, I'd be woken by a friend in the states so was talking to him at the time, not just getting up to check on her.

xjay1337 said:

Sorry to hear, but you'll find someone else
Wouldn't worry too much bud.

More than likely, I'm usually the one to end things and never really date anyone past a few weeks, this one felt different though, probably karma coming back to bite me in my ass

Matt UK said:

If there's not a mutual compatibility, I think better to know it early than when either one of you gets more heavily invested.
So in a way, privately thank her for her show of disinterest, and move forwards to something else.
Better this than being fed a pack of lies by someone who wants the attention today but will bail at some point in the future when something more to their liking hoves into view. Which could be in weeks/months/even years to come..

Just imo.

Weird thing was is that we did get on well, seemed to want to head in the same direction in life and the same mentality, only our hobbies were the things that weren't alike.



I'm hung up on this one, frustrating to say the least!! I know it's a 'get on with it and move on' situation and I'm off on a driving holiday from Wednesday to Sunday next week which will take my mind off it. Maybe it's the lack of closure, I like to know where I stand and if it's over then tell me.

She still has things of mine at hers that I will need to pick up at some point so she can't avoid me forever, but for some quick PH advice, what would you do, I mean for all I know something serious may have come up and her mind is somewhere else, would you say to give her a ring over the weekend just saying 'haven't heard from you in a few days, hoping everything is ok'?

[xjay1337]

Marc p said:

She still has things of mine at hers that I will need to pick up at some point so she can't avoid me forever, but for some quick PH advice, what would you do, I mean for all I know something serious may have come up and her mind is somewhere else, would you say to give her a ring over the weekend just saying 'haven't heard from you in a few days, hoping everything is ok'?

Unless you were texting in a relationship that is already established I wouldn't send more than 3 text messages / calls / emails / whatever in a row without them being returned

EG

You msg her
You msg her
She msg you

= Fine


You msg her
You msg her
you msg her
Still no reply?

= move on, ignore.

She has probably met someone else, or she has thought maybe things are moving too quickly, or has just decided she doesn't want to date.
Either way thinking about what's happened or gone wrong will only hurt you. Out of sight, out of mind.

[Blown2CV]

messaging her at 5:30am might appear to her that you were checking up on her, or the type that would do so. Either she's had a bad experience with a controlling boyfriend (or her perception of one) or maybe a guilty conscience on her part, or most likely that she's not ready for an exclusive relationship and the mutual responsibility that comes with it.

She was probably getting kebab'd when your text arrived making both Winston and Jamal lose their boners, hence the ensuing cold shoulder!

[sc0tt]

Blown2CV said:

She was probably getting kebab'd when your text arrived making both Winston and Jamal lose their boners, hence the ensuing cold shoulder!

[ClockworkCupcake]

I have to say, I'd find it odd if someone messaged me at 5.30am unless I knew them pretty well and knew they were an early riser (fnarr) or something.

[Matt UK]

ClockworkCupcake said:

I have to say, I'd find it odd if someone messaged me at 5.30am unless I knew them pretty well and knew they were an early riser (fnarr) or something.

Agreed I'm afraid. At the very minimum it would spook me as a potential massive red flag.

[Marc p]

Matt UK said:

ClockworkCupcake said:

I have to say, I'd find it odd if someone messaged me at 5.30am unless I knew them pretty well and knew they were an early riser (fnarr) or something.

Agreed I'm afraid. At the very minimum it would spook me as a potential massive red flag.

Yep, I knew as soon as I woke I'd made a massive mistake, I was half asleep trying to remotely help a friend in the states with car issues and noticed she was online and dropped her a message, every other time she'd been out was a case of me texting 'have a good night' and leaving it there til the next day. At least I can learn from it, I never make the same mistake twice.

ETA: I feel it would make it worse if I tried to explain why as well................god I'm st at dating

[Blown2CV]

now are you suuuure when you messaged her at 5:30am it wasn't more along the lines of trying to convince her to take a photo of... something... and send it to you.... you know stuff like that

[Marc p]

So, update, managed to do a flip reverse on this, took advice which in a nutshell is stop caring and make yourself unavailable, so after my last message on the Thursday, I just left it, no contact, she eventually came back with several messages of apology on Saturday, I left it a few hours and dropped back a positive but closed response and kept it like this over the weekend, not answering messages for hours and not picking up calls(I was genuinely busy all weekend though so that helped). So to wrap it all up, she wants to go out for dinner on Tuesday and says she'll pay for it

[Cold]

Marc p said:

So, update, managed to do a flip reverse on this, took advice which in a nutshell is stop caring and make yourself unavailable, so after my last message on the Thursday, I just left it, no contact, she eventually came back with several messages of apology on Saturday, I left it a few hours and dropped back a positive but closed response and kept it like this over the weekend, not answering messages for hours and not picking up calls(I was genuinely busy all weekend though so that helped). So to wrap it all up, she wants to go out for dinner on Tuesday and says she'll pay for it

That's great. Now, both of you knock your heads together and stop playing frikkin' games.