Child Maintenance - What is it supposed to cover?

[Muzzer79]

TwigtheWonderkid said:

Fastchas said:

TwigtheWonderkid said:

Fastchas said:

Resurrecting this thread.

After 6 years of 50/50 custody of my two boys (13 & 8) I've decided to give it a go with my girlfriend and sell our respective houses, buying a place together.
I'll be moving out of the area so custody will be given to my ex.

Why???

I'd understand if the youngest was 18 but he's only 13. Why are you giving up 50/50 custody and moving away. Surely his welfare comes before your own and some girlfriend. Does she have kids? If you want to live together, get her to come to you.

She has two girls, the eldest in exam years plus she lives in a nicer area and still has custody for her girls. The only option really was for me to change my custody arrangements. My boys are fine with their mum, she's a great mum and we get on well. In fact the eldest has dropped his nights already a few times and stayed at hers.
I've been in this 50/50 situation now for 6 years. I need to think of myself and my future too. I can't be living my own, paying for another house for the time it takes my youngest to reach adulthood. I think that's unreasonable.

Fair enough. You've obviously given it some thought, although I think you've arrived at the wrong decision. You shouldn't be thinking of yourself or your future until your kids are adults. Until then, it's all about putting them first.

Easy to say when you're not in that situation

Would I move to another country? No

Hours and hours away? No

The next town? Yes, if it was a good move for me and ultimately them.

You don't have to be within earshot of your children 365 days a year to be a good Dad.

[Alex_225]

I pay my ex money for my little girl. Sadly she lives 130 miles away so I only get to see her every other weekend.

I understood child maintenance to be an ammount that is to used to cover the overall cost of the child. Clothes, food etc. But also additional costs required for them to live. For example my ex requiring a two bedroom house as opposed to one.

I'm very lucky that I pay what is required, (£450 a month) and cover the fuel costs for the weekends I have her. I'm never asked for additional money though although I'm not exactly tight when it comes to things she needs either.

OP, it's certainly not about funding the ex's inability to budget though.

[Storer]

I can't believe how little the CSA thinks you should pay.

22 years ago I was paying almost £500 a month for 2 boys. I was earning about £27k plus a house, so not crap money, but similar to some figures mentioned in this post.

I also provided all the clothes they needed when with me (every other weekend and half the school holidays) and some of the school trips/holiday costs.

I met someone else and soon the boys had a half sister. When we were all together we were a family. The boys doted on their 10 year younger sister. I paid for their cars, insurance as well as help with University accommodation, more cars, etc.
Currently helping younger son build a deposit, as he is back living with my 2nd wife and I. Oldest son spends more time here with his girlfriend than at his mothers, as we have more 'going on' and it's more fun.

The above takes work and sacrifice. I would be much better off financially if I had walked away. But not emotionally. We are currently building a family business, that will be held in trust, to help them all as life moves forward.

I now do a lot of the things I would have liked to do 20 years ago. Just had to wait a bit longer for funds to be free.

[briangriffin]

Muzzer79 said:

Easy to say when you're not in that situation

Would I move to another country? No

Hours and hours away? No

The next town? Yes, if it was a good move for me and ultimately them.

You don't have to be within earshot of your children 365 days a year to be a good Dad.

This is correct, my ex's boys dad lived a good 5 or 6 hours drive away s they met in uni and she fell,pregnant there, and although I didn't appreciate the effort he made at first later on he grew up a bit and made an effort. But it'd have been a massive task for him to move from big city where his uni skill set was to our relative small town where the potential,for big wages is limited to the energy sector in which his uni degree didn't lend any weight to.

we split up not long after but I think he had a new partner too so would have been in the position of having to move to somewhere he knew no one, limited career prospects and potentially without a new partner too so probably had to make that choice of do I provide better and be there less or provide less/not at all and be there more.

[Fastchas]

theboss said:

The ideal situation for me would be to live under one roof with their mother as a happy family, but unfortunately that was taken away by no choice of my own. I how have to react to the situation as best as I can and, as much as the kids might not like it, I can't really float around being best buddies with their mother and living just up the road for the rest of my life.

Excellent post. This reflects my case perfectly.
My youngest is 8yo this month and i've had 50/50 custody from when we split and he was 24 months. I've devoted the last six years to them both, I'm the one that's took them on holiday abroad whilst she's pissed off to Egypt, Barbados last year, Canaries this year with the excuse she can't afford to take them and her partner pays for her holiday so it costs her nothing. I've put the holiday on credit and paid for it over two years, done this 3 times. OK this isn't the be all and end all of everything but it shows I have my priorities right somewhere.
But I've been seeing my GF for 4/5 years, driving between the two homes. The natural progression is to move in together. My boys love her, she loves them.
I own my house not rent. After the split I put all my equity in a new house for the boys. She opened a toy shop on an estate next to a nail salon, sunbed salon (you know the type!) at a time when more businesses are closing down to just sell online. I warned her it was a bad venture but she wanted to look like the successful businesswoman/shopkeeper. It closed down this year after about 18 months. It swallowed all the £38k equity she got from the sale of the family home. Now she's looking to rent another home again and is looking at me to give her extra handouts.

I haven't told my ex yet but my £14k earning GF will lose her CTC when I move in with her and her girls, the same way my ex will when she moves in with her £50k earning partner. My GF is now doing more hours to make up the shortfall and has asked for full time hours at work.
My ex works two days a week, devoting the rest of her week to her ebay shop. She's a Medical Secretary at a hospital, £25k pro rata so earns more per hour than me. She can put herself forward for more hours too if she wanted but she refuses to work more days there.

Edited by Fastchas on Tuesday 12th September 08:58