Wedding nonsense
Discussion
markcoznottz said:
Harsh. Maybe he couldnt afford the £80, could have ended up costing more. Being constantly tapped for stag 'weekends' and weddings when you are potless is a real strain. What happened to a few beers and an indian for a stag? Stag 'night' that is, not a f
king holiday. Some 'friends' can cost a fortune.... Cheaper not having any!!
Being tapped for stag weekends is the worst. I usually avoid them because they are typically pretty crap, but at the moment, a friend of mine is organising his. Stupidly, he's went and booked hotel rooms already, and is doing plane tickets next. Without consulting me, he's booked me a space. I don't want to go, and if he had asked me before booking, he could have saved himself some cash!king holiday. Some 'friends' can cost a fortune.... Cheaper not having any!! My wedding was a relatively restrained affair. I used to work in conference and events at a large hotel, so I saw loads of weddings. I served hundreds of wedding dinners as a young lad, as I've seen it all. My strict instruction was that we would not get into debt over the wedding, and working with a girl whose wedding cost £25,000 and marriage lasted seven weeks, I wanted to be frugal with the funding. In the end, we got married at the local church and rented the village hall for the evening, decorating it ourselves. We had a friend cater the dinner and evening buffet for a reasonable cost, and rented suits. By having the wedding in our village, guests could easily get home without having to fork out to stay over.
In the end, I enjoyed the day a lot more than I thought I would. I didn't expect to enjoy it, as I hate being the centre of attention. However, it turned out well, everyone had a great time and went home happy. The one thing we did ask was for guests to spare buying us anything as a gift, but we'd happily accept donations for a holiday. As it happened, we were lucky to raise several thousand pounds which made for a fantastic trip away, the sort of thing you'd always remember. Of course, some guests turned up with wine glasses and champagne flutes, so I now have an outhouse full of the useless things!
I agree in the fact that people think they're being so original in doing all this stuff.
"Let's have cameras on the table; that'll be sooo cool!"
No it won't, it'll be the same as the other 4 weddings I've been to this year.
I'm not with you on the honeymoon-as-a-gift though. I didn't personally do this when I got wed, but I see nothing wrong with it.
If I spend £50 on a useless piece of crockery or £50 on a Thomas Cook voucher for them, it makes no difference to I. Voucher/Cash means less hassle for the purchaser too.
"Let's have cameras on the table; that'll be sooo cool!"
No it won't, it'll be the same as the other 4 weddings I've been to this year.
I'm not with you on the honeymoon-as-a-gift though. I didn't personally do this when I got wed, but I see nothing wrong with it.
If I spend £50 on a useless piece of crockery or £50 on a Thomas Cook voucher for them, it makes no difference to I. Voucher/Cash means less hassle for the purchaser too.
I agree.. Traditional wedding = boring as fk.
When the missus and I tied the knot, we had a quick service at a nice registry office (so as not to bore everyone to tears with a long drawn out pile of crap in a church) and then had a Halloween fancy dress party for the reception because it was October 27th. Great time had by all. Cost us about 1.2k all in.
k.When the missus and I tied the knot, we had a quick service at a nice registry office (so as not to bore everyone to tears with a long drawn out pile of crap in a church) and then had a Halloween fancy dress party for the reception because it was October 27th. Great time had by all. Cost us about 1.2k all in.
We organised a wedding weekend as a number of our guests travelled in from Germany and a few others from further away. We were also emigrating less than 2 weeks after our wedding so we used this as a good opportunity to hold a farewell party.
I think the golden rule is to spend what you have and not drive you and your future wife into unnecessary debt - that doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
There is a lot of rubbish spoken about weddings and the real problem is the couple (usually the bridge) thinking that their guests will actually care about the quality of the wine, or centre pieces etc. When in actual fact the guests are at the wedding to share in your big day.
I personally don't mind couples that put a lot of effort into their wedding, it is something that you hopefully do once in your life, so why not make it special? Although, I cannot stand the brides that bang on about their wedding leading up to and after their wedding like it was the greatest event ever - no one cares. But that doesn't stop them.
Chris
I think the golden rule is to spend what you have and not drive you and your future wife into unnecessary debt - that doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
There is a lot of rubbish spoken about weddings and the real problem is the couple (usually the bridge) thinking that their guests will actually care about the quality of the wine, or centre pieces etc. When in actual fact the guests are at the wedding to share in your big day.
I personally don't mind couples that put a lot of effort into their wedding, it is something that you hopefully do once in your life, so why not make it special? Although, I cannot stand the brides that bang on about their wedding leading up to and after their wedding like it was the greatest event ever - no one cares. But that doesn't stop them.
Chris
Muzzer79 said:
I'm not with you on the honeymoon-as-a-gift though. I didn't personally do this when I got wed, but I see nothing wrong with it.
If I spend £50 on a useless piece of crockery or £50 on a Thomas Cook voucher for them, it makes no difference to I. Voucher/Cash means less hassle for the purchaser too.
At home we disagree about this. If I spend £50 on a useless piece of crockery or £50 on a Thomas Cook voucher for them, it makes no difference to I. Voucher/Cash means less hassle for the purchaser too.
She is the sort to delight in spending hours looking for and finding a really thoughtful and enjoyable/useful gift. I just look at it as another exciting opportunity to spend between £50 and £100 on something that either the Bride or the Groom will have long since bought if they really wanted it.
On the other hand I do not like being told that they don't want any gifts, only cash towards the wedding/baby/honeymoon etc.
Hard 1st World choices.
HereBeMonsters said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
I got married in 1987. It cost £300 all in. I think with hindsight I could have brought it in for £250 but what the hell. It's a special day so I don't regret splashing out.
That'd be the third barrel of Watney's party 7 then?We organised a wedding weekend as a number of our guests travelled in from Germany and a few others from further away. We were also emigrating less than 2 weeks after our wedding so we used this as a good opportunity to hold a farewell party.
I think the golden rule is to spend what you have and not drive you and your future wife into unnecessary debt - that doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
There is a lot of rubbish spoken about weddings and the real problem is the couple (usually the bridge) thinking that their guests will actually care about the quality of the wine, or centre pieces etc. When in actual fact the guests are at the wedding to share in your big day.
I personally don't mind couples that put a lot of effort into their wedding, it is something that you hopefully do once in your life, so why not make it special? Although, I cannot stand the brides that bang on about their wedding leading up to and after their wedding like it was the greatest event ever - no one cares. But that doesn't stop them.
Chris
I think the golden rule is to spend what you have and not drive you and your future wife into unnecessary debt - that doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
There is a lot of rubbish spoken about weddings and the real problem is the couple (usually the bridge) thinking that their guests will actually care about the quality of the wine, or centre pieces etc. When in actual fact the guests are at the wedding to share in your big day.
I personally don't mind couples that put a lot of effort into their wedding, it is something that you hopefully do once in your life, so why not make it special? Although, I cannot stand the brides that bang on about their wedding leading up to and after their wedding like it was the greatest event ever - no one cares. But that doesn't stop them.
Chris
Muzzer79 said:
I'm not with you on the honeymoon-as-a-gift though. I didn't personally do this when I got wed, but I see nothing wrong with it.
If I spend £50 on a useless piece of crockery or £50 on a Thomas Cook voucher for them, it makes no difference to I. Voucher/Cash means less hassle for the purchaser too.
Yup nothing wrong with cash, far more useful than some crap that will end up sitting in a loft/garage and at the end of the day it costs you the same anyway.If I spend £50 on a useless piece of crockery or £50 on a Thomas Cook voucher for them, it makes no difference to I. Voucher/Cash means less hassle for the purchaser too.
People at Asian weddings all give cash - and a lot of the time the bride/groom make a profit out of it...
We got married in 1998 in a local country hotel. This was soon after civil services had been allowed. Most of the other bigger hotels were charging sill money to rent a room for the day, a room that looked either like a school gym or community center. We had a gorgeous country hotel run by a mad eccentric called John Sykes.
We had close family and friends for the service and reception then all the people from our lives who really meant something to us. In all we left the next day after handing over a cheque for £1100 (large tip included). Everyone had a great time. We had a comments book that was full of funny and kind remarks, we still look at it now some times. Our honeymoon to Corfu cost probably £500 and was a wedding gift from my in laws.
Best day of my life and we're still happily married.
The other side of the coin now.
We now run a small B&B in rural France and we get a lot of bookings for wedding guests and families. This area is stunningly beautiful and full of chateaus and weddings are becoming big business, we have a close friend who is a wedding planner. She organised a wedding last month that cost £200k. fking £200k! How can you spend that much on one day? And if you manage to find a way why not use it to invest in your or your children's future. The wedding planner and her friend were really impressed with how much was spent. I don't think some people understand how the likes of me just can't see how wasting that sort of money on a wedding weekend is stupid.
We had close family and friends for the service and reception then all the people from our lives who really meant something to us. In all we left the next day after handing over a cheque for £1100 (large tip included). Everyone had a great time. We had a comments book that was full of funny and kind remarks, we still look at it now some times. Our honeymoon to Corfu cost probably £500 and was a wedding gift from my in laws.
Best day of my life and we're still happily married.
The other side of the coin now.
We now run a small B&B in rural France and we get a lot of bookings for wedding guests and families. This area is stunningly beautiful and full of chateaus and weddings are becoming big business, we have a close friend who is a wedding planner. She organised a wedding last month that cost £200k. f
king £200k! How can you spend that much on one day? And if you manage to find a way why not use it to invest in your or your children's future. The wedding planner and her friend were really impressed with how much was spent. I don't think some people understand how the likes of me just can't see how wasting that sort of money on a wedding weekend is stupid.Rude-boy said:
. I just look at it as another exciting opportunity to spend between £50 and £100 on something that either the Bride or the Groom will have long since bought if they really wanted it.
On the other hand I do not like being told that they don't want any gifts, only cash towards the wedding/baby/honeymoon etc.
Most couples will have lived together before they get married, some are on their 2nd On the other hand I do not like being told that they don't want any gifts, only cash towards the wedding/baby/honeymoon etc.
They will likely, as you say, have anything they wanted that could be bought as a present.
Larger items, like a new sofa, mattress, washing machine etc can't be asked for on a wedding list, but are more likely to be needed. So why the objection to them saying 'we don't want anything from you. But if you insist then a donation towards x would go down well'? They are being honest.
There will be relatives/ friends that will insist on spending money on them (& not a charity donation) & I'm sure they'd rather have 10 of them donate £20 towards a new sofa than 3 kettles, 3 toasters, 2 sandwich toasters & 2 lots of towels!
-Comedy table center pieces so big you can't see the person you're trying to talk to across the table.
I agree. Much the same at loads of restaurants though.
-One wedding had two bands play
What's the problem with that?
-ridiculous amounts of food
Would you prefer little choice and not enough? Remember that they have to account for every guests requirements and tastes
-Customised sweets with the event and names on and other daft "favors"/freebies.
You object to being given free chocolates and freebies?
-An ice sculpture with the seating plan in it. Why? especially as the morning after we found it slung, unceremoniously, into a near by hedge.
Because they liked the look of it?
-Presents for kids who did the decent thing and kept schtum for 5 minutes during the ceremony as a well done.
You're objecting to the fact that they were kind and considerate enough to give presents to children?
-videographers doing a "marryoke". Or in other words being forced against your wishes to sing and dance in front of a camera for the married couples later amusement. Not being extrovert in anyway, this was seriously uncomfortable for me.
Admittedly this is very annoying, especially when a million watt light is shone in your face. But why feel uncomfortable? Just don't dance.
-Comedy custom t-shirts for the wedding party the day after
Never seen this.
-Holding it at some posh country house on the condition you get most of your guests to fork out £200 a night to stay there as well.
We really don't care if you don't turn up, believe me, our wedding isn't about you.
-Starting at 12 and going on into the small hours...far to long.
Assuming that there's a registry and reception party, how would you suggest it is all crammed into half a day? Would you prefer having to set aside two separate dates instead?
-A photobooth thingies that see most of the guests queuing outside of for the majority of the night. Or getting everyone a polaroid/dispoable to take gash, unusable pictures with. All of which will be at the dinner table.
You know this is an optional activity, right?
-A huge wedding cake + cup cakes + cheese + sweet stalls
Again, complaining about free food and deserts?
You come across as rather selfish and inconsiderate to be honest.
As someone who is currently planning a wedding with the intention of trying NOT to be excessive and keep the day as short as possible so as not to inconvenience guests, if any of my friends or family said the things you have, I would not be inviting them.
Wishing to celebrate something that you are happy about and having loved ones around you is something to be appreciated, it's an invite, not a summons, and I would be extremely pissed off if someone accepted my invite only to attend and complain about everything.
ETA - Having read that back, it seems clear I've taken your comments a little personally, having had some ungreatful family members complaining about how we're doing things.... sorry if my response was a little harsh.
But I still think some of the points you made were a bit silly - like complaining about the gestures, gifts and food choice - I think these are all things to be glad to be had!
I agree. Much the same at loads of restaurants though.
-One wedding had two bands play
What's the problem with that?
-ridiculous amounts of food
Would you prefer little choice and not enough? Remember that they have to account for every guests requirements and tastes
-Customised sweets with the event and names on and other daft "favors"/freebies.
You object to being given free chocolates and freebies?
-An ice sculpture with the seating plan in it. Why? especially as the morning after we found it slung, unceremoniously, into a near by hedge.
Because they liked the look of it?
-Presents for kids who did the decent thing and kept schtum for 5 minutes during the ceremony as a well done.
You're objecting to the fact that they were kind and considerate enough to give presents to children?
-videographers doing a "marryoke". Or in other words being forced against your wishes to sing and dance in front of a camera for the married couples later amusement. Not being extrovert in anyway, this was seriously uncomfortable for me.
Admittedly this is very annoying, especially when a million watt light is shone in your face. But why feel uncomfortable? Just don't dance.
-Comedy custom t-shirts for the wedding party the day after
Never seen this.
-Holding it at some posh country house on the condition you get most of your guests to fork out £200 a night to stay there as well.
We really don't care if you don't turn up, believe me, our wedding isn't about you.
-Starting at 12 and going on into the small hours...far to long.
Assuming that there's a registry and reception party, how would you suggest it is all crammed into half a day? Would you prefer having to set aside two separate dates instead?
-A photobooth thingies that see most of the guests queuing outside of for the majority of the night. Or getting everyone a polaroid/dispoable to take gash, unusable pictures with. All of which will be at the dinner table.
You know this is an optional activity, right?
-A huge wedding cake + cup cakes + cheese + sweet stalls
Again, complaining about free food and deserts?
You come across as rather selfish and inconsiderate to be honest.
As someone who is currently planning a wedding with the intention of trying NOT to be excessive and keep the day as short as possible so as not to inconvenience guests, if any of my friends or family said the things you have, I would not be inviting them.
Wishing to celebrate something that you are happy about and having loved ones around you is something to be appreciated, it's an invite, not a summons, and I would be extremely pissed off if someone accepted my invite only to attend and complain about everything.
ETA - Having read that back, it seems clear I've taken your comments a little personally, having had some ungreatful family members complaining about how we're doing things.... sorry if my response was a little harsh.
But I still think some of the points you made were a bit silly - like complaining about the gestures, gifts and food choice - I think these are all things to be glad to be had!
Edited by vinnie83 on Tuesday 26th August 21:15
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