I work with a total bull¥$€#er!

I work with a total bull¥$€#er!

Author
Discussion

carreauchompeur

17,830 posts

203 months

Wednesday 27th August 2014
quotequote all
JimmyConwayNW said:
strangled a shark with an eel.
rofl

carreauchompeur

17,830 posts

203 months

Wednesday 27th August 2014
quotequote all
Shuvi McTupya said:
Big Rod said:
MagicMike said:
I had a mate like that, we named him Bobby Munchausen.

He's now a police officer....
I had a mate like that.

He's also now a Police officer.
They are both PCSO's...
Specials.

I encountered one once at a busy A+E when I was in uniform. They had an old, clearly their own but fully marked Rover 200 Police car parked outside. When questioned about this they showed me their warrant card and assured me it was 'alright' as they were a special, and a vintage police car enthusiast. And that they had brought their friend into A+E I'm it as it was 'quicker'.

There were so many layers of potential paperwork and befuddlement I left them to it.

Ki3r

7,806 posts

158 months

Wednesday 27th August 2014
quotequote all
carreauchompeur said:
Specials.

I encountered one once at a busy A+E when I was in uniform. They had an old, clearly their own but fully marked Rover 200 Police car parked outside. When questioned about this they showed me their warrant card and assured me it was 'alright' as they were a special, and a vintage police car enthusiast. And that they had brought their friend into A+E I'm it as it was 'quicker'.

There were so many layers of potential paperwork and befuddlement I left them to it.
Not all Specials are like that I promise!

Big Rod

6,198 posts

215 months

Wednesday 27th August 2014
quotequote all
carreauchompeur said:
Shuvi McTupya said:
Big Rod said:
MagicMike said:
I had a mate like that, we named him Bobby Munchausen.

He's now a police officer....
I had a mate like that.

He's also now a Police officer.
They are both PCSO's...
Specials.

I encountered one once at a busy A+E when I was in uniform. They had an old, clearly their own but fully marked Rover 200 Police car parked outside. When questioned about this they showed me their warrant card and assured me it was 'alright' as they were a special, and a vintage police car enthusiast. And that they had brought their friend into A+E I'm it as it was 'quicker'.

There were so many layers of potential paperwork and befuddlement I left them to it.
Nope, the one I know is a proper copper.

Seems his reputation precedes him there too though, so I hear.

Go figure.

Olivera

7,068 posts

238 months

Wednesday 27th August 2014
quotequote all
carreauchompeur said:
JimmyConwayNW said:
strangled a shark with an eel.
rofl
Just want to add a few more roflroflrofl

KarlMac

4,457 posts

140 months

Wednesday 27th August 2014
quotequote all
Theres one in every workplace. The one at my current job was telling us all at great length and volume how 'S Line' on his 'new' Audi A5 TDI meant it had a supercharger and was more or less as quick as the S5.

ouninpohja

191 posts

158 months

Wednesday 27th August 2014
quotequote all
Once worked with a guy who said he had permission from the government to punch through car windows if there was a dog locked inside on a hot day.

GrumpyTwig

3,354 posts

156 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
RKi said:
I've met lots of people who's mates have an 800 bhp Skyline. Seem to be a load of them around.
A mate called Brian?

StottyEvo

6,860 posts

162 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
KarlMac said:
Theres one in every workplace. The one at my current job was telling us all at great length and volume how 'S Line' on his 'new' Audi A5 TDI meant it had a supercharger and was more or less as quick as the S5.
The most baffling part about this story is that he clearly aspires to an S5. So why didn't he just buy one instead of his Tdi hehe its not difficult is it!

Nero601

1,566 posts

195 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
Pebbles167 said:
If you don't remember your number. You were not in the forces.
Indeed !

Viper_Larry

4,319 posts

255 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
Big Rod said:
- Having sex while piloting a helicopter.

- Landing the helicopter on the roof of a petrol station when they'd run out of fuel to fill it up.

- Worked for a guy that had an Austin Princess with an F1 engine installed but was otherwise completely standard.

- The old Triumph motorcycle with an F1 engine in the sidecar.

- Strutting around in 'fatigues' when the original Gulf war started claiming that he was 'on call' to fly out at short notice. The American Gov't provided him with a pager and he had to carry 50p on him at all times in case the pager went off so he could make a phonecall and they could send a chopper to pick him up.

- Carrying a replica gun around as part of the get up.

- Catching speeding motorists using a 40' cardboard cut out lorry as a decoy. (He was in the specials for a wee bit.)

There are hundreds of stories about this guy but he's a really nice bloke that would do anything for you.

He did have a bit of a troubled and abusive childhood though so I always felt like I was kicking a puppy when I pulled him up on his tales.

He ended up marrying a lesbian and having two children with her. She's not a lesbian any more and she seems to have straightened him out a bit but he's still really naive. (She's quite hot though!)

He is a good mate though and I try to help him out when I can.

Not the same guy as the copper though! He's another kettle of fish altogether and potentially dangerous too IMO.
I don't believe THAT one for a minute wink

Hitch78

6,100 posts

193 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
Chap I worked with until recently claimed at several times to have represented GB in the Modern Pentathalon at the 1984 LA Olympics. He didn't.

He claimed that he and a bunch of mates had a lock up in London with a fleet of supercars that they just turn up and use at will. He showed me a Ferrari that they'd just bought. The car is still for sale.

The best, and most recent, was that he had bought swathes of green belt land which he was going to get the zoning changed for and build hundreds of houses - easy as that.

He's a top bloke but I think he was a bit bored in life so he dipped his toe in fantasy once in a while to play people. The Modern Pentathalon one is very good and I might use it in future!

Big Rod

6,198 posts

215 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
Viper_Larry said:
I don't believe THAT one for a minute wink
Don't or don't want to believe it? LOL

I actually disliked her initially but she's turned out alright, has straightened my mate out and they've two charming kids. (And she's quite hot too IMO.)

I'm quite sure she hasn't munched any rug since they got married.

V8KSN

4,711 posts

183 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
hehe Great thread

Wonder what would happen if any of these bullstters met each other....


BaronVonVTEC

397 posts

183 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
There's a lad I work with in the RN who is well known for his legendary tales of derring-do, to the extent that he's almost universally known in my branch as 'Special Burt Service'. He's been in a reasonable amount of time, but has managed to cram in the careers of 10 men in such time. In fact, I once heard that the series '24' is based on some of the things that happened to him. Some of my favourites:

Whilst on gangway duty, essentially 6 hours of mind numbing boredom, he saved the president of Pakistan from armed attack, killing three baddies in the ensuing firefight. It had to be kept hush-hush though as it was a secret visit.

At sea in the Northern Arabian Gulf, the Royal Marines phoned the Captain up and told them that they're a bit short and want to borrow Burt. The captain said "Burt, go and do your thing!" So off he pops, the helo picks him up from the ship and transports him to Afghan, where he fastropes onto a moving Land Rover so he can get busy kicking ass and taking names.

He's a jack of all trades though, and has also been a gourmet chef and a racing driver. I was flicking through Nuts or Zoo one time, looking at 100 high street honeys or something like that, and it turned out that Burt had shagged at least 5 of them and turned a handful away as they weren't good looking enough. Men want to be him, women want to be with him, what more can I say.

IanCress

4,409 posts

165 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
Many years ago I had a job in a team of field engineers, fixing computers for the company I worked for. We all had company cars, identical Renault Clio 1.5 DCi's with a huge 68bhp.

One guy for some reason was always bragging about how he drives the motorways at 130mph. We swapped cars one day, and I found his was exactly the same as mine, in that it could just about hit 100mph if the road was completely flat.

When I asked how he managed to get 130mph out of it, he claimed it was down to his skillz.

omgus

7,305 posts

174 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
ouninpohja said:
Once worked with a guy who said he had permission from the government to punch through car windows if there was a dog locked inside on a hot day.
rofl

W007F Licence to break car windows in very specific circumstances.

Moonhawk

10,730 posts

218 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
I had a guy I knew at school who used to tell some real corkers.

He once told us about a time his dad (who was in the army) had turned up at home in a tank - and let him fire shells into a patch of derelict land opposite his house. biggrin

Moonhawk

10,730 posts

218 months

Thursday 28th August 2014
quotequote all
IanCress said:
Many years ago I had a job in a team of field engineers, fixing computers for the company I worked for. We all had company cars, identical Renault Clio 1.5 DCi's with a huge 68bhp.

One guy for some reason was always bragging about how he drives the motorways at 130mph. We swapped cars one day, and I found his was exactly the same as mine, in that it could just about hit 100mph if the road was completely flat.

When I asked how he managed to get 130mph out of it, he claimed it was down to his skillz.
Sure he hadn't bought an import and was reading the speed in KPH? biggrin

silverfoxcc

7,683 posts

144 months

Saturday 30th August 2014
quotequote all
Not so much a bull merchant but someone i do feel a bit sorry for.
This chap is 60 and has never married, only one known girlfriend.
His TV is just freeview as he finds Sky a waste of money, goes to bed at 10pm each night, and often during a programme he is watching ( He still thinks the Titanic made it all the way across!!)
BUT what pees me of is his vast font of knowledge, where he professes to know everything on anything
but i havent the heart to pick him up on it, i think he wants to be liked, but is really going the wrong way, and has been for years, about it

Always telling me the same stories year after year, and when i nip in quick to stop him for the Nth time, STILL tells me the bloody story.
When watching TV and shots of various places in the UK pop up, within milliseconds he says 'I've been there',like a small child would The best one, which shut him up for a few weeks on this habit, was watching Bargain Hunt and a Stately Home popped up, with the I've been there quote, only to STFU quickly when he heard it was a place in Lincolnshire, ( he has never been to Lincolnshire in his life) Although tonight on Pointless He has walked past Haworth Parsonage!! (an answer on the programme) Yeah like when? Has spent one day in Paris and Brussels, and on taking my car to France for the Day, (his second visit outside the UK EVER, first one was a booze type cruise, where we hoped to have a quick trip around Calais, but due to a strike diverted to Bolougne and a 30min turn around so didnt get off the Boat) starts lecturing me on how to drive in France. When i asked him, why dont you bring your car one day?, his Answer 'Oh No i have havent done it before!!!!' WTF
The other week decides to go to Salisbury for a day, now most people would go 'for the day.
Not him goes after peak fares on the train, 2hr journey from here so leaves at 10.00, he is back home by 5, and then gives chapter and verse on the history and architecture., and describes his pub meal in great detail.In Fact each place he visits when he is down, follows the same timetable If you mention something, well someone at work has either seen it done it or got it.
Has limited access to football only BBC1/STV, but knows everything about all the English Prem teams ( he lives in Scotland) and ALL the scottish teams. Known everything about every car manufacturer and model,where he gets all this info from beats me There is so much more he really gets my goat doing,but that is just a bit of what i suffer each year!!