I work with a total bull¥$€#er!
Discussion
Great thread 
FlopperV60 said:
Reading through the posts I think we all have the pleasure of knowing a bulls
tter somewhere that's what makes Jay so great!
There's a good scene in the new film where at his lowest point, he resorts to the only thing he knows, bullstter somewhere that's what makes Jay so great!
tting! It involves being asked to fire a helicopter machine gun in Vietnam. 
MrBarry123 said:
northwest monkey said:
JimmyConwayNW said:
Using an l200 truck he was doing a few drifts and managed to drift it into a penguin.
Winner
Best one I've heard so far!
I keep on stopping at this point and can go no further due to the tears of laughter in my eyes!
(poor penguin
)
I usually run durning lunchtime at work.
Waiting for the Garmin to pick up yesterday, guy from work starts telling me how he ran a half marathon last week. I said ok thats great man, what time did you run? 45 mins.
Me: 1:32:14
Mo Farah: 1:00:17
This Guy: 0:45
I asked him if he was sure as that was world record pace and he said it was just a local race so the times did not count for records.
In the back of my mind I am thinking, I have to train at least once a day and have been doing so for the last 3 years to get my times. Do you really believe that sitting on your arse is going to make you faster than me?
Waiting for the Garmin to pick up yesterday, guy from work starts telling me how he ran a half marathon last week. I said ok thats great man, what time did you run? 45 mins.
Me: 1:32:14
Mo Farah: 1:00:17
This Guy: 0:45
I asked him if he was sure as that was world record pace and he said it was just a local race so the times did not count for records.
In the back of my mind I am thinking, I have to train at least once a day and have been doing so for the last 3 years to get my times. Do you really believe that sitting on your arse is going to make you faster than me?
Had a recovery agency come to see me at work over some money the business was owed.
He wore a short sleeve shirt and during the meeting I notice a SAS crest tattoo on his bicep. He notices me noticing, smiles and pulls it up to reveal the legend BASRA 2005 above it.
He looks me in the eye and says, "You know what happened. We did what we needed to do." and then carries on talking. There's a couple of other SAS references thrown in and now I'm biting my lip trying not to ask what colour the boathouse is at Hereford. He missed that there was a very visible webcam in the room not 4 feet from him when he was talking about it was good there was no way he was being recorded so he could talk about the shady side of money recovery...
I just didn't buy that this at least 22 stone bloke who looked as shifty as the day is long, who couldn't spell or speak without mangling the grammar had ever been a soldier let alone in the SAS. He didn't strike me as military (and I know a few) in his bearing particularly - he was just disheveled.
I got the distinct feeling he was a wannabe SAS fantasist.
His company did a crap job and we never got the money back.
He wore a short sleeve shirt and during the meeting I notice a SAS crest tattoo on his bicep. He notices me noticing, smiles and pulls it up to reveal the legend BASRA 2005 above it.
He looks me in the eye and says, "You know what happened. We did what we needed to do." and then carries on talking. There's a couple of other SAS references thrown in and now I'm biting my lip trying not to ask what colour the boathouse is at Hereford. He missed that there was a very visible webcam in the room not 4 feet from him when he was talking about it was good there was no way he was being recorded so he could talk about the shady side of money recovery...
I just didn't buy that this at least 22 stone bloke who looked as shifty as the day is long, who couldn't spell or speak without mangling the grammar had ever been a soldier let alone in the SAS. He didn't strike me as military (and I know a few) in his bearing particularly - he was just disheveled.
I got the distinct feeling he was a wannabe SAS fantasist.
His company did a crap job and we never got the money back.
arfur sleep said:
Had a recovery agency come to see me at work over some money the business was owed.
He wore a short sleeve shirt and during the meeting I notice a SAS crest tattoo on his bicep. He notices me noticing, smiles and pulls it up to reveal the legend BASRA 2005 above it.
He looks me in the eye and says, "You know what happened. We did what we needed to do." and then carries on talking. There's a couple of other SAS references thrown in and now I'm biting my lip trying not to ask what colour the boathouse is at Hereford. He missed that there was a very visible webcam in the room not 4 feet from him when he was talking about it was good there was no way he was being recorded so he could talk about the shady side of money recovery...
I just didn't buy that this at least 22 stone bloke who looked as shifty as the day is long, who couldn't spell or speak without mangling the grammar had ever been a soldier let alone in the SAS. He didn't strike me as military (and I know a few) in his bearing particularly - he was just disheveled.
I got the distinct feeling he was a wannabe SAS fantasist.
His company did a crap job and we never got the money back.
Aren't members of the SAS renowned for appearing unconventional and not as per the typical squaddie image?He wore a short sleeve shirt and during the meeting I notice a SAS crest tattoo on his bicep. He notices me noticing, smiles and pulls it up to reveal the legend BASRA 2005 above it.
He looks me in the eye and says, "You know what happened. We did what we needed to do." and then carries on talking. There's a couple of other SAS references thrown in and now I'm biting my lip trying not to ask what colour the boathouse is at Hereford. He missed that there was a very visible webcam in the room not 4 feet from him when he was talking about it was good there was no way he was being recorded so he could talk about the shady side of money recovery...
I just didn't buy that this at least 22 stone bloke who looked as shifty as the day is long, who couldn't spell or speak without mangling the grammar had ever been a soldier let alone in the SAS. He didn't strike me as military (and I know a few) in his bearing particularly - he was just disheveled.
I got the distinct feeling he was a wannabe SAS fantasist.
His company did a crap job and we never got the money back.
MrBarry123 said:
Aren't members of the SAS renowned for appearing unconventional and not as per the typical squaddie image?
Yes, they are! You wouldn't know them from Adam.
As if you did know them from Adam, they'd be no use as Special Forces! Lol.
I remember a bloke when I first joined the army (now an ex-squaddie) and he had a 22 Reg tie and cuff links.
It was subtle enough to be believeable but he was a bit of a fat paedo, to be honest.
MrBarry123 said:
Aren't members of the SAS renowned for appearing unconventional and not as per the typical squaddie image?
Depends what you mean by typical. It's changed over the years and I'd say in the last 5 it's become the norm for most blokes to take a million potions and powders and spend every day in the gym. It used to be just slightly bigger than average but normal looking guys. They are still around in the military and it's what most SF I know look like.Ok small update on this fibber I know.
Mentioned this thread to a mutual acquaintance and after a lot of laughing he added a few more good ones.
He was outside his business premises when a girl and her boyfriend came in to collect some items. Whilst boyfriend went inside the girlfriend went round the side of his unit and showed him her fanny. He had to tell her to put it away but she refused until he took a picture.
Another brilliant one was that his business involved print and design. At one point he got around £100 in tenner notes and soaked them all in water. He then hung them up on a piece of line in his office and told people he was printing money
None of these involve epic acts of animal cruelty but he sure has a desire to be feared and notorious.
Mentioned this thread to a mutual acquaintance and after a lot of laughing he added a few more good ones.
He was outside his business premises when a girl and her boyfriend came in to collect some items. Whilst boyfriend went inside the girlfriend went round the side of his unit and showed him her fanny. He had to tell her to put it away but she refused until he took a picture.
Another brilliant one was that his business involved print and design. At one point he got around £100 in tenner notes and soaked them all in water. He then hung them up on a piece of line in his office and told people he was printing money
None of these involve epic acts of animal cruelty but he sure has a desire to be feared and notorious.
I know a bloke who's bullst is legendary...NOTHING is remotely believable.
Back in my college days he told me that his dads old run down shed was purposely looking tired because behind a loose brick was a keypad. This keypad would engage the floor to slide under the far wall exposing a stainless steel ramp leading down into a (again stainless steel) vault. In the room is where his dad kept an array of high performance motorbikes and various weaponry.
I did the right thing and told everyone I knew in college.
He punched me...hard.
t is legendary...NOTHING is remotely believable. Back in my college days he told me that his dads old run down shed was purposely looking tired because behind a loose brick was a keypad. This keypad would engage the floor to slide under the far wall exposing a stainless steel ramp leading down into a (again stainless steel) vault. In the room is where his dad kept an array of high performance motorbikes and various weaponry.
I did the right thing and told everyone I knew in college.
He punched me...hard.
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