I work with a total bull¥$€#er!
Discussion
I bumped into an old neighbour of mine this week. I've not seen him for three years.
He was suited and booted and within 10 seconds of chatting he said "I'm a physio and my dad earns £120k a year and I'm on £70k" then said "You still got that old Merc?" Pointing at my car that had the boot open.
"No part exed it for this I said." Pointing at my new car
"Oh. What reg is it?"
"13 plate" I said
"Oh this is a 14 plate"
"Oh you beat me then"
Then he said bye and drove off in his Japanese whatsit "2.7 twin turbo diesel".
Why?
He was suited and booted and within 10 seconds of chatting he said "I'm a physio and my dad earns £120k a year and I'm on £70k" then said "You still got that old Merc?" Pointing at my car that had the boot open.
"No part exed it for this I said." Pointing at my new car
"Oh. What reg is it?"
"13 plate" I said
"Oh this is a 14 plate"
"Oh you beat me then"
Then he said bye and drove off in his Japanese whatsit "2.7 twin turbo diesel".
Why?
I have worked with 2 fantastic story tellers, in the last 5 years, amongst their best are;
Liar no.1
Told princess Anne to f
k off because she was riding her horse across the end of the drive at his country mansion.
Had Mel C stay with him for a few days (again at his country mansion) when the Spice Girls broke up.
On his was to an RAF reunion (he was an ex fighter pilot as well) and his Range Rover broke down on the motorway on the way. So they sent a Chinook to pick him and his car up and fly him there as they simply couldn't have the reunion without him.
Has played golf with Sean Connery numerous times.
Liar no.2
Had been in (and won) several bare gypsy bare knuckle boxing matches.
Was taught to ride motorbikes by Barry Sheen.
When he went to have a tattoo, the tattooist commented he was so muscly he'd need a special needle to penetrate the rock hard muscle.
Liar no.1
Told princess Anne to f
k off because she was riding her horse across the end of the drive at his country mansion.Had Mel C stay with him for a few days (again at his country mansion) when the Spice Girls broke up.
On his was to an RAF reunion (he was an ex fighter pilot as well) and his Range Rover broke down on the motorway on the way. So they sent a Chinook to pick him and his car up and fly him there as they simply couldn't have the reunion without him.
Has played golf with Sean Connery numerous times.
Liar no.2
Had been in (and won) several bare gypsy bare knuckle boxing matches.
Was taught to ride motorbikes by Barry Sheen.
When he went to have a tattoo, the tattooist commented he was so muscly he'd need a special needle to penetrate the rock hard muscle.
Poster I feel your pain I work with someone who tops your one by a country mile.
These are some of the stories so far…
Used to be in the Olympic swimming squad.
Scratch Golfer – Knows famous golfers but only goes down the range and can’t play in front of other people. He won’t play in the charity golf days because he’s going to win and doesn’t want embarrass everyone else. ..
Helicopter pilot – Used to live in Hollywood and repossession helicopters. Has been shot at while rescuing them…
Been chased by a shark while on a Jet Ski after rescuing his girl friend from the jet ski.
Martial Arts expert, karate black belt x1 million brother and son are also martial arts expert, brother owns karate schools around the uk which he also owns part of some.
Son is also a body builder taller and bigger than any one else in the office even though he’s a 5ft midget
Goes down the gym with his mate who is a rugby pro as a forward but can lift twice as much as him even though he weighs twice as much as him, because he’s been training for a long time…
Is divorced used to have a mansion and the whole lot including helicopter pad now lives in flat but has a large property portfolio.
Owned loads of super cars, did have a jaguar xjf, which was a 3 litre diesel but was “chipped” to give 500+BHP and return 70mpg.
Used to go out with a Russian super model who was married to a Russian billionaire.
Went out with a Russian ballet dancer
Went out with a model that used to be married to a Texan oil tycoon
Used to go out with page 3 model but didn’t like her because she was too “superficial”…
All ways seeing multiple women at a time most of them have previously been models in some way usually underwear catalogue models all 20 years younger than him.
Been on holiday everywhere… Literally has been everywhere, favorite place is Barbados but hasn’t been on holiday since he has been here.
Yoga Guru
Brings in cakes in to the office which he has cooked all the same shape in his plastic bag but cant remember what is in them when people are eating them.
CV for of Lies
The list goes on…
You can’t out bull him because he will just top it.
These are some of the stories so far…
Used to be in the Olympic swimming squad.
Scratch Golfer – Knows famous golfers but only goes down the range and can’t play in front of other people. He won’t play in the charity golf days because he’s going to win and doesn’t want embarrass everyone else. ..
Helicopter pilot – Used to live in Hollywood and repossession helicopters. Has been shot at while rescuing them…
Been chased by a shark while on a Jet Ski after rescuing his girl friend from the jet ski.
Martial Arts expert, karate black belt x1 million brother and son are also martial arts expert, brother owns karate schools around the uk which he also owns part of some.
Son is also a body builder taller and bigger than any one else in the office even though he’s a 5ft midget
Goes down the gym with his mate who is a rugby pro as a forward but can lift twice as much as him even though he weighs twice as much as him, because he’s been training for a long time…
Is divorced used to have a mansion and the whole lot including helicopter pad now lives in flat but has a large property portfolio.
Owned loads of super cars, did have a jaguar xjf, which was a 3 litre diesel but was “chipped” to give 500+BHP and return 70mpg.
Used to go out with a Russian super model who was married to a Russian billionaire.
Went out with a Russian ballet dancer
Went out with a model that used to be married to a Texan oil tycoon
Used to go out with page 3 model but didn’t like her because she was too “superficial”…
All ways seeing multiple women at a time most of them have previously been models in some way usually underwear catalogue models all 20 years younger than him.
Been on holiday everywhere… Literally has been everywhere, favorite place is Barbados but hasn’t been on holiday since he has been here.
Yoga Guru
Brings in cakes in to the office which he has cooked all the same shape in his plastic bag but cant remember what is in them when people are eating them.
CV for of Lies
The list goes on…
You can’t out bull him because he will just top it.
Edited by stneville on Tuesday 26th August 21:25
Poster I feel your pain I work with someone who tops your one by a country mile.
These are some of the stories so far…
Used to be in the Olympic swimming squad.
Scratch Golfer – Knows famous golfers but only goes down the range and can’t play in front of other people. He won’t play in the charity golf days because he’s going to win and doesn’t want embarrass everyone else. ..
Helicopter pilot – Used to live in Hollywood and repossession helicopters. Has been shot at while rescuing them…
Been chased by a shark while on a Jet Ski after rescuing his girl friend from the jet ski.
Martial Arts expert, karate black belt x1 million brother and son are also martial arts expert, brother owns karate schools around the uk which he also owns part of some.
Son is also a body builder taller and bigger than any one else in the office even though he’s a 5ft midget
Goes down the gym with his mate who is a rugby pro as a forward but can lift twice as much as him even though he weighs twice as much as him, because he’s been training for a long time…
Is divorced used to have a mansion and the whole lot including helicopter pad now lives in flat but has a large property portfolio.
Owned loads of super cars, did have a jaguar xjf, which was a 3 litre diesel but was “chipped” to give 500+BHP and return 70mpg.
Used to go out with a Russian super model who was married to a Russian billionaire.
Went out with a Russian ballet dancer
Went out with a model that used to be married to a Texan oil tycoon
Used to go out with page 3 model but didn’t like her because she was too “superficial”…
All ways seeing multiple women at a time most of them have previously been models in some way usually underwear catalogue models all 20 years younger than him.
Been on holiday everywhere… Literally has been everywhere, favorite place is Barbados but hasn’t been on holiday since he has been here.
Yoga Guru
Brings in cakes in to the office which he has cooked all the same shape in his plastic bag but cant remember what is in them when people are eating them.
CV for of Lies
The list goes on…
You can’t out bull him because he will just top it.
These are some of the stories so far…
Used to be in the Olympic swimming squad.
Scratch Golfer – Knows famous golfers but only goes down the range and can’t play in front of other people. He won’t play in the charity golf days because he’s going to win and doesn’t want embarrass everyone else. ..
Helicopter pilot – Used to live in Hollywood and repossession helicopters. Has been shot at while rescuing them…
Been chased by a shark while on a Jet Ski after rescuing his girl friend from the jet ski.
Martial Arts expert, karate black belt x1 million brother and son are also martial arts expert, brother owns karate schools around the uk which he also owns part of some.
Son is also a body builder taller and bigger than any one else in the office even though he’s a 5ft midget
Goes down the gym with his mate who is a rugby pro as a forward but can lift twice as much as him even though he weighs twice as much as him, because he’s been training for a long time…
Is divorced used to have a mansion and the whole lot including helicopter pad now lives in flat but has a large property portfolio.
Owned loads of super cars, did have a jaguar xjf, which was a 3 litre diesel but was “chipped” to give 500+BHP and return 70mpg.
Used to go out with a Russian super model who was married to a Russian billionaire.
Went out with a Russian ballet dancer
Went out with a model that used to be married to a Texan oil tycoon
Used to go out with page 3 model but didn’t like her because she was too “superficial”…
All ways seeing multiple women at a time most of them have previously been models in some way usually underwear catalogue models all 20 years younger than him.
Been on holiday everywhere… Literally has been everywhere, favorite place is Barbados but hasn’t been on holiday since he has been here.
Yoga Guru
Brings in cakes in to the office which he has cooked all the same shape in his plastic bag but cant remember what is in them when people are eating them.
CV for of Lies
The list goes on…
You can’t out bull him because he will just top it.
Edited by stneville on Tuesday 26th August 21:55
stneville said:
CV for of Lies
You can’t out bull him because he will just top it.
I had a colleague like that.You can’t out bull him because he will just top it.
he had 14 motorbikes, an ex police rover sd1 with a "chooned" TVR engine that done 220mph. This was before he knew I had a tvr
I told him I was doing a track day. He happens to have a "racing license"
I tell him I'm closing early because I have a training session with the air cadets (he can't be trusted on his own). He happens to have a pilots license and a plane.
His CV was a work of art.
He showed someone pictures of his bikes, which were photos taken from a magazine.
He's in his 40's, has an amazing CV. Yet earned just above minimum wage. Bulls
tting has gotten him far in life Edited by MethylatedSpirit on Tuesday 26th August 21:42
It's hilarious sometimes but mostly it's quite sad. I don't know why people do it, I wonder whether they are actually ill.
I've decided not to call him in his lies as we are a small team and when I did challenge him on the one about the full economy of his car he got agressive and called me numb nuts!
I pointed out to him the manufacturer states the mpg for his car was a reported 38.9 or something, however based on what he told me he was actually getting 73.9! He was absolutely adamant he was right and told me not to make him out to be a complete dick. I said he didn't need my help!
I've decided not to call him in his lies as we are a small team and when I did challenge him on the one about the full economy of his car he got agressive and called me numb nuts!
I pointed out to him the manufacturer states the mpg for his car was a reported 38.9 or something, however based on what he told me he was actually getting 73.9! He was absolutely adamant he was right and told me not to make him out to be a complete dick. I said he didn't need my help!
Not as impressive (or sad) as some mentioned but when discussing musical ability, and after hearing the most proficient of us was a grade 8, we were informed by Mrs BS that she had got grade 9 in piano but has forgotten it all.
For those that don't know, grade 8 is the highest grade you can obtain and once acheived, you dont just forget how to play or read music until you end up being able to forget your own name.
Shes always one better than the best at everything.
For those that don't know, grade 8 is the highest grade you can obtain and once acheived, you dont just forget how to play or read music until you end up being able to forget your own name.
Shes always one better than the best at everything.
A proper elevenerife.
I used to know someone that bullstted a lot, I decided enough was enough when he told me that he had been working as a mercinary (speeling?) in SE Asia and he got into a fight with pirates in the yellow sea.
hey chased him onto an island where he lay down a claymore mine and blew a load of them to smithereens. The remaining pirates then chased him back into the sea as his automatic jammed - he swum for his life and ended up ebing circled by sharks that were attracted to the blood coming out of a shrapnel wound in his leg.
He was fading in and out of conciousness whilst taking pot shots at the sharks from his 9mm handgun to keep them away - last thing he remembers was the sound of heli blades overhead - next thing he wakes up in hospital days after the event recovering from the shrapnel wound.
I asked him to show me the shrapnel wound - it was tiny and had healed up years ago not months prior (ie. no scar coloured skin).
I havent heard from him since that day...(maybe the pirates caught up with him LOL)
I used to know someone that bulls
tted a lot, I decided enough was enough when he told me that he had been working as a mercinary (speeling?) in SE Asia and he got into a fight with pirates in the yellow sea. hey chased him onto an island where he lay down a claymore mine and blew a load of them to smithereens. The remaining pirates then chased him back into the sea as his automatic jammed - he swum for his life and ended up ebing circled by sharks that were attracted to the blood coming out of a shrapnel wound in his leg.
He was fading in and out of conciousness whilst taking pot shots at the sharks from his 9mm handgun to keep them away - last thing he remembers was the sound of heli blades overhead - next thing he wakes up in hospital days after the event recovering from the shrapnel wound.
I asked him to show me the shrapnel wound - it was tiny and had healed up years ago not months prior (ie. no scar coloured skin).
I havent heard from him since that day...(maybe the pirates caught up with him LOL)
Somewhat lower down the evolutionary scale, but my old boss was a right bullsh###er.
As an Insurance Loss Adjuster, part of my role was to measure the size of defects over which cretins had managed to fall and then photograph the defect with a tape measure in situ so as to provide a report to my Insurer client. Upon producing said tape measure in a team meeting one day, he loudly proclaimed that when he used to be out on the road, he'd take 2 tape measures with him !!!
Seriously, WTF. Is that the best you can do, the sum total of your life is that you have one more tape measure than me ? Jesus. Wept.
As an Insurance Loss Adjuster, part of my role was to measure the size of defects over which cretins had managed to fall and then photograph the defect with a tape measure in situ so as to provide a report to my Insurer client. Upon producing said tape measure in a team meeting one day, he loudly proclaimed that when he used to be out on the road, he'd take 2 tape measures with him !!!
Seriously, WTF. Is that the best you can do, the sum total of your life is that you have one more tape measure than me ? Jesus. Wept.
A friends facebook page shows him on a ski-doo with his life description "Basically retired and loving the highlife, dabble in the odd bit of property to keep me amused but otherwise it's all just fun fun fun"
In reality he's selling frying pans at markets, 500k in debt, has 60k on his credit card and is about to lose his house.
In reality he's selling frying pans at markets, 500k in debt, has 60k on his credit card and is about to lose his house.
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